how do you learn to live with this?

You will get through this
Sandy, like Norma said, this is the hard part. You have to make sometime positive out of everything or you will go crazy. If you listen to music or the radio, isn't funny how all the sad songs come up or is it that we just notice them more. (My husband and I would joke about this). If I got a pouty face on (like I was going to cry), my husband would make the same face and then we would laugh (still tears in my eyes). Sometimes you feel all alone, but in reality there are sooooo many people facing the same problems or more.

I think that the hardest thing is that we don't like to see our family members worry about us. When I was diagnosed my three sons were ages 13 14 and 15. I didn't want them to worry about me. I kept a lot of feelings in and always kept a happy face on. Same with my husband. I continued to work the best I could during treatment. Most people around me didn't even realize what I was going through.

The week I was first told, I couldn't sleep. I would have what I call a "silent scream". Scream into my pillow. But this too passes and we realize that just because the doctor says you have cancer, doesn't mean dilly! How long did you have it before you went to the doctor and your life seemed realitively normal then, right? So go back to that state of mind. The best part is that the cancer has been or will be removed or zapped. Very positive thought.

So Sandy, I am sending you a hug and comforting thoughts your way to help you through this. Hang in there!

Kathy