19 year reunion - I haven't got the words

Hello Ladies,

I missed you and have lots of catching up to do. I will read through you posts as I
find time. I just got back from germany, Freddy traveled with me, and we visited all
of my brothers and sisters. They had NO clue whatsover, that I was coming to visit
after 19 years! Only my brother's girl friend was let in on the operation SURPRISE.
You should have seen the faces, best of all was my oldest brother, his daughter
let me in, I had never met her but we connected right away. He was still sleeping
had worked the night shift, I snuck in next to him and hugged him. First he hugged
me, then I talked to him and he jumped 3 feet it was awesome... Every where we
went there was this great element of surprise and I got to see them in their every
day life. All in all..... I do not have the words to describe how amazing it felt.

Some of you may remember that I was diagnosed a week before I was going to
see my family ( finally after 17 years, I had gotten my green card), everything was
ready, tickets,visa and the diagnosis hit me like a hammer. I was so mad and
determined that I would see my family again on my terms and not when I am sick.
So determined that I BEGGED my sister not to come when I had my double mastectomy.
Sure... a regretted it a bit... when I realized how hard it was alone. BUT here I am
2 years later, still kicking (: AND best of all - VERY much aware of the wonder of it all!!!

I hope everyone is doing ok. I will read up as soon as I can, my work email is loaded
too, so it may take me a while but just know that no matter how much it breaks my
heart sometimes and no matter how little I post sometimes ( I just don't have the words
sometimes), I am always thinking of you and ALWAYS, always hoping ferociously that
yet another sister will escape the the grip of this terrible illness.

Sending you all a HUUUGE hug and hoping that my post gave you little glimmer of hope.

Love,
Ayse