Been called in to the oncologist's office - terrified. Second recurrence?

Hi - I just joined, looking for hope, comfort, and information on-line. I was just called a couple of days ago by my oncologist's office to come in for an appointment. I was just there a couple of weeks ago for my 3-month check. I had had a CT scan before hand, and she said nothing while I was there. I had the usual routine on my way out: blood draw and 6-month chest x-ray. And I'm thinking this busy woman is not calling me in for a friendly little chat. And I am immobilzed by fear and anxiety, and sadness. I can hardly breathe. I have been lucky up to now. Over nine years since diagnosis with stage IIIc, only one small recurrence, three years ago, which was treated with laparoscopic surgery and radiation. I've been feeling well, but I have been experiencing indigestion for the past few months, which I guess is a symptom of recurrence (it seemed to go away when I stopped drinking coffee and cola, but I still get it fairly often).

My anxiety is exacerbated by the fact that I have a new oncologist, who is a general oncologist, not an gyn-onc, and she is rushed. I had a wonderful gyn-oncologist at Yale, but had to change when I split from my husband 23 months ago and moved back to Canada, an eleven-hour drive from Yale. Five months after I moved here, my mother passed away after an 11-month bout with OVCA. Then nine months later (just over nine months ago - hard to believe because it still seems so fresh), my father passed away suddendly and completely unexpectedly, of heart failure. I was very close to both of my parents. My father in particular was a great source of support, positivity, and good humour, during my marriage and its unravelling, as well as my illness. So I am kneecapped already by grief and anxiety. I don't see how I can muster the emotional strength to do this again.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Today I am taking off work, and trying to do something I enjoy. I have just under two weeks until my appointment, and plan to try to fill it with positive, healthy things. I'm nervous about how I am going to support myself and work during treatment, but I am going to blow my vacation time now, and try to shore up my resources.

T