Does anyone else feel like a "cheater" when they say survivor?

You are not a cheater
Dear K,

You just had major surgery for something that left unchecked causes death. Hopefully you will have no further treatments for the rest of your life. You will still have to watch things as living without 2 functioning kidneys can cause problems down the road. Besides don't you want the free t-shirt for survivors at the Relay for Life events.

Best wishes frm one survivor to another,


Icemantoo

I can relate ..
Dear K:

My upcoming surgery is next month so I still have the cancer ... I have been told that it is in the early stages and a good thing but its still cancer and I will be much happier once its gone. Reading some of the stories in this forum with regard to what some other folks are going through does make my heart and soul hurt and I pray alot for all of us. Feeling guilty about having a type of cancer that may not be as bad as someone elses is not really something you personally have any kind of control over. Its not in our hands. Being a survivor to me is about making it through all of our lives, good and bad, with cancer or cancer free and learning what we can from our own experiences which makes us all survivors either way right? Give yourself a break Your body is still healing after major surgery and its learning to live on part of a once healthy organ maybe not as bad as it could most certainly be but still not the greatest of adventures. I hope that your recovery is swift and I send my best to you...

Many Hugs
Kat

Kwilliams630 said:

Many Thanks
BG and Kat, I appreciate your replies and comments so much. Its so amazing to me how there are so many of us and how we all have our own unique things that we are going through and yet we all go through some of the exact same things as well. I'm grateful for this network! BG I don't think I was ever in denial, but I Definately was in shock. I do remember when I said " I have cancer" it sounded so foreign to me and actually made me nauseous. It was not an easy thing to say so I can understand that! Kat, what you said makes perfect sense and it's really helped me. I guess when it comes down to it what really matters is that we are all on this journey, we're on this journey together and even though we are all at different points, we're all just trying to survive it, survive cancer and all it entails and survive life. I hope to one day move past these emotions im having and to come to terms with it all. I'm staying positive and trying to make the best out of each obstacle.This site is a blessing. What a great way to be in touch with others who you can relate to you. I am thinking of you Kat and sending lots of love and prayers for a speedy recovery. Keep us posted please! I had to wait almost 2 months between finding the cancer and my surgery due to insurance issues, I was in your shoes just a couple of weeks ago, so I know how hard the wait is! Hang in there, once it's gone the feeling is amazing! Wanted to let you all know I'm always here to listen or talk as well. I think supports so important and is a great aid in recovery/survival.

Lots of love to all,
K

Surviving is an on-going tense
We all need to adjust our lives to face it and deal with it.

To me, once the RCC switch is flipped on it stays on until the day I die. I may or may not die of the cause, but when the time comes I would like to go peacefully.

Give yourself a break, enjoy your every day's life. Because every new day has been and will be your "birthday" since.

John

ams123 said:

Me
I feel the same way. I have a good friend who had colon cancer - had surgery, chemo, radiation, lost her hair, couldn't work, etc. I don't feel like what I have can even compare - all I do is lay there while a doctor removes my tumor and all or part of my kidney. I don't feel like a survivor because I don't even feel like I have cancer! I never say I have cancer, I tell people that I am having surgery to remove a tumor in my kidney. Maybe I will feel differently after the surgery, I don't know. A couple of days ago I received a Get Well card in the mail, and it was surreal. Then last night I was at a baseball game and I felt like I didn't deserve the get well card, because I'm not sick.

There are crazy emotions right now I suppose, but you are not alone!

Linda

Yes and No
Today is a more casual day at the office because I have to work in the truck shop and I wore my 2011 Relay for Life purple survivor shirt.
I ran into an acquaintance at the coffee shop before work and she commented on it, and I said I'd survived a couple of times(original Stage IV Kidney cancer and 2 recurrences, but didn't say what kind). She said she'd had a basal cell spot removed from the side of her nose and had been really concerned about disfigurement. I smiled and said I was glad she was doing OK now.

So yes, I consider myself a survivor. But do I have doubts at times? You bet!
I never say I'm cured or in remission. Just that since the most recent surgery, there is NED (No Evidence of Disease) and the next test will be in XYZ months. As a matter of fact in 3 weeks & 2 days, but who's counting. Thus far, I'm 3 years NED and looking forward to many more.

I know that the doctors, etc. compile statistics, but it is truly amazing how many people do survive and walk around to talk about it. At 68, I'm old enough to remember the semi-whispered stories about people my parents knew who had cancer. At the time, it wasn't diagnosed until it was full blown and they were ready for hospital care from all the other complications. My grandmother died when I was 9, I was allowed to see her one time when she was hospitalized, and we have no idea where the cancer started other than it had invaded various organs in the abdomen.
And there was a friends daughter who developed breast cancer in her last year of law school (who would be in her early 70's today). I was told the suspected cause of her cancer was the bruising and constant carrying of heavy law books against her chest for the previous years.
We have come a long way from those days and I'm so glad.

Talk about it, answer questions, support others in the emotional journey, smile and laugh, play with the grandkids, pet the cat. Be a survivor. I AM.
Donna

Minnesota Girl said:

My sentiments EXACTLY
K -

I had this EXACT SAME conversation with my husband, especially just before my surgery. I've worked the Survivor's tent at Relay for years, and was even chairing this year before my diagnosis. I KNOW that those folks have gone through and if "ALL" I had to do was have an operation, did I really have the right to stand with them?? I looked and felt completely healthy until the day I walked in to surgery - I wasn't sick!

My attitude gradually changed after surgery, especially because the recovery was so much harder than any other surgery I've had. Plus, I think anyone who deals with the emotions of being told "You have cancer" IS a survivor.

My husband and I keep asking each other (and even asked my oncologist!!) if we should say I HAVE cancer or I HAD cancer. The best the doc could tell us is that I had my kidney removed due to cancer and I'm under surveillance. He told me I'd have to go 15 years without recurrence to be out of the woods.

At this point, it looks like I'm cancer free, but I sure don't feel comfortable saying that for sure. Maybe a few clean CTs will give me more comfort. I'm going back to work on Monday, so this thread really hits a nerve. I know people will want to know I'm 'cured' but I just don't know what to say...

TOTALLY AGREE
i agree with minnesota girl, if you've been told you have cancer and then have surgery/treatment for that cancer, consider yourself a survivor.
i have had two different cancers in last 6 years, both stage 1 and for now am cancer free.
with bc had surgery,chemo,radiation. with kidney, just surgery. hell yes, i am a survivor. my sister had basal cell skin cancer, does she consider herself a cancer survivor, i don't know, i've never heard her refer to herself as such. but i usually don't go around saying it that much either, if it comes up i'll usually just say i had cancer too.
but i do consider myself as having survived it. and i've walked in the survivors lap at relay with other people who've had it worst than me and some not as bad as me but we've all been thru it.
when people ask if you're cured, say i'm in remission. your right, most people want everything to be ok and cured but in my experience most people feel uncomfortable talking about cancer and the ones that push it, you don't have to feel obligated to tell them more than you want to. i don't.
and take it one day at a time. its all we really can do. if we look too far ahead we'll go crazy with fear and worry. believe me i have had my days and still do where a thought will pop into my head and i'm paralyzed with fear. but now they pass more quickly than they used to and i can get back to my life. the way i look at it is God has given me this day to live and be happy and enjoy and i would be ungrateful if i didn't do just that.
Good health to all.

Same exact thing

this is 6 years late, but I find myself in the exact same position as you. I had an open partial nephrectomy 4 weeks ago, and I just don't feel like I am a "cancer survivor" because I didn't have to fight for it. 

Interesting thought! I read

Interesting thought! I read an article by a woman who had cancer. She refused to say she was fighting it. She said she did nothing to fight it. It came on it's own and all she did was show up for the treatments. Her body responded the way it wanted to without her control. She said she did not like to say she was fighting it or putting up a good fight bc what about those who have died? She said does that mean they did not fight hard enough? Absolutely not! I agree with her thinking and I completely understand what you mean. You find out you have cancer, have no symptoms, have the surgery then move on. It is like a whirlwind. A little blip in the radar. For me, it has been an eye-opener bc cancer comes in many forms and has many looks. My dad withered away and died looking horribly skinny and sick. I have cancer, but still jog, exercise and work. It is not always a death sentence or it will not always end life as we know it. I guess I was ignorant to how many different types of cancer there are and the different treatments available. It is more vast than I could have imagined. Afterall, some people live with a slow-growing cancer for the rest of their lives never having it affect them. So to consider myself a survivor????? I don't look at it that way. If I had a brush with death and lived I would say yes, I survived. This surgery though....as tough as it will be I think I will say I "experienced" cancer ;-)

People have said this many times.

They say they don't really think that they are survivors. Because others aren't so lucky. Hey, Congratulations! For people like me who hope to hang on as long as I can, I could not be happier for all of you. Please don't squander your good fortune. The rest of us need your karma. We do this together.

foxhd said:

People have said this many times.

They say they don't really think that they are survivors. Because others aren't so lucky. Hey, Congratulations! For people like me who hope to hang on as long as I can, I could not be happier for all of you. Please don't squander your good fortune. The rest of us need your karma. We do this together.

A survivor is...

A survivor is -- according to the Oxford English Dictionary --  "A person who survives, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died."

Diagnosed with RCC? (X) Yes (  ) No. Still alive? (X) Yes (  ) No. Conclusion: Survivor.

Definitely, it's a do-this-together thing, no matter how many oak-leaf-clusters we may or may not have on our survivor "ribbons."