Linda gets difficult news
But unfortunately the cancer appears to be back a fourth time. Again in the same sort of spot. And only 6 months later rather than two years. Her CA-125 is up to 34 from 4 just 8 weeks ago. We're going for a scan to look at what's up, but we're pretty sure the signs point to one thing: More chemo.
The good news is the chemo whacks it when she takes it. The bad news is it whacks her but good. You know the story. Hair loss all over again (she's just about 1" of growth now, a little more) and her fingernails...what a mess that was. And her feet are basically perpetually numb.
I'm reluctant to speculate any more about anything. Every time we post that this or that is a blessing, seems like bowling pins that life knocks over. So we're just going to go at it whatever we have to do. But I know she's having serious thoughts about how worth it this is and certainly it has cast a pall over summer. Her garden is coming into full bloom and she just wanted some time to enjoy it.
Ugh. Granted we have many blessings and people to help us. But I feel so bad for my wife that words cannot express.
Chris (and Linda)
Comments
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I too am very sorry to hear
I too am very sorry to hear this news, Linda must be devastated - it's just a struggle that seems to go on and on and I do understand her re-evaluating continuing treatments!!! BUT she must give it a go....
It is interesting to see that you post on here, my husband is finding it very difficult to cope with what's happened to me(although I am not in treatment and doing well). It seems he is living his life constantly thinking about what if's and I think that the fact that I have been left with horrible joint pains from the Taxol really upsets him although I just get on with it!! In fact it annoys me that he seems so uptight about it. I think he just feels helpless.
Anyway I'm wishing Linda the very best and sending lots of (((hugs)))
Michelle x0 -
I am thinking of you
Dear Chris,
Thank you for your continued support of your wife. I know her recent news is difficult for both of you. It is distressing when cancer strikes so I am glad you are there to help your wife. Take care of yourself also and know that the members of this discussion board are here when you need to chat. I'll pray for you and Linda.
Take care,
Betty0 -
this just stinksdjinco said:I am thinking of you
Dear Chris,
Thank you for your continued support of your wife. I know her recent news is difficult for both of you. It is distressing when cancer strikes so I am glad you are there to help your wife. Take care of yourself also and know that the members of this discussion board are here when you need to chat. I'll pray for you and Linda.
Take care,
Betty
Was hoping for a longer remission for her but if the chemo works then go for it again. I know chemo is very tough but we continue on, God bless both of you..val0 -
Thank youchildofthestars said:I too am very sorry to hear
I too am very sorry to hear this news, Linda must be devastated - it's just a struggle that seems to go on and on and I do understand her re-evaluating continuing treatments!!! BUT she must give it a go....
It is interesting to see that you post on here, my husband is finding it very difficult to cope with what's happened to me(although I am not in treatment and doing well). It seems he is living his life constantly thinking about what if's and I think that the fact that I have been left with horrible joint pains from the Taxol really upsets him although I just get on with it!! In fact it annoys me that he seems so uptight about it. I think he just feels helpless.
Anyway I'm wishing Linda the very best and sending lots of (((hugs)))
Michelle x
As a husband I don't always know what to do for my wife either. And it often is the side effects that make life so miserable for women in treatment. My wife has been surgeried, numbed, ported, sickened, ascitesed and you name it. She's sick of it and frankly not sure how much more she can or wants to take. And that is the difficult part in being a husband. To encourage and yet understand these emotions.0 -
Dear Chris and Linda
Ugh... sorry that Linda has to endure yet more chemo. I've been "chemoing" for the past 17 months for my 1st reccurance. I know those thoughts about how worth it it is, but Linda has great success with chemo. My garden is also a great joy to me and even on those days right after infusions, those blooms make me smile. Kick butt, linda... 4th time's the charm?
(((HUGS))) Maria0 -
Sick of Itlindachris said:Thank you
As a husband I don't always know what to do for my wife either. And it often is the side effects that make life so miserable for women in treatment. My wife has been surgeried, numbed, ported, sickened, ascitesed and you name it. She's sick of it and frankly not sure how much more she can or wants to take. And that is the difficult part in being a husband. To encourage and yet understand these emotions.
I really sympathize with the thoughts your wife is having and the decisions she is facing. It sounds like you are supporting Linda's choice, whether it is to continue with treatment or not. That is true love.
Two months ago, as I was approaching my 5th infusion of Doxil, I asked my oncologist if I could have a chemo break soon. "You BET! You will get a break after the next chemo, for three weeks!" And he chuckled, and punched me on the shoulder, and changed the subject. I laughed, and let him. He really can be funny at times.
On May 17, I pinned him down and we had a serious conversation. In his opinion, I can never have another chemo break.
I'm not ready to quit now, but I KNOW the day will come when I feel "enough is enough." Because of chemo, my quality of life is quite diminished. Because of chemo, I must call on friends or out-of-town family members to help care for me. My sons (23 and 21) are just starting their careers, in two different cities. I don't want their lives put on hold to care for me! Because of chemo, my once vibrant career is over...I still have an hourly "job" that I go to when I can, but no true responsibilities.
I am a total fighter. But when I hear that I will ALWAYS be in treatment, then I begin to question how long that should be. I completely appreciate my oncologist answering my question as he did. By not giving me unrealistic expectations, he's allowed me to make very conscious and intentional choices.
I don't want to move from chemo to chemo to chemo thinking "Okay, after THIS I'll get well." Chemo is a tool that my doctor uses (quite skillfully) to extend my life, but if the quality of that extended life is poor, then what's the point? And the only person who can 100% accurately evaluate a sick person's quality of life is that person.
I'm single, and sometimes have wished I had a husband to care for me, or family members in town to care for me. But then I think it must be quite hard to see a loved one suffer, up close, day after day, for years. The caregivers of cancer patients are truly heroes. Tell your wife to give you a super-big hug!0 -
Enough is enough is the ?
Chris,
We all wonder when will we be told this or when we will decide this on our own. I have been thinking this more often lately but I've been in this battle now for 5 years. The longer it goes on you can't help but think when will the fight be over or much more can I (we) take. This is really a tough thing to put in a time line. Actually, it's impossible. I remember when I went through the first go round of IP chemo treatment, I told to my husband “I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t take it.” His soft response was “it’s ok if you can’t.” I knew the moment that he said it that his heart was broken. That was about 3 years ago and I’ve had several surgeries and many chemo treatments since then. My husband, like you, must sit back and watch this because you can’t take turns having surgery or chemo treatments. We just can’t share everything equally. I think that it is sometimes harder for the caretaker than the person who has the disease. When I go for treatments or recovering from surgery, at least I feel like I’m involved and taking action. Our caretakers feel helpless. I love the fact that the chemo WHACKS it! It's amazing how we all some how learn or accept to live with the new normal way of life. The best of luck with the upcoming treatments. J0 -
Wow! well saidRookerbird said:Sick of It
I really sympathize with the thoughts your wife is having and the decisions she is facing. It sounds like you are supporting Linda's choice, whether it is to continue with treatment or not. That is true love.
Two months ago, as I was approaching my 5th infusion of Doxil, I asked my oncologist if I could have a chemo break soon. "You BET! You will get a break after the next chemo, for three weeks!" And he chuckled, and punched me on the shoulder, and changed the subject. I laughed, and let him. He really can be funny at times.
On May 17, I pinned him down and we had a serious conversation. In his opinion, I can never have another chemo break.
I'm not ready to quit now, but I KNOW the day will come when I feel "enough is enough." Because of chemo, my quality of life is quite diminished. Because of chemo, I must call on friends or out-of-town family members to help care for me. My sons (23 and 21) are just starting their careers, in two different cities. I don't want their lives put on hold to care for me! Because of chemo, my once vibrant career is over...I still have an hourly "job" that I go to when I can, but no true responsibilities.
I am a total fighter. But when I hear that I will ALWAYS be in treatment, then I begin to question how long that should be. I completely appreciate my oncologist answering my question as he did. By not giving me unrealistic expectations, he's allowed me to make very conscious and intentional choices.
I don't want to move from chemo to chemo to chemo thinking "Okay, after THIS I'll get well." Chemo is a tool that my doctor uses (quite skillfully) to extend my life, but if the quality of that extended life is poor, then what's the point? And the only person who can 100% accurately evaluate a sick person's quality of life is that person.
I'm single, and sometimes have wished I had a husband to care for me, or family members in town to care for me. But then I think it must be quite hard to see a loved one suffer, up close, day after day, for years. The caregivers of cancer patients are truly heroes. Tell your wife to give you a super-big hug!
Rookerbird,
I am at the same palce about being the fighter and know I will ALWAYS be in treatment. How long is the question that is always on my mind too. It's not so amazing that we don't want our disease to interfere with our loved ones lives.0 -
I find this aspect the
I find this aspect the scariest....being on chemo for life. Quality of life...is my thing. Chemo is so not friendly to that. Yet I think only 34......
R340 -
Where You AreRadioactive34 said:I find this aspect the
I find this aspect the scariest....being on chemo for life. Quality of life...is my thing. Chemo is so not friendly to that. Yet I think only 34......
R34
R34, if I recall correctly, you've just recently been diagnosed. Please...go into this believing you will go into remission for many years. Clamryn (Linda) was NED for 17 years! Mopar (Monika) has also been disease-free for many years!
New drugs are in trial. Just a few years ago, no one was taking Avastin, and now many are having success with it. VickiReed is in a trial that includes Torisel, which has great promise.
I hope I wasn't too negative with the "chemo forever" stuff. Lots of women fight this and live beautifully while doing so. Kayandok is beginning 5th-line chemo...and look how radiant she is!
The only guarantee any of us have is that today's 24 hours, once it passes, is gone forever. Please don't be scared of this disease...it is NOT bigger than YOU.0 -
Dittokayandok said:Chris,
these ladie have all said it so well, I agree with all of them. You are an amazing husband, and your wife is one blessed, and lucky gal!!!
kathleen
Totally agree....this is hard on the caregiver, muchless someone a spouse. Mine is doing the best he can. Without him this would be so much more difficult.0 -
Low-dose taxolRadioactive34 said:Ditto
Totally agree....this is hard on the caregiver, muchless someone a spouse. Mine is doing the best he can. Without him this would be so much more difficult.
Dear Chris
I don't have the energy to dig up the research or citation on the use of low-dose taxol given weekly. Apparently, it worked for ovarian cancer that had become taxol resistant. The researchers speculated that giving small frequent doses had an effect against the blood supply that was feeding the cancer rather than working directly against the tumor. That's the way Avastin works, too. Apparently, people who get the elevated blood pressure side effect from Avastin ALSO get better benefits.
Best wishes to both of you,
Carole0 -
Love and hugz all you galz!Radioactive34 said:Ditto
Totally agree....this is hard on the caregiver, muchless someone a spouse. Mine is doing the best he can. Without him this would be so much more difficult.
Thank you for the encouragement. I read your posts to my wife and no doubt we'll discuss a little later. So much perspective and wisdom. I try to keep up with all of your challenges. Don't always post but sometimes I do if there's something to contribute. But I don't like to horn in. But as you know this journey is so personal in so many ways as well. We'll keep up to date here. Tomorrow night she gets a scan. On the road to information at least. God Bless.
Chris0 -
Avastin....carolenk said:Low-dose taxol
Dear Chris
I don't have the energy to dig up the research or citation on the use of low-dose taxol given weekly. Apparently, it worked for ovarian cancer that had become taxol resistant. The researchers speculated that giving small frequent doses had an effect against the blood supply that was feeding the cancer rather than working directly against the tumor. That's the way Avastin works, too. Apparently, people who get the elevated blood pressure side effect from Avastin ALSO get better benefits.
Best wishes to both of you,
Carole
Think we'll ask about that.
cc0
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