not wanting attention-dont' get me wrong
**even while working/ treatment I packed friends house with 40 yrs stuff alone each night**
My husband even made comment one day (NOT being mean-just lack of knowelge) WELL YOU really didn't have cancer (denial I THINK) MY COMMENT BACK with tears in my eyes "well I had surgery and took part of my breast, I went to 8 wks radiation (since then had hysterectomy in May 2011 due to side effects OF POST CANCER med)
So asking since I acted to nonchalant that most do you think others who have not been through think NO big deal?
Denise
HOPE I made sense...hehe
Comments
-
Denise
I completely understand what you are saying and YES! I do believe they think it's no big deal. I know unless you have been through it personally, you could not understand what it's like, but did they NOT notice how pale I was?! How sick I was?! That I completely lost all my hair?! How many tests I had to undergo?! How many times I was bruised up from the needles?! Or even how much I still just don't have the energy for the things I use to do?! The list goes on...
Now that my treatment is over-my family thinks I should be right back to my normal old self.
How can I possibly be?! Although I don't share every thought or emotion with them, I am still very angry, tired, scared to death that it may come back, suffering from s/e of Chemo, unable to drive as much as I use to, I could go on & on....I do believe they think I am SuperWoman! It's very frustrating at times to say the least.
♥ Cat0 -
Denise,Cat64 said:Denise
I completely understand what you are saying and YES! I do believe they think it's no big deal. I know unless you have been through it personally, you could not understand what it's like, but did they NOT notice how pale I was?! How sick I was?! That I completely lost all my hair?! How many tests I had to undergo?! How many times I was bruised up from the needles?! Or even how much I still just don't have the energy for the things I use to do?! The list goes on...
Now that my treatment is over-my family thinks I should be right back to my normal old self.
How can I possibly be?! Although I don't share every thought or emotion with them, I am still very angry, tired, scared to death that it may come back, suffering from s/e of Chemo, unable to drive as much as I use to, I could go on & on....I do believe they think I am SuperWoman! It's very frustrating at times to say the least.
♥ Cat
I too worked throughout my treatments. Every three weeks I missed a Friday afternoon to go down and get my infusion. But by Monday morning I was back at work, butt dragging, ashen color but able to get through the day. As the week went on it got better. I took a weeks vacation and had my "double mastectomy". Nice vacation huh? After one week off I was back at my desk much to the amazement of my friends and co-workers. 33 rounds of radiation all done on my lunch break....
Wonder woman?? Yah... probably was looking back at my life now. I tell you though I sure earned a lot of respect around this place though and it's taught so many on what happens when you get cancer.
I think those "dates" we all remember, first diagnosed, finished chemo, surgery to get rid of the beast, radiation graduation... will be only "special dates" to those who have walked in the shoes before and after you. We are the family that understands... and yes unfortunately even our biggest supporters, our partners don't completely "get it". And with lots of prayers they never will have the experience to gain that knowledge.
Hugs,
Lorrie0 -
@lori and Catbutterflylvr said:Denise,
I too worked throughout my treatments. Every three weeks I missed a Friday afternoon to go down and get my infusion. But by Monday morning I was back at work, butt dragging, ashen color but able to get through the day. As the week went on it got better. I took a weeks vacation and had my "double mastectomy". Nice vacation huh? After one week off I was back at my desk much to the amazement of my friends and co-workers. 33 rounds of radiation all done on my lunch break....
Wonder woman?? Yah... probably was looking back at my life now. I tell you though I sure earned a lot of respect around this place though and it's taught so many on what happens when you get cancer.
I think those "dates" we all remember, first diagnosed, finished chemo, surgery to get rid of the beast, radiation graduation... will be only "special dates" to those who have walked in the shoes before and after you. We are the family that understands... and yes unfortunately even our biggest supporters, our partners don't completely "get it". And with lots of prayers they never will have the experience to gain that knowledge.
Hugs,
Lorrie
I totally agree....with you....I THINK since mine was caught very early..*DUE TO I never miss an appt...for that reason...So lucky...I THINK NOT...smart I THINK SO...!
I had hysterectomy due to TAmoxifen side effects in May 2011-this is first time in MY LIFE..my family has seen me MILK it..do nothing for weeks..just sat on couch..I thought there would have been more of reaction but NOTHING really...I had bad set back (total impactment =worse then surgery and 2 trips to the ER in 24 hrs..)
Denise0 -
No one who hasn't walked the walk can truely "get it" butbutterflylvr said:Denise,
I too worked throughout my treatments. Every three weeks I missed a Friday afternoon to go down and get my infusion. But by Monday morning I was back at work, butt dragging, ashen color but able to get through the day. As the week went on it got better. I took a weeks vacation and had my "double mastectomy". Nice vacation huh? After one week off I was back at my desk much to the amazement of my friends and co-workers. 33 rounds of radiation all done on my lunch break....
Wonder woman?? Yah... probably was looking back at my life now. I tell you though I sure earned a lot of respect around this place though and it's taught so many on what happens when you get cancer.
I think those "dates" we all remember, first diagnosed, finished chemo, surgery to get rid of the beast, radiation graduation... will be only "special dates" to those who have walked in the shoes before and after you. We are the family that understands... and yes unfortunately even our biggest supporters, our partners don't completely "get it". And with lots of prayers they never will have the experience to gain that knowledge.
Hugs,
Lorrie
many try and do pretty well. My husband has been great. He doesn't really get that it never ends or that chemo brain is REALLY frustrating until he sees the tears in my eyes because I can't remember something I think I should have remembered (like where I put something really important.) On the other hand, he recognizes what all I went through and does see me struggle to try and get back my brain and my stamina after the chemo, surgery, & radiation. We are now getting ready to start the reconstruction process and he has given me a wonderful gift of a great day at the spa, saying "you deserve it after all you've been through". We've talked a lot about part of this on another thread about how we're "supposed to act" but . . .0 -
@lori and Catbutterflylvr said:Denise,
I too worked throughout my treatments. Every three weeks I missed a Friday afternoon to go down and get my infusion. But by Monday morning I was back at work, butt dragging, ashen color but able to get through the day. As the week went on it got better. I took a weeks vacation and had my "double mastectomy". Nice vacation huh? After one week off I was back at my desk much to the amazement of my friends and co-workers. 33 rounds of radiation all done on my lunch break....
Wonder woman?? Yah... probably was looking back at my life now. I tell you though I sure earned a lot of respect around this place though and it's taught so many on what happens when you get cancer.
I think those "dates" we all remember, first diagnosed, finished chemo, surgery to get rid of the beast, radiation graduation... will be only "special dates" to those who have walked in the shoes before and after you. We are the family that understands... and yes unfortunately even our biggest supporters, our partners don't completely "get it". And with lots of prayers they never will have the experience to gain that knowledge.
Hugs,
Lorrie
I totally agree....with you....I THINK since mine was caught very early..*DUE TO I never miss an appt...for that reason...So lucky...I THINK NOT...smart I THINK SO...!
I had hysterectomy due to TAmoxifen side effects in May 2011-this is first time in MY LIFE..my family has seen me MILK it..do nothing for weeks..just sat on couch..I thought there would have been more of reaction but NOTHING really...I had bad set back (total impactment =worse then surgery and 2 trips to the ER in 24 hrs..)
Denise
PS: while out for 8 wks...post surgery recently I was told DON"T TRY TO be super woman you are not...that was someones way of being soft towards me..hehe...0 -
ONLY Radiation!skipper54 said:No one who hasn't walked the walk can truely "get it" but
many try and do pretty well. My husband has been great. He doesn't really get that it never ends or that chemo brain is REALLY frustrating until he sees the tears in my eyes because I can't remember something I think I should have remembered (like where I put something really important.) On the other hand, he recognizes what all I went through and does see me struggle to try and get back my brain and my stamina after the chemo, surgery, & radiation. We are now getting ready to start the reconstruction process and he has given me a wonderful gift of a great day at the spa, saying "you deserve it after all you've been through". We've talked a lot about part of this on another thread about how we're "supposed to act" but . . .
I think Many think if ONLY radiation NOT bad or not real "cancer"...anyone else get that feeling from experience or from others?
So nice about the spa... MY girls bought me spa day while going through treatments etc..I waited until Radiation was done as my "DAY" -then 2mths later Disney ..with friend..(that was my light at the end of the tunnel)
Denise0 -
I workeddisneyfan2008 said:@lori and Cat
I totally agree....with you....I THINK since mine was caught very early..*DUE TO I never miss an appt...for that reason...So lucky...I THINK NOT...smart I THINK SO...!
I had hysterectomy due to TAmoxifen side effects in May 2011-this is first time in MY LIFE..my family has seen me MILK it..do nothing for weeks..just sat on couch..I thought there would have been more of reaction but NOTHING really...I had bad set back (total impactment =worse then surgery and 2 trips to the ER in 24 hrs..)
Denise
PS: while out for 8 wks...post surgery recently I was told DON"T TRY TO be super woman you are not...that was someones way of being soft towards me..hehe...
I worked through treatment, mostly because I was lucky and able to do so, but partly because I'd started the job in 10/08 and was diagnosed in 04/09. I was so thrilled that they kept me on and were so good about the whole thing, without my job I'd not have had health insurance since my husband had turned 65 and was on medicare. Also, I had a "cancer mentor" (an attorney in my building) who told me her story and fortunately her story will filled with courage and determination, so since this was my first experience with cancer, ever, hearing her made me determined to get through it with as little disruption to real life as possible.
I was not however able to do much around the house after work -- generally crash and burn. My husband and granddaughters picked up alot of that slack -- thank you all.
Everyone acknowledged that I did have cancer, but now the concensus is that "it's gone" and while I still have many moments (hours) paralyzed with fear about upcoming appoints, aches, pains, I hope they're right and "it's gone". My husband particularly likes to think it's like gone, never to return, but he is one of the world's great "fixers" and not being able to fix this almost made him insane.
Denise, be good to yourself and try not to let what anyone says or doesn't say bother you too much. Your husband is probably still in denial about your illnesses, not cause he doesn't love you, but because he does.
marge0 -
I Don't Mind Attention
I don't mind the attention, but however lousy I am feeling, my husband tells everyone I am doing great, and I think he believes it. I think he needs to believe it. Long before we had a prognosis, he was telling people my prognosis is really good, and that I was feeling better, even though I was putting on my pajamas every day the minute I got home from work. He thought he could "ease" me back into our social life (when I was going to bed at 8:30 pm, seven days a week) by volunteering to hold book club at our place -- just what I needed, to clean the house all day and then stay up late with guests! Fortunately, it had to be put off for other reasons and someone else is holding the next one.
I think my husband can't face the possibility that I might not be done with this disease. If he were a kid he would stick his fingers in his ears and say "La la la la la" at the thought. I am certainly not going to force him to confront it -- and I hope he is right!
For people who are not our nearest and dearest, I think this is related to the "you don't act like you have cancer" problem. You must not be sick if you don't act sick.
I try to do as much as I can, at work and at home, but I don't mind people knowing when I have reached my limit. It's a fine line, between "she's too sick to . . . (work, be a wife, whatever)" and "Cancer doesn't slow people down -- look at how well A handled it; B must be malingering."
This is my second time with breast cancer. I called the first "happy cancer" -- lumpectomy, no positive nodes, five days of radiation twice a day, no chemo, and five years of Tamoxifen. I missed a total of two days of work. This time, not so happy -- mastectomy, four positive nodes, four courses of A/C, 12 of Taxol, and 28 days of radiation which I am not finished with yet, with five years of Arimidex or another aromatase inhibitor to come. I drag myself to do what I have to do, and wish fervently for a way to retire, despite the fact that I love my job. My whole life feels like that sound your car makes when the brake pads are completely gone. There is no cushion, no slack. This is despite the fact that my husband is a star among partners of women with breast cancer. (He will do anything I ask him to -- not always with good grace, but he'll do it.)
So I guess that brings us back to "It's different for everyone." It's even different for the same person, from one tumor to the next. But our families might not be able to grasp the difficulties of breast cancer, especially when it's "happy cancer," in part because they don't want to, at a very primal level.0 -
Same here
My first time around, had time off for mastectomy. Went back to work and was transferred to Idaho. Layoffs, only way to keep job and medical. Drove back to SLC every Thurs night for friday onco, then 5-6 hours on Sunday back to Boise. My 18 year old went with me, my 16 yr old stayed in SLC with his dad. Kept plastic bags in car on chemo weekend,I was so sick. Was back to work on Monday morn. (Was told I would lose my job if I went out as we were in surplus status).
17 weeks later transferred back. I was done with chemo so now I should be "normal", it wasn't. Had terrible se from tamoxifen, swelling and joint pain. Siblings lived out of state, so they only knew what i told them. Hair grew back so now I looked the same again so everything must be okay.
Fast forward to 2009. Started getting tumors in other areas (bladder, thyroid, skin), diagnosed with bladder cancer, had surgery to bag me, but didn't have to, path came back atypical, but not yet cancer. Then found lump in appendix, had that and scar tissue removed, came back again atypical cells but not cancer. Used a couple of days of vac time along with the weekend so I would be at work Monday am. Then major blockage, 8 days in hospital... family realized something not right. Then tumors in both sides of thyroid, removed, atypical, not yet cancer. Now it was a search and destroy mission.
Now family realizing something was haywire in my body. Some thought it was all in my head. It had been 8 years why would bones, joints, hips, ribs and tailbone be hurting me now. ER said pulled muscles. 3 weeks later called onco, unlike er, he knew when he saw me something was wrong. Mets, to bones and skin, spot on lung (nodule).
I am sure I would have received more support from family and friends if I would have really let them know. I was damn the torpedo's, full speed ahead and no matter how bad it got, I never asked for help and didn't complain, would just say everything was ok!
Now I am learning to ask for help, (slow learning curve, laugh), now MOST, not all, get it. It was me, too trying to do it all alone!0 -
Margemwallace1325 said:I worked
I worked through treatment, mostly because I was lucky and able to do so, but partly because I'd started the job in 10/08 and was diagnosed in 04/09. I was so thrilled that they kept me on and were so good about the whole thing, without my job I'd not have had health insurance since my husband had turned 65 and was on medicare. Also, I had a "cancer mentor" (an attorney in my building) who told me her story and fortunately her story will filled with courage and determination, so since this was my first experience with cancer, ever, hearing her made me determined to get through it with as little disruption to real life as possible.
I was not however able to do much around the house after work -- generally crash and burn. My husband and granddaughters picked up alot of that slack -- thank you all.
Everyone acknowledged that I did have cancer, but now the concensus is that "it's gone" and while I still have many moments (hours) paralyzed with fear about upcoming appoints, aches, pains, I hope they're right and "it's gone". My husband particularly likes to think it's like gone, never to return, but he is one of the world's great "fixers" and not being able to fix this almost made him insane.
Denise, be good to yourself and try not to let what anyone says or doesn't say bother you too much. Your husband is probably still in denial about your illnesses, not cause he doesn't love you, but because he does.
marge
I dont' really take it to heart..I am very independent, cry in car alone and STRONG at all times...to I think that is why I get the reaction or lack of...which is fine...
I am not one to worrry, panic or even think about test results..SOMETimes I get a call and forgot I was waiting to hear...
My duaghter studying phsyology asked me how I deal with things? MY dad died when I was 19 and my mom 5 yrs ago in few weeks. I just TOLD her I JUST DO IT...too strong to crumble. That's just me
Thanks for commenting..
Denise0 -
asking for helpcamul said:Same here
My first time around, had time off for mastectomy. Went back to work and was transferred to Idaho. Layoffs, only way to keep job and medical. Drove back to SLC every Thurs night for friday onco, then 5-6 hours on Sunday back to Boise. My 18 year old went with me, my 16 yr old stayed in SLC with his dad. Kept plastic bags in car on chemo weekend,I was so sick. Was back to work on Monday morn. (Was told I would lose my job if I went out as we were in surplus status).
17 weeks later transferred back. I was done with chemo so now I should be "normal", it wasn't. Had terrible se from tamoxifen, swelling and joint pain. Siblings lived out of state, so they only knew what i told them. Hair grew back so now I looked the same again so everything must be okay.
Fast forward to 2009. Started getting tumors in other areas (bladder, thyroid, skin), diagnosed with bladder cancer, had surgery to bag me, but didn't have to, path came back atypical, but not yet cancer. Then found lump in appendix, had that and scar tissue removed, came back again atypical cells but not cancer. Used a couple of days of vac time along with the weekend so I would be at work Monday am. Then major blockage, 8 days in hospital... family realized something not right. Then tumors in both sides of thyroid, removed, atypical, not yet cancer. Now it was a search and destroy mission.
Now family realizing something was haywire in my body. Some thought it was all in my head. It had been 8 years why would bones, joints, hips, ribs and tailbone be hurting me now. ER said pulled muscles. 3 weeks later called onco, unlike er, he knew when he saw me something was wrong. Mets, to bones and skin, spot on lung (nodule).
I am sure I would have received more support from family and friends if I would have really let them know. I was damn the torpedo's, full speed ahead and no matter how bad it got, I never asked for help and didn't complain, would just say everything was ok!
Now I am learning to ask for help, (slow learning curve, laugh), now MOST, not all, get it. It was me, too trying to do it all alone!
WE must-Ask as hard as it may be...
I HOPE you feel okay ....i'll be thinking of you..
Denise0 -
Denisecamul said:Same here
My first time around, had time off for mastectomy. Went back to work and was transferred to Idaho. Layoffs, only way to keep job and medical. Drove back to SLC every Thurs night for friday onco, then 5-6 hours on Sunday back to Boise. My 18 year old went with me, my 16 yr old stayed in SLC with his dad. Kept plastic bags in car on chemo weekend,I was so sick. Was back to work on Monday morn. (Was told I would lose my job if I went out as we were in surplus status).
17 weeks later transferred back. I was done with chemo so now I should be "normal", it wasn't. Had terrible se from tamoxifen, swelling and joint pain. Siblings lived out of state, so they only knew what i told them. Hair grew back so now I looked the same again so everything must be okay.
Fast forward to 2009. Started getting tumors in other areas (bladder, thyroid, skin), diagnosed with bladder cancer, had surgery to bag me, but didn't have to, path came back atypical, but not yet cancer. Then found lump in appendix, had that and scar tissue removed, came back again atypical cells but not cancer. Used a couple of days of vac time along with the weekend so I would be at work Monday am. Then major blockage, 8 days in hospital... family realized something not right. Then tumors in both sides of thyroid, removed, atypical, not yet cancer. Now it was a search and destroy mission.
Now family realizing something was haywire in my body. Some thought it was all in my head. It had been 8 years why would bones, joints, hips, ribs and tailbone be hurting me now. ER said pulled muscles. 3 weeks later called onco, unlike er, he knew when he saw me something was wrong. Mets, to bones and skin, spot on lung (nodule).
I am sure I would have received more support from family and friends if I would have really let them know. I was damn the torpedo's, full speed ahead and no matter how bad it got, I never asked for help and didn't complain, would just say everything was ok!
Now I am learning to ask for help, (slow learning curve, laugh), now MOST, not all, get it. It was me, too trying to do it all alone!
I know what you mean.We were dx with the same type of cancer.One thing I didn't have radiation or chemo.You didn't have chemo but did have radiation.Makes me wonder.My guess is my tumor was not even a centimeter.Looking back though I WISH I got a second opinion. Now it all seems to good to be true.I am not as comfortable as I was when I was dx in 2009. Doing OK on Tamox (lucky I had a total hysterocomy years ago). I read once tamox is just as good and a protector as the other treatments.Still I've had 3 benign breast tumors since my dx 2009.It isn't stopping.I live in fear WHAT NEXT???
I remember once my daughter in law was arguing with me.I told her I don't have to take this I've got cancer.I don't need the stress. She came back on me and said "your doctor said you don't have cancer". I told her I didn't need chemo or radiation but I will take tamox to keep the cancer from coming back.NEVER said I don't have cancer.This has put a very serious barrier between she and I.I tried to get over that but then something else happened.She caused family problems and I got the blame(what she said wasnt the truth and said something she had no business saying.Should have asked me first before she went to other family members.She has always been on my case.Now there is a bigger barrier.
So as some of you see I am going to be more private on my test etc.No one will know anything unless I want them to know.I haven't had the support from those who I should get it from.I am a very giving person to everyone.Then I get slapped in the face.Apologies are not accepted like they used to be.Why accept them when they do the same thing over again.
So support here is many times from strangers or those I know just a short time.Those close to be take me for granted.As you read in one post.It was spread around I was not doing good and it wasn't true.That hurt me.Its enough being hurt by our dx we don't need other hurting us or not supporting us.
What people DON'T realize no matter what the dx is we have cancer and life is uncertain.Just because mine was non invasive doesnt me I can't get another type of cancer.Whether in the breast or any other place in my body.People don't get it IMO.What I do is PRAY.Pray for all of you when you are in treatments and pray for myself when things get bad. My saying is Believe in Miracles.
Lynn Smith0 -
no easy cancer
Denise,
I had a friend diagnosed the same month as me. Hers was pagets and not spread past the breast. She said one day that she felt bad about feeling down about her cancer when mine was so much worse. I told her there is no easy cancer.
You did have a part of you removed. (more than once with the hysterectomy) You had cancer! Your body had to fight the beast. Just because you were able to function at the same time doesn't minimize what you had to go through. Please don't let anyone make you feel like it was "easy" for you. We all know better.
Cindy0 -
@lynne wow..Lynn Smith said:Denise
I know what you mean.We were dx with the same type of cancer.One thing I didn't have radiation or chemo.You didn't have chemo but did have radiation.Makes me wonder.My guess is my tumor was not even a centimeter.Looking back though I WISH I got a second opinion. Now it all seems to good to be true.I am not as comfortable as I was when I was dx in 2009. Doing OK on Tamox (lucky I had a total hysterocomy years ago). I read once tamox is just as good and a protector as the other treatments.Still I've had 3 benign breast tumors since my dx 2009.It isn't stopping.I live in fear WHAT NEXT???
I remember once my daughter in law was arguing with me.I told her I don't have to take this I've got cancer.I don't need the stress. She came back on me and said "your doctor said you don't have cancer". I told her I didn't need chemo or radiation but I will take tamox to keep the cancer from coming back.NEVER said I don't have cancer.This has put a very serious barrier between she and I.I tried to get over that but then something else happened.She caused family problems and I got the blame(what she said wasnt the truth and said something she had no business saying.Should have asked me first before she went to other family members.She has always been on my case.Now there is a bigger barrier.
So as some of you see I am going to be more private on my test etc.No one will know anything unless I want them to know.I haven't had the support from those who I should get it from.I am a very giving person to everyone.Then I get slapped in the face.Apologies are not accepted like they used to be.Why accept them when they do the same thing over again.
So support here is many times from strangers or those I know just a short time.Those close to be take me for granted.As you read in one post.It was spread around I was not doing good and it wasn't true.That hurt me.Its enough being hurt by our dx we don't need other hurting us or not supporting us.
What people DON'T realize no matter what the dx is we have cancer and life is uncertain.Just because mine was non invasive doesnt me I can't get another type of cancer.Whether in the breast or any other place in my body.People don't get it IMO.What I do is PRAY.Pray for all of you when you are in treatments and pray for myself when things get bad. My saying is Believe in Miracles.
Lynn Smith
so much you said I am like wow.....so true no matter what the type, stage etc...cancer is cancer..
sorry you daughter in law is treating you like this...Does your son get what she is doing?
I too have some who hurt me then say sorry water under the bridge yet keep doing things over the years...ONLY SO Much water can go under to accept sorry..(not that I have ever gotten one)
Denise0 -
@lynne wow..Lynn Smith said:Denise
I know what you mean.We were dx with the same type of cancer.One thing I didn't have radiation or chemo.You didn't have chemo but did have radiation.Makes me wonder.My guess is my tumor was not even a centimeter.Looking back though I WISH I got a second opinion. Now it all seems to good to be true.I am not as comfortable as I was when I was dx in 2009. Doing OK on Tamox (lucky I had a total hysterocomy years ago). I read once tamox is just as good and a protector as the other treatments.Still I've had 3 benign breast tumors since my dx 2009.It isn't stopping.I live in fear WHAT NEXT???
I remember once my daughter in law was arguing with me.I told her I don't have to take this I've got cancer.I don't need the stress. She came back on me and said "your doctor said you don't have cancer". I told her I didn't need chemo or radiation but I will take tamox to keep the cancer from coming back.NEVER said I don't have cancer.This has put a very serious barrier between she and I.I tried to get over that but then something else happened.She caused family problems and I got the blame(what she said wasnt the truth and said something she had no business saying.Should have asked me first before she went to other family members.She has always been on my case.Now there is a bigger barrier.
So as some of you see I am going to be more private on my test etc.No one will know anything unless I want them to know.I haven't had the support from those who I should get it from.I am a very giving person to everyone.Then I get slapped in the face.Apologies are not accepted like they used to be.Why accept them when they do the same thing over again.
So support here is many times from strangers or those I know just a short time.Those close to be take me for granted.As you read in one post.It was spread around I was not doing good and it wasn't true.That hurt me.Its enough being hurt by our dx we don't need other hurting us or not supporting us.
What people DON'T realize no matter what the dx is we have cancer and life is uncertain.Just because mine was non invasive doesnt me I can't get another type of cancer.Whether in the breast or any other place in my body.People don't get it IMO.What I do is PRAY.Pray for all of you when you are in treatments and pray for myself when things get bad. My saying is Believe in Miracles.
Lynn Smith
so much you said I am like wow.....so true no matter what the type, stage etc...cancer is cancer..
sorry you daughter in law is treating you like this...Does your son get what she is doing?
I too have some who hurt me then say sorry water under the bridge yet keep doing things over the years...ONLY SO Much water can go under to accept sorry..(not that I have ever gotten one)
Denise0 -
@cindymamolady said:no easy cancer
Denise,
I had a friend diagnosed the same month as me. Hers was pagets and not spread past the breast. She said one day that she felt bad about feeling down about her cancer when mine was so much worse. I told her there is no easy cancer.
You did have a part of you removed. (more than once with the hysterectomy) You had cancer! Your body had to fight the beast. Just because you were able to function at the same time doesn't minimize what you had to go through. Please don't let anyone make you feel like it was "easy" for you. We all know better.
Cindy
so true...some day "JUST radiation" (& surgery) so not so bad..
-AT Dr appt for my husband I tagged along...first visit there Dr said to me "are you healthy?" I said well I have UC *ulcertive colitis 20 yrs & HAD breast cancer few years back...he jotted it all down..
My husband if he answered for me would have said very healthy..! which I am ...I feel great etc...but still......0 -
I know this suggestion doesLynn Smith said:Denise
I know what you mean.We were dx with the same type of cancer.One thing I didn't have radiation or chemo.You didn't have chemo but did have radiation.Makes me wonder.My guess is my tumor was not even a centimeter.Looking back though I WISH I got a second opinion. Now it all seems to good to be true.I am not as comfortable as I was when I was dx in 2009. Doing OK on Tamox (lucky I had a total hysterocomy years ago). I read once tamox is just as good and a protector as the other treatments.Still I've had 3 benign breast tumors since my dx 2009.It isn't stopping.I live in fear WHAT NEXT???
I remember once my daughter in law was arguing with me.I told her I don't have to take this I've got cancer.I don't need the stress. She came back on me and said "your doctor said you don't have cancer". I told her I didn't need chemo or radiation but I will take tamox to keep the cancer from coming back.NEVER said I don't have cancer.This has put a very serious barrier between she and I.I tried to get over that but then something else happened.She caused family problems and I got the blame(what she said wasnt the truth and said something she had no business saying.Should have asked me first before she went to other family members.She has always been on my case.Now there is a bigger barrier.
So as some of you see I am going to be more private on my test etc.No one will know anything unless I want them to know.I haven't had the support from those who I should get it from.I am a very giving person to everyone.Then I get slapped in the face.Apologies are not accepted like they used to be.Why accept them when they do the same thing over again.
So support here is many times from strangers or those I know just a short time.Those close to be take me for granted.As you read in one post.It was spread around I was not doing good and it wasn't true.That hurt me.Its enough being hurt by our dx we don't need other hurting us or not supporting us.
What people DON'T realize no matter what the dx is we have cancer and life is uncertain.Just because mine was non invasive doesnt me I can't get another type of cancer.Whether in the breast or any other place in my body.People don't get it IMO.What I do is PRAY.Pray for all of you when you are in treatments and pray for myself when things get bad. My saying is Believe in Miracles.
Lynn Smith
I know this suggestion does NOT Make comments or daughter n law any better..but I had family member who had done many hurtful things over the years...my therapist said she is not going to change ....so suggested I make list of all the things...read it...shred it and move on...dont' get me wrong..you dont' forget..but this helped me ....maybe it will you..and she also told me to NOT put myself in a situation with this person. (SUCH as not drive in same car if going same place...so cant' bagger/ taunt me or if at party etc..if out of sorts just say TIME TO leave...(which I have done)
Denise0 -
So funny to see this post today!
Because I spent the entire morning being really ticked off at my dear husband for pretty much the same reason. I am pretty much doing everything I did before surgery and treatments (day 20 of 33) and except for the two hours (drive is 45 min in, 45 min out) during the day I go to radiation, I am at work at 7:30, work through lunch and leave 30 minutes later to make up time. I cook supper every night, wash clothes, go to daughter's volleyball games, orthodontist, and other school activities. This morning my darling husband tells me it sure would be nice if I gave him some attention. Lord help me, I felt guilty!!! Then I stewed and got ticked off, I'm not trying to "use" cancer as an excuse, but please just let me get through this without making me feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do! There is no "normal" for any of us, we just keep going until we can't anymore, why can't they understand that for now I am my biggest priority?
Don't get me wrong, he's been great through all of this, but that comment really really annoyed me. Just because we act like we feel great, normal, sane, doesn't mean we are!
Eileen0 -
Hi Denise, Sorry that youdisneyfan2008 said:@cindy
so true...some day "JUST radiation" (& surgery) so not so bad..
-AT Dr appt for my husband I tagged along...first visit there Dr said to me "are you healthy?" I said well I have UC *ulcertive colitis 20 yrs & HAD breast cancer few years back...he jotted it all down..
My husband if he answered for me would have said very healthy..! which I am ...I feel great etc...but still......
Hi Denise, Sorry that you have to go thru so much and people treat you like you never had cancer. Only people who have to go thru the same ordeal really understand how you feel. Here on this board we all understand because we've been there. Fortunately for me I had a good support system and my husband was always there for me, went with me on all my appointments, chemo and radiation, etc. A lot of people told me that I acted like I didn't have cancer because I was still cheerful and I always managed to look the same (I lost my hair but wore a hairpiece the whole time, drew my eyebrows on, wore makeup and blush to cover up my paleness and didn't go around anyone when I was too sick). I had a masectomy, 12 weeks of chemo, lots of side effects from that including a skin infection where the skin was hanging off my hands, 35 weeks of rads, now on femara with lots of bone pain. I guess we make it look easy, instead of letting them see us when we're vomiting our guts out, days when we can't get out of bed, can't put our bras or clothes on because our radiated chest is beet red, raw and oozing. I also have lymphedema and have to have theraphy for that but don't always wear my compression sleeve out. I really don't want people to keep asking me how I'm doing so I make it easy on them. Even my children don't know all the agony that goes with bc. I just didn't want them to worry. I have to admit I'm one of those people who see the glass half full and that positive attitude is what has helped me get thru it all. My husband and a few really close friends know what I've been thru and are there for me but the people here on this board are the only ones who understand. It's so helpful to come here for comfort, support, knowledge and understanding. You are in good company here among this group of amazing wonderful women.0 -
Yes,Cat64 said:Denise
I completely understand what you are saying and YES! I do believe they think it's no big deal. I know unless you have been through it personally, you could not understand what it's like, but did they NOT notice how pale I was?! How sick I was?! That I completely lost all my hair?! How many tests I had to undergo?! How many times I was bruised up from the needles?! Or even how much I still just don't have the energy for the things I use to do?! The list goes on...
Now that my treatment is over-my family thinks I should be right back to my normal old self.
How can I possibly be?! Although I don't share every thought or emotion with them, I am still very angry, tired, scared to death that it may come back, suffering from s/e of Chemo, unable to drive as much as I use to, I could go on & on....I do believe they think I am SuperWoman! It's very frustrating at times to say the least.
♥ Cat
that was me. Only taking the day of chemo and the day after off. Going back to work when I felt so tired I could hardly stand up. Not using my sick time even though I had over 600 hours accrued. GOing for radiation treatments on my lunch hour. Finally retired as my co worker was going around complaining because I was coming in late after the lumpectomy. The stress and lack of compassion was just too much.
Got no sympathy from my own mother. She kept saying "you'll get through this, you are strong". Never acknowledging how I felt, my hair loss, etc. and still demanding I help her out. Never even once made me dinner. Yet, now that she's 88 and has dementia she wants me to help her every day of my life, like I was good as new. She whines because she has to take blood pressure medication. Try taking Femara and dealing with its side effects.
Why don't they understand or at least try to ?0
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