What's up with family in all of this?

How sad! Do you live alone?
How sad! Do you live alone? I think that cancer is just too hard for some people to deal with. I think they're afraid they will be next. If you are close enough to your family, perhaps you should discuss your feelings with them. I really feel for you.

dreamer007 said:

family
you are not alone... i have heard the same thing over and over, and my
counselor said she hears the same thing....the mystery of why family is not
there when you absofuckinlutely need them

i have a sister who says she "has cancer vicariously thru me"
uh huh
if i have to get more chemo, which is looking very likely, i wonder if she
will have it for me, then go thru all the aftershocks of it, so i dont have to

no wonder we get PTSD

family members
sometimes they just don't get it. They are in denial and don't realize how very much they are needed. Give your sis another call and let her know again. Life is too short and sometimes people need a kick in the backside. I am sure you were there for your family and it is sad to feel alone. Hope your tx bring you to another long remission..val

This is certainly not the
This is certainly not the time to feel so alone. But as everyone said, it's not uncommon for some people to suddenly become 'detached' so-to-speak. I also think you've hit on something else - they may feel that you'll kick this just like you did before. My family, thankfully, was very supportive and helpful. But there were times I realized they may have viewed my stoic/positive attitude as a sign that 'she's got this under control'. Since I don't complain as a rule, and I just 'grin and bear it', they didn't always know just how much trouble I had or how awful I felt. First time around was a shocker. Second time around, 'Mom did this once, she can do it again!' It's not really their fault to have felt that way, I suppose.

Maybe start asking for help more often. At that point they may realize that you're still fighting and battle, and it would help to rally the troops for support.

HUGS and PRAYERS to you.
Monika

Barneygirl said:

Thanks
I am so glad I found this site. I don't feel so alone here and you all are so warm and supportive.
I guess it still surprises me how close friends and family react. When I was first diagnosed, my family dropped everything and came to be with me through surgery, etc. They did rally around me. I also had close friends drop me like a hot potato!
I generally don't complain and have been told "You are the strongest person I know". I get tired of hearing that. I'm sure they feel I'm tough and can pull through again. Perhaps your right and I need to ask for help when I need it.
Well off for another rad treatment today!

HUGS
Laura

good luck with your rad treatment
may it kick butt! I read your post and I could have written it myself! After 20 months of chemo, my family seems to think that it's "old hat" and that I'm so tough. They live in the land of Denial. I would probably think I was crazy without all my wonderful sisters here a couple of dear friends who phone me every day after infusions to keep checking up on me.
(((HUGS))) Maria

carolyn45 said:

Ask for what you need--loud and clear
My family and friends always joked that I'd smile and say, "I'm fine" no matter what was going on in my life. I had to learn to whine--not plaintively, but politely. You might want to call those who mean the most to you and say, "I'm in trouble with this second recurrence, and I really need your support and help. Could you come with me to an appointment or two? It would mean the world to me." It's part of their own denial system when family and friends tune out and tell themselves this isn't a big deal. It is. Tell them so.

Spouse
I have the best friends and family I could ask for but my husband is the most unsupportive person. I don't really like when people go with me to appts/procedures. It is easier for me to go alone. But I struggle with the fact that he doesn't ask or even seem to care. I have three young kids and it seems like he is ok with me trying to do it all. I am at the point where it is too painful to have him around. It seems like he doesn't care about me or my well being

Help losing my fight!

So sorry
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I don't have any answers on why family or friends do what they do. One of my dearest friends (which was a neighbor for many years) when she found out I had cancer the first time in 1991, she never came to the hospital, never stopped by my house and she never called. She just cut me out. We had been so close and that was really hard on me. Let alone dealing with the cancer. To this day, I don't hear from her at all.

The past 10 days I have been really sick but I am coming out of it now. I sat here in my house over the holiday weekend and two of my children, never called. I had a meltdown. Don't get me wrong, I know they probably had plans, but I was not in good shape and wanted to feel their love.

I do have several friends that are my guardian angels. They are so good. You have to come to the point to surround yourself with those that you know will help you and do care. We are all here for you.

Linda

I thought it was just me.
My son and husband are very supportive but now the novelty of my illness seems to have worn off the rest of my family appear far less caring than they used to be. I assumed that I was just expecting too much or there was something wrong with me. It's not good to know that others have the same problem but in a way it is a relief to know I'm not the only one.

Barneygirl said:

duplicate post

duplicate post

family
I agree with Carlene that it's human nature to start to take things lightly, even difficult things as they become familiar. That said, Let them know! Speak up and tell them that you still need them and that the 3rd time does not make it easier. Sometime we are guilty of sitting back and expecting help from others and not asking for it. Yes it would be nice if they would offer first but we're all human and selfish at times. Of course I don't know you or your family but never forget to ask for help when you need it.