DISTRESSED AND UPSET

LC_AUSTWELL_TX
LC_AUSTWELL_TX Member Posts: 4
in Ovarian Cancer #1
My mom has stage 4 ovc and really doent think she wants to go though chemo just to die anyway.
Does anybody have any ideas how to keep her hopes up? she already went though surgery and is recovering well but still is unable to eat and is regaining some fuild again. 2 more weeks for chemo, any sugestions in keeping her hopes up?

Comments

  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980 Member
    #2
    Please tell her to at least TRY the chemo; she can quit any time
    For me, by FAR, recovering from the initial debulking surgery was the HARDEST part, MUCH harder than the many chemo drugs and radiation treatments I've had since. So please tell your mom that in a couple of weeks, the worst is probably over. She's made it through the hell of the surgery, and, in my experience at least, nothing again in my cancer journey was as hard as what she's already experienced. Encourage her to at least TRY the chemo, one infusion, and see how it goes and how she feels. There's a very good chance that she will tolerate her chemo sooooo much better than she imagines she will. Any time it gets too hard, tell her, she can always quit. But see if she'll give a chance before she makes such a big decision. She'll still hurting from her surgery and reeling from her diagnosis and shouldn't make a decision of that magnitude when she'll clearly not herself. She can buy a lot of time on this earth if she's willing to fight. I've been at this 3 years, with only 2 very short remissions. But even though I've been in almost constant chemo and radiation treatments, I consider them more an interruption in my life; cancer is NOT my life. During those 3 years, between chemos, I've visited 8 foreign lands and I've taken my grandkids each summer for a week at the beach. I've had my bumps in the road; I won't lie. But for the most part I've been able to stay relatively symptom-free and with very little side affects from the chemo drugs. Other than temporary baldness (3 different times!) and fatigue and digestive discomfort and some skin rashes with a few of the chemo drugs I've taken, most of the time I feel completely healthy and live a full active life. Without chemo, statistically my time on earth would have ended after about 6 months. With chemo I am still here 3 years later, and living with as much joy and gusto as I can.

    Tell her: "Just try it; you can stop it any time you want to, but try it." That's what I told myself way back in 2008. When she feels better recovered from her surgery, she may just get her game face on and ready to battle on. ((((Hugs to you both)))).
  • Robkel7
    Robkel7 Member Posts: 68
    #3
    lindaprocopio said:

    Please tell her to at least TRY the chemo; she can quit any time
    For me, by FAR, recovering from the initial debulking surgery was the HARDEST part, MUCH harder than the many chemo drugs and radiation treatments I've had since. So please tell your mom that in a couple of weeks, the worst is probably over. She's made it through the hell of the surgery, and, in my experience at least, nothing again in my cancer journey was as hard as what she's already experienced. Encourage her to at least TRY the chemo, one infusion, and see how it goes and how she feels. There's a very good chance that she will tolerate her chemo sooooo much better than she imagines she will. Any time it gets too hard, tell her, she can always quit. But see if she'll give a chance before she makes such a big decision. She'll still hurting from her surgery and reeling from her diagnosis and shouldn't make a decision of that magnitude when she'll clearly not herself. She can buy a lot of time on this earth if she's willing to fight. I've been at this 3 years, with only 2 very short remissions. But even though I've been in almost constant chemo and radiation treatments, I consider them more an interruption in my life; cancer is NOT my life. During those 3 years, between chemos, I've visited 8 foreign lands and I've taken my grandkids each summer for a week at the beach. I've had my bumps in the road; I won't lie. But for the most part I've been able to stay relatively symptom-free and with very little side affects from the chemo drugs. Other than temporary baldness (3 different times!) and fatigue and digestive discomfort and some skin rashes with a few of the chemo drugs I've taken, most of the time I feel completely healthy and live a full active life. Without chemo, statistically my time on earth would have ended after about 6 months. With chemo I am still here 3 years later, and living with as much joy and gusto as I can.

    Tell her: "Just try it; you can stop it any time you want to, but try it." That's what I told myself way back in 2008. When she feels better recovered from her surgery, she may just get her game face on and ready to battle on. ((((Hugs to you both)))).

    Thanks for this...
    Thanks for this post...it was encouraging.
  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,382 Member
    #4
    This is a tough one
    Cancer, I have learned, is a personal experience. Some people just don't want to put up the fight. Other things can make them feel like they don't have any fight in them; pain and depression are two of these. You may want to monitor her pain level and if she is having pain, ask her doctor for more pain medication. Also, if she seems depressed, ask her doctor for an anti-depressant. It is too bad that she feels she will die anyway, even if she completes the chemo. Perhaps you can find some information on survivorship to share with her. I also found, during treatment, that focusing on things I love and focusing on what I wanted to do when I got well kept me going. You can plant the seed by asking her, "What would it look like if you were cured?"
  • LC_AUSTWELL_TX
    LC_AUSTWELL_TX Member Posts: 4
    #5
    lindaprocopio said:

    Please tell her to at least TRY the chemo; she can quit any time
    For me, by FAR, recovering from the initial debulking surgery was the HARDEST part, MUCH harder than the many chemo drugs and radiation treatments I've had since. So please tell your mom that in a couple of weeks, the worst is probably over. She's made it through the hell of the surgery, and, in my experience at least, nothing again in my cancer journey was as hard as what she's already experienced. Encourage her to at least TRY the chemo, one infusion, and see how it goes and how she feels. There's a very good chance that she will tolerate her chemo sooooo much better than she imagines she will. Any time it gets too hard, tell her, she can always quit. But see if she'll give a chance before she makes such a big decision. She'll still hurting from her surgery and reeling from her diagnosis and shouldn't make a decision of that magnitude when she'll clearly not herself. She can buy a lot of time on this earth if she's willing to fight. I've been at this 3 years, with only 2 very short remissions. But even though I've been in almost constant chemo and radiation treatments, I consider them more an interruption in my life; cancer is NOT my life. During those 3 years, between chemos, I've visited 8 foreign lands and I've taken my grandkids each summer for a week at the beach. I've had my bumps in the road; I won't lie. But for the most part I've been able to stay relatively symptom-free and with very little side affects from the chemo drugs. Other than temporary baldness (3 different times!) and fatigue and digestive discomfort and some skin rashes with a few of the chemo drugs I've taken, most of the time I feel completely healthy and live a full active life. Without chemo, statistically my time on earth would have ended after about 6 months. With chemo I am still here 3 years later, and living with as much joy and gusto as I can.

    Tell her: "Just try it; you can stop it any time you want to, but try it." That's what I told myself way back in 2008. When she feels better recovered from her surgery, she may just get her game face on and ready to battle on. ((((Hugs to you both)))).

    Thank for the positive look
    Thank you for the positve look at such a bad topic in our lives. It is folk like ya'll that make folks like me try to find the right words to say without trying to push and be demanding..lol like our folks were to us as we were young and stupid. It is funny how our lives can be turned upside down in a faction of moment. It makes it really hard for me cause we just placed my mother-in-law to rest due to lung cancer just 2 months ago. I was there from the beginning to the end and never thought I was going to do this with my own mother. I watch alot of the same issues that my mother-in-law went through and i see them in her and it really scares the h--- out of me. I pray everyday for the Lord to give me strenght to hang in there for her cause she really is depressed from all the weight loss and just hates the way she looks so old. She is only 64 but she did only look maybe in her early 50 and now ....she's age 64 ++++..Do you think with chemo she'll ever put some weight back on? Thank for listening to me.
  • cfont11
    cfont11 Member Posts: 115
    #6
    chemo
    I am fairly new at this - diagnosed 3C last June, had 2 surgeries and ended up with permanent ileostomy. The tumor dmaaged by colon, bowels and rectum. I thought I would never heal from the surgery, could not deal with the ileostomy and was in a lot of pain. However, I knew from the start I would do chemo, despite some of the horror stories I heard. Chemo was not nearly as bad as I expected. I had a short remission but now have to start chemo again soon. I will keep fighting until someone tells me there is no more treatment. I have a friend who is stage 4 and her dr. told her now a days ovarian cancer is treated like any chronic disease, if one treatment does not work, they will try another. She is like others on this board, out there living her life one day at a time but the important thing is that she is living. Please tell your mother there is hope.
  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,382 Member
    #7
    LC_AUSTWELL_TX said:

    Thank for the positive look
    Thank you for the positve look at such a bad topic in our lives. It is folk like ya'll that make folks like me try to find the right words to say without trying to push and be demanding..lol like our folks were to us as we were young and stupid. It is funny how our lives can be turned upside down in a faction of moment. It makes it really hard for me cause we just placed my mother-in-law to rest due to lung cancer just 2 months ago. I was there from the beginning to the end and never thought I was going to do this with my own mother. I watch alot of the same issues that my mother-in-law went through and i see them in her and it really scares the h--- out of me. I pray everyday for the Lord to give me strenght to hang in there for her cause she really is depressed from all the weight loss and just hates the way she looks so old. She is only 64 but she did only look maybe in her early 50 and now ....she's age 64 ++++..Do you think with chemo she'll ever put some weight back on? Thank for listening to me.

    Weight loss
    Chemo affects everyone differently. I had trouble eating while on chemo, yet some people eat a lot due to the steroids that are prescribed along with the treatment. Finding things that appeal to your mom is something you could help her with. There is a cookbook titled "The Cancer Fighting Kitchen Cookbook" with a lot of great recipes geared toward various problems encountered by cancer patients going through chemo. There are ways to modify recipies to make them more appealing to various individuals. Plus the food is healthy. Smoothies with protein powder added are also a good way to keep the weight on during chemo. I used whole coconut milk in mine, which contain a lot of healthy fats. Keep an eye on her albumin levels during treatment. I had a lot of problems wtih ascites during treatment and, as a result, my albumen level dropped pretty low. This condition just leads to more ascites. If it gets too low, insist that she be put on TPN (IV nutrition).
  • carolenk
    carolenk Member Posts: 907 Member
    #8
    cfont11 said:

    chemo
    I am fairly new at this - diagnosed 3C last June, had 2 surgeries and ended up with permanent ileostomy. The tumor dmaaged by colon, bowels and rectum. I thought I would never heal from the surgery, could not deal with the ileostomy and was in a lot of pain. However, I knew from the start I would do chemo, despite some of the horror stories I heard. Chemo was not nearly as bad as I expected. I had a short remission but now have to start chemo again soon. I will keep fighting until someone tells me there is no more treatment. I have a friend who is stage 4 and her dr. told her now a days ovarian cancer is treated like any chronic disease, if one treatment does not work, they will try another. She is like others on this board, out there living her life one day at a time but the important thing is that she is living. Please tell your mother there is hope.

    Let your mom know that the
    Let your mom know that the fluid build up usually goes away with chemo. And I agree that chemo is not as bad as the horror stories I heard about it. Find out why your mom wants to forgo chemo & if she absolutely refuses tratment, then start interviewing hospice nurses because without pain management, it's a helluva painful way to die.

    I was more afraid of chemo than I was of cancer--and more afraid of pain than I was of chemo.

    (((hugs)))

    Carolen
  • sarahb74
    sarahb74 Member Posts: 81 Member
    #9
    I felt the same
    when I was first diagnosed with stage IV OVCA over two years ago. I was told even with chemo I probably had only a few weeks or at most months. In the end I went through with chemo because I hoped it might keep me alive just long enough for my son to get used to the idea. I'm glad I did, it worked really well for me and I had a years remission. We packed as much into that year as we had in the previous 10 put together, it was lovely. Also the fluid disappeared after my second or third chemo cycle. Unfortunately my cancer has come back twice since then and I'm now on my third lot of chemo but I still think it was worth it. You could tell her there are other people out there too who have survived for several years, even 10 years or more.

    Could you try to get her to eat/drink protein shakes, ice cream or cream soups? If you speak to her doctor he/she might be able to give her high calorie supplementary food although generally (in the U.K. at least) they taste pretty awful. Her appetite might well come back if she starts chemo
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #10
    Chemo is not as bad as she thinks
    Chemo is scary, but they have come a long way from what your Mom is thinking it would be like. It's not pleasant, but it has the possibility of giving her years of additional time with you and her other loved ones. Most of us are depressed after learning that our life might be cut short or forever altered by cancer. Have you tried speaking to her Dr.? She has the right to choose what she would like to do, but she may need an anti-depressant or other meds to help her make an informed decision.

    I actually gained weight during chemo and many others here have done the same. Let us know how you're making out. Your Mom's ONC should probably be the one to be speaking to your Mom about her next move and release you to be the daughter. Best of luck.
    (((HUGS to you both)))) Maria

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