Slight Vent

skeeter1002
skeeter1002 Member Posts: 43
in Ovarian Cancer #1
My hair started falling out last Tuesday and I got a short haircut that afternoon. By Saturday it was so thin and my daughter pointed out to me that she could see my scalp. So, Sunday I let my mom give me a buzz cut. I had bought a beautiful $28 scarf on sale for $2.97 so I chose to wear it today. I was a little nervous since it was the first time I was wearing it in public. It was the first time that my illness was 'visible'. It took me 10 minutes to talk myself into getting out of the car. Then as I walked in the night shift was getting off work and it seemed to me they were staring at me. I had to stop in a co-workers office and have a cry. She is a sweet lady, mother figure, and she just let me cry and hugged me telling me whatever it was it would be okay.

Now, here comes the vent. Just as all the tears were dried a supervisor came to my office to ask me about a change in his direct deposit. When he walked in he looked at me and said, “ahoy matey”. Do you know how much restraint it took to NOT say, “kiss my a$$”? Granted there is a chance he doesn’t know about my cancer because he also just found out he has cancer and was off work for part of the time I was off work. But today of all days, I was about to explode. If this had happened 2 weeks down the road once I was accustomed to wearing the scarf it most likely would not have bothered me at all. I guess that’s another lesson you learn from cancer, ignoring insensitive people.

Comments

  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #2
    Skeeter...I am so sorry you
    Skeeter...I am so sorry you had to encounter such a ****, on this of all days. Not to cut him any slack, but men are sometimes just oblivious to what the rest of us (meaning women) can see without even trying.

    My husband had a case of after-Christmas crud and I guess I wasn't properly sympathetic, because he snapped at me, "I wish you felt like I do." To which I replied, "So do I, dear."

    I'm guessing the guy had no clue about your cancer, or at least didn't connect the dots....scarf = no hair = lady with cancer.

    Carlene
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #3
    SORRY, SKEETER
    There is a chance he didn't 'connect the dots' as Carlene suggested, but the timing sure stunk.

    During my first round of chemo, I was at work one day, I'm sure looking rather pale. One of the guys came into the office and said, 'Geez girl, you need to get some sun!'. My boss firmly but politely piped up, 'she can't go in the sun, she's going through chemo'. It was so sweet of him to come to my rescue, at which point the employee profusely apologized, almost giving me a hug to express his regret. I actually didn't feel too hurt, because I had worked with the person for a long time and knew that the comment was truly a 'quip'. I did cut some slack for his ignorance regarding the ins and outs of chemo.

    Nonetheless, sending a big hug to you, Skeeter. :)

    Monika
  • skeeter1002
    skeeter1002 Member Posts: 43
    #4
    It's so great to have teal
    It's so great to have teal sisters who are going through the same thing. Thanks for your words, it means so much.

    True men are more insensitive for the most part. He's not a cruel person so I'm sure he didn't intend any harm by his comment. This morning I'm in a better place and if some idiot makes a comment today, well they might not be a lucky as he was ;)

    Wenona
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #5
    I am so there with you. It
    I am so there with you. It was really hard on me when I started lossing my hair I remember going to my mom with a very large handfull of hair and cry please see if there is a bald spot. My mom almost started crying with me I lost half of my hair in one day. The next day I had it buzzed off. I was not ready to loss my hair because the doctor said it would not be until the 2nd or 3rd treatment I lost it 2 1/2 weeks after the first treatment. I also had problems going out because I thought everyone was staring at me. I really don't think your boss realized what was going on everyone is right men just don't get it most time. I am still a little nerves when going out because your right our sickness is now visible I will keep you in my prays as we go through this together.

    Anne
  • Rookerbird
    Rookerbird Member Posts: 100
    #6
    mopar said:

    SORRY, SKEETER
    There is a chance he didn't 'connect the dots' as Carlene suggested, but the timing sure stunk.

    During my first round of chemo, I was at work one day, I'm sure looking rather pale. One of the guys came into the office and said, 'Geez girl, you need to get some sun!'. My boss firmly but politely piped up, 'she can't go in the sun, she's going through chemo'. It was so sweet of him to come to my rescue, at which point the employee profusely apologized, almost giving me a hug to express his regret. I actually didn't feel too hurt, because I had worked with the person for a long time and knew that the comment was truly a 'quip'. I did cut some slack for his ignorance regarding the ins and outs of chemo.

    Nonetheless, sending a big hug to you, Skeeter. :)

    Monika

    Dumb Things People Say
    More along the lines of dumb things people say because they don't know any better...

    Long story (later I'll update my profile and write a post), but a recurrence was confirmed yesterday, and I had emergency surgery last night to install a stent between my left kidney and bladder. One of the tumors (recurrent ovarian cancer) has wrapped around my ureter and was constricting the flow of urine. Everything was backed up in my kidney, and it was nearly shot.

    Friends and family keep up with my day-to-day stuff via a blog. An acquaintance who subscribes read today's blog entry about this emergency surgery and posted a comment: "I have discovered from my research that using probiotics...good bacteria to help balance your system...can have an amazing effect. This is just a thought I wanted to throw your way."

    Like so many folks, she has no concept of the reality of cancer, or how ovarian cancer can be successfully treated. Probiotics...really?!

    We have to cut these folks a LOT of slack, because they really do have kind intentions.

    Back to your scarf/wig feelings...yes, it's hard to adjust at first. But soon you will, and you can feel BEAUTIFUL. I bought two wigs, but ended up being more of a scarf and hat gal. They can be very fun accessories.

    So...ahoy back to my fellow scarf-wearing pirate pals! :)
  • fellinimom
    fellinimom Member Posts: 12
    #7
    AnneBehymer said:

    I am so there with you. It
    I am so there with you. It was really hard on me when I started lossing my hair I remember going to my mom with a very large handfull of hair and cry please see if there is a bald spot. My mom almost started crying with me I lost half of my hair in one day. The next day I had it buzzed off. I was not ready to loss my hair because the doctor said it would not be until the 2nd or 3rd treatment I lost it 2 1/2 weeks after the first treatment. I also had problems going out because I thought everyone was staring at me. I really don't think your boss realized what was going on everyone is right men just don't get it most time. I am still a little nerves when going out because your right our sickness is now visible I will keep you in my prays as we go through this together.

    Anne

    I've tried to be very open
    I've tried to be very open about my cancer. I ignore the strange looks I sometimes get (my hair has come back and is fine and curly, so it looks wild sometimes) because I know those people just don't know any better. But I remember when I started to lose my hair - I didnt realize it would come out in "chunks." Every day, I would run my hands through my hair and would end up with handfuls. Once that started, I went to turbans and scarves. I also go a beautiful wig (insurance covered), but only wore that on "special" occasions.

    Now that I'm back in treatment, I might lose my hair again. It's all part of the process - it means the chemo is doing its job.

    So, hold your head high when you wear your scarves. Don't forget to wear makeup and earrings - you will look beautiful!
  • skeeter1002
    skeeter1002 Member Posts: 43
    #8
    Thanks for your words
    Your support means so much. It was really just the timing of the comment. I talked to him and found that he really didn't know. I didn't even mention the comment. I just asked him about his cancer and if he had to have treatments which he doesn't. I told him my chemo # 2 would be today. He said, 'Wenona, I had no idea you were sick" So I was so glad I didn't snap on him. It's cool now.

    Some one said (sorry don't remember who) that they were a hat, scarf gal. I am too. I don't know where you ladies are but I live in North Alabama where it's near 100 degrees every day in August. A wig is just too hot. I bought a new scarf and 3 bandans today. I was more confidant today and proudly rocked the pirate look.

    Hugs sisters,
    Wenona

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