I don't want to seem like I am a whimp

AnneBehymer
AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
in Ovarian Cancer #1
I don't want to seem like I am nothing but a whimp but it is almost a week since 2nd chemo treatment and I feel like crap. I am still having the fatigue and bone pain. My throat hurts and fills like there is a lump when I swallow. I told my boss yesturday that I will not be able to return to work until I am done with the chemo is there anything this beast does not touch. I feel like it has taken so much from me. I am a house manager for four adult ladies with mental handicapps. I have been their manager for five years this month and love my job so much. So not only am I in so much pain and fighting for my life I am losing the one job that I have really enjoyed having that made me feel like I was doning something good and was worth something. Sorry I am having a poor me day.

Anne

Comments

  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member
    #2
    You are not a whimp
    Chemo takes its toll and seems to be cumulative. It affected me more as time went on. This disease impacts our lives in so many ways. I'm sorry about your job. But please know that what you are experiencing is what most of us have. Treatment is hard but know that we are here to give you whatever support you need. Don't be hard on yourself; you will get through it.

    Karen
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #3
    You're not a wimp
    Chemo sucks....it sucks it sucks it sucks...my mother was a tough old bird and it knocked her on her ****....has your employer threatened you to lose your job? I hope not.......how terrible would that be.....if anything, people who support handicapped people should understand others who are having challenges.....but most importantly you have to take care of yourself...you will get through the chemo....I am so sorry you have to experience this. it isn't fair. From the bottom of my heart, Lisa
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #4
    Lisa13Q said:

    You're not a wimp
    Chemo sucks....it sucks it sucks it sucks...my mother was a tough old bird and it knocked her on her ****....has your employer threatened you to lose your job? I hope not.......how terrible would that be.....if anything, people who support handicapped people should understand others who are having challenges.....but most importantly you have to take care of yourself...you will get through the chemo....I am so sorry you have to experience this. it isn't fair. From the bottom of my heart, Lisa

    work
    I told my boss that I would not be able to return to work until April of next year and was told that they could not hold my job that long. I understand it but it still is hard my ladies have has so many house managers before me and the house was one of the worst of the 19 group homes the Arizona foundation for the handicapped had (it is now one of the best :) ). I put a lot of work into my ladies and now they go out into the community and are really doing great. I have been with them for five years the longest any manger has lasted and now I am leaving them. It is just so hard I feel like I am walking away from them. The good thing is they live 0.5 miles from my house and my boss said I could call and visit them. I just felt like a bad day for me I am trying to be upbeat but some days are harder than others.

    Anne

    P.S. thank you both for your words of hope and encouragement I am so glad I have found this website it is helping a lot.
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676
    #5
    AnneBehymer said:

    work
    I told my boss that I would not be able to return to work until April of next year and was told that they could not hold my job that long. I understand it but it still is hard my ladies have has so many house managers before me and the house was one of the worst of the 19 group homes the Arizona foundation for the handicapped had (it is now one of the best :) ). I put a lot of work into my ladies and now they go out into the community and are really doing great. I have been with them for five years the longest any manger has lasted and now I am leaving them. It is just so hard I feel like I am walking away from them. The good thing is they live 0.5 miles from my house and my boss said I could call and visit them. I just felt like a bad day for me I am trying to be upbeat but some days are harder than others.

    Anne

    P.S. thank you both for your words of hope and encouragement I am so glad I have found this website it is helping a lot.

    Maybe you have GERD
    Anne: The trouble you have with swallowing might be related to reflux (or GERD). Ask your doctor if you would benefit from something like Nexium or Prilosec. Chemo really does trash your entire gut lining and trouble swallowing can be a symptom of reflux.

    I went through the same situation as you where I loved my job and had to give it up for a while--now I am back to work on a very limited basis. It's kind of like an identity crises. You were the caregiver and now you are the care-receiver. It takes time to adjust to all the changes--especially when you are not used to feeling badly. Just imagine that when you are ready to go back to work, someone is gonna quit and they will hire you back in a heartbeat.

    Chemo messes up your brain chemicals (especially serotonin) so don't be surprised if you find yourself crying a lot. It's kind of par for the course. Another thing to get used to...sigh.

    (((hugs)))

    LQ
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #6
    LaundryQueen said:

    Maybe you have GERD
    Anne: The trouble you have with swallowing might be related to reflux (or GERD). Ask your doctor if you would benefit from something like Nexium or Prilosec. Chemo really does trash your entire gut lining and trouble swallowing can be a symptom of reflux.

    I went through the same situation as you where I loved my job and had to give it up for a while--now I am back to work on a very limited basis. It's kind of like an identity crises. You were the caregiver and now you are the care-receiver. It takes time to adjust to all the changes--especially when you are not used to feeling badly. Just imagine that when you are ready to go back to work, someone is gonna quit and they will hire you back in a heartbeat.

    Chemo messes up your brain chemicals (especially serotonin) so don't be surprised if you find yourself crying a lot. It's kind of par for the course. Another thing to get used to...sigh.

    (((hugs)))

    LQ

    thanks for you support LQ
    thanks for you support LQ the swallowing I think is just from the sores I have in my mouth but I will check with the doctor to make sure

    Anne
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #7
    Sorry you had to lose your job
    That is a double whammy ! I was already disabled and retired when I got sick. It is an adjustment and your job sounds like it was so meaningful. They were lucky to have you and the changes you made will continue to help them so you can be proud of that. You have to concentrate on yourself right now and get better . You sound like a fighter and that will help you on this journey. Good luck .
    Colleen
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #8
    Cafewoman53 said:

    Sorry you had to lose your job
    That is a double whammy ! I was already disabled and retired when I got sick. It is an adjustment and your job sounds like it was so meaningful. They were lucky to have you and the changes you made will continue to help them so you can be proud of that. You have to concentrate on yourself right now and get better . You sound like a fighter and that will help you on this journey. Good luck .
    Colleen

    caregiver
    I think LQ is right alot of it is I am use to being the care giver not the one receiving the care makes it hard for me. But I really did love my job. I am a fighter I have to be to make it through this we all are fighters. Thanks for your support all of you it means a lot to me. I did get some good news today I had a blood test completed to make sure that I did not have these two genes that mutated because it I did my cances for reacorrence would go up very high and the chance for other cancer also go through the roof well I do not have the mutated gene!!!!!! I am sooo happy

    Anne
  • mom2greatkids
    mom2greatkids Member Posts: 528
    #9
    AnneBehymer said:

    caregiver
    I think LQ is right alot of it is I am use to being the care giver not the one receiving the care makes it hard for me. But I really did love my job. I am a fighter I have to be to make it through this we all are fighters. Thanks for your support all of you it means a lot to me. I did get some good news today I had a blood test completed to make sure that I did not have these two genes that mutated because it I did my cances for reacorrence would go up very high and the chance for other cancer also go through the roof well I do not have the mutated gene!!!!!! I am sooo happy

    Anne

    No one who fights this beast
    No one who fights this beast is a whimp!! You are a brave woman!!
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #10
    mom2greatkids said:

    No one who fights this beast
    No one who fights this beast is a whimp!! You are a brave woman!!

    thank you we are all brave
    thank you we are all brave women going through a hard fight
  • lulu1010
    lulu1010 Member Posts: 367
    #11
    AnneBehymer said:

    thank you we are all brave
    thank you we are all brave women going through a hard fight

    I am right there with you!
    I was on chemo 10 months and could not have worked either. I did lose my job also. I am an RN so I suppose I could get a job somewhere else but that is kind of hard when you are 58 and have chemo brain and fatique and know you may be ill again soon. So now I am fine but chose not to get a new job so not elegible for unemployment and not disabled. I fill in a few hours here and there but I too had the job I loved and will probably not have it again.
    It is a double whammy but you are not being a wimp. I would rather stay home and take care of myself even if I lose my job than try to work thru it. Just take one day at a time and take care of you first.....we are all right there with you!
  • Susan777
    Susan777 Member Posts: 97 Member
    #12
    not a whimp
    You are so not a whimp. I still felt crappy 2 weeks after 2nd treatment. The bone pain stopped, but I was so tired, I got a "sty" in my eye and a giant "boil" under my arm pit. I did NOT go back to work. Doctor has me out for 6 full months to recover. Luckily...California has State Disability and it is not taxable income and so I come out about even. My boss has been great and pays my insurance and has is letting my bonus's accumulate for when I return. He hooked me up with "go to my PC" and I can log in when I feel like it and work from home in my undies!

    Hang in there!

    Susan
  • Mercedes20870
    Mercedes20870 Member Posts: 24
    #13
    Hi Anne,
    I just read your
    Hi Anne,

    I just read your post and all the reply's, I'm overwhelmed by how big is our desire to be with you and make you feel better, you are in the point of your treatment when everything is so painful, plus the fact of loosing your love job, but as we all know you will get better, and what you did for your ladies at work is in their heart and I hope whoever will take your job, not your place, could follow your example, your ladies are good, and believe me, is they know what you are going thru now, they are more concern on you to get well ...

    When you finish your treatments, you will see what is going to happen about work, in the meanwhile try to rest the more you can, you need to put a lot of your energy to fight, you did a wonderful job with your ladies, now it is time to do it for yourself, please do not loose your hope, you might get back to your job, God is on charge ...

    I wish with all my heart you are feeling better already!

    Lots of hugs,
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #14
    Mercedes20870 said:

    Hi Anne,
    I just read your
    Hi Anne,

    I just read your post and all the reply's, I'm overwhelmed by how big is our desire to be with you and make you feel better, you are in the point of your treatment when everything is so painful, plus the fact of loosing your love job, but as we all know you will get better, and what you did for your ladies at work is in their heart and I hope whoever will take your job, not your place, could follow your example, your ladies are good, and believe me, is they know what you are going thru now, they are more concern on you to get well ...

    When you finish your treatments, you will see what is going to happen about work, in the meanwhile try to rest the more you can, you need to put a lot of your energy to fight, you did a wonderful job with your ladies, now it is time to do it for yourself, please do not loose your hope, you might get back to your job, God is on charge ...

    I wish with all my heart you are feeling better already!

    Lots of hugs,

    today is much better than
    today is much better than the past few the bone pain has eased up it still hurts to swallow but I am begianing to think it is not from the sores but something else. I do know God is in control I just have to learn to let go and let God. thanks for your kind words and all of your support it helps knowing there are those out there who have made it through

    Anne
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #15
    Mercedes20870 said:

    Hi Anne,
    I just read your
    Hi Anne,

    I just read your post and all the reply's, I'm overwhelmed by how big is our desire to be with you and make you feel better, you are in the point of your treatment when everything is so painful, plus the fact of loosing your love job, but as we all know you will get better, and what you did for your ladies at work is in their heart and I hope whoever will take your job, not your place, could follow your example, your ladies are good, and believe me, is they know what you are going thru now, they are more concern on you to get well ...

    When you finish your treatments, you will see what is going to happen about work, in the meanwhile try to rest the more you can, you need to put a lot of your energy to fight, you did a wonderful job with your ladies, now it is time to do it for yourself, please do not loose your hope, you might get back to your job, God is on charge ...

    I wish with all my heart you are feeling better already!

    Lots of hugs,

    today is much better than
    today is much better than the past few the bone pain has eased up it still hurts to swallow but I am begianing to think it is not from the sores but something else. I do know God is in control I just have to learn to let go and let God. thanks for your kind words and all of your support it helps knowing there are those out there who have made it through

    Anne
  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    #16
    AnneBehymer said:

    today is much better than
    today is much better than the past few the bone pain has eased up it still hurts to swallow but I am begianing to think it is not from the sores but something else. I do know God is in control I just have to learn to let go and let God. thanks for your kind words and all of your support it helps knowing there are those out there who have made it through

    Anne

    there are NO WIMPS HERE
    we are all strong woman who have been through hell and back. The pain is real so don't under estimate how you feel. We all know the pain very well. believe me. I was on dbl for 6 months in 2009=2010 and went back to work pt at my old job. Maybe you will to,you nenver know. Good caring and hard working people are hard to come by theses days and your employer will soon realize this and wish you would come back when you can.. We are warriors and overcomers. God bless..val
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #17
    I don't see any whimps
    Dear Anne... isn't it great that we have this place to come to when we wonder if we have the strenght to deal with this "beast". Put all your energies into your fight so you can return stronger than ever!
    ((((HUGS)))) Maria
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member
    #18
    Mwee said:

    I don't see any whimps
    Dear Anne... isn't it great that we have this place to come to when we wonder if we have the strenght to deal with this "beast". Put all your energies into your fight so you can return stronger than ever!
    ((((HUGS)))) Maria

    Maria,
    I am very glad I
    Maria,

    I am very glad I found this site it has helpped me so much by me being able to talk to others who are going through what I am right now and I have learned alot also just by reading some of the post thanks for all your support

    Anne

Discussion Boards