Is that all you can ever talk about?
Comments
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wow so sorry....to hear how
wow so sorry....to hear how he treated you....yes it took over your life so think of it often...yes I do talk about it...0 -
This is more common than what one thinksLynn Smith said:So true
So true Sirod.No one to talk to. My mom was dx at 21.I was born 6 years later.So it was a time span but never did I hear the word breast cancer.I'm not sure how I was told.I guess really not until I saw my mom without a breast.With me being born years later it wasn't a sit down and discuss situtation like today.It had passed for her.She had a masectomy and that was the end of treatment etc.
For me.I try to not say alot to my husband.He wasn't real supporative in the beginning.Being a Viet Nam veteran and in the Marines he had to be tough and he stayed that way.His life also wasnt what I call a caring family.He started working at a young age. Pretty much what his parents made him do.He is a hard worker today but I don't feel he had much of a childhood. He has changed but this last tumor that was benign I had a wait.Doctor put me off.Not once did my husband say "When is your biopsy".He didn't seem concerned. I FINALLY got my appt.Next day went in for the biopsy.My friend went with me.He had no idea I was getting a biopsy till I got home and said for the next 24 hours I can't lift anything heavy etc.
Now this one will really make you wonder.Years ago we went to visit a friend of my husband's and his wife.It was my first time meeting them.A year later we went back to see them. We were in shock.He had melanoma.Just had his surgery maybe a month before or less.My husband, me and his friend discussed his condition.It was serious. The mole had grown all over the top part of his arm.He told us things were fine.It was though a shock to look at.Out of the blue his wife said"I am so sick of him talking about this cancer".That is all he talks about.My husband and I were in shock.Couldn't believe what came out of her mouth.She even said men from her work always wanted to buy her coffee.Excuse me your husband is sick and she talks about other men. My husband was floored.I didnt think much of her and still don't.That was many many years ago.Husband's friend did pass.We went to the funeral and maybe saw her once after.She was a nasty person and we will never see her again.She wasn't worth talking to.
Lynn Smith
People, loved ones not wanting to hear about cancer. It's as if you don't talk about it, it will go away.
Come here to talk, as well as other boards similar to this one.
Support group.
Find friends in your community, church.
Maybe do some volunteer work to meet people.
My husband passed a kidney stone a month ago, oh geez you should have seen him. I've heard his kidney stone story a 1000 times. I just smile, and nod.0 -
I have heard this also
But it is where I am at! My sisters and friends vent about their jobs and families all the time, and living with cancer is now my full-time job. Naturally, I talk about other things too, but this is my life. I no longer can work, mobility is limited and getting more so all the time, so unless I get out around others what do I have to talk about?
I would not join a bc support group here, as I have been told that being stage iv, I am everyone's worse nightmare, so this site is my support, along with my family and friends, and if it gets to much, they can hang up or go home! Their choice. Surprisingly, most are good, and even more surprisingly are the ones who are not able to deal with the cancer!
But I love them all, so I cut a lot of slack at times!
Carol0 -
Marlene
On my 1 year anniversary of my mastectomy my husband asked me when I was "going to get over it" so I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't talk to him about my health anymore and come here for advice or to rant. Some people just don't understand.0 -
As a matter of fact - yes, it IS all I can talk about.helen e said:Marlene
On my 1 year anniversary of my mastectomy my husband asked me when I was "going to get over it" so I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't talk to him about my health anymore and come here for advice or to rant. Some people just don't understand.
I'm so sorry that your husband has taken this attitude. Unfortunately, some people will never, ever, get it that more than anything in the world we would love to not have this overwhelming desire to talk about cancer.
Now you'd think that since this is the closest person to you that he/they couldn't help but see all that you've had to endure. Not so. They've become what I call selectively blinded. It's kinda' like selective hearing... (You know, kind of like how kids can hear the ice cream truck from 4 blocks away but can't hear you from one house over?!!)
Selectively blinded persons are incapable of seeing anything more than the blatantly obvious. Of course, that's on an occasional basis and even then it's quickly dismissed and/or forgotten.
Just last night I got an earful of how the chemotherapy ended months ago so how could I possibly be blaming the chemo for the pain. This, because I winced from the pain when I had to move my arm and was asked what was the matter.
We so get it here.
(((Hugs)))0 -
Come sit by me....
and talk about breast cancer all you want.0 -
haha I wonder if they cuttjohnson2310 said:Come sit by me....
and talk about breast cancer all you want.
haha I wonder if they cut off his testicles he would get over it in a year?0 -
Oh Marlene I'm so sorry-i
Oh Marlene I'm so sorry-i know how that must have hurt you. People realize that a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment changes us forever. I had a similar situation with a friend who thinks i "dwell" on it too much. Damn right I dwell on it! I'm BRCA1 + with two daughters. My life has become raising awareness and money to get rid of this damned disease. Other than our pink sisters who have "been there" - most people just don't understand the physical and emotional pains that we go through, and sometimes they even seem angry about it. I think that's why there is SUCH a "sisterhood" of us -because we ALL "get it" and can offer each other support like our friends and family can't.
*hugs*
Heather0 -
Marlene,Heatherbelle said:Oh Marlene I'm so sorry-i
Oh Marlene I'm so sorry-i know how that must have hurt you. People realize that a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment changes us forever. I had a similar situation with a friend who thinks i "dwell" on it too much. Damn right I dwell on it! I'm BRCA1 + with two daughters. My life has become raising awareness and money to get rid of this damned disease. Other than our pink sisters who have "been there" - most people just don't understand the physical and emotional pains that we go through, and sometimes they even seem angry about it. I think that's why there is SUCH a "sisterhood" of us -because we ALL "get it" and can offer each other support like our friends and family can't.
*hugs*
Heather
I too am here for you any time you want to talk. We women were born with the gift of being good listeners. Like so many that have posted before me, when the other half of the species is ailing we must be there for them as listeners giving love and comfort. I truly believe that when we dwell on our cancer, the menfolk feel helpless because it's something they can't fix or protect us from. So if ignored or not talked about it will fade away.....
My ears are always tuned in... so rant away.
Hugs,
Lorrie0 -
Talking all the timebutterflylvr said:Marlene,
I too am here for you any time you want to talk. We women were born with the gift of being good listeners. Like so many that have posted before me, when the other half of the species is ailing we must be there for them as listeners giving love and comfort. I truly believe that when we dwell on our cancer, the menfolk feel helpless because it's something they can't fix or protect us from. So if ignored or not talked about it will fade away.....
My ears are always tuned in... so rant away.
Hugs,
Lorrie
DEar Sisters:
I want to thank you all again for your words of understanding, compassion and wisdom. How can one not live with cancer if there are daily reminders of surgery, pain, side effects, fear of recurrence of having to live the best one can with recurrence. I am now pretty successful with my circle of friends, I almost, almost get it they think I am "cured", but I expect more of a spouse, it hurts. I'll be spending some time with a friend who "gets" it, she is a retired nurse and has faced cancer herself. Hopefully I'll return strengthened in mind and body, ready to face another round of tests.
Marlene
PS - There is such a wealth of information and emotional support on this website, maybe somebody needs to put it all together in a book?0 -
geez Marlene, is that all
geez Marlene, is that all you can ever talk about
Really, it is huge part of your life, it is something that sits in the fore front of your mind constantly how can you not talk about it!!! And treatment for cancer is really brutual some people end up with Post Traumatic Stress from it.
How many men talk endlessly and obssess about their jobs or sport or fishing or whatever! And I have friends who can go on for hours about the most mundane stuff.
I am really sorry that your husband responded to you in this way and I really can empathise with your response. He might just not understand and it is difficult for people to understand what it means to have cancer and go through treatment if they themselves have never endured it. People don't realise how isolating and lonely this journery can sometimes be. Perhaps asking him to give you a reason to talk about something else might help (doing something of interest with you) and as other have suggested, finding a support group outside of your family might help.
I took some book making classes that got me jabbering endlessly about something else and now I meet once a week with a group to practice french. I really needed something outside of the home (single parent working from home) to take my focus away from it all.
take care and much love to you.0 -
The reasons we talk about it are so many!mariam_11_09 said:geez Marlene, is that all
geez Marlene, is that all you can ever talk about Really, it is huge part of your life, it is something that sits in the fore front of your mind constantly how can you not talk about it!!! And treatment for cancer is really brutual some people end up with Post Traumatic Stress from it.
How many men talk endlessly and obssess about their jobs or sport or fishing or whatever! And I have friends who can go on for hours about the most mundane stuff.
I am really sorry that your husband responded to you in this way and I really can empathise with your response. He might just not understand and it is difficult for people to understand what it means to have cancer and go through treatment if they themselves have never endured it. People don't realise how isolating and lonely this journery can sometimes be. Perhaps asking him to give you a reason to talk about something else might help (doing something of interest with you) and as other have suggested, finding a support group outside of your family might help.
I took some book making classes that got me jabbering endlessly about something else and now I meet once a week with a group to practice french. I really needed something outside of the home (single parent working from home) to take my focus away from it all.
take care and much love to you.
We need to talk through it as women. We need to call attention to it. One in eight women will get breast cancer and we're now part of the statistic. More is known and done about it now because we talk about it. My great-grandmother died of breast cancer because she was too modest to go tot he doctor and tell him something was wrong. No one in the family knew what had happened until the funeral director told them. Isn't it great that we live in a world where we can talk about it! Come here and talk all you want.0 -
It's Kinda Funny.skipper54 said:The reasons we talk about it are so many!
We need to talk through it as women. We need to call attention to it. One in eight women will get breast cancer and we're now part of the statistic. More is known and done about it now because we talk about it. My great-grandmother died of breast cancer because she was too modest to go tot he doctor and tell him something was wrong. No one in the family knew what had happened until the funeral director told them. Isn't it great that we live in a world where we can talk about it! Come here and talk all you want.
My husband came home from work one day and said he was tired of hearing about cancer at work (some co-workers had cancer) and then to come home and have to hear it here too was just too much. I had two friends with cancer and I'm a survivor. He said this in a rather snotty way.
My response was well tell you friend at work to stop talking about cancer, because my friends need my support and I'm not going to stop because you can't handle it. Cancer isn't going to go away just because you don't want to hear about it. I am in remission, not cured. honey.... And, hopefully I'll be in remission for the rest of my life.
It's like when my dad passed, I told you that our lives would never be the same. Because, we'd be with mom more. Our lives will never be the same because, I had cancer.
I lost one of my friends to cancer that summer. The other went into remission and another was diagnoised with breast and throat cancer. It was a rough year.
He has never complained again. He is actually a wonderful husband and takes good care of me. But, I believe in being honest in a marriage this is our second marriage and we agreed to be trufully about things.
So, he has the right to say how he feels and I also have a right to say how I feel and some times it works that it works. ha.ha.aha.....
He did hurt my feelings that day cause you can't take the cancer away, just because your done with treatment doesn't mean it's done with. you have rechecks, and every pain and ache for the first year you worry about. I would expect that even ten years out you still work on recheck day.
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is maybe you should try to explain that just because treatment is done doesn't mean that dealing with it is. Or find a pamphlet saying something to that affect and leave it laying around. It's an Idea anyway.0 -
Still talking about it!Dobielynn said:It's Kinda Funny.
My husband came home from work one day and said he was tired of hearing about cancer at work (some co-workers had cancer) and then to come home and have to hear it here too was just too much. I had two friends with cancer and I'm a survivor. He said this in a rather snotty way.
My response was well tell you friend at work to stop talking about cancer, because my friends need my support and I'm not going to stop because you can't handle it. Cancer isn't going to go away just because you don't want to hear about it. I am in remission, not cured. honey.... And, hopefully I'll be in remission for the rest of my life.
It's like when my dad passed, I told you that our lives would never be the same. Because, we'd be with mom more. Our lives will never be the same because, I had cancer.
I lost one of my friends to cancer that summer. The other went into remission and another was diagnoised with breast and throat cancer. It was a rough year.
He has never complained again. He is actually a wonderful husband and takes good care of me. But, I believe in being honest in a marriage this is our second marriage and we agreed to be trufully about things.
So, he has the right to say how he feels and I also have a right to say how I feel and some times it works that it works. ha.ha.aha.....
He did hurt my feelings that day cause you can't take the cancer away, just because your done with treatment doesn't mean it's done with. you have rechecks, and every pain and ache for the first year you worry about. I would expect that even ten years out you still work on recheck day.
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is maybe you should try to explain that just because treatment is done doesn't mean that dealing with it is. Or find a pamphlet saying something to that affect and leave it laying around. It's an Idea anyway.
I am at the lodge next to the cancer center where I am getting my first pist radiation check up. My husband and I sent the entire four hour car ride here talking about how cancer has changed our lives. Sometimes he doesn't want to talk about it, and sometimes ihe does. I almost always do, at least right now! Other friends and family members seem to feel like I was "done" after surgery - but actually, surgery was the least part of this seemingly endless chemo and radiation process. I finished radiation less than a week ago and h*** yes, I will keep talking about it until I am done talking. I have wasted some much needed energy trying to connect with friends who were not able to "get it" , now I feel it's ok, they don't need to get it, I can come here and talk as much as i need to. Sone people are not going to get it and it is what it is.
Laura0 -
How to deal
Marlene,
Okay, your 78 and doing water arobics? You do more than me and I'm 49! Earplugs may be a good idea? But seriously, I understand what you are saying about the money. You have a right to talk about your disease it's a part of you now and forever. Truly men don't understand. I remember coming home from work after my first bout with cancer and my husband asked me what I was doing home. I hadn't missed a day of work other than chemo days prior. I yelled at him and said because I HAVE CANCER! I'm sorry you are having to deal with this and having no family of your own. My suggestion, find social things to do and spend the least amount of time at home as possible if you can. If he asks why your spending so much time away tell him "I wouldn't want to offend you if the word cancer came out of my mouth!" Sometimes people need to see what they are missing before they realize they are wrong. Just my opinion.
Terry0 -
Talking about nothing but cancermom62 said:How to deal
Marlene,
Okay, your 78 and doing water arobics? You do more than me and I'm 49! Earplugs may be a good idea? But seriously, I understand what you are saying about the money. You have a right to talk about your disease it's a part of you now and forever. Truly men don't understand. I remember coming home from work after my first bout with cancer and my husband asked me what I was doing home. I hadn't missed a day of work other than chemo days prior. I yelled at him and said because I HAVE CANCER! I'm sorry you are having to deal with this and having no family of your own. My suggestion, find social things to do and spend the least amount of time at home as possible if you can. If he asks why your spending so much time away tell him "I wouldn't want to offend you if the word cancer came out of my mouth!" Sometimes people need to see what they are missing before they realize they are wrong. Just my opinion.
Terry
It's quite ok to call husband an a......h.... When he complained about me leaving him alone while I fly off to visit my nursie friend, I told him, just think, 1 week without any talk about cancer! Yes, I am out of the house a lot, 2 water aerobics classes, 1 yoga, 1 a mix of stuff, all geared for the "older adult" and other social activities. This board was suggested to me by the Chaplain who attends our BC Support Group and that is where I vent and read and read. It helped me to take my friends with more equaminity, even though they still don't "get" it. At my age, friends are not easy to come by....hahaha! They literally and figurately have a tendency to fall by the wayside! Off to Florida I go....Hugs to you all
Marlene0 -
...mruczko said:Talking about nothing but cancer
It's quite ok to call husband an a......h.... When he complained about me leaving him alone while I fly off to visit my nursie friend, I told him, just think, 1 week without any talk about cancer! Yes, I am out of the house a lot, 2 water aerobics classes, 1 yoga, 1 a mix of stuff, all geared for the "older adult" and other social activities. This board was suggested to me by the Chaplain who attends our BC Support Group and that is where I vent and read and read. It helped me to take my friends with more equaminity, even though they still don't "get" it. At my age, friends are not easy to come by....hahaha! They literally and figurately have a tendency to fall by the wayside! Off to Florida I go....Hugs to you all
Marlene
Yipppeee, a trip to Florida!!! Haven't been there before; hope you don't mind if I just jump in the suitcase?!! You didn't think we were going to let you go by yourself now didya?!!
(((Hugs)))0
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