Surgery date July 7 and feeling weird! How does it feel to not have a breast?

dbhadra · June 2011

Hi:

I'm almost done with chemo, thank God! The last one is tomorrow. Then on to surgery! Right breast scheduled to come off July 7.

I just got a prescription today for a prothesis from my oncologist. I'm now looking at the fake breasts that I can order through TLC and feeling so weird about the whole thing. How will it be to wake up without a breast?

Since I am IBC I cannot do reconstruction for at least one year, maybe more, so I will be without a breast for some time.

I don't know what I feel right now about losing my breast. My therapist asked me today if I felt sad. Sad is not the right word, right now, may be later. I feel like it will be so weird to be without a body part that has been there for so long.

I am big on top so am afraid I would feel lopsided. Originally I was going for a double but was told by the Fox Chase Cancer Center people that they do not do doubles with IBC; to minimize the risk of complications I can get one later if I want to.

Any helpful thoughts? I know I am not expressing myself well - I just don;t even know how I feel right now.

Laura

sea60 · June 2011

Hi Laura
My dear friend just had her mastectomy yesterday and we were on the phone the night before talking about what she might expect. I told her that surprisingly, for it being a removal of your breast, I mean that's a significant body part...it didn't really hurt. I was expecting a lot of pain and for me, I've had root canals that were more painful.

I was at the hospital early at around 6:30. I had the procedure at around 8:00 and was home by 4:30 in the afternoon! Come to find out they've dubbed that a "drive by mastectomy". And I didn't even get a side a fries & a diet coke!

As far as how it feels...it feels a little strange seeing a flat (concaved) area where your breast used to be. And yes, of course it's sad and you grieve. But I think I did most of my grieving the first week of being told I had breast cancer so by the time I had this surgery it wasn't so bad. I used a foam boob until I had my reconstruction. It was the one where you insert it in that special bra with the slit on the side.

Positive thoughts and prayers sent your way!

Hugs,

Sylvia

jessiesmom1 · June 2011

Not having a breast
Hi Laura,

On May 12th emamei started a thread called "Ode to My Breast." It was a very moving poem she wrote about how she felt about the loss of her breast. I think it captured extremely well how so many of us feel about this. Please take a look at that thread.

I had a right mastectomy about 16 months ago. A tissue expander was placed behind my chest muscle during the surgery. I am having the exchange surgery on June 13th. I will be having my left breast reduced and lifted to match my implant. I was a DD prior to the surgery. There is no doubt about it - I am lopsided - have been for more than a year. That fact cannot be escaped. I never bothered with a prosthesis. I did not feel like investing in one when I knew I would be having reconstruction. Like you, I was afraid of looking strange. When I expressed that thought to a friend she said,"You know, people don't notice as much as you think they do." That was such a liberating thought. In most clothes the difference between my breasts is manageable. I guess I just got used to it. I go everywhere and don't think twice about it. My husband said he is actually surprised that I am doing the reconstruction since having 1 breast doesn't seem to bother me. It does though - more than he knows. I am doing this for me - definitely not for him. I want to look "normal" again and feel less like a cancer patient.

There are a number of websites online where you can look at post-mastectomy photos. It is not quite so shocking if you know what to expect when you wake up. You cannot actually see your chest right away as you have a surgical dressing on your chest. Your doctor will let you know when it is OK to remove the dressing and look.

Not sure if I articulated my thoughts very clearly. I hope you understood what I meant. You are in good company on this journey. The Pink Sisters are all here.

IRENE

ldpettit · June 2011

Breast Removal
Hi there...

First off, I wil be keeping you in my prayers. The procedure isn't bad. You are under and then come out and on pain meds. It will cause for a little bit of down time, but all in all the VERY least of everything else having to do with the treatment of cancer.

I had a double mastectomy on Valentines Day of this year!! Not by choice, but availability for the doctor doing the surgery. (Clearly my plastic surgeon needs to get a life...lol) Just kidding. Instead of wallowing in the day I put to mind it was the best Valentines gift I could ever give myself... the gift of life and/or a "rebirth" if you will.

Prior to surgery I didn't think much of the emotional aspect after. After the surgery and about a week into recovery it sort of hit me that they were gone. However, I know it's temporary and in their place will be silicone down the road. With that said... allow yourself to grieve... it's a loss. Just know it's a temporary look for a permament peace of mind. I hope that helps in some way. You are NOT alone... most of us have been through it and are here for you!!

Texasgirl10 · June 2011

ldpettit said:
Breast Removal
Hi there...

First off, I wil be keeping you in my prayers. The procedure isn't bad. You are under and then come out and on pain meds. It will cause for a little bit of down time, but all in all the VERY least of everything else having to do with the treatment of cancer.

I had a double mastectomy on Valentines Day of this year!! Not by choice, but availability for the doctor doing the surgery. (Clearly my plastic surgeon needs to get a life...lol) Just kidding. Instead of wallowing in the day I put to mind it was the best Valentines gift I could ever give myself... the gift of life and/or a "rebirth" if you will.

Prior to surgery I didn't think much of the emotional aspect after. After the surgery and about a week into recovery it sort of hit me that they were gone. However, I know it's temporary and in their place will be silicone down the road. With that said... allow yourself to grieve... it's a loss. Just know it's a temporary look for a permament peace of mind. I hope that helps in some way. You are NOT alone... most of us have been through it and are here for you!!

Mastecomy
Hi Laura,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I understand how you are feeling right now. I also have IBC and just had a bilateral mastecomy 5 weeks ago. From the moment I was diagnosed until the day of my surgery ( 5 months) I grieved for the loss of my breast. But I can honestly say that since I woke up from surgery I've been mentally and emotionally ok. I didn't freak out the first time I saw my flat chest, I just said " well would ya look at that, here I am in all of my glory with a bald head and a flat chest". I haven't got my prostethis yet, so I have been wearing padded camisoles that I bought at one of the dept stores. I will get my prosthesis next week.

The surgery itself wasn't bad. I chose to go home the same day. However, your arm will be very stiff and sore from the removal of lymph nodes. You will be given exercises to do to help with this.The first week I had to sleep in my husbands recliner. I still can't sleep on my side, so I'm still using a mountain of pillows. The drains were the worse part of it for me. Oh how I hated those things. My doctor removed 2 of them 8 days after surgery and the last one 10 days after surgery. My mothers friend sewed pockets on each side inside of my pajama tops to hold the drains and boy did that help

You will want to make sure to get shirts that you can button down for at least the first couple of weeks.

I truly am sorry that you are going through this. I wish that there was something that I could do or say to make you feel better, but I know from experience that there are no words to take away the pain that you are feeling right now. Allow yourself time to grief and please know that we are all here with you. I will pray for you.

Hugs and God Bless You,

Dawne

grams2jc · June 2011

Hi:
Had my left breast removed November 2010. Must admit I didn't look for a few days, and having my tummy be bigger than my chest on that side is kind of a funny feeling. The thing that freaked me out the most was thinking about where that part of my body went after it was removed. Don't know, guess if I fixated on that I wasn't worrying about the journey ahead and my "new" body. I find the worst part of being a 1 breasted woman in a 2 breasted world is the bras. I was not well endowed before and could wear cute liitle bras... NOT anymore.
But the prosthesis are really ok and I found a good no nonsense fitter and that helped bunches.

Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way as you face this next challenge,

Jennifer

Gabe N Abby Mom · June 2011

My bilateral was Jan 14th,
My bilateral was Jan 14th, and like you and Texasgirl I'm also IBC so no reconstruction yet for me either.

Here's my advice...do get the post mastectomy camisoles first. The "pillows" they come with are better prosthesis while doing rads. With the pillows, more air can get to your skin and allow for better healing. I waited for about a month after rads before getting fitted for a pros. I wanted the skin to be mostly healed. For the first month or so, I only wore the pros when I went out in public. Now I wear them all day.

For the prosthesis, I strongly recommend you see a fitter. There are so many shapes/sizes/manufacturers/brands of prosthesis I wanted someone experienced with them to help me make the choice. I also had my BFF along for the fittings to get a second opinion. If you choose to wait, be sure your prescription won't expire. Now that I have some practice and experience with prosthesis, I feel like I could order from TLC. Fox Chase should be able to recommend an experienced fitter. Some side benefits I got from my fitter...they'll sew pockets in any bra no charge, they'll mail my things to my home no charge, they billed my insurance directly so no paperwork, I returned the first set of pros through the warranty with no paperwork and no hassle, a bigger variety of prosthesis, bras and swimwear to choose from, and 30 years experience.

Now a little bit on how it feels...I vividly remember a day a few weeks after my surgery before rads started. Most of the time when I looked in the mirror, I saw a bald face and head with a body that looks like a Dr. Seuss character...no chest, flat butt and plenty of stomach. On this particular day I saw a strong powerful woman...I thought "Wow, I survived all this...I guess I can handle pretty much anything." There are some days now when I put on my pros and I think about what I'm missing and that can bring on some melancholy feelings. But most days, I try and think about that strong powerful woman inside me.

Like Texasgirl, I also went through the grieving and took some time for me (and my hubby) to say goodbye to my breasts prior to the mastectomy. I suspect that's what you're doing now...and you're right sad isn't quite the right word for it. But I also think this period brought me to quicker acceptance after surgery. I hope it does for you too.

And congrats on the last chemo!! How wonderful to be able to say DONE!!!

Hugs,

Linda

emamei · June 2011

I had my mastectomy on Wednesday...
Hi Laura.

I had my mastectomy on Wednesday (left breast). I have looked at my chest where my breast was. It feels strange physically, but I am at peace with my appearance. Emotionally, I'm grieving the loss of my breast, but the loss is also a gain - lessened chance of recurrence and greater chance that I will be cured.

Irene mentioned my thread Ode to My Breast, it is a poem I wrote recently about my breast. Here it is for you to read...

Ode to my breast...

We first met when I was nine
Small at first and then quite fine
From 32A to a 38C
We’ve hand a good life you and me

You have helped define me
Refine me and filled amply

You have known love and affection,
Felt gentle touches and motion
Have had your fair share of caresses and kisses
Felt the warm sun at summer beaches

You have been dependable, indispensable,
Reliable and humble

You helped me feed three hungry babies
Always prepared to appease
Because of you they grew strong,
We’ve been together for so long

You and I have been through so much
I will miss you and you will miss my husband’s touch

We have had thirty-three years of life together
I so wish things would have turned out better
How could we have possibly known
What inside you had silently grown.

Something so stealthy and ominous
A presence so great to come between us

A painful little lump appeared
Out of nowhere it sneered
Taking us both by surprise
“It has to come out” we were advised

And so it began 9 months ago
The fight of all fights long and slow

Surgeries, infections and chemotherapy,
Hoping to survive our new reality
We have fought long and hard to save you
You’re a part of me and we love you

I never wanted to lose you my breast
But I’m afraid it is for the best
You have given it your all my lass
Your time has now come to pass

I will continue our fight dear friend
I will miss you ‘till I reach my end

One day we’ll be reunited
It’s not our fault we’ve been blighted
Remember the good times we’ve had
I cry for you and am deeply sad

Life won’t be the same without you
For some time to come I will feel blue
I’ve been told you’re replaceable
Perhaps, but there’s only one real you

We have some time to say goodbye
Three more weeks for you and I

I know you don’t want to leave me
I don’t want you to go believe me
In order for me to live,
It is your life you must give

I’m sorry it must end this way,
I wish there was more I could say,
I wish there was more we could do for you
But, I’m afraid I must bid you adieu.

Also, a quote I came upon this week about peace:

"Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in in your heart."

I too cannot have reconstruction at this point and time. It is an option for me down the road if I choose to.

Be strong, you will get through this and we're all here to help you through it.

mamolady · June 2011

emamei said:
I had my mastectomy on Wednesday...
Hi Laura.

I had my mastectomy on Wednesday (left breast). I have looked at my chest where my breast was. It feels strange physically, but I am at peace with my appearance. Emotionally, I'm grieving the loss of my breast, but the loss is also a gain - lessened chance of recurrence and greater chance that I will be cured.

Irene mentioned my thread Ode to My Breast, it is a poem I wrote recently about my breast. Here it is for you to read...

Ode to my breast...

We first met when I was nine
Small at first and then quite fine
From 32A to a 38C
We’ve hand a good life you and me

You have helped define me
Refine me and filled amply

You have known love and affection,
Felt gentle touches and motion
Have had your fair share of caresses and kisses
Felt the warm sun at summer beaches

You have been dependable, indispensable,
Reliable and humble

You helped me feed three hungry babies
Always prepared to appease
Because of you they grew strong,
We’ve been together for so long

You and I have been through so much
I will miss you and you will miss my husband’s touch

We have had thirty-three years of life together
I so wish things would have turned out better
How could we have possibly known
What inside you had silently grown.

Something so stealthy and ominous
A presence so great to come between us

A painful little lump appeared
Out of nowhere it sneered
Taking us both by surprise
“It has to come out” we were advised

And so it began 9 months ago
The fight of all fights long and slow

Surgeries, infections and chemotherapy,
Hoping to survive our new reality
We have fought long and hard to save you
You’re a part of me and we love you

I never wanted to lose you my breast
But I’m afraid it is for the best
You have given it your all my lass
Your time has now come to pass

I will continue our fight dear friend
I will miss you ‘till I reach my end

One day we’ll be reunited
It’s not our fault we’ve been blighted
Remember the good times we’ve had
I cry for you and am deeply sad

Life won’t be the same without you
For some time to come I will feel blue
I’ve been told you’re replaceable
Perhaps, but there’s only one real you

We have some time to say goodbye
Three more weeks for you and I

I know you don’t want to leave me
I don’t want you to go believe me
In order for me to live,
It is your life you must give

I’m sorry it must end this way,
I wish there was more I could say,
I wish there was more we could do for you
But, I’m afraid I must bid you adieu.

Also, a quote I came upon this week about peace:

"Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in in your heart."

I too cannot have reconstruction at this point and time. It is an option for me down the road if I choose to.

Be strong, you will get through this and we're all here to help you through it.

bilateral mastectomy
I had both removed in March. My sister died at 42 from breast cancer so I decided not to keep the left one either. I am doing radiation right now so I don't even wear a bra. I have always been on the small side so that may make a difference.
I didn't really miss having breasts until I went to buy some more comfortable shirts. Then I cried.
I have not decided on reconstruction yet I am going to see how the prosthetics do for a year then decide. (Thanks to conversations on this board!) My goal now is to loose the weight I gained during chemo plus about 10 pounds because being flat chested isn't so bad if you are thin!

Cindy

dbhadra · June 2011

mamolady said:
bilateral mastectomy
I had both removed in March. My sister died at 42 from breast cancer so I decided not to keep the left one either. I am doing radiation right now so I don't even wear a bra. I have always been on the small side so that may make a difference.
I didn't really miss having breasts until I went to buy some more comfortable shirts. Then I cried.
I have not decided on reconstruction yet I am going to see how the prosthetics do for a year then decide. (Thanks to conversations on this board!) My goal now is to loose the weight I gained during chemo plus about 10 pounds because being flat chested isn't so bad if you are thin!

Cindy

thanks all for your thoughts!
I really appreciate the responses. It's so helpful to know that I am not the only one going through this and that there are so many strong women out there who are so positive!

Linda- where can I find a fitter? Someone had mentioned Norstroms. It would be great to "try on" different sizes and see which ones work before ordering.

I had thought about ordering through TLC but now think that it would be a better plan to wait and get fitted.

Thanks!
Laura

Gabe N Abby Mom · June 2011

dbhadra said:
thanks all for your thoughts!
I really appreciate the responses. It's so helpful to know that I am not the only one going through this and that there are so many strong women out there who are so positive!

Linda- where can I find a fitter? Someone had mentioned Norstroms. It would be great to "try on" different sizes and see which ones work before ordering.

I had thought about ordering through TLC but now think that it would be a better plan to wait and get fitted.

Thanks!
Laura

My fitter was recommended by
My fitter was recommended by Kaiser, so ask at Fox Chase. (Nurses are usually a font of knowledge.) Nordstrom also has fitter, but they're usually hidden in a back room so be sure to ask for a certified mastectomy fitter. And I would call first for an appointment. Are there other women at Fox Chase who might have a recommendation? Finally, you can look on line...I used Sacramento Mastectomy Prosthesis.

Here's the link for my lady...http://www.enhancedbylr.com/store/

I hope this helps.

Hugs,

Linda

carkris · June 2011

Gabe N Abby Mom said:
My fitter was recommended by
My fitter was recommended by Kaiser, so ask at Fox Chase. (Nurses are usually a font of knowledge.) Nordstrom also has fitter, but they're usually hidden in a back room so be sure to ask for a certified mastectomy fitter. And I would call first for an appointment. Are there other women at Fox Chase who might have a recommendation? Finally, you can look on line...I used Sacramento Mastectomy Prosthesis.

Here's the link for my lady...http://www.enhancedbylr.com/store/

I hope this helps.

Hugs,

Linda

having large breasts makes
having large breasts makes being a uniboober a little harder. I was a uniboober for 16 yeara until this second primary and now am bilateral. It was hard to match my fullness and I tended to wear looser fitting clothes. Now I feel more even. Honestly I forget what it was like to have breasts, but when I think about it I do miss them. But its not horrible. I can tell that women who have not had cancer can be horrified, but I am more concerned with being cancer free. Sometimes I also feel that at least its an expendable part, not a leg or arm. I think about those soldiers in Iraq who have olost limbs etc.. Its funny when I think about the losses from cancer the boobs dont come first to mind. My husband has been great, and that I think is the hardest part. (if you know what I mean) but mostly I am just trying to survive. I think all this prep work will help you prepare.

Kylez · June 2011

sea60 said:
Hi Laura
My dear friend just had her mastectomy yesterday and we were on the phone the night before talking about what she might expect. I told her that surprisingly, for it being a removal of your breast, I mean that's a significant body part...it didn't really hurt. I was expecting a lot of pain and for me, I've had root canals that were more painful.

I was at the hospital early at around 6:30. I had the procedure at around 8:00 and was home by 4:30 in the afternoon! Come to find out they've dubbed that a "drive by mastectomy". And I didn't even get a side a fries & a diet coke!

As far as how it feels...it feels a little strange seeing a flat (concaved) area where your breast used to be. And yes, of course it's sad and you grieve. But I think I did most of my grieving the first week of being told I had breast cancer so by the time I had this surgery it wasn't so bad. I used a foam boob until I had my reconstruction. It was the one where you insert it in that special bra with the slit on the side.

Positive thoughts and prayers sent your way!

Hugs,

Sylvia

Good luck Laurie with your
Good luck Laurie with your surgery!

stayingstrongfortoday · June 2011

carkris said:
having large breasts makes
having large breasts makes being a uniboober a little harder. I was a uniboober for 16 yeara until this second primary and now am bilateral. It was hard to match my fullness and I tended to wear looser fitting clothes. Now I feel more even. Honestly I forget what it was like to have breasts, but when I think about it I do miss them. But its not horrible. I can tell that women who have not had cancer can be horrified, but I am more concerned with being cancer free. Sometimes I also feel that at least its an expendable part, not a leg or arm. I think about those soldiers in Iraq who have olost limbs etc.. Its funny when I think about the losses from cancer the boobs dont come first to mind. My husband has been great, and that I think is the hardest part. (if you know what I mean) but mostly I am just trying to survive. I think all this prep work will help you prepare.

I had both removed
I was large too and opted to have both removed. I went in once to talk about reconstruction and decided it wasn't for me so I have worn a prothesis for over 2 1/2 years. I really have not missed my breasts at all, I like my swimsuits and sometimes I can't wear real low cut shirts but that's ok. Go to a local store if you have one to get fitted and if they ever leak take them back they are under guarantee and insurance should pay for some. Buy a cami with soft poly inserts to have after your surgery that will be helpful too to hold your drainage bag. I expected to wake up from surgery in horrible pain but it was very manageable. Had my surgery over a Christmas holiday and was back at work after the new year....Good luck to you!!! Keep us posted!

Surgery date July 7 and feeling weird! How does it feel to not have a breast?

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