survivor's guilt

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  • Crazysony
    Crazysony Member Posts: 2
    #22
    Survivor's guilt
    It is very noble to think about the others but you must not feel guilty for anyone destiny.As a doctor,I've seen a lot of cases of childhood cancer and I had pacients who won the fight against this terrible disease but also who didn't.We are giving our best every day in order to cure them but we are not God.This is what everyone need to have clear:God is the only one who has the right to choose who lives and who don't.If He gave you another chance you must enjoy it and live your life without feeling guilty.
  • shereenjay
    shereenjay Member Posts: 12
    #23
    As crazy as this sounds...
    I'm here because I was trying to get any support a little over a yr when my father passed.

    Honestly I've never had cancer, but I was very sick after I gave birth to my son and had 5% chance of living, long story short the flu started it all, a lot in between, and septic shock was the last thing that almost took my life. To make it short I was in a coma for 2 months and didn't have much of a chance in the ICU. That was 3 yrs ago before my 21st birthday, and I still ask why God let me live but not my father.

    To this day I feel guilty for not being happy without my dad nor being grateful. Sometiems I feel it would have been easier to not lived then to live with all the pysical/emotional/mental issues the coma has caused.

    I don't know what cancer feels like, but I know the guilt. Maybe someone can help me with being grateful for my time here. To me life doesn't seem as quality as it used to.
  • TJ74
    TJ74 Member Posts: 18
    #24
    Crazysony said:

    Survivor's guilt
    It is very noble to think about the others but you must not feel guilty for anyone destiny.As a doctor,I've seen a lot of cases of childhood cancer and I had pacients who won the fight against this terrible disease but also who didn't.We are giving our best every day in order to cure them but we are not God.This is what everyone need to have clear:God is the only one who has the right to choose who lives and who don't.If He gave you another chance you must enjoy it and live your life without feeling guilty.

    God and man
    I completely agree, it's God choice! The reason I feel guilty is because I'm not so positive about being chosen to live and that I never chose to go through what I went through. Maybe today things are different and doctors and the system is better than it was years ago. I can tell you that with out a doubt, that if I were to go through what I went through again in exactly the same circumstance with all the same surroundings and no support systems that I had, I would feel the same. It was a horrific experience for me. I know that anyone who went through what I did, all alone with no support form the medical system, anyone would have come out traumatized like I was. Our choices, especially when we are kids, are totally based on our upbringing that shaped our personality and the support system we have around us. We do not chose our circumstances, weather we live or die or the long-term side affects we will live with if we survive. I have come through allot of years of suffering when God could have easily let me die. I'm not totally convinced He has a purpose for me or why He let me live when it's been a life of isolation, miss-understanding, loneliness and fear. I would challenge anyone to go through this or let there child go through this on their own and see how they would come out. That is great that there is all the support out there that there is, but I am a person to and what I went through was real (even though its seems like a bad dream). It would be nice to get a little validation from the medical field. If it is truly God who chooses, why even have such awful treatments. Is it the doctors who create and administer the poison and then God who decides who will survive from it with whatever survival skills they have that they can only get from Him? Is the doctors' job done after a patient survives and then is sent home to live with chronic disabling conditions? I feel guilty because I can't have a more positive outlook on a life that has been extremely difficult. There maybe a little anger there too lol.
  • amyintexas
    amyintexas Member Posts: 4
    #25
    Crazysony said:

    Survivor's guilt
    It is very noble to think about the others but you must not feel guilty for anyone destiny.As a doctor,I've seen a lot of cases of childhood cancer and I had pacients who won the fight against this terrible disease but also who didn't.We are giving our best every day in order to cure them but we are not God.This is what everyone need to have clear:God is the only one who has the right to choose who lives and who don't.If He gave you another chance you must enjoy it and live your life without feeling guilty.

    Survivor's Guilt
    Thank you for saying it is God's choice. I am just 10 months after my last chemo treatment and all signs point to a cure for me. A dear friend (we became close after her diagnosis) was only 3 months behind me and we both had the same prognosis. We have been a major support for each other during this terrible time. Her cancer has come back, and very aggressive. She is already receiving hospice care. I am so confused as to how this could happen and so quickly. I feel terribly guilty that my life is moving on, I feel healthier than ever, and she is losing hers. How do I face her family?
  • amyintexas
    amyintexas Member Posts: 4
    #26
    Crazysony said:

    Survivor's guilt
    It is very noble to think about the others but you must not feel guilty for anyone destiny.As a doctor,I've seen a lot of cases of childhood cancer and I had pacients who won the fight against this terrible disease but also who didn't.We are giving our best every day in order to cure them but we are not God.This is what everyone need to have clear:God is the only one who has the right to choose who lives and who don't.If He gave you another chance you must enjoy it and live your life without feeling guilty.

    Survivor's Guilt
    Thank you for saying it is God's choice. I am just 10 months after my last chemo treatment and all signs point to a cure for me. A dear friend (we became close after her diagnosis) was only 3 months behind me and we both had the same prognosis. We have been a major support for each other during this terrible time. Her cancer has come back, and very aggressive. She is already receiving hospice care. I am so confused as to how this could happen and so quickly. I feel terribly guilty that my life is moving on, I feel healthier than ever, and she is losing hers. How do I face her family?
  • amyintexas
    amyintexas Member Posts: 4
    #27
    Crazysony said:

    Survivor's guilt
    It is very noble to think about the others but you must not feel guilty for anyone destiny.As a doctor,I've seen a lot of cases of childhood cancer and I had pacients who won the fight against this terrible disease but also who didn't.We are giving our best every day in order to cure them but we are not God.This is what everyone need to have clear:God is the only one who has the right to choose who lives and who don't.If He gave you another chance you must enjoy it and live your life without feeling guilty.

    Survivor's Guilt
    Thank you for saying it is God's choice. I am just 10 months after my last chemo treatment and all signs point to a cure for me. A dear friend (we became close after her diagnosis) was only 3 months behind me and we both had the same prognosis. We have been a major support for each other during this terrible time. Her cancer has come back, and very aggressive. She is already receiving hospice care. I am so confused as to how this could happen and so quickly. I feel terribly guilty that my life is moving on, I feel healthier than ever, and she is losing hers. How do I face her family?
  • amyintexas
    amyintexas Member Posts: 4
    #28
    Crazysony said:

    Survivor's guilt
    It is very noble to think about the others but you must not feel guilty for anyone destiny.As a doctor,I've seen a lot of cases of childhood cancer and I had pacients who won the fight against this terrible disease but also who didn't.We are giving our best every day in order to cure them but we are not God.This is what everyone need to have clear:God is the only one who has the right to choose who lives and who don't.If He gave you another chance you must enjoy it and live your life without feeling guilty.

    Survivor's Guilt
    Thank you for saying it is God's choice. I am just 10 months after my last chemo treatment and all signs point to a cure for me. A dear friend (we became close after her diagnosis) was only 3 months behind me and we both had the same prognosis. We have been a major support for each other during this terrible time. Her cancer has come back, and very aggressive. She is already receiving hospice care. I am so confused as to how this could happen and so quickly. I feel terribly guilty that my life is moving on, I feel healthier than ever, and she is losing hers. How do I face her family?
  • Alg1001
    Alg1001 Member Posts: 1
    #29
    Hi, my name is Amanda. I am

    Hi, my name is Amanda. I am currently in my 15th year of remission. When I was younger I had ALL and was cured. Never did I feel guilty for surviving, i always saw it as a great thing. But recently I have found myself with some guilt for surviving, I wonder why did I? But then at the same time I'm extremely grateful and realize there must have been a reason why I survived. I think I survived so I could live on and help othersno because of my cancer I am who I am. Without of having it I don't know who I would have been. But I think surviving it has made me a better person and because of it I am going to school for art therapy and will one day going back to the hospital I was diagnosed at to help kids like me. If I hadn't had cancer and survived I probably wouldn't have this same mindset or inspiration. Although I feel guilt for surviving I feel more grateful and thankful for all it has given me. 

  • phrase53115
    phrase53115 Member Posts: 2
    #30
    I feel ur pain !

    I have  also had  the  same problem  with feeling guilt. I lost  My Boyfrined to cancer.. I am also a ALL  survior  so i thing this  is  why its  so hard for me to get over his passing.

  • lilmel22
    lilmel22 Member Posts: 3
    #31
    EmilyRTT said:

    Hi, there.
    Hi, my name is Emily. I don't want to sound strange, but I am so thankful there is someone else out there who feels the same way I do. I was diagnosed with pNET (Ewing's Sarcoma) when I was 14. My first night at the hospital for chemo, I met J who had osteosarcoma. We became best friends on the pedi floor. I got better with treatment, and she didn't. J died a few days after her 16th birthday. I am now 21, a student at Texas State University, and studying Radiation Therapy. I never felt like I needed counseling, until I was in college and realized that no one understood what it was like to be a cancer survivor. My friends tell me it's great that I lived, but sometimes I wish I could have traded places with J.

    I'll email you, if you'd like. eh1210@txstate.edu or emilyenjoysmusic@yahoo.com

    - Emily

    Hard time fitting in/Survivor's Guilt

    I know exactly what you are saying Emily. I was diagnosed with Wilms Tumor when I was ten and had a lot of problems trying to adjust back to normal life after my experience. I lost all the friends I thought I had and was treated differently by everyone. People either felt sorry for me or didn't know how to act around me. I transferred high schools thinking it would get better and my new solution was to act like I never even had cancer to begin with. If I didn't tell anyone, no one could treat me any differently. But as all of us survivors know, there is no way to just move on from such a traumatic experience and act like it never happened. You are left with so many emotional, physical and mental scars, not to mention the late effects that pop up from all the treatments. There is just no way that our experiences with cancer don't forever stay a big part of us. I ended up going to a counselor when I got to college. Honestly, it didn't help though because she wasn't a survivor. The only thing I have found really helps is finding other people that have been through the same thing and REALLY get it. Being able to lean on eachother for support makes all the difference in the world. 

     

    I feel survivor's guilt all the time because I have since become a pediatric oncology nurse. When one of my patients dies, I go through so many different emotions, one of which is "what made me any better than them that I got to live?" Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly thankful that I am alive and that God has chosen to use me in such a big way. Being able to take care of kids going through the same thing I went through as a kid has been life changing for me and it just reminds me over and over again how truly blessed I am. It still doesn't change the guilt I feel when one of these amazing kids passes. Honestly, I don't know if anything will ever change that either...

  • Boo3265
    Boo3265 Member Posts: 9
    #32
    phrase53115 said:

    I feel ur pain !

    I have  also had  the  same problem  with feeling guilt. I lost  My Boyfrined to cancer.. I am also a ALL  survior  so i thing this  is  why its  so hard for me to get over his passing.

    Hi

    I know it's sad to think that where you survived there are plenty who didn't make it. I agree with those who said that it's God will. there's a time for everyone if not sooner than later, it's all in Gods hands.
    If you want to feel less guilty don't just think you survived, think who you survived for, you family, kids, friends who are still there. There are people who probably went head over heels to make sure nothing happens to you when you got diagnosed. I know there are those who you met along the journey who were going through the same pain that you were but think of yourselves as hope for those who are going through it now. You survivors are the reason that I am here now, just looking for people who can tell me that I shouldn't worry cause they were there and they made it. 
    I think your life isn't just a blessing for you but for your family and for people like me. I'm not a cancer patient but my father has been disgnosed for astrocytoma and just the thought of it brings tears to me and when I talk to people who have beat cancer it gives me hope and trust me that is your gift to humanity. Being a family memeber of a patient I can tell you that your survival has brought joy to your loved ones, I simply can't wait for the day my father is up on his own two feet and we are past all this nightmare.
    So don't feel guilty, it's even okay to feel proud because you are not just here for you, you are here for many reasons, one of them being restoring faith in others who have lost hope.
    I can't take away the guilt but I hope this helped a little. 

    Boo.

  • Aquagirl18
    Aquagirl18 Member Posts: 45
    #33
    I can relate

    Hi I'm 35 had Neuroblastoma at 13mths and been thinking about the big question "Why" at different times in my life.  I see and hear stories here, in the paper and on the news of different cancers and how some survive and others lose their battles.  I sometimes feel sad when I think I have been so blessed and lucky to have been a survivor and gotten to where I am today when others especially children don't get their chance.  I have lost 2 uncles to different kinds of cancer years ago and then my dad to another in 2011.  It isn't fair but I don't really know the answer on why this happens or how to get past asking the "Why" and feeling guilty.  All I can say is sometimes we can't choose our battles and they they choose us and we just don't always have control.  Also it helps to think that they are in a better place and living a whole new kind of life.  

  • Aquagirl18
    Aquagirl18 Member Posts: 45
    #34
    Boo3265 said:

    Hi

    I know it's sad to think that where you survived there are plenty who didn't make it. I agree with those who said that it's God will. there's a time for everyone if not sooner than later, it's all in Gods hands.
    If you want to feel less guilty don't just think you survived, think who you survived for, you family, kids, friends who are still there. There are people who probably went head over heels to make sure nothing happens to you when you got diagnosed. I know there are those who you met along the journey who were going through the same pain that you were but think of yourselves as hope for those who are going through it now. You survivors are the reason that I am here now, just looking for people who can tell me that I shouldn't worry cause they were there and they made it. 
    I think your life isn't just a blessing for you but for your family and for people like me. I'm not a cancer patient but my father has been disgnosed for astrocytoma and just the thought of it brings tears to me and when I talk to people who have beat cancer it gives me hope and trust me that is your gift to humanity. Being a family memeber of a patient I can tell you that your survival has brought joy to your loved ones, I simply can't wait for the day my father is up on his own two feet and we are past all this nightmare.
    So don't feel guilty, it's even okay to feel proud because you are not just here for you, you are here for many reasons, one of them being restoring faith in others who have lost hope.
    I can't take away the guilt but I hope this helped a little. 

    Boo.

    Feeling proud

    Hi Boo what you said really got me thinking and it does help in changing how it feels to have survived, perhaps you are right.  I didn't think about the other side of things- that we are not alone- we are not just here becausue we are here- people love us and we have been support for them. Not only here for our families and friends but also people we don't really know.  If I can be of some help to someone who is struggling then that makes a big difference and i have to hang on to that.  Thanks for posting.   

     

  • sherry123
    sherry123 Member Posts: 26
    edited April 2017 #35
    suan said:

    Your not alone at all. I also question the reasoning behind my suvival. I had lost a friend who had the same cancer as me.She had 2 kids and a husband. At the time I was 22, (this was 10 years ago)still in college and partying everyday. That didn't make sense to me. How me, the party girl was chosen over this wonderful loving mother. This really bothered me. But I look at it this way, Who knows what helped me in beating this cancer. I would love to contribute this to my doctor, and that I was very positive with a lot of hope. But realistically that doesnt make sense because other people who were in the same situation as me didn't make it,and they were just as positive as me and had the same kind of treatment as me. It's not fair in any which way. I think of it this way. Some of us will die by cancer and some of us will die of any other hundreds of diseases or accidents. We had a chance to share our stories and successes with others and pass on our wisdom. I still sometimes get bummed, but it wasn't our time to go and we need to make the most of our lives while we are still here, and live each day to the fullest, and remember those who aren't here.

    Happy for you

    I think the happiness may help you survive, many cancer patients may be killed by stress and worries. Only knowing someone survived will help other cancer patients relief, they'll thank you.

    I know many medicines used in the past are proved to be poision now, I think doctors just haven't found safer medication for cancer yet. You probably more tolerate the side effects than others.

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