Need advice on my mom post treatment

I guess I sort of agree with the doctors.
She is so fresh out of treatment. This is such a hard time. Treatment was very hard for a lot of us, never mind losing a husband/spouse on top of that. At two months out, I was pretty much at my worst. I could not stop vomiting, and I went from 130 or so to 87 lbs. I could barely get out of bed. I only left the house for doctors appointments. I could barely make it to the bathroom on my own.

The only thing you can do is try to work with the doctors to get the vomiting under control. Lack of food and lack of hydration will make her lethargic. So will lack of exercise. Not to mention the grief.

I know when I lost my brother and coincidentally was separated from my job with a take over. They emliminated my job, so I was also unemployed. At the time I was perfectly healthy, but the shock of losing my job, and then my brother dying was enough to knock me into deep depression where all I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't cope.

Your mom has been through so much. This is brutal physically and psycologically. You can only do so much. Try and make sure she gets enough nutrition and fluids when you are there. Make sure she is taking her meds. Maybe she needs them adjusted or another med, like instead zoloft something like lexapro. (I have no idea, I'm not a doctor. I just know some meds work better than others for some people) And try and get her up and outside for some short walks. But the biggest thing she needs right now is time. Time to heal, time to greive and time to figure out her 'new normal'.

I'm sure she is completely overwhelmed at the moment. I know I would be. I was.

What a Load to Bear
For her and for you and your sis. Very sorry for the loss of your father - and in the midst of your mother's fight, at that - this all has to have been a nightmare for you. Part of the problem may be that eating (for many of us at two months out) is WORK. My doc did not command it, but I found I did much better at getting my calories in when I logged all my intake. For a while, calories were just another prescription for me - no joy, no desire, but it was a medicine I had to take. Several of us here had good results drinking high calorie (supplements added) milkshakes or smoothies. My standard was yogurt (burns, but not too bad), banana, peanut butter and protein powder - over 500 calories, and no added sugar. The bonus is, you can take pain meds, then drink it down fairly quickly. You can get even more calories in with higher calorie additions instead of or along with the yogurt (Ensure, VHC, ice cream, etc.). Maybe you sisters could take turns having a "meal" with mom to encourage her to eat. The problem is, the depression, weakness and weariness work to not make you want to eat (not to mention pain and for your mom, fear that it'll just come back up). Then, when you don't eat enough, it's harder for your body to heal, and harder to regain energy and stamina and interest. Argh!

Congrats on the great scans, though - hope your mom catches a break soon, and is able to help herself more.

buzz99 said:

Post treatment
Sounds like you and your mom are truly suffering. As she is on zoloft, I assume she has a diagnosis of depression. I know how that feels from personal experience. It is awful. Even getting good news does not change one's outlook. I assume your mom lives alone. She really needs someone there all the time but I understand that this is not possible for your family. Perhaps you could take turns staying with her. She may need a change in her prescription for the depression. She has every reason to be depressed but I don't understand why she is not using the feeding tube. Buzz lived on tube feedings for 4 months and it saved his life. I don't know what else to offer you but understand what you are going through. Karen

In bed?
Common nausea problem is due to mucous which is worse in bed than, for instance, spending resting time in a recliner. I'm 28-plus months post-tx, and mucous is still a big problem for me in the morning when I first get out of bed- including the dry heaves. If she is able, as is likely the case- there is no valid reason for her staying in bed. And if she doesn't use the PEG like she should because of the nausea- could be the problem is not what she's putting in her PEG.

She has been thru one heckuva lot, to be sure. Depression may be an issue, and it could be the sort of thing you should talk to Drs about. Sounds like she is not physically helping her body recover- would be better to have it in a Positive gear, you know. Don't take this wrong, but self-pity might also be in place. She has gone thru so much, herself, including the adjustments of a new her after treatment, and then to lose her husband...Would advise you talk to your PCP/regular Dr about this situation if you have a good relationship with said Dr. For many of us, when we were in the time she is we were very happy to be done with treatment, and alive with the possibility that there is no more C in us- that's where she needs to be.


kcass

Hello Brigboo, It makes me
Hello Brigboo, It makes me sad to hear that your mother is having such a hard time post treatment. The loss of her husband (your father) understandably just makes everything she is going through worse. The radiation treatments are rough. Connie (my wife)laid on the couch for 2 months post treatment, sleeping most of the time and some days too nauseas to take anything through her peg tube. Your mother could be going through the worst of her treatment right now, radiation continues long after the last treatment. Nutrition is her best medicine right now and she needs someone to help her flush her peg tube before and after meals, administer her pain meds, etc. Your mother is very weak and she needs someone to assist her 24/7. I know your mother is loved by everyone in your family, maybe ya'll could try to work out a schedule where some family member can be with her at ALL times. I just want you to know it will take more time before your mother will get her energy back. We wish your family well and we will continue to pray for your mother. Your friends, Homer & Connie