My dad in bad relationship and wont let go! Its making me crazy!

r2424243
r2424243 Member Posts: 51
in Colorectal Cancer #1
My dad has been dating this lady for 3 years. When he was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer with mets to live, she automatically moved in with him without even asking. A week later, she moved her 23 year old son without asking. 5 months later, she said the cancer and chemo were too much for her and she was overwhelmed and wanted to move out. She didnt tell my dad. She told me and told me NOT to tell my dad or she would leave immediately. Of course, I told my dad! The next day, I took my dad to chemo and we got home 6 hours later and she had moved out! Took everything she had there and left. My dad was heartbroken! A few days later he started talking to and hanging out with a friend of the family (woman). My dads ex )that just moved out, starting calling him. He was taking the calls and talking to her. She forced this other woman out of the picture and started visiting my dad 1 day a week and asking him to buy her gas, food, ect. He did. She only came to see him when she needed him to buy her something. THEN she broke up with him again. A week went by and she started calling him again and telling him she couldnt afford pop, gas, ect. I keep telling him to tell her to take a hike and he wont. He is on a fixed income, going thru the physical fight of his life(cancer), and she has him soooo stressed out that he is losing alot of weight, his is a nervous wreck, ect. My dad was never like this before. I dont know if it could have something to do with the cancer or why he is putting up with this evil woman. Any advice?

Comments

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #2
    Confused?
    I was looking at your profile to try to get some idea of your dad's age, but it reads like you are the one with cancer or is it him and you are just using his screen name?

    Either way, it seems like your dad is old enough to make his own decisions. I know it is hard to watch someone we care for make what we consider emotional mistakes, but some times that is just how it is.

    It may be that your dad is just trying to hold on to what he thought he had in the relationship. His diagnosis may have some impact on his actions.

    Best advice I know is to keep your relationship with him on an even keel and perhaps if finances are an issue help him make up a budget so he knows how much or little he has to contribute to the lady.

    Marie who loves kitties
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #3
    Well.........

    If you can talk to the goldbricker direct;y, you can tell
    her that unless she disappears, you will forward all the
    information to the District Attorney's office as he has
    directed you to. "Elderly abuse" is a mainstream concern
    lately, and the DA's constituents love to see perpetrators
    made an example of.

    I don't think you'll see her again.

    Just a thought....

    John
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #4
    The Illusion of Love
    Can make sane people do insane things.
    I would get her out of the picture ASAP or sooner.
  • r2424243
    r2424243 Member Posts: 51
    #5
    Lovekitties said:

    Confused?
    I was looking at your profile to try to get some idea of your dad's age, but it reads like you are the one with cancer or is it him and you are just using his screen name?

    Either way, it seems like your dad is old enough to make his own decisions. I know it is hard to watch someone we care for make what we consider emotional mistakes, but some times that is just how it is.

    It may be that your dad is just trying to hold on to what he thought he had in the relationship. His diagnosis may have some impact on his actions.

    Best advice I know is to keep your relationship with him on an even keel and perhaps if finances are an issue help him make up a budget so he knows how much or little he has to contribute to the lady.

    Marie who loves kitties

    My dad is 61. I could never
    My dad is 61. I could never get him to join the site himself. He also has essential tremor disorders. He cannot type or write alot. He shakes severly
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #6
    R2
    Well, you can file all the legal paperwork there is, but it will never be enforceable until your Dad "DECIDES" that he has had enough.

    He's the stopping point of all this insanity. It's clear from your description what is goig on, but your dad has now permitted this on at least three occasions that you mention.

    The woman obviously has no scruples or concerns, she is a TAKER and will take from your dad as long as he allows it.

    She is obviously very manipulative, overbearing, narcissistic and uses control as a means to her ends, with Dad footing the bill.

    He probably has some sort of attachment to her. Chemo and cancer can make you feel clingy and needy and this woman is taking advantage of that. Your dad knows this is bad, but is probably saying to himself, "It's better than nothing."

    It's shameful.

    But it has to come from your dad as long as he is of sound mind and body. There are laws and procedures in place, but your dad has to take the stand that's it's O-V-E-R.

    Until he does that, I'm afraid that this pattern will continue.

    Just keep talking to your dad and maybe one of these times, it will gel and he will see the light.

    It's horrible that he is going through this at such a difficult time in his life - even without cancer, this would be a terrible situation, but with cancer, his road to hoe is just that much more difficult.

    Makes me angry to read this and there are people who prey on these situations and you've got one in your life right now.

    This woman sounds to me like a Narcissist, who is also bi-polar and that can be a scary combination. If you could get your dad to issue a restraining order and then use that order when she comes around, he could get her put in jail when she tries to come around.

    Keep your eye on her and an even closer eye on Pop.

    -Craig
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #7
    I am the blunt one- my nickname is the general!
    I had a similar circumstance when my cousins came down to "visit" my mother. I am blunt. I told them to leave or I would call the police. By mother had 2 big girls and when it comes to protecting our family the Taliban can't get thru us. We put my cousins out of the house and told dad and mom that if they came back we, their caregivers would leave. I will pray for you and your family.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #8
    Goodness!
    You're already gotten some good advice, so I will only say that I'm praying this gets taken care of promptly. Your dad doesn't need this!

    *hugs*
    Gail

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