Just found out today Mom has Stage 4 esophageal cancer im lost

Dear you,I am so sorry that
Dear you
I am so sorry that you have found your mum to be so ill, Stage 4 to be honest is not so good, there will be lots of tears can I suggest you get a second opinion, really important, with a second opinion you can move forward. Stage 4 as you may not know yet means that the cancer has moved into other major organs and the chances of long term survival are slim, sorry to be so brutal, my husband has been stage 4 since August 2010
, he is doing ok, what i have learnt along the way is to try to get in front of this cancer, in other words do your research, make your Mums journey as stress free as possible so she can enjoy what time she has left. Stage 4 means palliative care, which again means ensuring that her time with you and her grandchildren, she is able to enjoy, again question which treatments they want to put your mum on, there are times that the care is worse than the cancer itself. The best advice I can give you is this, tell your Mum everything that is in your heart, do not leave any words unspoken, do not feel guilty for coming home to your children, your Mum is also a Mum and would not have it any other way, stay strong, there are far more wise people that will reply to your post, but believe me when I say you are not along and my prayers and thoughts are with you.
Ann

MomhasStage4EC said:

Age
She is 51

Welcome
Welcome to our site. I am sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, but know that this is a great place to learn about those circumstances. My husband was diagnosed with stage IV Esophageal cancer in October of 2010. He was 54 years old. He was having trouble swallowing, had been having some pain in the abdomen, and was losing weight. When he finally went to the doctor, an endoscopy and CT exam were scheduled for three days later. When the doctor came to talk to us after the endoscopy he told us he thought it was cancer and he had "never seen anything like it before". The esophagus was covered with tumors for 20 centimeters. It looked like a corroded pipe. As we drove the 3blocks to the CT scan I cried the whole way, and continued to cry when we went inside. As we filled out the insurance papers tears were streaming down my face and I cried softly in the waiting room the whole time he was having the CT exam. I cried and I prayed and I kept asking myself how did this happen. My husband was healthy, active, and never sick. And during that time waiting, I decided that we were going to fight this as best we could. Before we even got the official results back from the tests we got on the computer and self referred to MD Anderson in Houston, as we live in the very southern tip of Texas and this was the closest large cancer center. So, I understand completely how devastating this diagnosis can be. Next month we will have been married 35 years, we have been together twice as long as we were apart. The world as I knew it changed completely that day. I had just retired from 33years of teaching, our kids were grown and on their own, and we were finally going to do all those "one of these days" things. My world stopped on a dime that day and all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and wake up from this terrible dream. Being an educator I have always known knowledge is power, so after my cry, I sat down and was determined to educate myself. I looked up everything I could find on the Internet about this cancer and read until late into the night for days. By the time we headed to Houston a week later I had familiarized myself with terms and treatments and info about drugs and side effects. As my husband started chemo and continued to lose weight, I got on the Internet and stumbled upon this site while looking for information on ways to get more calories into him when he could barely swallow. It has been a great resource ever since. He has had 3 rounds of chemo, with good results on this last round, and is feeling fairly well all things considered. Since we own our own family business, our son has taken over the day to day operations, and that has allowed Rickie to stay home and concentrate on being well. He stays active by working in the yard, has been helping clear out clutter in the house and garage, and helps me babysit our granddaughters occasionally. Our days are filled with doctor appointments, chemo, and tube feedings, as well as finding things to cook that he can swallow. We know that his condition is inoperable and incurable, so we pray for time. Time to share with our families, time to enjoy each other, and time for new advances in the treatment of this monstrous disease. As long as he continues to tolerate the chemo well, we will continue to fight. We got the feeling that the doctors did not expect him to be around this long and we know that prayers being offered up for him are the reason he is still here. Please tell your mother to stay strong and not give up. I will keep her in my prayers, as well as you. Being a caregiver is a special task that has been given to us. Remember, you can do all things through He who strengenths you! Feel free to email me if you want to talk or have any questions.
Cheryl

I understand
I live far from my dad and he too was recently diagnosed. Get comfort with other family members and friends to whom are like family to you. Make the time you spend with her awesome. Just being there is the best thing you can do. I have a daughter and it is difficult leaving her. Can you take them with you? I am sure your mom would love to see them. I have only been on this site for a few hours and I feel comfort knowing my thoughts and feelings are validated by others' experiences. Prayers and positive thoughts to you!