Violent Delusions?

KateNTx
KateNTx Member Posts: 39
in Caregivers #1
My husband has become convinced over the last week that I am "trying to poison" him and that I am "the Antichrist". Giving him his medications (Ativan, Morphine, Dilauded, Prednisone, and oral 5FU) is becoming harder. Tonight he grabbed and twisted my arms for over 2 hours while screaming that he is being held prisoner "locked in" and that I am trying to kill him. He kicked me in the left side of my face, and has left bruises on my arm.
I'm trying to hold out long enough to move him to Indiana (from Texas) to be near his family and see his children before he dies, but to be honest, I'm not sure how I can transport him that distance acting like this. His doctors are NO help at all, and air ambulence costs $20K.
I'm private paying $18 an hour to get home help in a few hours a week to get some relief, but I CAN'T indefinately afford to do that, nor do I feel 100% confident of leaving him in someone else's care when he is behaving violently. If I, who love him, have a hard time dealing with it without losing my temper, how can I reasonably expect anyone else to tolerate it, and I've SEEN the stories on Elder abuse, plus I and my best friend have both worked in Nursing Homes, so I know that is the most underreported abuse.
To be honest, I'm not sure what to do at this point. I've pretty much accepted his Cancer as terminal at this point, barring a miracle (which I do still pray for), but I have no idea what to do right now. His oncologist told me he'd get more and more tired, and sort of slip away with a minimum of pain. That, I could handle...maybe with a lot of sorrow, and crying, but I could handle it. This new violence scares me. It scares me a LOT. Especially as our good times together get fewer and further between. I hate being afraid for and of him (he gets furious when I won't "let" him walk because I fear him falling and hurting himself and me in the process). I also can't help but be angry, not at him, but at the doctors for not preparing me for this, and at the Cancer, for taking what are likely amoung my last memories of my husband, and destroying them. Instead of getting closure and surronding him with love, I spend 1-3 hours a day asking/telling him to take his meds, or trying to convince him I am not trying to hurt/kill him. No, the only one I want to kill is myself (statement of frustration, not intent).
I've got home health for over 12 hours tomorrow, just so I can get some sleep. (I can't remember my last full night of sleep..it might have been April or May)
Can anyone relate to this? Or am I really as ALONE as I feel right now?

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
    wait a minute
    Kate, I can't remember what kind of cancer your husband has, if I've ever read it.

    First of all, call hospice. It is not just for end of life care. They have seen everything and will be able to help you get the help you need, certainly what is required to help your husband.

    Is it possible it has metastasized to his brain causing this erratic behavior?

    Violence is not something you should be dealing with: it could be he is having an adverse reaction to some of the medications - morphine or dilaudid comes to mind - and oral steroids can certainly cause bizarre personality changes in persons who are sensitive to it - but it could be he is having an adverse reaction to the Ativan, which is given to calm anxiety.

    It is appalling the doctors are not doing anything to help you with this - call the nurses and doctors again and ask for help. Call the pharmacist and tell him what is going on - he may be able to tell you what the issue is with that combination of drugs.

    Again, I believe the priority is to call hospice.
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #3
    Noellesmom said:

    wait a minute
    Kate, I can't remember what kind of cancer your husband has, if I've ever read it.

    First of all, call hospice. It is not just for end of life care. They have seen everything and will be able to help you get the help you need, certainly what is required to help your husband.

    Is it possible it has metastasized to his brain causing this erratic behavior?

    Violence is not something you should be dealing with: it could be he is having an adverse reaction to some of the medications - morphine or dilaudid comes to mind - and oral steroids can certainly cause bizarre personality changes in persons who are sensitive to it - but it could be he is having an adverse reaction to the Ativan, which is given to calm anxiety.

    It is appalling the doctors are not doing anything to help you with this - call the nurses and doctors again and ask for help. Call the pharmacist and tell him what is going on - he may be able to tell you what the issue is with that combination of drugs.

    Again, I believe the priority is to call hospice.

    I agree
    call hospice thats what i woulld do

    michelle
  • KateNTx
    KateNTx Member Posts: 39
    #4
    Noellesmom said:

    wait a minute
    Kate, I can't remember what kind of cancer your husband has, if I've ever read it.

    First of all, call hospice. It is not just for end of life care. They have seen everything and will be able to help you get the help you need, certainly what is required to help your husband.

    Is it possible it has metastasized to his brain causing this erratic behavior?

    Violence is not something you should be dealing with: it could be he is having an adverse reaction to some of the medications - morphine or dilaudid comes to mind - and oral steroids can certainly cause bizarre personality changes in persons who are sensitive to it - but it could be he is having an adverse reaction to the Ativan, which is given to calm anxiety.

    It is appalling the doctors are not doing anything to help you with this - call the nurses and doctors again and ask for help. Call the pharmacist and tell him what is going on - he may be able to tell you what the issue is with that combination of drugs.

    Again, I believe the priority is to call hospice.

    I did. Today, with tears that wouldn't stop
    He has Cancer of Unknown Primary with multiple Brain Mets. He's been on the morphine for almost a year now, and we started the Ativan to help calm his violence. I'm frankly at a loss.
    I've accepted his dying as much as anyone can, I just wish I weren't the target for his rage.
    In an hour I'll have respite here. Thank God. So tired. So very tired. I'm waiting on the VA to approve his hospice. I don't have words left right now.
  • palmyrafan
    palmyrafan Member Posts: 396
    #5
    KateNTx said:

    I did. Today, with tears that wouldn't stop
    He has Cancer of Unknown Primary with multiple Brain Mets. He's been on the morphine for almost a year now, and we started the Ativan to help calm his violence. I'm frankly at a loss.
    I've accepted his dying as much as anyone can, I just wish I weren't the target for his rage.
    In an hour I'll have respite here. Thank God. So tired. So very tired. I'm waiting on the VA to approve his hospice. I don't have words left right now.

    Brain Mets
    I am a brain cancer patient. It sounds to me that your husband's violence is being caused by the location of some of the brain mets.

    I would call and demand to speak to his doctors. If you need to run the gamut before speaking to them, then speak to their private nurses. They all have them and sometinmes you can get better results with their nurses then with the doctors. We've tried it before and it does work.

    Also take a look at the meds he is taking. I use a web site on Drug Interactions to see what I can take with my meds. I have found interactions that my pharmacist and doctor's weren't aware of!!! Some drugs, when taken together, can actually cause severe emotional problems and cause patients to act not like they normally would.

    Regardless, take care of yourself. He is your husband and I know you love him, but you need to be careful especially if he is getting violent.

    You are in my prayers. Please by careful.

    Teresa

Discussion Boards