Feeling sad and TWWOH

kellyh33
kellyh33 Member Posts: 287
in Ovarian Cancer #1
Friday we learned that my Mom's battle with ovca is nearly over. Mom will go to her forever home in 3-4 weeks. It is breaking my heart. I don't even know what to say to her other than to tell her i love her.
Mom is in no physical pain but she is so sad and very frightened. I feel so terrible for her. I will miss her so much.
Sept 11th I am doing the Winner's Walk of Hope in Kitchener to raise awareness and to hopefully find an early detection test. My goal is $1000.00. With online donations and a little cash i have collected i am about halfway there.
It doesn't make any sense yet I feel like this is the only thing I can do for my Mom. I want her to be proud of me and I so wanted her to be able to do the walk with me.
I hope good health for all of you today and in the future.
Sincerely,
Kelly Hargreaves
Here is the link incase anybody wants to have a look at the site.
www.winnerswalkofhope

Comments

  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
    me too
    Kelly, our moms may be holding hands on their way to heaven. My mom is pretty comfortable, too, but her batteries run a little lower every day.

    Good luck with your project! But hun your mother is already so proud of you, and so grateful to you for all you have done to help her hold on to life.

    There is lots of support in the caregivers forum. Join us.
  • Mercedes20870
    Mercedes20870 Member Posts: 24
    #3
    Hi Kelly,
    I read some of

    Hi Kelly,

    I read some of your post before, I just started in this network a week ago, I'm so sorry for all the pain you and you beloved mom have been in this war against cancer, nobody really know much, there is not school to teach us to suffer any kind of pain, but what we do have is our faith, and our spirit who is always telling us what to do, right now the hardest part is to look at your mom without being sad and have fear that could it be the last time you look at her, I know your eyes I telling her I love you all the time, try to remember good times, fill her awake time with memories, pictures, talk about your hopes, and how much you are enjoying to have her there, she is still here, the best part is she is not in physical pain, give her calm, I don't know is you and your family believe in God, I do, if you do, ask him to give her calm and peace, I also believe in Angels, I think she is with her guardian Angel all the time, she is never alone, I really believe so.

    I do not have kids, and my mom is not suffering as your mom is, but you mentioned your desire of your mom feel proud of you, I know she is, and I even think she is more worried about you that about her, do not try hard, be yourself, relax and spend time to her, not like she is sick, but like she is there close to you, and you can touch her, and make her smile, I know is not easy, and I did not have the same experience as you, but I got ovarian cancer, and had my first round of treatments in 2009, my parents came from Peru to take care of me, is was so painful to see their pain, that was the hardest part, I did my best to protect them, but when I felt very sick they saw it, and I could do nothing about it, them it pass, I know still not the same, but you need to try your best, she need to feel that you are going to be fine, and you have a life to live.

    There is something a repeat to myself, "my body might be sick, but my spirit is healthy", look at the spirit of your mom, is you can do that, you might get to have some happy days, It is good to cry aloud, to calm us, but it is also good to laugh, please just try to get into the blessing of have her back home ...

    I had done my genetic test, and I have the BRCA1, it means I had Ovarian Cancer for that, and I have an 87% of chance to get Breast Cancer, I mean, that could happen but I can't not live the future, nobody can, I can't torment myself thinking that ... I don't know what kind of test will you take, but this one cost $ 300.00 my doctor told me in my last visit, I think before was more expensive.

    I will take a look on the web site you mentioned.

    I really hope your mom, you and your family could share more happy times together, life have a lot of pain, but a lot of happiness too, try to think of those ...

    I will pray for her and your family to find peace in your hearts.

    Love,

    Mercedes
  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    #4
    Mercedes20870 said:

    Hi Kelly,
    I read some of

    Hi Kelly,

    I read some of your post before, I just started in this network a week ago, I'm so sorry for all the pain you and you beloved mom have been in this war against cancer, nobody really know much, there is not school to teach us to suffer any kind of pain, but what we do have is our faith, and our spirit who is always telling us what to do, right now the hardest part is to look at your mom without being sad and have fear that could it be the last time you look at her, I know your eyes I telling her I love you all the time, try to remember good times, fill her awake time with memories, pictures, talk about your hopes, and how much you are enjoying to have her there, she is still here, the best part is she is not in physical pain, give her calm, I don't know is you and your family believe in God, I do, if you do, ask him to give her calm and peace, I also believe in Angels, I think she is with her guardian Angel all the time, she is never alone, I really believe so.

    I do not have kids, and my mom is not suffering as your mom is, but you mentioned your desire of your mom feel proud of you, I know she is, and I even think she is more worried about you that about her, do not try hard, be yourself, relax and spend time to her, not like she is sick, but like she is there close to you, and you can touch her, and make her smile, I know is not easy, and I did not have the same experience as you, but I got ovarian cancer, and had my first round of treatments in 2009, my parents came from Peru to take care of me, is was so painful to see their pain, that was the hardest part, I did my best to protect them, but when I felt very sick they saw it, and I could do nothing about it, them it pass, I know still not the same, but you need to try your best, she need to feel that you are going to be fine, and you have a life to live.

    There is something a repeat to myself, "my body might be sick, but my spirit is healthy", look at the spirit of your mom, is you can do that, you might get to have some happy days, It is good to cry aloud, to calm us, but it is also good to laugh, please just try to get into the blessing of have her back home ...

    I had done my genetic test, and I have the BRCA1, it means I had Ovarian Cancer for that, and I have an 87% of chance to get Breast Cancer, I mean, that could happen but I can't not live the future, nobody can, I can't torment myself thinking that ... I don't know what kind of test will you take, but this one cost $ 300.00 my doctor told me in my last visit, I think before was more expensive.

    I will take a look on the web site you mentioned.

    I really hope your mom, you and your family could share more happy times together, life have a lot of pain, but a lot of happiness too, try to think of those ...

    I will pray for her and your family to find peace in your hearts.

    Love,

    Mercedes

    Mom is very proud of you
    and she loves you very much. Treasure each day with her, no regrets. YTou are truly a wonderful girl and daughter and fellow teal warrior. God bless...val
  • Susan53
    Susan53 Member Posts: 178
    #5
    Your mother is very proud of you.
    Your mother is very proud of you. She does need to know that you will be ok when she is gone. My prayers are for you, your mother and your family to find peace. May the Lord lay his hands apon you and give you peace.
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #6
    Dear Kelly
    I am sooo sorry to hear about your Mom...This is indeed sad news. Both our Moms started the PARP/Doxil trial at the same time and were so optimistic. You and I both know that words cannot convey any of the feelings you are experiencing right now. Please tell your Mom I say hello. I know she is a strong believer and that will help you all trough this time. Your Mom loves you and my best advice to you is to spend as much time together...you don't have to know what to say...you don't have to say anything....just hang.....your Mom is lucky to have you by her side....that's all she wants....please PM me if you need to....I am holding your hand in spirit.....much love to you and your Mom!!! Sincerely, Lisa....
  • Radioactive34
    Radioactive34 Member Posts: 391 Member
    #7
    I have the OVC. My mother
    I have the OVC. My mother is watching me fight it and I watch her fight to keep her aging body moving. Yet, she is here taking care of me.

    I love my mother more than I can say or quantify. I read your post and wonder what I can say or do to make things easier or better. Though I doubt that there is little I can do. So I am sending cyber hugs and a cyber shoulder.

    Yoli

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