When do you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Larla
Larla Member Posts: 28
in Head and Neck Cancer #1
I will have reached my two year survival for NPC in September and have bounced back physically fairly well after the hard treatment.I have three wonderful children and a fantastic husband,but I find it hard to face any ailment however small without great worry and stress.It has been raining here for seven days and I have had a dull headache and overall ill feeling for four days.I have a scheduled appointment with my chemo oncologist on Monday and I can not seem to let go of the panic feeling.I don't know if it's the weather bringing me down or what.I was just wondering if anyone else has had these feelings and when if ever do they start to subside.
Laura

Comments

  • MrsMB2
    MrsMB2 Member Posts: 8
    #2
    Be positive
    I had my first surgery for TC 15 years ago. Once I had the surgery I really put it out of my mind, I was cancer free. My cancer has returned after 15 years, but I'm glad I did not spend all that time worrying. I have to say that since the cancer returned 2 years ago, I'm worrying a little bit more. Hoping to hit at least a 2 year cancer free period. :)
  • luv2cut1
    luv2cut1 Member Posts: 288
    #3
    I don't know
    the answer to your question. I am a caregiver to my husband who did have a recurrence. I seem to have the fear of the "other shoe dropping" way more than he does. He is 20 months post treatment and has a PET scan next week. The anxiety for me is at an all time high, and I don't know if it will ever end. I can't possibly imagine what you, as the patient, must be going through. All I do know is that cure rates are improving every day and that you will find great support on this board. Even if you were to have a recurrence, there are many more options available now than there were even a few short years ago. The idea of going through treatment again is extremely scary but my husband made it and you will too if you have to. We will all pray that you never have to, though.

    I posted another thread about a clinical trial for recurrent head and neck cancer started by my husband's doctor at the University of Colorado Cancer Center. New treatments are being developed every day and someday there will be a cure.

    Hang in there. I will be thinking of you as my anxiety continues to mount. I would love to tell you to please stop worrying, but others here are better at that than me. I have not yet figured out how to do it. If you figure it out, please let me know!

    Myka
  • palmyrafan
    palmyrafan Member Posts: 396
    #4
    Other Shoe
    I have always had this in the back of my mind because I was told that my brain tumors (upgraded to brain cancer) would come back, the doctors just didn't know when.

    However, that said, it did take the tumors 11 years to make an appearance and another 3 for them to start creating any issues.

    I have not let that stop me though. I live each day to the fullest I am capable of. Some days I have great days, other days, I am tired and have headaches. My husband and I don't take anything for granted because we were also told that someday the cancer would kill me. I don't have time to dwell on when the other shoe will fall. Instead, we stay on top of all the new medical advances that I am eligible for and we treat each instance and symptom separately. I also enjoy the time I have with my 5 beautiful granddaughters (all under the age of 4), my children and my husband.

    Sometimes I do get anxious and wonder, is this the time that we can't do anything about the tumors? I get anxious when I have to have new tests run or am told that I need more surgery. But I have made it quite clear to everyone, husband and doctors, that I am about Quality of Time vs. Quantity of Time and they accept that.

    I hope that you and the others find the peace that you are looking for. Please don't let the cancer be the totality of who you are. You are living with cancer, not dying from it. Every day that we are survivors (and we all are) we are kicking our cancers to the curb.

    Peace.

    Teresa
  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
    #5
    palmyrafan said:

    Other Shoe
    I have always had this in the back of my mind because I was told that my brain tumors (upgraded to brain cancer) would come back, the doctors just didn't know when.

    However, that said, it did take the tumors 11 years to make an appearance and another 3 for them to start creating any issues.

    I have not let that stop me though. I live each day to the fullest I am capable of. Some days I have great days, other days, I am tired and have headaches. My husband and I don't take anything for granted because we were also told that someday the cancer would kill me. I don't have time to dwell on when the other shoe will fall. Instead, we stay on top of all the new medical advances that I am eligible for and we treat each instance and symptom separately. I also enjoy the time I have with my 5 beautiful granddaughters (all under the age of 4), my children and my husband.

    Sometimes I do get anxious and wonder, is this the time that we can't do anything about the tumors? I get anxious when I have to have new tests run or am told that I need more surgery. But I have made it quite clear to everyone, husband and doctors, that I am about Quality of Time vs. Quantity of Time and they accept that.

    I hope that you and the others find the peace that you are looking for. Please don't let the cancer be the totality of who you are. You are living with cancer, not dying from it. Every day that we are survivors (and we all are) we are kicking our cancers to the curb.

    Peace.

    Teresa

    Wow, Teresa,
    I couldn't express this any more eloquently than you have here. I am one year out from treatment now, and doing my very best to enjoy every day as it comes and not worry about the future. I do, however, sometimes pay a vist to the dark side. Kimba said once that cancer is a chronic disease, because even if you are NED, you still carry with you every day that question about whether or not it will ever return. In other words; what does not kill us now... will, in all likelihood, kill us eventually. Whoops. Dark side again.

    Deb
  • Ed_PortOrange
    Ed_PortOrange Member Posts: 110
    #6
    I Know the Feeling
    Every little ache, pain, twitch or itch just sends my mind a wondering. It is now especially heightened with 18 month CT scan scheduled in 2 weeks. I just keep reminding myself that if I were never diagnosed with cancer I would just attribute those feelings as old age creeping in. Keep the faith, GOD heals everything!

    Ed
  • fisrpotpe
    fisrpotpe Member Posts: 1,349 Member
    #7
    Daily
    for a decade and half the shoe has not fallen for me. Every day I am reminded in so many ways. The big key for me to not dwell on the reminders. Give it a couple seconds and be thankful. Like my doctor told me we can not find it just keep going out every day having fun.

    It will get better each day then there will be the new normal will settle in.

    John
  • MarineE5
    MarineE5 Member Posts: 1,034 Member
    #8
    fisrpotpe said:

    Daily
    for a decade and half the shoe has not fallen for me. Every day I am reminded in so many ways. The big key for me to not dwell on the reminders. Give it a couple seconds and be thankful. Like my doctor told me we can not find it just keep going out every day having fun.

    It will get better each day then there will be the new normal will settle in.

    John

    John said- Give it a couple of seconds
    John,

    So true, in my opinion, you hit the nail on the head. There really isn't going to be a time for me to forget that I had to travel this road twice. Each morning when I shave I see the scars from the operations to remind me. But, like you stated, I give the thought a minute and then challenge myself to be a better person then I was the day before.

    I try not to sweat the small stuff like I did BC (before cancer). I feel much better that way. If we feel good about ourselves, others will see that and they actually seem to warm up to us easier as well.

    My Best to You and Everyone Here
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #9
    Hi Laura

    Another NPC survivor here, just let go of the past and live for the future. If you had gone two years with no signs of the NPC coming back you are more than likely going to do well, the five year is the mark you want and you are only 3 years away from it. One thing you need to remember is that you took a lot of radiation directly to the head, so some of what you are describing sounds like side effects of the treatment. Remember keeping positive is the best thing you can do to help yourself. You have a lot to live for so live it every day.

    All the best to and the family
    Hondo
  • Larla
    Larla Member Posts: 28
    #10
    my computer was sick too.
    Thank you to everyone that commented on my post.My son actually downloaded a virus and I was unable to reply to anyone. My headache finally went away after seven days and I am trying to take everyones wonderful advice and live life to the fullest. Thanks for everyone supportive words.
    Laura

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