I'm riding on a shiny new emotional rollercoaster
Diagnosed June 13, 2011. DCIS stage 0, grade 3.
Had a breast conserving surgery on Aug. 2, and I have been
Up and down since I came home. first happy and then sad. laugh, then cry.. Normal? Then I feel bad for feeling bad when I know how much some of you go through. Guilty even. I know from my mother and sister what this can do...
My sister however has been my rock! She is incredible. I love you Renee. Im sorry we are so far apart. Somehow though this BC has bridged miles between us.
Just when you tell me..You understand. AND I KNOW you do. You didn't just hit a speed bump, but the entire mountain!
Does this feeling last long? There is alight at the end of the tunnel. Right? Do you ever feel "normal?"
Thank God for EARLY detection. Im def. going to be an advocate for early screening! I was getting mammos and U.S. every 6 mths. due to family history and it was a good thing! This showed up in 6 mths!
Comments
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Normal is a relative term!
Normal is a relative term! Cancer is a crazy ride, no ones is worse or better or less or more. Cancer sucks no matter the stage or grade at which you catch it.
It depends on who you ask and sometimes when you ask. I think you get back to somewhat normal, I am only a few weeks out from radiation so it is hard to say. Once you have BC, it will probably always be in the back of your mind. You just get used to it being there.
I am glad they caught it early!
All the best,
Cindy0 -
The new normal
At least that is what I have called it now. I have gotten past the chemo, the Lumpectomy, the Radiation, and am starting to feel normal again. Here is a good place to tell it the way you feel, and no one thinks you are not deserving of sympathy because their surgery was more difficult or more devastating. The women here are the most amazing group of women I have ever been privelaged to meet. We are all in this together, and the rollercoaster ride is not one that you can or should have to take alone. It is an awarness and a desire to help others through it that help even out the roller coaster some days. Emotionally I have been to the peak and to the valley floor. It is what it is, and you will get through it, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it now, and it feels really good. But don't feel like your "suffering" had to be worse to have anyone here understand what you have been through. Cancer sucks. So very happy that you were pro-active and caught it early and if you help one more sister seek early detection you are a hero to all of us. Hang in there my dear. The ride does end, and you can be the support system for the next one that gets on the same ride. Love to you, Sinee0 -
I think I'm on the same roller coaster
I wonder too if I will ever feel "normal" . I was diagnosed last June and had a double mastectomy. The good news for me was no lymph node involvement, therefore no chemo or radiation. So I'm lucky, right? Well sure, a lot luckier than many. And sometimes I felt guilty that I didn't need radiation or chemo.....but I still had CANCER ! I'm reminded every day of it from the side effects of the medication I have to be on for 4 more years, and from the way my breasts look after reconstruction. And sometimes friends act like my cancer was no big deal because I didn't have to have chemo. But I still had CANcER. My breasts are gone ! So I guess my point is that no matter what your story is with breast cancer you will always have the reminders. But there is light at the end of the tunnell and you will have days when you dont think about it and enjoy every minute of the day and other days where you just cry
Good luck to you !
Stay strong.
Lori0 -
Hi and welcome to the board!!
I was Dx the end of April 2010 IBC (Inflammatory breast cancer) I had chemo from the end of June to the middle of Oct, ( Herceptin Taxotere Carboplatin )Surgery Nov 1 Mastectomy right side. Then Radiation for 6 weeks every day through the holidays. I was very burned by rads. I know that mountain you talked about. But Now almost a year later my life is pretty good and normal. I work feel good have hair again ( that was a biggie ) I would say my life is normal. Cancer is always in the back of you mind but I wont live my life worrying about it. I enjoy every day I have and life. I believe allot of it is not letting it take over your life. It does for awhile don't get me wrong. during treatment that was all I thought about. But it isn't now. I have a life to live and I am not wasting it on cancer. So yes there is a lite at the end of the tunnel run for that lite as soon as you see it. I wish you all the best of luck. I will pray for you. We are all stronger then we think. After all we are warriors. Take care Kay0 -
Hi Tambra,smalldoggroomer said:Hi and welcome to the board!!
I was Dx the end of April 2010 IBC (Inflammatory breast cancer) I had chemo from the end of June to the middle of Oct, ( Herceptin Taxotere Carboplatin )Surgery Nov 1 Mastectomy right side. Then Radiation for 6 weeks every day through the holidays. I was very burned by rads. I know that mountain you talked about. But Now almost a year later my life is pretty good and normal. I work feel good have hair again ( that was a biggie ) I would say my life is normal. Cancer is always in the back of you mind but I wont live my life worrying about it. I enjoy every day I have and life. I believe allot of it is not letting it take over your life. It does for awhile don't get me wrong. during treatment that was all I thought about. But it isn't now. I have a life to live and I am not wasting it on cancer. So yes there is a lite at the end of the tunnel run for that lite as soon as you see it. I wish you all the best of luck. I will pray for you. We are all stronger then we think. After all we are warriors. Take care Kay
Is your sister Renee on this board? I can see an amazing resemblance if it's the Renee I am thinking of. Wow.. I am sorry you both are battling this together...
I too finished my rads about a month ago, my skin has finally healed. I had a double mastectomy as well and my fully inflated tissue expanders made me feel like I at least have boobs. I have at least one more surgery with my implant exchange. Am I starting to feel normal? YES.... my doctors appointments are now months apart, my hair is growing back, my external scars are healing up and becoming lighter in color. My energy level has returned, I am working full time, I'm enjoying my weekends hanging out with friends once again and most of all living each and every day to it's fullest. I can't think about the "What if's" about my cancer or I will give it the power. I am once again enjoying my life as I've known it, right along with the love and support of all my friends and family.
Hugs,
Lorrie0 -
Rollercoaster? Absolutely!butterflylvr said:Hi Tambra,
Is your sister Renee on this board? I can see an amazing resemblance if it's the Renee I am thinking of. Wow.. I am sorry you both are battling this together...
I too finished my rads about a month ago, my skin has finally healed. I had a double mastectomy as well and my fully inflated tissue expanders made me feel like I at least have boobs. I have at least one more surgery with my implant exchange. Am I starting to feel normal? YES.... my doctors appointments are now months apart, my hair is growing back, my external scars are healing up and becoming lighter in color. My energy level has returned, I am working full time, I'm enjoying my weekends hanging out with friends once again and most of all living each and every day to it's fullest. I can't think about the "What if's" about my cancer or I will give it the power. I am once again enjoying my life as I've known it, right along with the love and support of all my friends and family.
Hugs,
Lorrie
Anesthesia and meds alone can do that let alone the diagnosis. There is a "new normal" and as each one of us is different so is the new normal. I've been through chemo, mastectomy, and rads, and am still struggling to get my energy back but it's coming. Then there's chemo brain but they tell me that will pass too. You've found a great spot to vent, ask questions, and just "chat". Welcome aboard! (Even though none of us wanted to be here we're glad we have this site and the support and friendship of all the pink sisters.) There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't the headlight of a train!0 -
yes..Renee616butterflylvr said:Hi Tambra,
Is your sister Renee on this board? I can see an amazing resemblance if it's the Renee I am thinking of. Wow.. I am sorry you both are battling this together...
I too finished my rads about a month ago, my skin has finally healed. I had a double mastectomy as well and my fully inflated tissue expanders made me feel like I at least have boobs. I have at least one more surgery with my implant exchange. Am I starting to feel normal? YES.... my doctors appointments are now months apart, my hair is growing back, my external scars are healing up and becoming lighter in color. My energy level has returned, I am working full time, I'm enjoying my weekends hanging out with friends once again and most of all living each and every day to it's fullest. I can't think about the "What if's" about my cancer or I will give it the power. I am once again enjoying my life as I've known it, right along with the love and support of all my friends and family.
Hugs,
Lorrie
Are you talking about the one with the pink helicopter that is going to fly everyone to a beautiful island?
Thats my beautiful sister. Shes one in a million. I couldn't ask for one with more beauty inside and out and such strength and determination. She gets me through the tough days. I so appreciate all of the comments here. I have tears in my coffee as I read all of them. As all the women I met at the relay on Sunday..ALl of you are amazing. God Bless you all! 0 -
crazy like a foxtambra26 said:yes..Renee616
Are you talking about the one with the pink helicopter that is going to fly everyone to a beautiful island? Thats my beautiful sister. Shes one in a million. I couldn't ask for one with more beauty inside and out and such strength and determination. She gets me through the tough days. I so appreciate all of the comments here. I have tears in my coffee as I read all of them. As all the women I met at the relay on Sunday..ALl of you are amazing. God Bless you all!
My husband says..Heaven help anyone that crosses you or Renee...and hes so right. I somedays feel like a crazy woman. lol. I have no patience for anyone who does not understand at this point. I don't expect them too..but just let me have my bad moments. I have a good cry and then I pick up my life where I left off. I am most definately not going to let THIS take over. I come from a long line of strong headed and strong willed women. I plan to carry on that tradition
I had my sad..I had my mad. I am quite sure Ill have it again. prob about ohh every day for awhile? Everyone is right..even after surgery I think what will the future bring. It scares me. Who likes to hear the C word at any time. it lingers in your head and the change in my physical appearance will be a constant reminder. I will always worry.
I had more than one person (including my wonderful, loving hubby) say to me...At least its early and you won't have chemo...piece of cake? right? WRONG.
I had a talk with him. I don't want pity or sympathy. I only want to be understood and validate my feelings. Not sugar coat them. I have to do that with some family members to a point. I try not to cause any stress than necessary for others. My daughters are 3000 miles away I dont want them to worry. So I say Im fine and I smile..then I hang up the phone and I cry. My mother worried alot..she went through the masectomy too, she was so upset. Renee understands that too Im POSITIVE. My father I love so much too, just had a hert attack in Mar. So I can't worry him. Im sure you all do the same at some point. I felt like everyone was sort of undermining what I was feeling. I didn't want cancer at ANY stage, I didn't want to do the biopsy. I didn't want needles poking into my breasts. I didn't want any of it, and I was not happy. Granted ...I don't say WHY me...Like my sister says...WHY NOT me...is how I feel. I lost my best friend to uterine cancer almost a year ago..and recently one of my best friends lost her sister to lung cancer. I was there for both of them as they went thru heartbreak and pain. I know what cancer can do..and its all too scary.
I told my husband that the very NEXT person that says..."at least its not too bad, and you caught it early" I am going to slap them and then Im gonna show them my BOOB and say..Do you want this? The "girls" used to match..and Im thrilled I have part of one..but most def. am not happy with it...just merely ok and thankful.
I am so glad that Renee sent me YOUR way. I believe there is def a "sisterhood" between anyone of us that manage to plod through this..and I am so so grateful. I am glad she hooked me up here!!!!0 -
cancer does suck.sinee said:The new normal
At least that is what I have called it now. I have gotten past the chemo, the Lumpectomy, the Radiation, and am starting to feel normal again. Here is a good place to tell it the way you feel, and no one thinks you are not deserving of sympathy because their surgery was more difficult or more devastating. The women here are the most amazing group of women I have ever been privelaged to meet. We are all in this together, and the rollercoaster ride is not one that you can or should have to take alone. It is an awarness and a desire to help others through it that help even out the roller coaster some days. Emotionally I have been to the peak and to the valley floor. It is what it is, and you will get through it, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it now, and it feels really good. But don't feel like your "suffering" had to be worse to have anyone here understand what you have been through. Cancer sucks. So very happy that you were pro-active and caught it early and if you help one more sister seek early detection you are a hero to all of us. Hang in there my dear. The ride does end, and you can be the support system for the next one that gets on the same ride. Love to you, Sinee
Thank you. Thats all I really need at this moment. Just someone to say I understand. I have a wonderful group of friends. My family is just so far away. But not many pple around me truly understand.
THANK ALL OF You...for that. I just joined yesterday..but I already feel like I have "friends" who understand. Which is exactly what Renee said I would find. An amazing group of pple who KNOW....0 -
LuckyYankee Girl said:I think I'm on the same roller coaster
I wonder too if I will ever feel "normal" . I was diagnosed last June and had a double mastectomy. The good news for me was no lymph node involvement, therefore no chemo or radiation. So I'm lucky, right? Well sure, a lot luckier than many. And sometimes I felt guilty that I didn't need radiation or chemo.....but I still had CANCER ! I'm reminded every day of it from the side effects of the medication I have to be on for 4 more years, and from the way my breasts look after reconstruction. And sometimes friends act like my cancer was no big deal because I didn't have to have chemo. But I still had CANcER. My breasts are gone ! So I guess my point is that no matter what your story is with breast cancer you will always have the reminders. But there is light at the end of the tunnell and you will have days when you dont think about it and enjoy every minute of the day and other days where you just cry
Good luck to you !
Stay strong.
Lori
Ohh I know THAT feeling. All too well. pshhhht..so no big deal, oour lymph nodes were not involve so what are we worried about? Yes I am grateful as I can be...But in MY head I am worried about what if they are wrong..or what if it shows back up, or goes somewhere else..maybe lurking around the next corner. I feel Exactly like that.... I may not need chemo. But I have cancer. How do you make that less than what it is?
I have yet to talk to the oncologist...however...like YOU ..its cancer. I don't trust it. I have seen up close and personl what it does to a person. Unfortunatley however, yet the best part I think is we are not alone. Its the sort of "club" nobody wants to join. But here we are. None of us signed up for this!0 -
I just knew it... LOL. Shetambra26 said:yes..Renee616
Are you talking about the one with the pink helicopter that is going to fly everyone to a beautiful island? Thats my beautiful sister. Shes one in a million. I couldn't ask for one with more beauty inside and out and such strength and determination. She gets me through the tough days. I so appreciate all of the comments here. I have tears in my coffee as I read all of them. As all the women I met at the relay on Sunday..ALl of you are amazing. God Bless you all!
I just knew it... LOL. She is quite the nut and also my radiation buddy. Hang in there Tam.. Your sister is living proof that the nasty beast didn't slow her down. Wow you two girls truly are amazing and so blessed to have one another.
Hugs,
Lorrie0 -
LOL. Thanks!!! She isbutterflylvr said:I just knew it... LOL. She
I just knew it... LOL. She is quite the nut and also my radiation buddy. Hang in there Tam.. Your sister is living proof that the nasty beast didn't slow her down. Wow you two girls truly are amazing and so blessed to have one another.
Hugs,
Lorrie
LOL. Thanks!!! She is great.
My Charlie says..the nuts don't fall far from the tree. haha he is so right.
She is absolutely proof of how you can do this with strength and courage. Every moment of every thing I did NOT want to do...I thought to myself, Renee can do this so can you. She has a wonderful attitude and sense of hummor. She was going thru Chemo and she was still at the hospital every day when our dad was so sick. She did a graduation party for her baby girl. All the things she does..when I know it would be easy to curl up somewhere and hide.
Thats not her style
Told my baby sis Ginger that I will bounce back. (then I added well, HALF of me will bounce back) she laughed...and said..THats SO Renee. I am blessed to have her as a sis.0 -
oops a double post! lolbutterflylvr said:I just knew it... LOL. She
I just knew it... LOL. She is quite the nut and also my radiation buddy. Hang in there Tam.. Your sister is living proof that the nasty beast didn't slow her down. Wow you two girls truly are amazing and so blessed to have one another.
Hugs,
Lorrie 0 -
tambra -- Welcome ...tambra26 said:oops a double post! lol
I think this is the first time I can remember having 2 sisters from the same family -- you look so familiar, like a WARRIOR here on our boards . Miss Renee!
I am sorry that you have diagnosed with breast cancer -- and yes, our journey is often equated to a 'roller coaster ride', with all the ups and downs - road blocks, twists and turns .. providing us with some much emotions -- that at times its hard to harness our thoughts -- and moods.
We are here for you, 24/7.
Please call on us anytime of the day.
Strength, Courage and Hope.
Vicki Sam0 -
Welcome dear sis of Renee!VickiSam said:tambra -- Welcome ...
I think this is the first time I can remember having 2 sisters from the same family -- you look so familiar, like a WARRIOR here on our boards . Miss Renee!
I am sorry that you have diagnosed with breast cancer -- and yes, our journey is often equated to a 'roller coaster ride', with all the ups and downs - road blocks, twists and turns .. providing us with some much emotions -- that at times its hard to harness our thoughts -- and moods.
We are here for you, 24/7.
Please call on us anytime of the day.
Strength, Courage and Hope.
Vicki Sam
Welcome dear sis of Renee! You both have such a great attitude and that will take you far. Don't ever apologize or feel guilty that you didn't have to have chemo and go thru some of the side effects. You had CANCER! It is a roller coaster ride and most of us don't hold up our hands as we go up and down on the ride but it does come to a stop and then we throw up our hands as we cross the finish line with our families, friends and the sisters here cheering us on. Glad you're an advocate for early detection. I keep telling women just because the mammo comes out "okay", ask for more tests if there are microcalcifications and/or a family history of bc. Sounds like you have an incredible sisterhood already but now you know you have thousands more anytime you need us.0 -
VickiSam said:
tambra -- Welcome ...
I think this is the first time I can remember having 2 sisters from the same family -- you look so familiar, like a WARRIOR here on our boards . Miss Renee!
I am sorry that you have diagnosed with breast cancer -- and yes, our journey is often equated to a 'roller coaster ride', with all the ups and downs - road blocks, twists and turns .. providing us with some much emotions -- that at times its hard to harness our thoughts -- and moods.
We are here for you, 24/7.
Please call on us anytime of the day.
Strength, Courage and Hope.
Vicki Sam
Thank you so much. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to come on and see that SOMEONE understands. Renee...most def. a warrior. Im the big sister..but I have learned so very much from her...
Looking forward to not riding alone. 0 -
Yes luckytambra26 said:Lucky
Ohh I know THAT feeling. All too well. pshhhht..so no big deal, oour lymph nodes were not involve so what are we worried about? Yes I am grateful as I can be...But in MY head I am worried about what if they are wrong..or what if it shows back up, or goes somewhere else..maybe lurking around the next corner. I feel Exactly like that.... I may not need chemo. But I have cancer. How do you make that less than what it is?
I have yet to talk to the oncologist...however...like YOU ..its cancer. I don't trust it. I have seen up close and personl what it does to a person. Unfortunatley however, yet the best part I think is we are not alone. Its the sort of "club" nobody wants to join. But here we are. None of us signed up for this!
Tambra,
Definitely sounds like you and I are having a lot of the same feelings/anxieties. I too think what if they were wrong. What if this? What if that? But then I snap out if it and remind myself to take every day as it comes, have fun when I can, rest if I need to. And yes this seems to be a club that nobody wants to join. In fact I only joined last week and my surgery was over one year ago. Just thought I could handle it all without "pink sister" support, but I must say this sight is very helpful. It's amazing to see how many of us are dealing with this.
So I hope you get news that you wont need chemo. Did they do the Onco Type test?
I will continue to stay in touch and hope you will too. Where do you live?
Hugs,
Lori0 -
Yankee Girl, DCIS is stage 0Yankee Girl said:Yes lucky
Tambra,
Definitely sounds like you and I are having a lot of the same feelings/anxieties. I too think what if they were wrong. What if this? What if that? But then I snap out if it and remind myself to take every day as it comes, have fun when I can, rest if I need to. And yes this seems to be a club that nobody wants to join. In fact I only joined last week and my surgery was over one year ago. Just thought I could handle it all without "pink sister" support, but I must say this sight is very helpful. It's amazing to see how many of us are dealing with this.
So I hope you get news that you wont need chemo. Did they do the Onco Type test?
I will continue to stay in touch and hope you will too. Where do you live?
Hugs,
Lori
Yankee Girl, DCIS is stage 0 and the cancer is contained within the milk ducts. (It can break out and become micro-invasions and move beyond over time.) Chemotherapy is not indicated for DCIS. Lumptectomy with or without radiation (depending on margins and doctor/patient decisions)or mastectomy (but mastectomy margins must be clear or radiation could still be needed) are the standard treatments for pure and only DCIS (without other breast cancers present). If cancer is hormone positive then that could bring on treatment for that as well.0 -
all so new to you...I am 3
all so new to you...I am 3 yrs past the start of it JAN 08-It's hard when no light at the end of tunnel..but it's there..just hard to see.
JOURNALs help me so so much. at the time it didn't seem like it but in hindsight it did!
I bugged a long time friend until she went for mammo/ pap etc..she hadn't been in years..
I have no family history..I am the first but I am also the first to have UC (ulcertive colitis) I tell my family I should play lotto with my odds of getting things
Denise
MY over the hump day was my last day of radiation (june 28-08 date I will always remember)0
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