Just a little update
Just thought I would update you all on some things since my last post was a total downer, although I can't promise you this one will be any better. After going in for my follow up petscan expecting to get an official announcement of remission, I found out that my breast cancer had metastasized to my femur. I had a hip replacement and part of my femur removed 2 weeks ago today and was in the hospital from Monday until Friday. Now that I'm out and hobbling around, I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. I've been working on a gratitude list and realizing how blessed I am, but being positive and hopeful was a lot easier the first time.
My treatment plan this time in addition to surgery is 56 weeks of chemotherapy and 6-8 weeks of radiation. I'm just so upset. I'm honestly even having trouble formulating my thoughts on this post. I was in the home stretch and I don't know how to make sense of what is happening. I'm taking 8 hours this semester and I've been hobbling around campus on my crutches which is not fun. I went to Vegas this past weekend for my brothers wedding and airport security was a total nightmare. Its hard to get used to the fact that I will be getting pat down for the rest of my life because I have a metal rod and hip. I'm in a lot of pain also, but more than anything I'm angry, scared, and upset. I just want to be a normal college student. I hate bring known as "that girl with cancer" that people don't know what to say to.
I'm praying for the best even though after reviewing the pathology, my doctors told me I have a 50% cure rate. I guess its hard also, because no one seems to really understand how overwhelming 13 months of chemo is. I am constantly being told how strong I am and how I'm definitely going to get through all of this because my attitude is just so great, but to be completely honest.. I can't stand when people say that. I wish people would just acknowledge the fact that this is a terrible situation instead of regurgitating a motivational speech. Life is just really unfair sometimes.
Thanks for listening girls
Kat
Comments
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Hi Kat
You are right - life really is unfair sometimes and you landed on the receiving end of the unfairness big time. I wish I had some magic words to make it all better for you, but the truth is that you are going through some really tough stuff right now. Over a year of chemo is not for the faint of heart. The one thing I can say, judging from your postings is that you are not faint of heart. You seem to be strong, courageous, and full of vitality. If anyone pretended to have a positive attitude after being what you have been through and what you are facing they would just simply be lying. It has got to be terrifying to say the least. Get angry - you have plenty to feel angry about. Then try to take that anger out on your school tests, on your rehab, on anything and everything productive you can think of. Try not to think of it as a 50% cure rate, if you can. I am sure that hearing that percentage could really be haunting to you going forward. Try not to let it do that to you. You are doing everything you can to ensure that this cancer will not return. There are a lot of people that beat the odds, odds way worse than yours. You can too. Once you are past all of these life saving therapies, try to tell yourself that you are cured. There is no reason why you should not be in that 50%. Plus, anyone that has read any of your posts can see from your incredible bravery that cancer stands no chance against you. You can do this and you will be okay.
I know I just sounded like a motivational speech too, but I really mean everything I said. You don't realize how strong and brave you are...yet. I do hope that one day after all is said and done, you will look back and be amazed at your poise under such tough circumstances.
Good Luck,
Clementine0 -
It boggles my mind
how unfair this is. You're supposed to be going to school, running marathons, falling in love, traveling across leafy America, and yes, maybe even getting drunk. NOT gearing up for over a year of treatment. And being strong, well, sometimes good attitude and strength are hard to find.
Vent. It's good for you:)
xoxoxo
Victoria0 -
You are right, it isn't fair
It just plain SUCKS! As we always say here...numbers mean nothing, you are you, not a number 50 % doesn't take into consideration the overall health, pursuit of treatment or whether they got hit by a truck of the ones who didn't make it. You sound pretty tough to me, but there would be no way to look at what you are facing and think it is wonderful,it's not.
This is not a motivational speech, I just want you to know you got a raw deal, and I am pulling for you,
Jennifer0 -
Kat,
This is daunting, but
Kat,
This is daunting, but you will get through this because you have no choice. Is that strength, I don't know. We play the hand we are dealt and hope for the best. There will be days that are going to really test you, just know you are not alone. Some days will even be good, enjoy those days. Don't think about the numbers, just know there are others that have made it through, you can too.
I think all of us mothers want to wrap our arms around you and make it go away.......... If it were only that easy. Just know we are here for you.
Cindy0 -
So sorry Kataisling8 said:It boggles my mind
how unfair this is. You're supposed to be going to school, running marathons, falling in love, traveling across leafy America, and yes, maybe even getting drunk. NOT gearing up for over a year of treatment. And being strong, well, sometimes good attitude and strength are hard to find.
Vent. It's good for you:)
xoxoxo
Victoria
Kat, I hardly know what to say. I can't imagine what you are going thru and still will. My heart goes out to you.
Thanks for posting to let us know how you are and what is going on with you. Please continue updating us Kat.
Praying for you and sending gentle hugs.
♠♣ Love, Susie ♠♣0 -
Sorryaisling8 said:It boggles my mind
how unfair this is. You're supposed to be going to school, running marathons, falling in love, traveling across leafy America, and yes, maybe even getting drunk. NOT gearing up for over a year of treatment. And being strong, well, sometimes good attitude and strength are hard to find.
Vent. It's good for you:)
xoxoxo
Victoria
double post0 -
I can understand thatmamolady said:Kat,
This is daunting, but
Kat,
This is daunting, but you will get through this because you have no choice. Is that strength, I don't know. We play the hand we are dealt and hope for the best. There will be days that are going to really test you, just know you are not alone. Some days will even be good, enjoy those days. Don't think about the numbers, just know there are others that have made it through, you can too.
I think all of us mothers want to wrap our arms around you and make it go away.......... If it were only that easy. Just know we are here for you.
Cindy
I can understand that hearing all the platitudes, motivational words etc can so not be what you want to hear sometimes. I had a friend who told me that when her brother died that my words meant more to her than any others. They seem to fit so many occasions so I will say them to you. This sucks so bad. My heart is with you.
Stef0 -
Oh, Kat--this does stink to high heavenmamolady said:Kat,
This is daunting, but
Kat,
This is daunting, but you will get through this because you have no choice. Is that strength, I don't know. We play the hand we are dealt and hope for the best. There will be days that are going to really test you, just know you are not alone. Some days will even be good, enjoy those days. Don't think about the numbers, just know there are others that have made it through, you can too.
I think all of us mothers want to wrap our arms around you and make it go away.......... If it were only that easy. Just know we are here for you.
Cindy
I so know what you mean about those who say "you're a fighter, you're strong, you can do this, blah, blah, blah." Sometimes it just feels like it minimizes all you're going through. Of course you know you can do this--but who the h*** wants to?! And, I have to admit, there are times when you just really DON'T think you can do this.
I can't believe it's just been 2 weeks since your hip replacement and femur surgery and you're already out and about and carrying on. All I have to say is WOW!
So glad you posted again--you've got a legion of warriors here praying for you, caring about you and thinking about you daily.
Warm hugs, Renee0 -
We understand...mamolady said:Kat,
This is daunting, but
Kat,
This is daunting, but you will get through this because you have no choice. Is that strength, I don't know. We play the hand we are dealt and hope for the best. There will be days that are going to really test you, just know you are not alone. Some days will even be good, enjoy those days. Don't think about the numbers, just know there are others that have made it through, you can too.
I think all of us mothers want to wrap our arms around you and make it go away.......... If it were only that easy. Just know we are here for you.
Cindy
A recurrence does suck big time! Going through it myself....I'm not going to give you all the"stay strong" speech....what choice do we have...?
All I can say, yes, this sucks and I will keep you in my prayers....keep us posted, we care...
Hugs, Nancy
Ps....thanks for calling us " girls" lol:)0 -
Oh CRAP!!!!!!!! 56 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!MAJW said:We understand...
A recurrence does suck big time! Going through it myself....I'm not going to give you all the"stay strong" speech....what choice do we have...?
All I can say, yes, this sucks and I will keep you in my prayers....keep us posted, we care...
Hugs, Nancy
Ps....thanks for calling us " girls" lol:)
I can't even imagine. And radiaiton too. You know we'll be praying for you. For strength. For peace. For a cure! Remember 50% is a statistic. You've made it this far, please keep fighting with all you've got. I won't linger on the stay strong stuff. Just know that we're here for you in good times and bad so come back and post whenever and whatever you need to.0 -
Kat, It truly breaks my
Kat, It truly breaks my heart to look at your picture and think about what you have been through and are going to go through. At your age you shouldn't even be thinking of these things. I do admire you though, you are one of the strongest young ladies I know. And I know in my heart that you will be a survivor. I'm in "aw" of you Kat. My Surgeon told me some people are rock stars and some aren't, You Kat are a ROCKSTAR!! Take care darlin Kay.0 -
It's just not rightsmalldoggroomer said:Kat, It truly breaks my
Kat, It truly breaks my heart to look at your picture and think about what you have been through and are going to go through. At your age you shouldn't even be thinking of these things. I do admire you though, you are one of the strongest young ladies I know. And I know in my heart that you will be a survivor. I'm in "aw" of you Kat. My Surgeon told me some people are rock stars and some aren't, You Kat are a ROCKSTAR!! Take care darlin Kay.
that you have to go through all of this, Kat. I wish I could make it all go away for you. Come here often and vent all you want. We understand your fears and frustrations.
Love,
Suzanne0 -
I second that motion, Kat you are a Rock Star !!!smalldoggroomer said:Kat, It truly breaks my
Kat, It truly breaks my heart to look at your picture and think about what you have been through and are going to go through. At your age you shouldn't even be thinking of these things. I do admire you though, you are one of the strongest young ladies I know. And I know in my heart that you will be a survivor. I'm in "aw" of you Kat. My Surgeon told me some people are rock stars and some aren't, You Kat are a ROCKSTAR!! Take care darlin Kay.
2 weeks since your hip replacement and you be bopping around -- amazing! You are an inspiration to all -- personally, I would probably be in a rehab hospital as I would of wore my family down - physically and emotionally.
I am sad that you had this savage beast has entered your life and universe -- but, I have all the hope and FAITH that you will handle each and every treatment like a Rock Star -- giving each and every day -- your full strength, will power and attention. Put you new 'PINK' Rhinestone 5 inch heels on .. and kick cancers' asssssss. Steady with your foot work, due to you new hip and all.
Do all you can to take care of you, Kat. We did not have an expiration date stamped on the back of our necks. Stats = are just that, stats.
You are a gentle and courageous WARRIOR, don't ever forget that dear, Kat.
Prayers coming your way.
Vicki Sam0 -
Keeping this simpleDouble Whammy said:It's just not right
that you have to go through all of this, Kat. I wish I could make it all go away for you. Come here often and vent all you want. We understand your fears and frustrations.
Love,
Suzanne
Plain and simple....this SUCKS! Life is so unfair at times but it seems you've been dealt more than your fair share. Like everyone else, I just want to hug you and make everything better. You might not feel strong, but you are much stronger than I could ever imagine being!
Lots of love and hugs,
Debi0 -
Good to see you here.
Although you're going through this again and sharing this upsetting news, I am glad to see you here and posting for us. It means something to me. It means that you are eager to live and will do everything in your power to recover from this. What else can I say that hasn't been said? I can add that I believe in you, that I believe in miracles, and finally, that I have faith you will face this with strength. You will recover.
I can't imagine what you're going through. Neither can I imagine what thoughts go through your mind. And why things happen (only God knows). But I will pray for you to stay positive no matter what you hear or see. And to never lose your faith.
And please try to keep us posted on how you're feeling. We are here for you.
God bless you Kat.0 -
You need to be touched, held, hugged
Dear Kat,
You need to be touched, held, hugged, and kissed. I want to wrap my arms around you and listen to all that you want to say. You have been very truthful about your feelings in this post. That is a start to healing. Keep stating what you are feeling and thinking. I will continue to send you my energies and strength.
All My Love and Tons of Hugs,
Janelle0 -
Kat, you are right,
This does suck, but you are still amazing to be back at school 2 weeks after the surgery. Remember your hip will get better as your body heals. As far as 56 weeks of chemo?? Don't think I would be happy with that one either. But I do applaud you for deciding to going back to school. It may take you a little longer to finish, but you are not letting the beast stop you.
Remember we are all here for you to vent, scream, yell, holler, or whatever. As hard as it may seem to be the poster child for BC, or cancer, you have also brought awareness to everyone around you (even if not by choice).
Prayers and good wishes are following you.
Carol0 -
thanks for your postingcamul said:Kat, you are right,
This does suck, but you are still amazing to be back at school 2 weeks after the surgery. Remember your hip will get better as your body heals. As far as 56 weeks of chemo?? Don't think I would be happy with that one either. But I do applaud you for deciding to going back to school. It may take you a little longer to finish, but you are not letting the beast stop you.
Remember we are all here for you to vent, scream, yell, holler, or whatever. As hard as it may seem to be the poster child for BC, or cancer, you have also brought awareness to everyone around you (even if not by choice).
Prayers and good wishes are following you.
Carol
I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing, and I'm sure many others on this site have been as well.
I know what you mean about how people tell you that you are strong and brave and sometimes you want to just feel free to break down and rant and rave. You have every right to be angry and upset, you've gotten a raw deal! So rant and rave all that you want to, that's one of the things this site is for!
Prayers coming your way,
Laura0 -
Katcamul said:Kat, you are right,
This does suck, but you are still amazing to be back at school 2 weeks after the surgery. Remember your hip will get better as your body heals. As far as 56 weeks of chemo?? Don't think I would be happy with that one either. But I do applaud you for deciding to going back to school. It may take you a little longer to finish, but you are not letting the beast stop you.
Remember we are all here for you to vent, scream, yell, holler, or whatever. As hard as it may seem to be the poster child for BC, or cancer, you have also brought awareness to everyone around you (even if not by choice).
Prayers and good wishes are following you.
Carol
I'm glad you gave an
Kat
I'm glad you gave an update, I was wondering how you were! All I can say is Good for you getting on with School etc. You arent laying around feeling sorry for yourself even though you have more right than most! I am glad you got to attend your Brothers wedding. My sisters step daughter got married there this past weekend at the Venetion. The looming chemo sucks! I pray for you that the year flys by!
Prayers & hugs!
Renee0
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