not wanting attention-dont' get me wrong

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  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #22
    At a primal level
    I really think another person described it best with the words "at a primal level" they cannot accept all the ramifications that cancer has for us as it is too scary. I think it is the thought that they will have to live without us and all the comfort we have brought to thier lives that drives thier partial or even full denial.
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #23
    Sunrae said:

    Hi Denise, Sorry that you
    Hi Denise, Sorry that you have to go thru so much and people treat you like you never had cancer. Only people who have to go thru the same ordeal really understand how you feel. Here on this board we all understand because we've been there. Fortunately for me I had a good support system and my husband was always there for me, went with me on all my appointments, chemo and radiation, etc. A lot of people told me that I acted like I didn't have cancer because I was still cheerful and I always managed to look the same (I lost my hair but wore a hairpiece the whole time, drew my eyebrows on, wore makeup and blush to cover up my paleness and didn't go around anyone when I was too sick). I had a masectomy, 12 weeks of chemo, lots of side effects from that including a skin infection where the skin was hanging off my hands, 35 weeks of rads, now on femara with lots of bone pain. I guess we make it look easy, instead of letting them see us when we're vomiting our guts out, days when we can't get out of bed, can't put our bras or clothes on because our radiated chest is beet red, raw and oozing. I also have lymphedema and have to have theraphy for that but don't always wear my compression sleeve out. I really don't want people to keep asking me how I'm doing so I make it easy on them. Even my children don't know all the agony that goes with bc. I just didn't want them to worry. I have to admit I'm one of those people who see the glass half full and that positive attitude is what has helped me get thru it all. My husband and a few really close friends know what I've been thru and are there for me but the people here on this board are the only ones who understand. It's so helpful to come here for comfort, support, knowledge and understanding. You are in good company here among this group of amazing wonderful women.

    My youngest recently said to
    My youngest recently said to me " How did you handle it all"? She is very observant...(also going to college for physcology) I just said I am overly strong-I LOOK at the good side of things , as much as I can. (I didnt' have any side effects of raditation-only light box tan) Surgery was better then I Thought...and mine caught early since I am annal about annual tests!
    DON"T get my wrong my husband was there for surgery (I did daily treatments alone of course since working and did on my lunch) Even my now 17 yr neice said "DID YOU have BC"? I said yes..she said OH no one really talked about it-I said I just did what I had to ...never said "WHY ME"? etc...
    But you are right-unless there no one really "GETS IT"
    Thanks..
    Denise

    I had life time friend come with my hubby to appt pre surgery, day of surgery the came along and freind from VT drove 6 hrs to be with me too...NOW that really meant a lot to me. (she drove back home that night)
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #24
    iluvmykids said:

    So funny to see this post today!
    Because I spent the entire morning being really ticked off at my dear husband for pretty much the same reason. I am pretty much doing everything I did before surgery and treatments (day 20 of 33) and except for the two hours (drive is 45 min in, 45 min out) during the day I go to radiation, I am at work at 7:30, work through lunch and leave 30 minutes later to make up time. I cook supper every night, wash clothes, go to daughter's volleyball games, orthodontist, and other school activities. This morning my darling husband tells me it sure would be nice if I gave him some attention. Lord help me, I felt guilty!!! Then I stewed and got ticked off, I'm not trying to "use" cancer as an excuse, but please just let me get through this without making me feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do! There is no "normal" for any of us, we just keep going until we can't anymore, why can't they understand that for now I am my biggest priority?

    Don't get me wrong, he's been great through all of this, but that comment really really annoyed me. Just because we act like we feel great, normal, sane, doesn't mean we are!

    Eileen

    @Eileen
    Totally get it...you sound just like me...once when I COMPLAINED to Hubby,,,he said well maybe (MAKES NOT SENSE)well IF YOU complained more ...LIKE dah..IF I hardly say BOOO when I DO YOU"D THINK they would stand out really hurting or sad ec..

    MINE IS Great in all aspects other then being nurse like...not even with kids , his family , so just NOT IN him...i get that..

    Denise
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #25
    laughs_a_lot said:

    At a primal level
    I really think another person described it best with the words "at a primal level" they cannot accept all the ramifications that cancer has for us as it is too scary. I think it is the thought that they will have to live without us and all the comfort we have brought to thier lives that drives thier partial or even full denial.

    wow hit the nail on the head
    MY husband hates to talk about where we will be buried, OUR WILL etc..If he doens't think about it not there...stick head in sand at times..

    When I just had surgery (MAY) for hysterctomy it is the first time IN MY LIFE I sat back and did nothing for 6 weeks...NOTHING, zippo , nodda...

    Denise

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