outrageous comments

tjohnson2310 said:

Sometimes they don't think.......
Friends and family mean well but sometimes they can unknowingly say things that hurt.

I always say having cancer
I always say having cancer is like being pregnant and everyone thinks they can say what they want and make comments about your appearance. i didnt have reconstruction and sometimes I go bra less usually in a bulky sweater or sweatshirt. My prothestics are really small too. I like it that way. There are many women who are flat, do they look like a boy. dont think so.

TraciInLA said:

How exactly is it that YOUR body BOTHERS someone else?!?
Unbelievable, Cindy.

What if you were just flat-chested? Lots of women are -- would she tell you you should get a boob job so that you wouldn't look like a boy anymore?

I hate the idea of any woman going through reconstruction because she thinks she "should," or because of what other people think. I'm so happy to hear you're becoming comfortable just being comfortable, and buying nice new clothes that make you feel good about your body.

I just don't get how anyone can think that another person's body is THEIR business.

Traci

I'm with you Traci
glad to hear that Cindy was getting comfortable~sometimes we just have to ignore stupid~lol~and that comment was just that, stupid~she will be thinking of that comment in the years to come, of course no one wants her to become a sister, but it is always a real possiblity, and I can think back to some stupid, (not that Stupid) things that I said to a co-worker when she came back from her battle with cancer, I think now it may of been a complement, but I just blurted out so which breast was it, because they look the same...what an a** I was. I did call her, and she is battling again for the 4th time, but has made it all the way to 80 years old....she said, just keep on keeping on...what else is there to do...

Comment about your Appearance
I think the comment your co-worker made was tremendously unthinking and cruel. She had a hell of a nerve to say what she did. I am sure that I would have said something like that right back to her. It is none of her business what your body looks like. If you are comfortable with it then so be it. Personally I would immediately cease talking to her about your reconstruction options and feelings about it. She has shown her true colors. I had my reconstruction surgery in June. I did it because I was a DD cup prior to the mastectomy and going from very large to pancake flat was just too much for me. I am now a C cup and very pleased. I wanted to be able to wear clothes and not "look like a boy." Everyone is entitled to deal with this issue in their own way. How your co-worker could have thought that her comment was in any way appropriate is beyond me.

IRENE

Dear Cindy,

Your co-worker might be uncomfortable because it is a reminder that you had breast cancer. Though you are perfectly fine with your body and have taken it in stride, she has not.

No one should make you feel that you need reconstruction to look like someone's version of a woman.
Tell her that remarks such "your looking like a boy" is uncalled for and to please desist on making them.

Your prosthesis sound like they are to heavy for you. Perhaps you can make an appointment with the fitter.


Best wishes,

Doris

mamolady said:

A gift
That quilt was made as a gift by a dear friend. The pink squares are pieces of dresses my sister made for herself to wear to Hawaii for my daughters wedding. My sister died 9 months later. I couldn't get rid of them but I couldn't wear them. My sister loved to sew and was very good at quilting, a gene I did not get. My friend offered to make the quilt for me.
It is a gift I use all the time and will cherish forever.

Cindy

what a beautiful gift
and a beautiful memory of your sister. So cool that you have a quilting friend who could do that for you.

About the comment: yes, people do make insensitive comments, for whatever reasons. I have had one breast removed and now that I am going through radiation I don;t even want to wear a camisole or my fake breast since that area is red and sore. today I was walking around with my one breast and if anyone has a problem with it, too bad. sorry but that is my attitude. it's no one's business to be looking at my breasts or even worse commenting on them.

Laura

mollieb said:

I was just thinking about this today . . .
So I have this comfort bra but I still don't have a "comfort" prosthesis, and it's Saturday, and I put on the bra but left one side empty and started worrying that people were looking at me. Then I just said, "So what?" and stopped worrying. If I were missing an arm or a leg, would people feel free to stare, or to say, "Why don't you get the kind of prosthesis where I can't tell you are missing a limb?" Only the craziest, rudest, folks would say that. So why do we have to hide the fact that we have had breast cancer? Why is it so awful for women to be missing breasts? We should each be able to choose what feels right for us as individuals. No one should expect reconstruction, or prostheses, or anything else. We decide!

You can't fix stupid
Yeah dumb thing to say, but she has no clue. I'm convinced unless you've been through cancer, people haven't got a clue of what it's like.

You continue being comfortable, and hopefully she'll get over her ignorance.

silly commetI
I choose not to have reconstruction and only had the left removed but i am so flat chessted unless i went topples no one would know.

non-reconstruction
I'm going the non-reconstruction route.

At least for now - and probably forever. I saw someone in the comment section had had reconstruction because they felt "flat" was too much for them.

The comment of your co-worker was thoughtless and maybe mean too! And as someone suggested, perhaps caused by her own fear of having the same situation herself one day...

It is YOUR body and you are the only one who gets to decide if you EVER have reconstruction. I have my "boobies in a box" and I rarely wear them. Having been big before I am LOVING being able to actually button a shirt and it stays buttoned, my back no longer hurts from the weight, I can put on a camisole and a shirt and I am DONE!

I do intend to have a procedure - just to smooth and even me out.

So saying these things, it does NOT mean I have no body image issues because I surely DO. Thus the planned procedure.