Just need to unload!

sausageroll
sausageroll Member Posts: 415
in Breast Cancer #1
I have been a member for a couple of years and participated as much as I could, but never really said much about myself. Hope you will jjust let me unload for a few moments and then I know I will walk away renewed. Diagnosed with IBC late 2008. 8 rounds of chemo, followed by lumpectomy and the radiation. All going well apart from some pretty dire side effects of Femara. 2 year mammogram was done after a wonderful 6 weeks in Australia,NZ and Tasmania. 3 small calcifications, which they decided to leave..I always have thos anyway. Then they noticed 3 more and all were around the old tumour. Stereotactic biopsy set for early May. however that day my husband fall off a ladder and is taken to Shock Trauma.When they finally did(or tried) to do the biopsy,they could not get it on the screen becacause they are deeply embedded. So see the surgeon on Monday and then set up surgical biopsy.

None of this is bad is it? Especially when I read what many of you are going through. I have 3 pretty supportive children and did have a very supportive husband...the brain injury has changed his personality and I have become the brunt of his anger.I have never had to deal with that before and we have been married over 40 years. I feel lost and alone...but I do know that when I have said this...I will feel better and able to carry on.

Thanks Sisters in Pink!!! Pat
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Comments

  • jendrey
    jendrey Member Posts: 377
    #2
    ...
    Pat, I'm sorry this is happening to you all at once. Overnight, quite literally, you not only lost your best friend of 40 years but have also gained in his place a not too likable person.

    I cannot imagine what you're going through having to live with someone who has suffered a TBI (traumatic brain injury). My cousin's husband had a crane fall on him and his TBI just made him a very changed and difficult person and not in a good way either.

    I think the bad part is the sheer fear of not knowing what to expect anymore. When your biopsy is finally done I think you'll be able to move on in a much better way. Cause then you'll at least know and can review your options and/or formulate a plan.

    You are not alone. We are with you always. We care and we so get it here like no one else can.
  • stayingstrongfortoday
    stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
    #3
    jendrey said:

    ...
    Pat, I'm sorry this is happening to you all at once. Overnight, quite literally, you not only lost your best friend of 40 years but have also gained in his place a not too likable person.

    I cannot imagine what you're going through having to live with someone who has suffered a TBI (traumatic brain injury). My cousin's husband had a crane fall on him and his TBI just made him a very changed and difficult person and not in a good way either.

    I think the bad part is the sheer fear of not knowing what to expect anymore. When your biopsy is finally done I think you'll be able to move on in a much better way. Cause then you'll at least know and can review your options and/or formulate a plan.

    You are not alone. We are with you always. We care and we so get it here like no one else can.

    new too
    I've been dealing with this going on 3 years and the journey changes and the it's scary. I am sorry about what happened with your husband that just adds more stress. My husband is an alcoholic....not a daily drinker or mean but when the stress is too much he completely falls apart and did so just this past March....he then told me all his time must be to make himself better and not deal with anything else....needless to say he did not live here for awhile. Things will seem clearer with plan of action and knowing that you are supported and cared for....make sure you do that for you!! Thinking of you and wishing you some much needed peace!
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #4
    Oh Pat,
    I am so sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Remember, I am still driving down to meet you for coffee or lunch. I just wanted to let you settle down after your wonderful vacation. Just let me know when and where. xoxo, Jean
  • Barb A
    Barb A Member Posts: 123
    #5
    You're not alone Pat!
    Pat, I'm sorry you feel this way. It has to be very difficult for you to be going through so much. I'm glad you reached out to us on this board. We're here for you. I don't post often, but I do read the posts and say a lot of prayers. You will be in mine.

    Barb
  • butterflylvr
    butterflylvr Member Posts: 944
    #6
    Barb A said:

    You're not alone Pat!
    Pat, I'm sorry you feel this way. It has to be very difficult for you to be going through so much. I'm glad you reached out to us on this board. We're here for you. I don't post often, but I do read the posts and say a lot of prayers. You will be in mine.

    Barb

    Hugs Pat...
    Oh wow, my heart is touched. Maybe your husband just needs more time to recoop from his injury and he will be back to himself. Not knowing his state of mind, maybe frustration on his end is causing this mean streak in him. Time may bring him back to you my dear, but in the meantime vent away here because we will always be here for you. I might not always have encouraging words to say but I give great hugs.

    Stay strong..
    Lorrie
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #7
    I'm sending my prayers for
    I'm sending my prayers for you and your husband.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #8
    So sorry you have to go through all of this.
    My mom suffered a massive stroke which caused permanent brain injury. At first contributed the anger stuff to the stroke. However, my brother noticed that everytime they gave her ativan, her personality changed. My mom was very quiet and loving, but at this point she was not so much. I was her main care giver so when it came out I was the best target! It is just food for thought.
    Sending positive thoughts that the calcifications are just that and nothing more.
    ~Carol
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #9
    Jean 0609 said:

    Oh Pat,
    I am so sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Remember, I am still driving down to meet you for coffee or lunch. I just wanted to let you settle down after your wonderful vacation. Just let me know when and where. xoxo, Jean

    I am so sorry Pat. I will
    I am so sorry Pat. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.


    Hugs, Jan
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #10
    Oh, Pat
    I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with - and all at once. At times like this, I can hear my Grandm's voice - 'it never rains, but it pours'. Yep. I've got a big umbrella and I'm sending good, positive thought and heartfelt prayers your way.

    Big, tender hugs,

    Sue
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #11
    oh my dear
    It sounds like you are dealing with two big issues here. One thing at a time. Do you need your kids to help with hubby until or after the surgical biopsy? It would be nice if one of the children could take charge of Dad's issues right now. It would be good to be able to get to the bottom of your issues and without the full responsibility of worrying about your husband as well. I guess the biggest question is this. Whose issues are most urgent? That is hard to say from an outsider's perspective. Perhaps you can get the input from a social worker that works with brain injury issues and she can assist you in weighing out the two issues.

    Remember, your husband would not have treated you meanly had he not had a brain injury. That being said, please insure your own safety and well being. I am not saying he will do anyithing over the line, I am just saying the potiential is greater now. Perhaps the potentntial will decrease given time. Adjustment to a change in one's health is hard enough for those who have not had a brain injury. So he will have more difficulty adjusting to his situation. You and the kids would be wise to seek out the help of those who deal with brain injury at least until things get sorted out a bit.


    You are in my prayers for two things. That what you are going through is minor, and that the family will be able to adjust to the new issues with your husband.
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #12
    Pat, I am so very sorry that
    Pat, I am so very sorry that you are going through two very big traumas. Please know that you and your husband are in my prayers.
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #13
    I am so sorry
    you have to deal with not only your health issues but your husband's accident. We will be hoping and praying that there is nothing cancerous from your biopsy. Please keep us posted.

    And I'm so sorry that your husband has sustained this injury and has had his behavior altered. It must be so difficult. I will be praying for that situation as well. My Mom is dealing with that as my Father has dementia and it has altered his behavior in a negative manner.

    Hugs,

    Sylvia
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #14
    sea60 said:

    I am so sorry
    you have to deal with not only your health issues but your husband's accident. We will be hoping and praying that there is nothing cancerous from your biopsy. Please keep us posted.

    And I'm so sorry that your husband has sustained this injury and has had his behavior altered. It must be so difficult. I will be praying for that situation as well. My Mom is dealing with that as my Father has dementia and it has altered his behavior in a negative manner.

    Hugs,

    Sylvia

    praying for a benign biopsy.
    praying for a benign biopsy. My FIL had a stroke and the first year he was nasty, something about it affecting his brain chemistry. Then he became nice and mellow. after a year or so. Have you spoken to anyone about this who can advise you on meds or how the course of this will be. Perhaps there are new treatments they are finding ut as there are so many TBI's from the war.
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #15
    Pat
    I am sorry that so much is happening at once. I can't think how hard it is on you to have your husband of 40 yrs. suddenly turn into someone else. I will keep you both in my thoughts.

    Hugs,
    Georgia
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #16
    butterflylvr said:

    Hugs Pat...
    Oh wow, my heart is touched. Maybe your husband just needs more time to recoop from his injury and he will be back to himself. Not knowing his state of mind, maybe frustration on his end is causing this mean streak in him. Time may bring him back to you my dear, but in the meantime vent away here because we will always be here for you. I might not always have encouraging words to say but I give great hugs.

    Stay strong..
    Lorrie

    Praying for you and your
    Praying for you and your husband.

    ♥ Kristin ♥
  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
    #17
    ladyg said:

    Pat
    I am sorry that so much is happening at once. I can't think how hard it is on you to have your husband of 40 yrs. suddenly turn into someone else. I will keep you both in my thoughts.

    Hugs,
    Georgia

    Pat,
    I am so sorry that
    Pat,
    I am so sorry that you're going through this. I will pray for you and your husband.
    Hugs,
    Wanda
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    #18
    Lighthouse_7 said:

    Pat,
    I am so sorry that
    Pat,
    I am so sorry that you're going through this. I will pray for you and your husband.
    Hugs,
    Wanda

    Sending hugs and prayers!
    So sorry to hear your news. I"ll pray for both you and your husband. Please let us know your biopsy date 'cause we'll be there!
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #19
    skipper54 said:

    Sending hugs and prayers!
    So sorry to hear your news. I"ll pray for both you and your husband. Please let us know your biopsy date 'cause we'll be there!

    Pat .. You are dealing with so much,
    all at once, I am so sorry. Two health issues at the same time, in the same household really weighs on you mentally and physically. I will keep both you and your husband in prayers.

    Hold on tight to the 40 years of happiness -- as those times will once again return.

    Take a deep breathe and put 1 foot in front of the other in an effort of getting your life back on track. Patience is what I wish for you during this difficult time.

    Strength, Courage and Hope.

    Vicki Sam
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #20
    VickiSam said:

    Pat .. You are dealing with so much,
    all at once, I am so sorry. Two health issues at the same time, in the same household really weighs on you mentally and physically. I will keep both you and your husband in prayers.

    Hold on tight to the 40 years of happiness -- as those times will once again return.

    Take a deep breathe and put 1 foot in front of the other in an effort of getting your life back on track. Patience is what I wish for you during this difficult time.

    Strength, Courage and Hope.

    Vicki Sam

    Pat
    I am truly sorry for what you are going through.Alot for a cancer patient.I am going through alot myself with 2 daughter-in-laws . You have my support because I know your pain.Also my husband always thought and worried about other people being sick.I Was never able to be sick.I was to carry on.Thank goodness didn't need chemo or radiation.

    Our situation is the opposite now though.I never had support but after my cancer dx I took my husband aside and said you MUST support me.I felt so alone like you do now.He changed 100%.He will be 70 next year and I will be 65.We've been married 42 years.So we are about the same age.It means to much to me NOW to be supported and not the next person. We are older and we must think about how short life is. Even more so now. We talk all the time now.We are best friends but my husband hasn't had a tragic accident.Although he does talk to me about his memory and it could go someday.Me being younger he is afraid it will be him first.He told me lately before things get bad he wants to talk to me about his life.Home, childhood and service(Viet Nam).He wants me to know things.

    You can imagine our first 41 years with no support but now I am not as strong.I need alot of support like you. BC can take it toll.Your life is the exact opposite as ours.I know you want these years to be happy.I am the same way. Your husband doesn't understand it all with his accident.Mine did. He had no excuse for not being there for me through the years.

    You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.It brings tears to my eyes because I can imagine. No one knows what others go through till they walk in their shoes. I WAS in your shoes with my husband for many years but now other family members.

    Lynn Smith
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #21
    Oh Pat,
    I'm so sorry to hear
    Oh Pat,
    I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through all at once. Just know we are all here for you. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Take care darlin, {{{{HUGS}}} Kay

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