Post Treatment Depression?

Puggle
Puggle Member Posts: 88 Member
My husband finished radiation and chemo on August 22nd. No PEG through the treatment and he managed to eat through all but the last 2 weeks when he lived on Ensure. Last week he was hospitalized for 6 days due to dehydration and high creatinine levels. This was probably due to the chemo (cisplatin) as well as throwing up due to the really heavy mucus in the week after the treatments ended. He is now saying that his throat and mouth are more sore than they were during treatment, his mucus seems heavier this week and he is struggling to eat mashed potatoes and cream soups. He's been getting really irritable and mean when I try to suggest other foods or even ask him if he's taken his meds. He has said he can't take much more of this, he wouldn't wish this on his worst enemy and he wishes he was dead. He has a check up tomorrow and he refuses to let me go with him probably because I suggested that he ask his doctor for antidepressants. Can those of you who have gone through these treatments provide any suggestions on what I can say to help him through this? I'm at a loss right now and it seems like everything I say to him is the wrong thing.

Comments

  • robinleigh
    robinleigh Member Posts: 297
    Maybe not depression
    Sounds like your husband is dealing with terrible pain and side effects right now. If those issues can be addressed with the doctor first, then his spirits will naturally be lifted. Ask to go with him so you can be the second pair of ears and you can take notes when each and every side effect is discussed. Maybe they can offer you a consult with a dietitian, prescriptions for pain, and prescriptions for mucositis. Just a really rough time right now that you both can get through. Things will start to get better, slowly but surely!
  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member

    Maybe not depression
    Sounds like your husband is dealing with terrible pain and side effects right now. If those issues can be addressed with the doctor first, then his spirits will naturally be lifted. Ask to go with him so you can be the second pair of ears and you can take notes when each and every side effect is discussed. Maybe they can offer you a consult with a dietitian, prescriptions for pain, and prescriptions for mucositis. Just a really rough time right now that you both can get through. Things will start to get better, slowly but surely!

    Puggle
    Would suggest you insist, to him, that he ask the Dr for help in dealing with his physical symptoms. The physical side-effects seems to be the issue. With my tx the post-treatment was not the worst of times, but know many others have said it was as bad, or worse, for them after tx ended. We all know they physical issues, and if your Drs are good they will be able to give him a thing or two to help him deal with those issues.

    Good luck

    kcass
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    Smack
    Sometimes when I'm in his state of mind, a good smack in the back of the head from my wife works....

    He's actually right where he should be physically...the last few weeks of rads and the next few are the toughest.

    I also didn't have a PEG and lived entirely off of Ensure and water pretty much for about the last few weeks of rads and the next three or so after.

    So if he's trying to eat anything, he's doing better than I did.

    I'd stick to the Ensure, maybe a few sliced peaches in light syrup...that's what I did, of course with some numbing solution first, and a ground percocet in a little water for the after pain...that was my regime'.

    Communication is always key with the MD's, if he's in a funk they can prescribe something to take the edge off...but he ot you have to communicate.

    You (he) don't get extra points for toughing it out....that's what the meds are for...use them.

    It's always a rough time and even though he might be a little nasty,you have to realize where he's coming from and what he's going through...he doesn't mean it.

    Be there for him, try to stay positive and supporting...but also try to convince him what he is going through is normal and expected...communicate with the MD's.

    Hydration is key also, you can't take in enough water it seems....

    It's a rough period right now and will be for a few more weeks, but you don't go this far to give up.....

    When going through Hell, Keep going...

    Best,
    John
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    Hi Puggle

    Sorry but he sounds a little like me right at the end of my first treatment. It is a very rough time for him right now but it don’t seam like depression sound more like anger and just not understanding the Why Me question. In my care all the wife could do was to just be there for me and kept trying, I got to say the woman never gave up on me. I too did not have the PET tube so everything had to go in through the sore and damaged mouth and as she said I just got mad about everything, no one would even come to visit me.

    Just be there and do all you can do, keep reminding him of what he needs to be doing and keep letting him know that you love him. As in my care sometimes I just needed someone to hold me. This hold thing made my wife and I grow so much closer together. The second time through treatment was so much easer as I understood so much more of what was happening to me and had all the support of my friends, family, and mostly my beautiful loving Caregiver Wife.

    Praying for both of you.
    Hondo
  • sweetblood22
    sweetblood22 Member Posts: 3,228
    Well, I responded last
    Well, I responded last night, and I guess my post is off in cyberspace somewhere, because I see it's not here. I don't know if I'm too late for his appointment today, so I won't beat around the bush. The doctors need to know about all his physical symptoms as well as the mental ones. If he didn't let me go with him, I would be picking up the phone and letting his doctors know exactly what's going on.

    As someone who has been clinically depressed, I can tell you that it's nothing to sweep under the rug or ignore. When you are depressed you are not thinking clearly. If it is depression I can tell you, that there are medications and it's the biggest relief.

    I know there was a point that I was so sick and in so much pain I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. You guys need to communicate with eachother and the doctors so that they can do what they can to help.
  • palmyrafan
    palmyrafan Member Posts: 396
    Side Effects
    sound like they are more of an issue right now than anything post treatment. I also agree that once the side effects are addressed, that the depression itself could very well be lifted. It is normal to feel depressed, especially during the side and after effects and you don't feel like you can do anything about them.

    I hope he addresses those issues with his doctor today and gets the relief he needs. Let's also hope that once those are addressed, his depression will lift and he will start feeling better about himself.

    Blessings,
    Teresa
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member

    Well, I responded last
    Well, I responded last night, and I guess my post is off in cyberspace somewhere, because I see it's not here. I don't know if I'm too late for his appointment today, so I won't beat around the bush. The doctors need to know about all his physical symptoms as well as the mental ones. If he didn't let me go with him, I would be picking up the phone and letting his doctors know exactly what's going on.

    As someone who has been clinically depressed, I can tell you that it's nothing to sweep under the rug or ignore. When you are depressed you are not thinking clearly. If it is depression I can tell you, that there are medications and it's the biggest relief.

    I know there was a point that I was so sick and in so much pain I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. You guys need to communicate with eachother and the doctors so that they can do what they can to help.

    Sweet

    I am not sure why but that has been happing to me quite a bit, I post, it there, and the next day it is gone. I am now having problems putting my new picture up, for some reason it will not let it show-up, just said Hondo
  • fisrpotpe
    fisrpotpe Member Posts: 1,349 Member
    Hoping
    I am hoping all those going thru treatment, just starting recovery and only several weeks into recovery take a moment to read and reply along with those who are years out of treatment.

    When the treatment stops from radiation and chemo there is no fast recovery like getting over the flu. Yes everyone is different and there will be a blessed few who say I went back to work and getting on with my life, we all wish that was the case. After being thru it and listening here and in our local support group the survivor just does not recover fast enough. I too was the same as your husband. Back 15 years ago they believed the radiation kept work 9-10 weeks after the last zapping. Now they say 6-9 weeks. The first couple weeks are a half step forward and many many steps back ward. Weeks 3-4 you start to feel like one day forward and two - three days back ward. I took me approx. 2 months to feel like I was not loosing ground in recovery over a weeks time. I finally went back to work at 3 months post treatment and should never done it. I barely made 8 hours a day on the clock but i was going at 60% and at the end of the day all i would do is sleep in the chair till it was bed time and do it day after day.

    It would surprise me that alot of us who went thru it did not get depressed. I know I did and I had an very experienced GP doctor who suggested I get Vit. B-12 shots twice a week. I did and it gave me something just hours after having. He even said the pills would not do it you need the shot. He said they could give them every day so I pick M-W-F for the first couple months and then twice per week to the 10 month recovery and quit 1 shot after 14-15 months. I believe in them.... just so you know biker Lance Armstrong went thru the fight the same time I did and he also took the shots.

    Depression is a chemical imbalance with in your body put out by your emotions. It's not a physic problem. I am betting the cancer doc will send him to a GP to help or check out the depression.

    Your husband needs to accept help and share problems with the doctors. Men and I mean Men as I am one feel they are in destructible. We are not and help is the only way to get it.

    I believe your husbands status is where about 80% of us were at his same stage.

    Prayers for Him for Wisdom, Strength and PMA.

    John
  • sweetblood22
    sweetblood22 Member Posts: 3,228
    fisrpotpe said:

    Hoping
    I am hoping all those going thru treatment, just starting recovery and only several weeks into recovery take a moment to read and reply along with those who are years out of treatment.

    When the treatment stops from radiation and chemo there is no fast recovery like getting over the flu. Yes everyone is different and there will be a blessed few who say I went back to work and getting on with my life, we all wish that was the case. After being thru it and listening here and in our local support group the survivor just does not recover fast enough. I too was the same as your husband. Back 15 years ago they believed the radiation kept work 9-10 weeks after the last zapping. Now they say 6-9 weeks. The first couple weeks are a half step forward and many many steps back ward. Weeks 3-4 you start to feel like one day forward and two - three days back ward. I took me approx. 2 months to feel like I was not loosing ground in recovery over a weeks time. I finally went back to work at 3 months post treatment and should never done it. I barely made 8 hours a day on the clock but i was going at 60% and at the end of the day all i would do is sleep in the chair till it was bed time and do it day after day.

    It would surprise me that alot of us who went thru it did not get depressed. I know I did and I had an very experienced GP doctor who suggested I get Vit. B-12 shots twice a week. I did and it gave me something just hours after having. He even said the pills would not do it you need the shot. He said they could give them every day so I pick M-W-F for the first couple months and then twice per week to the 10 month recovery and quit 1 shot after 14-15 months. I believe in them.... just so you know biker Lance Armstrong went thru the fight the same time I did and he also took the shots.

    Depression is a chemical imbalance with in your body put out by your emotions. It's not a physic problem. I am betting the cancer doc will send him to a GP to help or check out the depression.

    Your husband needs to accept help and share problems with the doctors. Men and I mean Men as I am one feel they are in destructible. We are not and help is the only way to get it.

    I believe your husbands status is where about 80% of us were at his same stage.

    Prayers for Him for Wisdom, Strength and PMA.

    John

    Agree with John FISRPOTPE. It is a chemical imbalance.
    Just to be clear, if it is actual clinical depression, relief of his physical side effects most likely will not lift his depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance. I think sometimes people use the term 'depression' too loosely sometimes. If someone is really clinically depressed, it's not something to ignore or screw around with. They need to be evaluated by a professional to ascertain if it is clinical depression.

    Having the blues is one thing, actual depression is another.
  • Puggle
    Puggle Member Posts: 88 Member
    Thank you all for caring...
    Thanks so much to everyone for caring and helping out. This is truly a great forum with lots of wonderful people.

    My husband's appointment today was with the Radiation Oncologist. I had emailed the doctor early in the morning so he could prepare and address the issues. The doctor told him to stop taking the dilaudid that was first prescribed when he was admitted in the hospital. He feels that was causing the mood swings, anxiety and also possibly making the mucus worse. All through treatments he refused narcotics and took other pain killers and did really well on them so I'm hoping that this will help. He has an appointment with his GP tomorrow morning and also needs to follow up by phone with the RO by Friday and then with the Medical Oncologist next Tuesday so they are keeping close tabs on him. The RO also told him the back of his throat was looking really good and was almost healed so hopefully that gave him a boost. He's always been impatient so I'm hoping and praying that he can have the patience to slowly progress through the healing process.

    Thank you all again so much! jc
  • CajunEagle
    CajunEagle Member Posts: 408
    Puggle said:

    Thank you all for caring...
    Thanks so much to everyone for caring and helping out. This is truly a great forum with lots of wonderful people.

    My husband's appointment today was with the Radiation Oncologist. I had emailed the doctor early in the morning so he could prepare and address the issues. The doctor told him to stop taking the dilaudid that was first prescribed when he was admitted in the hospital. He feels that was causing the mood swings, anxiety and also possibly making the mucus worse. All through treatments he refused narcotics and took other pain killers and did really well on them so I'm hoping that this will help. He has an appointment with his GP tomorrow morning and also needs to follow up by phone with the RO by Friday and then with the Medical Oncologist next Tuesday so they are keeping close tabs on him. The RO also told him the back of his throat was looking really good and was almost healed so hopefully that gave him a boost. He's always been impatient so I'm hoping and praying that he can have the patience to slowly progress through the healing process.

    Thank you all again so much! jc

    But,
    being that you have taken on this horrible job, just be sure that you are around during this miserable period that he is going through. Be there to give him a hug, and if he raises all kinds of hell about that......just stick around in the room or hallway. I can only recall 3 times in my life when I just broke down sobbing like a baby. 1) when I tore my knee up playing football. 2) when my infant son passed away soon after birth. and 3) one afternoon two weeks after treatment was completed, and I wanted to give up, because I felt what I was going through would never end.....(prior to finding this board). My wife just held me for hours during that rock bottom period. I soon started swimming back to the surface with the help of some meds..........thank goodness.

    Larry
  • Puggle
    Puggle Member Posts: 88 Member

    But,
    being that you have taken on this horrible job, just be sure that you are around during this miserable period that he is going through. Be there to give him a hug, and if he raises all kinds of hell about that......just stick around in the room or hallway. I can only recall 3 times in my life when I just broke down sobbing like a baby. 1) when I tore my knee up playing football. 2) when my infant son passed away soon after birth. and 3) one afternoon two weeks after treatment was completed, and I wanted to give up, because I felt what I was going through would never end.....(prior to finding this board). My wife just held me for hours during that rock bottom period. I soon started swimming back to the surface with the help of some meds..........thank goodness.

    Larry

    Yep, I'm in it for the long haul
    We've been married for 25 years, in fact we celebrated our 25th anniversary right in the middle of the treatments so we celebrated by eating some scrambled eggs with a toast of boost. lol He owes me an anniversary trip to Vegas for that once he feels better!

    I do have to work so he's home alone during the day but we talk back and forth either by phone or email and I try to spend as much time as I can with him in the evening but he's usually pretty tired by then and falls asleep fairly quickly. Until this last week when he totally turned nasty I would spend evenings giving him back or foot rubs so he could relax. Hopefully this change in meds will get us back to that point again.
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    Puggle said:

    Yep, I'm in it for the long haul
    We've been married for 25 years, in fact we celebrated our 25th anniversary right in the middle of the treatments so we celebrated by eating some scrambled eggs with a toast of boost. lol He owes me an anniversary trip to Vegas for that once he feels better!

    I do have to work so he's home alone during the day but we talk back and forth either by phone or email and I try to spend as much time as I can with him in the evening but he's usually pretty tired by then and falls asleep fairly quickly. Until this last week when he totally turned nasty I would spend evenings giving him back or foot rubs so he could relax. Hopefully this change in meds will get us back to that point again.

    Meds
    Medication yep that will do it for sure, hope he gets to feeling better, also congratulations on being married 25 years hope you two have 25+ more.

    Wishing you the best
    Hondo
  • rozaroo
    rozaroo Member Posts: 665
    Hondo said:

    Meds
    Medication yep that will do it for sure, hope he gets to feeling better, also congratulations on being married 25 years hope you two have 25+ more.

    Wishing you the best
    Hondo

    Depression
    I suffer from anxiety & panic attack's & was offered help at my cancer centre! I sure needed it to get me get though as I was freaking at the sight of a needle. Talking to someone has helped me & also have had help with medication when needed. I do understand that most men are too proud to acknowledge that they need help, but now is the time to ask for it. I would definitly call ahead & speak to his nurse about this . I was very ill though feeding's & was anxious when I had to sit still while my pump was hooked up. No one is perfect & getting help is the right thing to do as we suffer through this illness!
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    rozaroo said:

    Depression
    I suffer from anxiety & panic attack's & was offered help at my cancer centre! I sure needed it to get me get though as I was freaking at the sight of a needle. Talking to someone has helped me & also have had help with medication when needed. I do understand that most men are too proud to acknowledge that they need help, but now is the time to ask for it. I would definitly call ahead & speak to his nurse about this . I was very ill though feeding's & was anxious when I had to sit still while my pump was hooked up. No one is perfect & getting help is the right thing to do as we suffer through this illness!

    Depression

    Depression is something we all need to be aware of and get help when it comes. It can keep the body from healing and keep us sick all of the time. Get help and don’t be afraid to tell someone you need help.

    Hondo
  • MichaelHill1
    MichaelHill1 Member Posts: 13
    meds

    I didn't have chemo.  In sixth and final week of rad.  They gave me Hydrocodone 10Ml-325 tylenol.  That along with tylenol and Advil's kept my pain pretty doable.  The trick is to keep a steady flow of the meds.  Don't let the pain catch up.  I don't count,  If I need them i take them.  Two to three during the night.  Do not let the pain catch up!!  I've worked through the whole thing (Office,not physical).  Taking a week off for first week after final treatment.  No wife, no kids, no support except for this board.  Food tastes like crap and does hurt going down.  Taste is off but not totally screwed up. Hope recovery isn't as bad as everyone says.  Oh ya, bought a Harley for therapy.  That works really well.

  • donfoo
    donfoo Member Posts: 1,773 Member
    edited August 2016 #18
    Easy rider

    Very cool on the Harley therapy protocol. That's a new one for me here. Good luck!