Mentally Coping With Everything

daveinwoodland
daveinwoodland Member Posts: 16
in Head and Neck Cancer #1
A couple of months before I was diagnosed I had lost my 10 plus year job. I was on unemployment at the time and switched over to disability later on ( I should have done it sooner). I'm having real issues coping with everything. While I am getting better physically slowly but surely I'm finding my mental state is really bad.

I know I am not wired to do any harm to myself so I'm not concerned there, but I find that I'm beginning not to care about most other aspects of life. I've been out of treatment since December of 2010 and while I am definitely better physically my mental state seems to continue to degrade. No employment, still not physically back, worried in general of everything thats going on.

Not being able to enjoy food has been a big part of it although I know from everyone here that I need to be thankful my health is were its at under the circumstances. I've looked into both support groups and one on one counseling but they are just not for me. I'm hoping that time and finding a new career/job will reduce allot of this but so far that as well is pretty dismal under the current conditions.

As usual I seem to get the best responses here from those of us that are going through or have been through it. Thanks.

Comments

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #2
    Seek Cancer Support Groups
    Sorry that you are going through this part post treatment....

    Only thing that I can readily suggest would be to seek local cancer support groups. Similar to here only face to face....perhaps starting at your treatment facility or just an online search for you immediate area...

    Usually things seem to be much better when you are surronded by others that have or are going through the same or similar.

    Best,
    John
  • ratface
    ratface Member Posts: 1,337 Member
    #3
    Skiffin16 said:

    Seek Cancer Support Groups
    Sorry that you are going through this part post treatment....

    Only thing that I can readily suggest would be to seek local cancer support groups. Similar to here only face to face....perhaps starting at your treatment facility or just an online search for you immediate area...

    Usually things seem to be much better when you are surronded by others that have or are going through the same or similar.

    Best,
    John

    Please reconsider
    Hi Dave

    Would you and could you reconsider going to one counseling session? You need to put the coping mechanisms in place that will assist you through this. Are you taking anti-anxiety medication at the moment? If not, consider this option also. It really makes a huge difference in taking the edge off and coping from day to day. I stayed on meds for an entire year. Personally I found the journey difficult mentally and sought out two, thats (2) separate psychologists. They were both helpful but I found the psychologist who dealt with cancer patients exclusively much more beneficial. You can find these individuals working in major cancer centers. Also contact your local Support for people with head and neck cancer chapter and ask the coordinator if he/she can put you in touch with a member for interim support. SPOHNC 1-800-377-0928. Where are you located as perhaps someone from the boards could help? Lastly I have found yoga and exercise to be a great anxiety diffuser. Please reach out to someone.
  • fisrpotpe
    fisrpotpe Member Posts: 1,349 Member
    #4
    Some
    I had some what of the same problem, after a couple weeks I finally figured it out. I was not feeling like a man, i could not do most all the things men can do, I could not eat, drink, motivate like me. Hell sex drive was not there either. I then just started doing things with the hope I did not care how long it took to clean the garage, was the car, walk cutting the grass. If I got tired I rested. The idea was the more I did anything no matter how slow, hard or not complete it was better than not doing anything.

    It helped. At the same time I was doing this my sister in law suggested I take a note book and wright 10 things daily that I was thankful for. Amazing how hard this was the first couple days this was, each day it became easier. This helped me realize the simple things that I took for granted were special. example... sunrise, no matter rain, clouds, sun, snow having a sunrise was something to be thankful for.

    Being a survivor is a challenge in itself, then add all the side effects physically, no job to go to and not knowing what tomorrow brings is a challenge many of us go thru.

    Recovery is slower by ten times than many of us thought it would be. It will get better.

    Prayers going out for wisdom, strength and smiles going out for you.

    John
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #5
    Skiffin16 said:

    Seek Cancer Support Groups
    Sorry that you are going through this part post treatment....

    Only thing that I can readily suggest would be to seek local cancer support groups. Similar to here only face to face....perhaps starting at your treatment facility or just an online search for you immediate area...

    Usually things seem to be much better when you are surronded by others that have or are going through the same or similar.

    Best,
    John

    Sorry Dave
    I apparently skimmed the sentence where you weren't comfortable with group sessions. But as I and Splinter suggested, I think it would be beneficial...find one that doesn't put you on the spot and just allows you to sit and observe....I'm not a group person either, but usually once in the setting and comfortable, especially on a topic that I know well of, I loosen up and blend in rather quickly.

    Also like John mentioned, a journal is good... I'm not much for journals, but my wife is and they help her even though she is the only one that reads or sees it....

    It helps her to sort things out she is having problems with...

    Best,
    John
  • Greend
    Greend Member Posts: 678
    #6
    fisrpotpe said:

    Some
    I had some what of the same problem, after a couple weeks I finally figured it out. I was not feeling like a man, i could not do most all the things men can do, I could not eat, drink, motivate like me. Hell sex drive was not there either. I then just started doing things with the hope I did not care how long it took to clean the garage, was the car, walk cutting the grass. If I got tired I rested. The idea was the more I did anything no matter how slow, hard or not complete it was better than not doing anything.

    It helped. At the same time I was doing this my sister in law suggested I take a note book and wright 10 things daily that I was thankful for. Amazing how hard this was the first couple days this was, each day it became easier. This helped me realize the simple things that I took for granted were special. example... sunrise, no matter rain, clouds, sun, snow having a sunrise was something to be thankful for.

    Being a survivor is a challenge in itself, then add all the side effects physically, no job to go to and not knowing what tomorrow brings is a challenge many of us go thru.

    Recovery is slower by ten times than many of us thought it would be. It will get better.

    Prayers going out for wisdom, strength and smiles going out for you.

    John

    Taking time to do things
    I hated this at first but now it is kind of nice. I do what I can when I can and when I get tired I stop. Start up again if/when I feel better. The depression was terrible but after I finally accepted my "new normal" I started feeling better.

    Hang in there.....thousands have walked this path before you and most made it through and all are stronger for the journey believe it or not.
  • hawk711
    hawk711 Member Posts: 566
    #7
    Greend said:

    Taking time to do things
    I hated this at first but now it is kind of nice. I do what I can when I can and when I get tired I stop. Start up again if/when I feel better. The depression was terrible but after I finally accepted my "new normal" I started feeling better.

    Hang in there.....thousands have walked this path before you and most made it through and all are stronger for the journey believe it or not.

    Your post is telling
    Dave
    Just coming clean to us here on CSN took guts. I am not a counseling guy either, but I'd do it to get my attitude back straight. I think the job loss and then "C" is a lot to have happen at one time. Make the call that RF advised you to do. It is anonymous and that's why they have 800 numbers to make it easy to get help....We are not counselors, we are just survivors and we do our best to offer assistance, but a professional who sees issues daily may be the right choice.
    Good luck on this quest...my thoughts are with you.
  • ratface
    ratface Member Posts: 1,337 Member
    #8
    hawk711 said:

    Your post is telling
    Dave
    Just coming clean to us here on CSN took guts. I am not a counseling guy either, but I'd do it to get my attitude back straight. I think the job loss and then "C" is a lot to have happen at one time. Make the call that RF advised you to do. It is anonymous and that's why they have 800 numbers to make it easy to get help....We are not counselors, we are just survivors and we do our best to offer assistance, but a professional who sees issues daily may be the right choice.
    Good luck on this quest...my thoughts are with you.

    fisnpotpe and grass cutting
    Fisnpotpe may be on to something with cutting the lawn. I had a lawnboy mower that I could push around easily but was not belt/automatic driven. I decided that since I was going to die shortly I better find a mower my wife could handle. I now own a three speed belt drive which I hate because the gearing is to slow or to fast. Turns out I didn't die yet and my wife is still not cutting the grass. Mower turned out to be a very poor decision. Don't suffer with depression as it is one of the few things the Docs can help with.
  • davidgskinner
    davidgskinner Member Posts: 81
    #9
    ratface said:

    fisnpotpe and grass cutting
    Fisnpotpe may be on to something with cutting the lawn. I had a lawnboy mower that I could push around easily but was not belt/automatic driven. I decided that since I was going to die shortly I better find a mower my wife could handle. I now own a three speed belt drive which I hate because the gearing is to slow or to fast. Turns out I didn't die yet and my wife is still not cutting the grass. Mower turned out to be a very poor decision. Don't suffer with depression as it is one of the few things the Docs can help with.

    Try throwing rocks
    I have discovered that it helps to go off alone and just get mad. It works better for me. I yell, cuss, throw rocks. One or two good friends for me are better than a groups session. But I know that's just me. But it is no joke; surviving cancer is really a traumatic event...
    One thing else, the rock throwing really feels good; it has done more for my neck and shoulder post dissection than the physical therapy exercises...
  • palmyrafan
    palmyrafan Member Posts: 396
    #10
    Counseling
    I agree with all the other posts.

    First, counseling is great, if you find the right person. I have been Blessed the last 9 years to have a psychologist whose specialty is people with chronic illness. She knows her stuff. It also helps that she is married to my private family physician. They have our permission to openly discuss everything about me, that way, I get the best medical care possible.

    As also noted here, you are trying to deal with a new "normal". Some people adjust quickly, others, not so quickly. I fall into the latter category. It took me a while to realize that what I wanted my "normal" to be and what it really was were at opposite ends of the spectrum. It takes time.

    Journaling is an amazing way to get your thoughts down. Whether with pen and paper or on the computer, you can track your progress, not only with your medical condition, but also with your emotional one. It is a great way to release pent-up frustrations as well. I know from experience, it helps.

    Hang in there. There are many survivors on here who have walked the path before you. You can learn from us and we can learn from you.

    You'll remain in my prayers.

    Teresa
  • sweetblood22
    sweetblood22 Member Posts: 3,228
    #11
    palmyrafan said:

    Counseling
    I agree with all the other posts.

    First, counseling is great, if you find the right person. I have been Blessed the last 9 years to have a psychologist whose specialty is people with chronic illness. She knows her stuff. It also helps that she is married to my private family physician. They have our permission to openly discuss everything about me, that way, I get the best medical care possible.

    As also noted here, you are trying to deal with a new "normal". Some people adjust quickly, others, not so quickly. I fall into the latter category. It took me a while to realize that what I wanted my "normal" to be and what it really was were at opposite ends of the spectrum. It takes time.

    Journaling is an amazing way to get your thoughts down. Whether with pen and paper or on the computer, you can track your progress, not only with your medical condition, but also with your emotional one. It is a great way to release pent-up frustrations as well. I know from experience, it helps.

    Hang in there. There are many survivors on here who have walked the path before you. You can learn from us and we can learn from you.

    You'll remain in my prayers.

    Teresa

    Cancer survivor group
    I can kind of understand about not being comfortable around the group thing. I had gone to a generic cancer survivors group because there are no HNC groups anywhere near me. I was so depressed from not being able to eat anything and from being so exhausted and being in so much pain, I just couldn't stand it. It was not helpful that when I got there at the meeting, there was chips, pretzels, cupcakes and soda on the table. It was too much to sit there with everyone munching, and here I was in deep depression because I couldn't eat. It wasn't for me. I needed people who understood what I went through.

    I went back to the doctor again and she doubled my lexapro, and that did help some. Pushing hard trying to figure out how to cook and eat food again helped a lot, and then finding this site helped a ton. I think that if I wasn't able to finally eat again, I would have needed serious and very intensive therapy, because for me, it was more than I could bear. And honestly, all the people who told me to just get over that and just be happy that I was alive, yeah, those people, I wanted to punch them in the throat. :-/

    I hope that you will get help from a professional. I spent well over half my life with clinical depression and serious anxiety, and was miserable. It didn't need to be that way. When I finally felt like ' normal', it was like the most amazing miracle. It was the best gift I ever gave myself. You are worthy of giving yourself good mental health as well as physical health! :)

    Hugs~

    Sweet
  • daveinwoodland
    daveinwoodland Member Posts: 16
    #12
    sweetblood22 said:

    Cancer survivor group
    I can kind of understand about not being comfortable around the group thing. I had gone to a generic cancer survivors group because there are no HNC groups anywhere near me. I was so depressed from not being able to eat anything and from being so exhausted and being in so much pain, I just couldn't stand it. It was not helpful that when I got there at the meeting, there was chips, pretzels, cupcakes and soda on the table. It was too much to sit there with everyone munching, and here I was in deep depression because I couldn't eat. It wasn't for me. I needed people who understood what I went through.

    I went back to the doctor again and she doubled my lexapro, and that did help some. Pushing hard trying to figure out how to cook and eat food again helped a lot, and then finding this site helped a ton. I think that if I wasn't able to finally eat again, I would have needed serious and very intensive therapy, because for me, it was more than I could bear. And honestly, all the people who told me to just get over that and just be happy that I was alive, yeah, those people, I wanted to punch them in the throat. :-/

    I hope that you will get help from a professional. I spent well over half my life with clinical depression and serious anxiety, and was miserable. It didn't need to be that way. When I finally felt like ' normal', it was like the most amazing miracle. It was the best gift I ever gave myself. You are worthy of giving yourself good mental health as well as physical health! :)

    Hugs~

    Sweet

    Thank You Again
    As usual I feel better after reading your suggestions and ideas. Thank you everyone. I think of all of us daily and what we're all going through in different degrees.

    I never imagined what it would be like beforehand. I feel allot like sweetblood22 mentioned when there is food around and definitely felt what was mentioned when someone mentions the typical "glad to be alive" statement.

    I think my visits here have kept me in perspective and have helped my sanity as well.

    I hope everyone has a wonderful week.
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #13
    Hi Davein
    I too had problems like this when dealing with my cancer a 3rd time, but for me I would just pray about it knowing that of myself I could do nothing about my problem. I know it is a hard thing to do but it was the only thing that pulled me back in to my right mind. Like everyone I still suffer with many side effects of being treatment so many times, but I read my Bible and thank God everyday for his grace.

    Take care my friend and if you don’t mind I will keep you in my prays
    Hondo

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