Joy in Life

wiveliscombe
wiveliscombe Member Posts: 50
in Grief and Bereavement #1
How does one find that joy for life again after losing your spouse?
I lost George just over 4 months ago we were married for 38 years. He was my best friend and the one person I could depend on. He had just retired and we'd completed building our dream home in the country when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer so we had to move to be closer to hospitals for his treatment. We were only in this place 8 months before he passed and as I was his caregiver I didn't get out and meet people and now I don't seem to have any motivation but feel so alone and lonely and don't even know if I want to stay here. My two daughters live about an hour away but are always so busy with their families.
I don't post very often but I have found comfort from reading all the other posts so thanks to all of you who share your experiences. As its been said it's too bad we are so spread out and can't meet for lunch! I am in North California but originally from England.

Louise

Comments

  • UKLady
    UKLady Member Posts: 85
    #2
    what a coincidence !

    that if you followed my posts I feel the same as a new (legal :-) ) immigrant but I am only in the first month of widowhood so early days- and guess where I am from? :-) Lucy is a dear and always offers me a virtual cup of tea here! :-) Are you from Somerset by any chance? :-) I shall PM you, as I am planning to return to England for a visit to friends and family in a few weeks.

    I am finding my friends that I made at cancer support to be invaluable in the absence of other types of local roots. It helps not to have to explain where you are in the grieving process as we all lost a loved one within weeks of each other-so if we meet up outside our normal counseling day which we did before we were bereaved and were caregivers and one of us is having a bad day, we know we can just be ourselves.I do miss girl talk though as they are all males !

    Lyndsey
  • debbieg5
    debbieg5 Member Posts: 167
    #3
    zombi life
    Hi Louise, sorry to have you join our group. I too lost my husband, Ken, just over 5 months ago. Next week would have been our 31st anniversary. I totally agree about the lost, wandering feeling. My double-edged sword is that I still have children at home (daughter in college and 2 boys 15 and almost 13). So I guess that helps in a way because I still have to stay so busy with them. But i do find myself just going through the motions and almost running on auto-pilot. I have been to a couple of social gatherings, mostly centered around the kids' school activities. You go through the motions of talking to people but when most everyone else is couples, it just drives it home again that you are ALONE. Every once in a while I think to myself....geez, I'm a widow! Is that my new identity? Feels strange because you keep thinking that it is just a temporary situation until it hits you all over again...he's not coming back.
    I can't imagine what it would be like if I was living in a fairly new area and didn't know a lot of people. that has to be especially hard. Have you tried to find any grief support groups there? At least those people could identify with you.

    Where in NC are you? That is where I grew up but I live in MD now. I am coming down this weekend to Raleigh area to see a concert. It is a musician that I am a fanatic over and I have 4 other equally fanatic friends coming with me. I am looking forward to this being a huge mental/emotional release for me. I'm going to stay at my parents' house so it will seem like I'm having a big pajama party. LOL
    Let me know where you are and maybe we are close enough to get together some time.
    Debbie
  • wiveliscombe
    wiveliscombe Member Posts: 50
    #4
    debbieg5 said:

    zombi life
    Hi Louise, sorry to have you join our group. I too lost my husband, Ken, just over 5 months ago. Next week would have been our 31st anniversary. I totally agree about the lost, wandering feeling. My double-edged sword is that I still have children at home (daughter in college and 2 boys 15 and almost 13). So I guess that helps in a way because I still have to stay so busy with them. But i do find myself just going through the motions and almost running on auto-pilot. I have been to a couple of social gatherings, mostly centered around the kids' school activities. You go through the motions of talking to people but when most everyone else is couples, it just drives it home again that you are ALONE. Every once in a while I think to myself....geez, I'm a widow! Is that my new identity? Feels strange because you keep thinking that it is just a temporary situation until it hits you all over again...he's not coming back.
    I can't imagine what it would be like if I was living in a fairly new area and didn't know a lot of people. that has to be especially hard. Have you tried to find any grief support groups there? At least those people could identify with you.

    Where in NC are you? That is where I grew up but I live in MD now. I am coming down this weekend to Raleigh area to see a concert. It is a musician that I am a fanatic over and I have 4 other equally fanatic friends coming with me. I am looking forward to this being a huge mental/emotional release for me. I'm going to stay at my parents' house so it will seem like I'm having a big pajama party. LOL
    Let me know where you are and maybe we are close enough to get together some time.
    Debbie

    Hi Debbie,
    I have joined a
    Hi Debbie,

    I have joined a support group in town and have been trying to get one started in the community that I'm living in so maybe I will make some new friends. It's really hard going out and joining new groups when you're feeling so sad all the time. I am in Northern California so not near Raleigh. Being from England I'm not really very familiar with all the states. I went to a Yanni concert, I'm a real fan of him, in Conneticut not knowing how far that was from California when I made the booking! My husband didn't tell me as he knew how much I wanted to see him!
    Enjoy the concert.
    Louise
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #5
    Here
    I am in Northern California, too, but born and raised here. I visited England for the first time this year at Christmas. It was snowing in London. I still enjoyed the city and the people. Fay
  • wiveliscombe
    wiveliscombe Member Posts: 50
    #6
    grandmafay said:

    Here
    I am in Northern California, too, but born and raised here. I visited England for the first time this year at Christmas. It was snowing in London. I still enjoyed the city and the people. Fay

    Have you heard of 'Manteca'?
    Have you heard of 'Manteca'? We had just moved to Jackson and built our dream home. I loved it there but we had to move when George was diagnosed to be closer to the hospital so I'm not familiar with this city and know no one.
    Louise
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #7
    wiveliscombe said:

    Have you heard of 'Manteca'?
    Have you heard of 'Manteca'? We had just moved to Jackson and built our dream home. I loved it there but we had to move when George was diagnosed to be closer to the hospital so I'm not familiar with this city and know no one.
    Louise

    Hi Louise

    My wife and I have been married for 36 years going on 37 this August and she has been my care giver now for the past 8 years of fighting this battle, I am so glad I have her as I know I could not do this along. I am sorry to hear about George, but I am sure he is a lot like me and just glad he had you to come home too. I too wish that somehow people on CSN could somehow get together and meet as we get so much strength from each other.

    Wishing you all the best
    Hondo
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #8
    wiveliscombe said:

    Have you heard of 'Manteca'?
    Have you heard of 'Manteca'? We had just moved to Jackson and built our dream home. I loved it there but we had to move when George was diagnosed to be closer to the hospital so I'm not familiar with this city and know no one.
    Louise

    Manteca
    I have a son who lives in Stockton and I used to teach in Stockton. I live in Calaveras County. My son and daughter-in-law both work for Manteca Unified. So yes, I have heard of it. Small world. I'll PM my phone number so we can talk. Fay

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