Endo C @ 21....Now 35 - My story

Amystical
Amystical Member Posts: 2
in Uterine/Endometrial Cancer #1
I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer at age 21 in 1998. I had bleeding issues and my parent was, to say the least, inattentive to my problem and told me it was normal. I bled so much, I was put on 2 weeks bed rest and iron. I took Megace 1200-1600 mg./day and went straight into a pseudomenopause, which I felt nearly killed me. I did it though to try to save my uterus cause I had had planned to get married and have a child one day. After 3 D&C's, the cancer cells decreased but began to increase after dosage was lowered. My Dr. and I decided to do the hysterectomy on Friday the 13th in November 1998. I had given it my all and wanted to try for myself so that when I was older, I would not look back with regret. I was a virgin having my uterus removed. My Dr. had determined during the operation to leave my ovaries because I had pleaded with her that I wanted them if at all possible. I healed. But the scars remain. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had tried harder. Those memories haunt me and I have a missing feeling deep inside. I go to counseling now. I wish I had gone during the whole ordeal. My stages of grief have been ongoing throughout all these years. The stages have been phases of extended bliss after becoming well and not having to worry about it. Now the stage I am in is about accepting myself. The way I am now, entirely incomplete. Although I am grateful to be alive, I live my life with the sadness of what happened to me at that occurrence, as well as a few years out of my life when I was 9 dealing with Chrodroblastoma in my right hip and having almost lost my leg. It was a benign tumor in the bone. Again, the huge scars remind me of how I did not have the opportunity for a normal childhood. So, I am an adult living with a lack of any type of life with 'rites of passage', but only tumors and treatments. I can attest to the traumatic effect that uterine cancer has on a young woman's identity, body, mind and soul. I am paradoxically thankful and resentful. I believe healing will happen when we accept ourselves in all our different phases and stages in life, which from my experience, is taking a while. Thanks for listening and Light to all.

Comments

  • daisy366
    daisy366 Member Posts: 1,458 Member
    #2
    stages of healing
    I'm sorry you are having such a hard time coming to terms with your loss. You are talking about your remorse at not being whole but you also talked of "giving it your all" and making the decision with your doc. Are you wishing you made another choice?? If you were in the same situation NOW that you were in '98, would you make different choices??

    You know the saying that "Hindsight is always 20-20". I have had "second thoughts" about some of my decisions. But you did the VERY BEST you could at the time. That's all anyone can do.

    Awhile back I learned about the three stages of healing from trauma - and your expereince certainly would qualify as trauma.
    The first is VICTIM; second is SURVIVOR, and third THRIVER. I believe that we can choose to move from one to the other when we are ready. It sounds like you are making progress with your therapist to move along to the next stage.

    Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you well. Mary Ann
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #3
    Dear Amystical-
    So sorry
    Dear Amystical-

    So sorry you've had to endure this. Wish there was something I could do to make it better. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Sending hugs and prayers
    Suzanne
  • soromer
    soromer Member Posts: 130
    #4
    Sometimes life isn't fair.
    Dear Amystical,

    I am sorry that you had to deal with two cancers when you were still a very young person. There's no good and easy way to cope with having one, let alone two--so I can empathize with your continued wrestling with the issues that these diagnoses (and treatments) created.
    I think you have achieved quite a bit already, even if you wish you could move beyond your current perspective. The kind of reflection that has seemingly been forced upon you is not common, at least (in my experience) not at your age.
    I wonder if you can find some sort of support group to supplement the individual counseling that you are doing--one specifically for young adults dealing with cancer and its aftermath. I think there are also groups that focus specifically on childhood cancer survivors who have another cancer in adulthood, a group much larger than most people probably have occasion to know. They might exist close enough for you to participate in person, or you might have to find one on line. While it is absolutely fine for you to take part in this one, of course--not that I am any sort of monitor!--your life experience with cancer is distinctive.
    Your life is a good one, well worth living, no matter what the cancers have cost you. I know that's comparatively easy for me, a stranger, to say. I hope that the realization of your losses can become less burdensome to you.
    Thank you for sharing your story here.

    Peace and blessings,
    soromer

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