38yo Husband Just Diagnosed with (probably) Stage IV Melanoma... PLEASE HELP

good to see you here. new
good to see you here. new here myself but not to melanoma. it is quite baffling and i am thrown back to my 1st visit down at the university cancer center with the dermatologist. what started as discussion of a wide area excision in the primary location ( on my upper back), the dermatologist was showing me how to check the clusters of lymph nodes ( never even heard of a lymph node til then) and started under my left arm. then off to a needle biopsy. about 45 minutes later there was a troop of medical folks walk into the room. some of what was said; " we have to do the wide area excision, go in and remove all of the lymph nodes under your left arm. what do you do for a living? well, you are going to have to apply for disability. there will be follow up with the oncologist where you may have a clinical trial option, chemo, radiation, pallaitive care, and more surgeries...but there's hope." wow!!!
it is a lot of info to deal with. information overload. DONT LOOK AT STATISTICS!! they are proven wrong all of the time. i am one of them. according to the stats, i shouldnt be around today.
this is a pretty weird cancer and it effects different people different ways. this is not the time to be all dom and gloom and a good time to work on changing thinking patterns. i was so worried about my future and thinking how this really screwed my plans up. but a good friend told be straight forward and blunt," if you die tonight, your plans here on earth for tomorrow are screwed." WOW!!! he was right!
i would highly suggest recording any conversations with the oncologist. personally, i get things mixed up iffen i dont.no, you arent going crazy. it sounds to me like fear, a normal reaction to all newly diagnosed cancer patients.
i am very greatful to see you have God. if you worry dont pray and if you pray dont worry. let God and the doctors do what they do best. but it doesnt hurt to do some research, but dont overdo the research. if you feel yourself getting antsy reading up on melanoma, step away and ask God for help and guidance.and keep coming back and hopefully your husband will get into some support groups too. my prayers are out to you and yours.
almos forgot. i was 37 when diagnosed and 43 now.

lewsurvivor said:

Melanoma survivor
I am 42 and my wife is 31. We have only been married two years when I was diagnosed with Melanoma. I have Stage IV Matastic Melanoma. We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary and I am undergoing treatment with a new trial drug. This drug is working pretty good and the cancer is stable. I agree with the other post that we need to put our trust in God. Fear is what the enemy throws at us to make us run away from God and not pray. Just keep praying and trust in God.

Ask for pathology
First, take a deep breathe. Next, check to make sure that they didn't say "Clarks Level IV" which indicates the depth of the lesion, not the stage of the cancer. The Clarks Level indicates what depth the melanoma was and the chances that it may have spread to the lymph nodes. Further testing including an SNB and wide excision plus ct scans will determine if it has spread. Get a copy of the pathology report and see a melanoma specialist.

On a side note, my husband was diagnosed in Nov 08 with a clarks level IV ulcerated nodular melanoma on his upper back, and after surgery and interferon (he was later staged at IIIC) he is cancer free. I spent alot of time on the melanoma research foundations patient information board, and they were wonderful. The website is www.mpip.org.

Best wishes to you both -

Maria

praying for your Husband and you and the family
Hello,

My Wife was Dignosed stage 3 Melonnia last May 2010, She has had Multible Surgies. She is now Stage 4, This is my first time on this site. I am looking for help also. It has be a rough year. I believe in Clinical Trails. Please Visit NIH web site, they have clinical trails all the time. My wife got in one at Oshner Medical Clinic in New Orleans. We live in Maryland. I believe it had helped her. This is a tough cancer to have. My wife started in her arm / shoulder area. He had spread to her chest, stomach area and two lesson in her brain. There is no easy way with Melonnia, it is tough. Before this I believed if you got this you would just have it removed and life went on, Life goes on but it is a harder road. I pray everyday and appreciate I have my wife everyday. My wife is 54 now and I apprecaite her everyday I have her with me. I not tell you to give or even he going to past on, but be strong and apapreciate everyday with him. Get a good support group.

God bless you all,