Having a really hard time...

emamei
emamei Member Posts: 146 Member
in Breast Cancer #1
I don't really know how or why, but I'm feeling overwhelmingly anxious, and emotionally sensitive as I come closer to my last radiation appointment on the 15th.

I've come through so much and I'm beginning to feel lost and confused. I'm weepy a lot these days, mind you, there are many other things going on in our lives that are stressful and emotionally draining.

Some days I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm not sleeping well, I'm having nightmares, anxiety attacks, and migraine headaches.

Can anyone else relate to feeling this way? What can I do?

Comments

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #2
    we all deal differntly..I
    we all deal differntly..I happen to be totally opposite of you..I had a count down chart on my desk at work-crossed off day by day and my last day or radiation was the ONLY date I really remember. I KNOW about when all of cancer started , about surgery but end of it radiation JUNE 28 2008

    I WISH you the best...I HOPE it gets better..

    Denise

    Journals really helped me even though I did not think so at the time
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #3
    Yes
    I think it's very common when we come to the end of active treatment. While we do chemo & rads, we are 'doing something' to fight the beast. When we stop, then what? You are not alone in feeling this way and those feelings do subside. However, if you are experiencing severe anxiety, call your Onc and let them know.

    Sue
  • kookaa
    kookaa Member Posts: 27
    #4
    You said it
    Wow! You just put into words exactly how I have been feeling. I just started week 3 of rad. I seem to be falling apart, cry every day, and wake up every night from 3 to 5 am.I have found keeping busy doing anything helps.(Not much to do in the middle of the night!) Being around my Grandsons (age 2$3) is the best medicine. I am really trying to get though this without Drugs, both it sounds like we both may need something. I am going to talk to Dr about it in the morning. Call your Doctor and if that does not help, I will lend the boys to you. ( they know jokes)LOL I'm praying for you and sending ((((hugs)))
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    #5
    sbmly53 said:

    Yes
    I think it's very common when we come to the end of active treatment. While we do chemo & rads, we are 'doing something' to fight the beast. When we stop, then what? You are not alone in feeling this way and those feelings do subside. However, if you are experiencing severe anxiety, call your Onc and let them know.

    Sue

    Sue is right, coming to the
    Sue is right, coming to the end of treatment is tough for a lot of people because fighting is doing something about it. Now is the unknown. Add to that sleep deprivation, other stress and normal life stuff no wonder you are having trouble. I personally have been seeing a councilor through out treatment. Try that and something to help you sleep and then the other stuff should become more manageable.

    Cindy

    PS - the effects of everything is accumulative, that may be why it is all hitting you now. I know I am still tired and rads ended on june 29th!
  • Annette 11
    Annette 11 Member Posts: 380
    #6
    I didn't have rad's but just
    I didn't have rad's just chemo (8months ago) but just having BC makes us emotional and sensitive. I still don't sleep well alot of nights and sometimes I feel anxiety inside. I try to fight it and most of the time I do. For me I think I'll feel better in the fall. The summer heat zaps my energy and keeps me indoors. Of course, it's the OMG what if.....
    I hope you will do better after your last radiation.
    Hugs.
    Annette
  • renee616
    renee616 Member Posts: 181
    #7
    It will get better! Hang on!
    Oh my goodness! You just totally wrote exactly how I felt! I told my husband the same thing pretty much! I went through chemo, radiation & 4 surgeries....Did everything they said then boom....Neared the end of radiation and fell apart! I was happy, excited, thrilled....yet so emotional....I think I went through all the motions of doing what needed to be done and finally all the pent up emotions came flooding out! Its been a week since my last radiation appt and I'm starting to get things under control! You wont be able to feel sad too long because theres always something else to do....I got a toothache of all things and was more of a cry baby than everything I've been through in the last ten months then to top it off, I think I have an infection in my breast from my recent breast reduction surgery! I had two Dr appts today & two tomorrow. What I would really like is a get away! A cabin or hotel for a few days would be AWESOME! Maybe to go into the woods and scream....then relax with a book and some peace and quiet, reflect where weve been and where were going from here! I think it keeps getting better! Hang in there!
    Hugs,
    Renee
  • dbhadra
    dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
    #8
    renee616 said:

    It will get better! Hang on!
    Oh my goodness! You just totally wrote exactly how I felt! I told my husband the same thing pretty much! I went through chemo, radiation & 4 surgeries....Did everything they said then boom....Neared the end of radiation and fell apart! I was happy, excited, thrilled....yet so emotional....I think I went through all the motions of doing what needed to be done and finally all the pent up emotions came flooding out! Its been a week since my last radiation appt and I'm starting to get things under control! You wont be able to feel sad too long because theres always something else to do....I got a toothache of all things and was more of a cry baby than everything I've been through in the last ten months then to top it off, I think I have an infection in my breast from my recent breast reduction surgery! I had two Dr appts today & two tomorrow. What I would really like is a get away! A cabin or hotel for a few days would be AWESOME! Maybe to go into the woods and scream....then relax with a book and some peace and quiet, reflect where weve been and where were going from here! I think it keeps getting better! Hang in there!
    Hugs,
    Renee

    I have been having so many of the same feelings
    If you see my post "feel like I am going insane" you will find many others do as well. A dear friend sent me this linK

    http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/depression/Patient/page2

    I have been struggling with depression for 4 weeks now,and am starting an inpatient program tomorrow at our local hospital. If you have symptoms of depression for more than two weeks, it's recommended that you seek treatment. I waited too long and then when I started calling doctors, no one could take me for more than 2-3 weeks. I decided that was too long and went to the ER, and they put it in to see the doc tomorrow.

    I was diagnosed 8 months ago, and felt sad/blue/crying a few times, very normal reactions to a cancer diagnosis and treament! But this last episode lasting a whole month has been totally different and that's why I decided to seek treatment for it.

    Wishing you the best,

    Laura
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #9
    dbhadra said:

    I have been having so many of the same feelings
    If you see my post "feel like I am going insane" you will find many others do as well. A dear friend sent me this linK

    http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/depression/Patient/page2

    I have been struggling with depression for 4 weeks now,and am starting an inpatient program tomorrow at our local hospital. If you have symptoms of depression for more than two weeks, it's recommended that you seek treatment. I waited too long and then when I started calling doctors, no one could take me for more than 2-3 weeks. I decided that was too long and went to the ER, and they put it in to see the doc tomorrow.

    I was diagnosed 8 months ago, and felt sad/blue/crying a few times, very normal reactions to a cancer diagnosis and treament! But this last episode lasting a whole month has been totally different and that's why I decided to seek treatment for it.

    Wishing you the best,

    Laura

    My feelings too
    My feelings on so many things are the same.I can't stop crying. I've had doctor problems, husband is not being his sweet self, I am going through tests, our son and daughter-in-law live behind us in a camper but act like our house is theirs.There is so much more I will talk about later but can't now. It has been 2 years for me and my life hasn't been normal since.I am able to sleep but I can't stop crying.It is so bad I get tears in my eyes at the stores etc.

    I am ready for some meds.I need them so bad but taking care of other medical problems now.I'll get to my family doctor soon but things are way to hectic now.Seems like everyday something happens to me.I just want a break from it all. BUT have no idea when it will be.

    I see so many are dealing with the same thing.You always think you are the only one but you see it is going on with alot of us.

    I hope we all can get things straightened out.We will but WHEN???

    Lynn Smith
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #10
    Lynn Smith said:

    My feelings too
    My feelings on so many things are the same.I can't stop crying. I've had doctor problems, husband is not being his sweet self, I am going through tests, our son and daughter-in-law live behind us in a camper but act like our house is theirs.There is so much more I will talk about later but can't now. It has been 2 years for me and my life hasn't been normal since.I am able to sleep but I can't stop crying.It is so bad I get tears in my eyes at the stores etc.

    I am ready for some meds.I need them so bad but taking care of other medical problems now.I'll get to my family doctor soon but things are way to hectic now.Seems like everyday something happens to me.I just want a break from it all. BUT have no idea when it will be.

    I see so many are dealing with the same thing.You always think you are the only one but you see it is going on with alot of us.

    I hope we all can get things straightened out.We will but WHEN???

    Lynn Smith

    Maria it is a very tough journey
    I believe You have been seeing psychiatrist Donna. Please call her and discuss your feelings with her. How are your daughters?
    Sending you a big hug.
  • robang13
    robang13 Member Posts: 333
    #11
    I felt the same way. I
    I felt the same way. I actually started to cry as I was handed my "diploma". I was sad to know that these girls that took care of me wouldn't be an active part in my life any more. I felt very sad and weepy for a few weeks after. I guess it is all normal. I felt like as long as I was getting treatment everything would be ok. Now that nothing is being done I started to worry about the what ifs. I am now 2 months out of rads and finally starting to feel better, less weepy. I have also started tamoxifen and now effexor.So know, you are normal : ) and not alone!!!!

    Angela
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #12
    sbmly53 said:

    Yes
    I think it's very common when we come to the end of active treatment. While we do chemo & rads, we are 'doing something' to fight the beast. When we stop, then what? You are not alone in feeling this way and those feelings do subside. However, if you are experiencing severe anxiety, call your Onc and let them know.

    Sue

    I felt after I was done with
    I felt after I was done with rads, like what's next? It did make me feel more vulnerable, as, when I was getting rads, I was actually doing something to kill the beast.

    Call your oncologist and discuss your feelings with him. I know he can help you.


    Lex
  • CAchick
    CAchick Member Posts: 277
    #13
    everyone is different
    I counted down the days...but still felt a little lost when I got my diploma, and finished rads. I had taken the whole day off from work that time. I went out and walked around the mall. I decided to buy myself a keepsake to commemorate the day. I walked into one store and there was a pink pillow with the pink breast cancer ribbon and the word "Survivor". I bought that pillow and display it in my office at work. Although, I still wondered if I would be one (a survivor)...that was a year and a half ago...so far so good...
    Sybil
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #14
    I too felt some
    anxiety when finishing rads but was glad treatment was done. I actually had mixed emotions on being NED after xray instead of mammo. It's hard to grasp not being on a schedule of going for chemo or rads and not seeing oncs all the time. I do write in a journal. It's been 5 months since I finished rads and still journalling. You will start to heal and eventually have a new "normal". Wishing you peace of mind and hope for a better future.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • lesliepage
    lesliepage Member Posts: 2
    #15
    Many people feel anxiety
    Many people feel anxiety when they are ending treatment. You're life has been consumed with a multitude of doctor's appointments and multiple treatments, then suddenly it's all coming to an end. It's a scarey feeling, and very normal. And, I understand that it passes in time.

    I also only have 4 radiation treatments remaining, and I'm feeling a little vulnerable. I have found that it helps me to read inspirational survival stories....and pray. You might see if you can talk to someone as well, such as a Social Worker. In fact, I have an appointment scheduled with one at my hospital. Good luck to you!
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #16
    CAchick said:

    everyone is different
    I counted down the days...but still felt a little lost when I got my diploma, and finished rads. I had taken the whole day off from work that time. I went out and walked around the mall. I decided to buy myself a keepsake to commemorate the day. I walked into one store and there was a pink pillow with the pink breast cancer ribbon and the word "Survivor". I bought that pillow and display it in my office at work. Although, I still wondered if I would be one (a survivor)...that was a year and a half ago...so far so good...
    Sybil

    I was so happy to finish
    I was so happy to finish rads, but, then I actually felt lost. I was just so used to going everyday and seeing all of the great people that worked there. But, it did go away and I am loving my free time now. You will feel better, just give yourself some time.


    Hugs, Noel
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    #17
    lesliepage said:

    Many people feel anxiety
    Many people feel anxiety when they are ending treatment. You're life has been consumed with a multitude of doctor's appointments and multiple treatments, then suddenly it's all coming to an end. It's a scarey feeling, and very normal. And, I understand that it passes in time.

    I also only have 4 radiation treatments remaining, and I'm feeling a little vulnerable. I have found that it helps me to read inspirational survival stories....and pray. You might see if you can talk to someone as well, such as a Social Worker. In fact, I have an appointment scheduled with one at my hospital. Good luck to you!

    Another change
    All of a sudden you're not making those weekly chemo trips, or bi-weekly chemo trips, or daily rads trips and it does feel really funny. Everyone has said it so well. Now what?! You're norrmal! Now you play the waiting game again, waiting to heal, waiting for test results. And LOTS of naps. Just hang in there!

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