my aunt, my thoughts

Buzzard said:

Do you have the courage ........
to ask her if she is wanting to let go...I know, very hard question, I have often told my loved ones if it gets where they have to take care of me then its time for me to go. The dizziness may be caused for the rapid weight loss, and her body is not recovering fast enough to keep a balance. She may be going to keep you and her family from being so upset and she may not know how to tell anyone without feeling like she is letting you down. It may be time to allow her the opportunity to let you know what she really wants. Its hard to tell someone you love that you want to go home...I haven't done it, but someday I may have to, and I have already had this discussion with the wife. Its just something that only she can tell you but she has to feel guilt free to be able to say it and know that you'll still love her.....Its a hard subject to breach...and I may be way off base here, but I feel that maybe it needs to be talked about. I hope I am wrong, and forgive me for even bringing it up, but with this disease comes difficult decisions, and we try to give as many options as we can to get someone where they need to be in there journey........love and hope for us all........Clift

letting go
Hi Clift,

I don't get the impression she's ready to let go. I have asked her a few things such as if she wants to go to a nursing home or stay at her own home if/when the time comes that she gets worse and she's answered me. I have asked her if she's afraid and she said "no, not really" and told me that she feels blessed and that she's had a good life and is happy she's lived as long as she has. I think she still has a few important things she wants to take care of before she lets go. When the time comes and she gets much worse I will ask her or tell her that it's ok if she wants to let go and I will try to reassure her that we will all take care of each other and let her know that she doesn't have to worry about us.

I know letting someone go and letting them know that it's OKAY to let go is very difficult, I had to do that with my father in 1998 when he died from prostate cancer. You're right, it's very hard to let someone you love know that it's ok for them to leave you alone and go to a "better place" but often it's something that the dying person NEEDS to hear.

Thank you for responding Clift. I value your input and thoughts.

Marianne

Lovekitties said:

Hi Marianne
You mention your aunt's water intake (67 - 84 oz per day). Is she eating well?

Perhaps the water is making her less hungry and therefore she is not getting the nutrition she needs. This could contribute to the dizziness.

See if she will substitute a Boost + Protein drink or some other brand like Ensure for soe of the water. These will help with needed nutrition.

If she is having diarrhea, can she eat white rice, white bread toast, bananas, cheese? These have been known to help with that.

Hope she is soon feeling better.

Marie who loves kitties

boost vs water
Hi Marie,

The Dr. told her not to drink those drinks but that she should make sure she's hydrated. She does eat 6 -8 times a day, but they're small amounts due to most of her stomach being removed for instance, she can eat 1/2 of a sandwich and she's full--very full but not miserable so she eats as many times a day as she is hungry. She's tried the Brat diet and it did not help at all. I think the Dr. is maybe making sure it's not the drugs causing the diarrhea first, then he will maybe do something else. Her spirits are mostly good although the anger is still very much a part of life since Chemo started. Diarrhea is the most severe issue she's had as a side effect although she does also have the cold sensitivity for the first 10 days or so after Chemo injections and she also has the pain during first bite of food for a week or so after Chemo. The Dr. told her not to eat or drink anything cold or hot during chemo but I wonder about the hot foods/drinks since that never was an issue for her.

Too many questions always. Thank you for your comments and suggestions Marie. If not taking the xeloda and oxiliplatin does not help then I will see if she wants to try the brat diet again---although she wasn't thrilled the first time since it didn't help at all.

Hope you are doing well.
Marianne