My husband has just been diagnosed with lung cancer

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  • mamacita5
    mamacita5 Member Posts: 254 Member
    #22
    BrendaRae said:

    My husband is at home now
    Hello all;
    it has been a while since I have posted, but you all have been good to me and i wanted to update you.
    My husband is home now after being in the hospital almost 6 weeks undergoing treatment. It was hell let me tell you hell-for him and me. What upsets me is that we have never really been given any clear cut responses-findings have wavered back and forth-it just seems so swooning-they either know or they don't. They treated my husband but have never really "told" him anything-they treated him like crap-his nerves are shot. When I went to visit on the one occasion they acted like I wasn't even there. It just seems so unfair to treat anyone like this. But, since he has been home he is calm peaceful and has not had any pain whatsoever. Home care was offered but they acted like they really didn't even want to extend that. We have chosen to go on our own as we have in any storm we have weathered. Sometimes I don't know what to think, but I do know that many of you here believe in God's power and my heart tells me do not fear that God is with us-I think my husband are entering into "that part of our journey that couples who are so deeply in love enter into" many don't understand nor can you really explain it but I am at peace in knowing that no matter what black marks we have received God has promised we will never have to be apart because he knows we cannot survive without the other. We may have a dark cloud called cancer over us but somehow I feel that it is not going to be our doom and that something more beautiful is coming to set us free. I hope this brings others peace as well.

    Have they still not told you
    Have they still not told you the type/stage of lung cancer he has? I am so sorry for the poor care and lack of concern you have gotten. What type of treatment did he receive?
  • BrendaRae
    BrendaRae Member Posts: 20
    #23
    mamacita5 said:

    Have they still not told you
    Have they still not told you the type/stage of lung cancer he has? I am so sorry for the poor care and lack of concern you have gotten. What type of treatment did he receive?

    In the Dark Yet Somehow at Peace
    hello;
    No they have not ever given us any clear cut answers. One minute it was supposedly NSCLC then one day supposedly SCLC. I did overhear a doctor speaking with my husband over the phone and it was labeled NSCLC. I just really do feel they consider us to be expendable people, that is the way it is here where we live and many have suffered for it.

    But, somehow and don't ask me how we are both at peace. My husband has been comfortable since being home he does sleep a lot and is a little worse for the wear but he has no pain, etc. His nerves are settled and so are mine. When we went into this we agreed that he would go in for the treatment regimen then come home and we would pick up living where we left off and that is what we are doing. We haven't even needed any home care and are doing well on our own. It was offered but they sort of acted like they didn't want to or they just saw that they knew we could fly on our own. It is there is need be is what they told us.

    He did receive radiation and chemotherapy, but nothing was said to him or me about any outcomes. I think that our case is different and this is more of a personal journey than anything. Each person on this earth has struggles and trials and each of us has our own way of getting through them-we go with each other and God. It may not be the way for others but as long as a person is at peace with what they feel than that is what matters. After all no one knows anyone better than they know themselves.
  • lekkerone
    lekkerone Member Posts: 199 Member
    #24
    BrendaRae said:

    In the Dark Yet Somehow at Peace
    hello;
    No they have not ever given us any clear cut answers. One minute it was supposedly NSCLC then one day supposedly SCLC. I did overhear a doctor speaking with my husband over the phone and it was labeled NSCLC. I just really do feel they consider us to be expendable people, that is the way it is here where we live and many have suffered for it.

    But, somehow and don't ask me how we are both at peace. My husband has been comfortable since being home he does sleep a lot and is a little worse for the wear but he has no pain, etc. His nerves are settled and so are mine. When we went into this we agreed that he would go in for the treatment regimen then come home and we would pick up living where we left off and that is what we are doing. We haven't even needed any home care and are doing well on our own. It was offered but they sort of acted like they didn't want to or they just saw that they knew we could fly on our own. It is there is need be is what they told us.

    He did receive radiation and chemotherapy, but nothing was said to him or me about any outcomes. I think that our case is different and this is more of a personal journey than anything. Each person on this earth has struggles and trials and each of us has our own way of getting through them-we go with each other and God. It may not be the way for others but as long as a person is at peace with what they feel than that is what matters. After all no one knows anyone better than they know themselves.

    BrendaRae
    I am sorry but none of this is making sense to me. If these doctors are so uncaring, do you not have other choices. Second opinions are quite acceptable to doctors. Are you asking questions and receiving adequate answers? Are you hearing the doctors or just set on doing the journey alone. Please at least make an appointment with your husband's oncologist and get some answers. Write down your questions before you go. I don't want to sound harsh but going it alone is not noble when there is help available.
  • mamacita5
    mamacita5 Member Posts: 254 Member
    #25
    lekkerone said:

    BrendaRae
    I am sorry but none of this is making sense to me. If these doctors are so uncaring, do you not have other choices. Second opinions are quite acceptable to doctors. Are you asking questions and receiving adequate answers? Are you hearing the doctors or just set on doing the journey alone. Please at least make an appointment with your husband's oncologist and get some answers. Write down your questions before you go. I don't want to sound harsh but going it alone is not noble when there is help available.

    Please Please Please
    Don't go down without a fight. I am a true believer in prayer and all that goes along with that, but I am ALSO a believer in medical science. I have to agree with lekkerone, you MUST become an advocate for your husband if he will not be one for himself. If your oncologist will not give you clear-cut answers then get another one. I ask my doctors anything and everything that comes to mind when I see them, and when I have a question outside of my appointment time I email them. I usually have a response the same day. Please remember they are working for you!
  • BrendaRae
    BrendaRae Member Posts: 20
    #26
    mamacita5 said:

    Please Please Please
    Don't go down without a fight. I am a true believer in prayer and all that goes along with that, but I am ALSO a believer in medical science. I have to agree with lekkerone, you MUST become an advocate for your husband if he will not be one for himself. If your oncologist will not give you clear-cut answers then get another one. I ask my doctors anything and everything that comes to mind when I see them, and when I have a question outside of my appointment time I email them. I usually have a response the same day. Please remember they are working for you!

    A better explanation
    Hello;
    I wanted to take the time to explain things better. What is truly happening here is that my husband is more or less going through the motions with severe anxiety. He was labeled as being stable as far as his medical situation goes-vitals good, etc. About two years ago he was diagnosed as being schizophrenic (paranoid subtype) which often makes chaotic situations a bit much for him. His refuge from that? Me. I have anxiety but have adapted and learned to take efforts to clam myself, but that is not always easy for others like my husband. So, when he can see I am calm he will come around. He was desperate to get home and the excitement was a bit overwhelming so it is taking him some time to unwind and readjust. I know it is rough and I feel bad but with a lot of love and patience he will calm down and settle back into the home routine. I discussed this with some of his nurses and they understood and noticed that after talking to me on the phone he would calm himself. I just guess that when you love someone you want to take away the aggravation as quickly as possible, but as the Lord says we must have patience and I do I do.

    Thanks for listening and pray for us to just relax.
  • BrendaRae
    BrendaRae Member Posts: 20
    #27
    lekkerone said:

    BrendaRae
    I am sorry but none of this is making sense to me. If these doctors are so uncaring, do you not have other choices. Second opinions are quite acceptable to doctors. Are you asking questions and receiving adequate answers? Are you hearing the doctors or just set on doing the journey alone. Please at least make an appointment with your husband's oncologist and get some answers. Write down your questions before you go. I don't want to sound harsh but going it alone is not noble when there is help available.

    Hello
    Yes I heard the doctors-he is stable and I was told on every occasion I called that he was doing okay-vitals good etc. He is just having problems with his nerves (read response to Mamacita). He is not having any pain at all, and has actually done quite well since coming home but he is just having to take baby steps to readjust and allow his nerves to settle the natural way. He responds well to me-we eat together and we rest together, etc. When it comes to his nerves and support he prefers to rely on me as we share a special closeness. That is why we opted to do his home care on our own as it less stressful and we have all we need, etc. We have a phone number if we need something but other than that we are just trying to unwind.
  • lekkerone
    lekkerone Member Posts: 199 Member
    #28
    BrendaRae said:

    Hello
    Yes I heard the doctors-he is stable and I was told on every occasion I called that he was doing okay-vitals good etc. He is just having problems with his nerves (read response to Mamacita). He is not having any pain at all, and has actually done quite well since coming home but he is just having to take baby steps to readjust and allow his nerves to settle the natural way. He responds well to me-we eat together and we rest together, etc. When it comes to his nerves and support he prefers to rely on me as we share a special closeness. That is why we opted to do his home care on our own as it less stressful and we have all we need, etc. We have a phone number if we need something but other than that we are just trying to unwind.

    BrendaRae
    Believe me you have my sympathy as you seem to be having anxiety issues as well as your husband's cancer. You say in an earlier post that he had radiation and chemo but nobody explained to you the status of the cancer. I still say that you should meet with the oncologist and find out exactly what is next for your husband. Surely that would relieve some anxiety for you both. Cancer is not something that you can or would want to hide from. It needs to be attacked head on. I wish you and your husband well.
  • stayingcalm
    stayingcalm Member Posts: 650 Member
    #29
    One more"stranger" butting in
    BrendaRae,

    At the very least, if your husband isn't willing to continue under a doctor's care, you might consider calling Hospice. It seems to me you may need some help caring for him eventually, and Hospice can take a lot of that burden off you . Please consider it?
    Stayingcalm
  • BrendaRae
    BrendaRae Member Posts: 20
    #30
    stayingcalm said:

    One more"stranger" butting in
    BrendaRae,

    At the very least, if your husband isn't willing to continue under a doctor's care, you might consider calling Hospice. It seems to me you may need some help caring for him eventually, and Hospice can take a lot of that burden off you . Please consider it?
    Stayingcalm

    To all who have responded;

    My husband passed away here at home by my side over the weekend. We were happy to have the time we had together and the Lord has assured us both that our separation from each other is only temporary. We will be joined forever together at each others side with the Lord one day-perhaps soon and although once that happens we will not be as husband and wife we are satisfied in knowing the Lord has fulfilled His promise to us in that we will never be apart again-even now. This was very important to us as our journey together is forever and even death has no dominion nor can part us. We started out together at the Lord's side and are truly soul mates bound by all of our unlimited love and dedication to each other and what we wanted. I am truly one of the most blessed women ever to live because I let God lead me-he led me to William and he keeps me with him and even better he will keep me with him at the Lord's side as well.I am having his remains brought home to me and he is with me in spirit and we spend our time "together" each day. We were blessed to have time to prepare and we went to the Lord and said "Lord we know this is coming, and I the wife will give my husband to you as he could not have survived one day without me, and for our faith and belief we rest assured we will be together always and even better at your side-AMEN!!!
  • Glenna M
    Glenna M Member Posts: 1,576
    #31
    BrendaRae said:

    To all who have responded;

    My husband passed away here at home by my side over the weekend. We were happy to have the time we had together and the Lord has assured us both that our separation from each other is only temporary. We will be joined forever together at each others side with the Lord one day-perhaps soon and although once that happens we will not be as husband and wife we are satisfied in knowing the Lord has fulfilled His promise to us in that we will never be apart again-even now. This was very important to us as our journey together is forever and even death has no dominion nor can part us. We started out together at the Lord's side and are truly soul mates bound by all of our unlimited love and dedication to each other and what we wanted. I am truly one of the most blessed women ever to live because I let God lead me-he led me to William and he keeps me with him and even better he will keep me with him at the Lord's side as well.I am having his remains brought home to me and he is with me in spirit and we spend our time "together" each day. We were blessed to have time to prepare and we went to the Lord and said "Lord we know this is coming, and I the wife will give my husband to you as he could not have survived one day without me, and for our faith and belief we rest assured we will be together always and even better at your side-AMEN!!!

    So sorry
    BrendaRae, at times like this I am always at a loss for words. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. Your faith will see you through until you are together again.

    My sincerest sympathy,
    Glenna
  • BrendaRae
    BrendaRae Member Posts: 20
    #32
    Glenna M said:

    So sorry
    BrendaRae, at times like this I am always at a loss for words. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. Your faith will see you through until you are together again.

    My sincerest sympathy,
    Glenna

    No need to be at a loss for words Glenna; William and I knew our life plan from day one; we had been together since I was 13 years old. He is still with me and we will be together with each other and the Lord perhaps sooner than we think; but all of this has been a great comfort and just goes to prove the Lord rewards those who walk with Him in faith rather than by walking in sight which really does nothing more but to further blind us. Faith is being certain of what we hope for, knowing He will make those promises come true and being certain in what we do not see rather than in what we do here on earth.

    Brenda
  • grannylove
    grannylove Member Posts: 183
    #33
    BrendaRae said:

    To all who have responded;

    My husband passed away here at home by my side over the weekend. We were happy to have the time we had together and the Lord has assured us both that our separation from each other is only temporary. We will be joined forever together at each others side with the Lord one day-perhaps soon and although once that happens we will not be as husband and wife we are satisfied in knowing the Lord has fulfilled His promise to us in that we will never be apart again-even now. This was very important to us as our journey together is forever and even death has no dominion nor can part us. We started out together at the Lord's side and are truly soul mates bound by all of our unlimited love and dedication to each other and what we wanted. I am truly one of the most blessed women ever to live because I let God lead me-he led me to William and he keeps me with him and even better he will keep me with him at the Lord's side as well.I am having his remains brought home to me and he is with me in spirit and we spend our time "together" each day. We were blessed to have time to prepare and we went to the Lord and said "Lord we know this is coming, and I the wife will give my husband to you as he could not have survived one day without me, and for our faith and belief we rest assured we will be together always and even better at your side-AMEN!!!

    So sorry
    So sorry for your loss Brenda. So glad you have your faith to comfort you in this difficult time. Know that my prayers are with you also.
    Cheryl
  • mamacita5
    mamacita5 Member Posts: 254 Member
    #34
    grannylove said:

    So sorry
    So sorry for your loss Brenda. So glad you have your faith to comfort you in this difficult time. Know that my prayers are with you also.
    Cheryl

    Very sorry for your loss,
    Very sorry for your loss, Brenda. Please stay with us for awhile. We would love to hear from you from time to time. Keeping you in my prayers.

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