Any advice or encouraging words for Ray(Jr.)

Prayers for him and his
Prayers for him and his entire family. It is really up to him and his faith.

What is he wanting to accomplish by his action or non-action. If there is fear of the scope and being put to sleep, his medical care team should fully inform him why they are doing it; that if the results give information, they can better his condition and discomfort; that it is worth doing; and assuage his fears. Sometimes I've felt choices are left to the patient that are just too difficult to make while the medical team says, "It's your choice. If you don't want to, we'll move on." It may not be that the patient doesn't want to, the patient truly doesn't know what to do.

I sure don't have any answers. I do pray he and his family will find comfort in his decision. BMG

For Kathy
I am so deeply sorry for the pain you are in, with your husband's care. I am the caregiver for my husband Lee, who has stage ivb. Rose has much love for you and her dear brother. She is deeply concerned for his well being. I have been following Rose's posts for quite a while now, your husband sounds like a wonderful man.

I can fully understand his not wanting to go for testing. I think, from my experience anyways, that he's probably just fed up with being poked and prodded all the time. I'm not saying that he shouldn't get the test done, but he's probably scared of several things. The first being that he may be scared that he won't wake up after the sedation. The second being that he probably just does not want to face any more bad news. I think the fact that he's spitting up red stuff is probably not great news. (and I'm sure he knows it too) Ignorance is bliss, or so they say. As we say here, it's his cancer, and his decision, so if he's totally set against it I guess you need to let it be. Arguing about it is not going to make things easier. I do hope that he changes his mind and has the scope done.

Watching my husband suffer is the most painful thing I've ever done, and I bet you must feel the same way. It's overwhelming, scary and frustrating. Not to mention incredibly, devastatingly sad. People often ask me how I can be so strong, but honestly, we're not strong, we just do what we have to do, for the love of our husbands. Also, I think if we quit being strong, even for a little while, we may just go a bit crazy.

If I recall correctly, Jr did not want to have a feeding tube. Please if you can reconsider this choice. My husband had one put in, and although it's a bit inconvenient and annoying, he's maintaining his weight and hydration. It truly has been a godsend for us.

As far as hospice goes, We are in Canada, and our hospice system is much different than yours. However, I am aware that they offer in home care, medication and pain management and also there are likely some programs that you, Kathy, could benefit from. There are support groups and also I think they offer such things as relaxing massages. Perhaps Ray would be willing to meet with them just to hear what they have to offer, before deciding it's not for him. I'm sure they would be more than willing to come to the house and spend some time letting you know what their services are. Perhaps, even if he's still not interested, you could benefit from some of their services.

I wish you all the best. We here on this web site truly understand and feel your pain. Please know that there are many of us here that think of you, and pray for you daily. Please take care of yourself while you struggle to take care of your husband. If you have computer access, you may wish to just read some of the posts here. You don't even have to respond to any of them, but there are a lot of us who are facing the same things you are, you may find comfort in our words. I know that this site has been my saving grace.

Be well Kathy
Chantal

scope
I would do the scope. My first scope, I was really uneasy about it thinking about gagging and choking... just plain nasty but the first upper endoscomy was at the same time as a colonoscopy and all I remember is watching the clear liquid in the IV tube turn white and I was out till it was done. I would hope that they did the upper before the lower but I was afraid to ask. lol These people have done this procedure a million times.
I have had 4 throat dialations since the surgery and I have to say they are not as bad as you may imagine.
Getting down there with a scope to look/see and maybe getting a sample would seem to be the right thing to do. Those scopes even take great pictures that your doctor can email to others for opinions. I can-not think of one negative thing that could happen and lots of progress that could be made.