Im fine............perhaps

Buzzard
Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
Thank all of you for your concern...My health as far as I know it is fine...My wife as far as I know is fine and recoup is going very well with her. I overstepped my bounds in here with a pm and then with a little tiff on the site, over now but still, unnecessary. Im a lot like another gentleman in here..loves the art of fishing and has a wife that left him.....yep, happened...told me she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for 6 years. Isn't that a fine howdy do...at any rate, I am trying to decide what is best for my 6 and 8 year old at the moment. I really have no choice in any of this and most likely at the mercy of whatever she decides. I really hate it for my children, I really really do. No child deserves this. So, let this be a lesson to all of you that verbally abuse their wives. Sometimes be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.
Most likely weighing all things possible, I am trying to come to terms with simply turning over my payday every 2 weeks so that my children can stay in their home and have all they can as they do now. With me being Stage 4, I weigh options a lot closer than I use to. If we stay married but separated she will continue to be covered with my insurance as will the children as well as the stepson, and she will also receive my life insurance and receive a pension from my place of employment for the rest of her life if something happens to me. That would be the most settled option and the most upsetting for the interest of the children. My issue is if she starts dating then I guess I will deal with that when it happens. Its not about me anymore its about my kids...I want them to know that even with differences in mom and dad that dad was a good man. God it breaks my heart...but I need to get off of here and get ready to ride this rather large storm out we are fixing to get...The kids are in a stone house with their mom in town. That should be safe for them. I am at our home trying to get what few things are left that I have here out before the kids gets back tomorrow.
Don't fret or worry about me, I did this to myself....If you pray please pray that my children come through all of this as unscathed as possible...Im going to do my best to assure that happens for them..........I will check in from time to time and let you know how my checkups go...remember...Stage 4.....its only a number......and for all the well wishes and words through email and pm I received....thank you...love and prayers to you all as well as to the rest of the crew.....I'll be back when the bruises heal..........buzz
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Comments

  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #2
    Buzz! I don't know what to say , life sometimes becomes
    a nonsense .You are a great guy ,you are demonstrating it by don't blaming any body just trying to find the best for your people, hope ,I'm sure ,you will find the best for the kids for you and for your wife , well all I can do from here is pray that someone enlighten you in your decisions.
    Here we are in case you need to vent whatever you want.Hoping to see you here very soon, your friend .Pepe.
  • tina dasilva
    tina dasilva Member Posts: 641
    #3
    pepebcn said:

    Buzz! I don't know what to say , life sometimes becomes
    a nonsense .You are a great guy ,you are demonstrating it by don't blaming any body just trying to find the best for your people, hope ,I'm sure ,you will find the best for the kids for you and for your wife , well all I can do from here is pray that someone enlighten you in your decisions.
    Here we are in case you need to vent whatever you want.Hoping to see you here very soon, your friend .Pepe.

    OH MY GOD
    Buzz I'm so sorry to hear all of this I wish you and your family all the best my dear friend my heart cries for you hugs Tina
  • SisterSledge
    SisterSledge Member Posts: 332 Member
    #4
    3 things
    1. Don't be so hard on yourself
    2. Sometimes people can be forgiven
    3. Please, weather your storms...you're still needed

    And loved.
    Janine

    Okay, 4 things.
  • ellamenno
    ellamenno Member Posts: 142 Member
    #5
    SisterSledge said:

    3 things
    1. Don't be so hard on yourself
    2. Sometimes people can be forgiven
    3. Please, weather your storms...you're still needed

    And loved.
    Janine

    Okay, 4 things.

    You are such a good Daddy!
    Clift...darn it! This news just really sucks. Makes me want to jump on a plane so I can wrap these lovin arms round you. You have had sooo much on your plate for sooo long.

    I hope things begin to turn around and mostly that you can find a workable situation with your wife regarding your 2 babes. You are of utmost importance to them and they need you in their little lives in such a big way.

    Please do check in now and again,cause,well...we all love you

    Peace and Love and (((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

    Laurie
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 544 Member
    #6
    Wow that is a lot to deal
    Wow that is a lot to deal with. I am sorry. Your kids will be fine, it takes time for things to get sorted out, but it does. Hang in there.
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #7
    I am so sorry Buzz
    I am so sorry you have this to deal with after all you have been through. You are a good daddy, + will continue to be + your kids will get through this. Please know my thoughts are with you + I have really missed you here. Take good care of yourself. There are so many here who care deeply about you.
  • westie66
    westie66 Member Posts: 642
    #8
    christinecarl said:

    Wow that is a lot to deal
    Wow that is a lot to deal with. I am sorry. Your kids will be fine, it takes time for things to get sorted out, but it does. Hang in there.

    One step one day at a time
    Sometimes friends and family can't handle this as well as we can. Love your children, do for them, they'll help you. I'm so sorry.
    Cheryl
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #9
    Buzz:
    I'm sorry. Never been divorced so no advise there, well, maybe a little, don't forget you have to live also. Give it a little time then seek legal advise as to how to proceed and let them do all the negotiating. Believe it or not, you simply do not have to turn everything over to her. Let your kids inherit your life insurance. See if they can get your pension, lots of decisions so take time. Like I said, your life is not over, not by a long shot. May not seem like it now but time does heal and so do children as long as they know they are loved and are an important part of your life, no matter what happens.

    Hugs - Tina
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #10
    geotina said:

    Buzz:
    I'm sorry. Never been divorced so no advise there, well, maybe a little, don't forget you have to live also. Give it a little time then seek legal advise as to how to proceed and let them do all the negotiating. Believe it or not, you simply do not have to turn everything over to her. Let your kids inherit your life insurance. See if they can get your pension, lots of decisions so take time. Like I said, your life is not over, not by a long shot. May not seem like it now but time does heal and so do children as long as they know they are loved and are an important part of your life, no matter what happens.

    Hugs - Tina

    Stand proud, stand strong.
    Stand proud, stand strong. The kids are important, take care of them, show the wife the respect your children's mother deserves, and see where it takes you.

    Nice that you are thinking of you wife, should you leave this world, just be sure to take care of yourself too.

    Can't change things now, but time can.
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #11
    geotina said:

    Buzz:
    I'm sorry. Never been divorced so no advise there, well, maybe a little, don't forget you have to live also. Give it a little time then seek legal advise as to how to proceed and let them do all the negotiating. Believe it or not, you simply do not have to turn everything over to her. Let your kids inherit your life insurance. See if they can get your pension, lots of decisions so take time. Like I said, your life is not over, not by a long shot. May not seem like it now but time does heal and so do children as long as they know they are loved and are an important part of your life, no matter what happens.

    Hugs - Tina

    Stand proud, stand strong.
    Stand proud, stand strong. The kids are important, take care of them, show the wife the respect your children's mother deserves, and see where it takes you.

    Nice that you are thinking of you wife, should you leave this world, just be sure to take care of yourself too.

    Can't change things now, but time can.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #12
    Sorry
    So sorry that you are going through this. It has to be such a difficult time for you with deciding what to do with wife, but knowing that you need to take care of the children. Don't forget that you are important too. Alot of kids go through divorce and come out fine. I'm so glad that you put your children first though, most people only want to think outside of the box. You are very generous to leave your wife so well off if you decide to have a permanent separation. So worry about you though. Remember you need to take care of you. You are in my prayers.

    Kim
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #13
    Sorry
    Sorry to hear the bad news,but don't rush into anything,just take your time to sort things out.Remember that you have to survive for your kids.It's never easy,been there,done that.Good luck,and we are here if you need us.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #14
    So sorry about this
    Oh, dear.

    I'm so sorry to read this. You know, you sound like you think you brought it all on yourself. Remember one thing, you've also been on the cancer journey, and it sometimes makes us act in ways that are not so productive. It's just hard to be calm and happy all the time when you're staring death in the face.

    Of course we should all try to speak kindly and treat others with love. I personally you've probably done a lot better at that than you think you have. It's also good to say you're sorry when you don't live up to what you'd like. But please don't beat yourself up too badly. Unless one spouse is a complete jerk (think ARNOLD), there are usually 2 people involved in the undoing of a marriage.

    With all that said, I pray that some healing can come, and that maybe there will be better days ahead in a renewed life together. If that doesn't happen, my prayers are that life will be good for the children, the wife, AND my dear friend.

    You're so wonderful in so many ways. Don't forget to look in the mirror every day and say hello to a pretty good guy.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
    #15
    Clift
    I am so sorry. Gail has said it well. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Holding you in the Light, Buzz.
    ~Aud
  • TMac52
    TMac52 Member Posts: 352
    #16
    Aud said:

    Clift
    I am so sorry. Gail has said it well. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Holding you in the Light, Buzz.
    ~Aud

    Sorry Bud
    sorry your going through this but know that you will be ok. I was divorced 7years ago alot of us have. Life goes on even for you. Things are stressful and chaotic for awhile but as long as you keep the kids #1 it will work itself out. You have a good heart and nothing is going to change that. My situation was different but the stress about money and kids is the same. My heart goes out to you bud, if you need a friend I'm here for ya. As I'm sure the whole csn board is.
    Peace Tom
  • idlehunters
    idlehunters Member Posts: 1,787 Member
    #17
    TMac52 said:

    Sorry Bud
    sorry your going through this but know that you will be ok. I was divorced 7years ago alot of us have. Life goes on even for you. Things are stressful and chaotic for awhile but as long as you keep the kids #1 it will work itself out. You have a good heart and nothing is going to change that. My situation was different but the stress about money and kids is the same. My heart goes out to you bud, if you need a friend I'm here for ya. As I'm sure the whole csn board is.
    Peace Tom

    Hey Buzz...
    Yep...suckie sitution. So she was "out of love" before you were even DX??? I know this is hurting like a mofo. I am on my 3rd marrige... my 1st..no kids.... my second... 1 daughter... like you I worried the effect it would have on her. She was such a Daddy's girl and that worried me. She was as young as your little one.... IF both parents are adults about the situation.... making sure the kids know NOTHING was their fault...and both parents continue to give as much time and love as they always did as a married couple..... the kids will adjust...even if Mommy gets a boyfriend and daddy gets a girlfriend...they will adjust....and their love for you both will only grow. There will always be just 1 dad and 1 mom in their minds...no matter who else is involved.....I know thats farther down the line but I know its lurking in your mind.

    As far as the wife goes..... maybe she will realize she realy does love you....as they say "ya never really realize what ya got till it's gone" And if not..then it is what it is....Don't let depression live rent free in your head...... I know you are a strong person Buzz and it's quite obvious the concerns you are having.

    If there is anything we can do for you.... you know we are all here for you

    Love ya my Friend

    Jennie
  • menright
    menright Member Posts: 256 Member
    #18
    1 Too many challenges
    Sorry to read about your troubles. It is honorable how you ohave focussed on your children. Your expressed concern is evidence that they will be okay.

    I hope you get through this best as you might. My prayers are with you and your children.

    Best regards,

    Mike
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #19
    Clift
    Clift,
    I am sorry to hear that your wife has left. I know this must be a heartbreak. I will pray for your sweet children. I know that you love them dearly. People has advised you well in terms of keeping it on the up and up with your wife. Treat each other as well as possible in this situation.
    Remember on the life insurance and pension you may want both in your kids names. If you were to pass away and your wife got remarried in some states a new spouse would have the right to that money. You don't want that, you want the money for our kids. I think you will be around for a long, long time but your kids are young.
    Also, on a side note **** and I lead a marriage class (this is the 5th time we have lead it) with or church called Love and Respect. If you think there is some hope for your marriage, I highly recommend the book (we watch the DVD with our classes too).
    I am praying for you Clift. You are a really good guy.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    #20
    Dang it
    Ohhhh......I am so very sorry.....many hugs to you my friend.

    Hugs to you, Gail
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #21
    Hugs, my friend
    Hi Clift,

    I know you got my pm so I won't say it all again here, but just know that I respect your attitude and you have been given lots of good advice here for others.
    Remember that rope you used to tell everyone to hang onto? I know it must be tough and you're thinking maybe the rope snapped, but things happen. Grab onto it again- you will get through this. You will be okay and I think your kids will be too.

    Hugs and prayers for you-
    Lisa

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