I wish this to all of us for at least 90 years! The last one.

plh4gail
plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
I'm a little bit emotional. This is the last day before my last chemo. At least I hope my last chemo forever. Only I feel some guilt that I am not taking you all with me. I want this to be for us all. And then I also have this fear that at my scan I will hear something I don't want to hear. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this. I want so badly to be happy...only I am so scared. I want to ask if anyone else has this fear but I already know the answer. After you have it that very first day.....it's ours for life.

But for today....for my kids....its the last day before my last chemo.

Gail
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Comments

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #2
    Gail:)
    Congratulations on finishing your protocol, Gail!

    Even though I finished and am still waiting to be scanned, I find it very hard to be relieved and happy about it. Why? Because in the back of my mind, I worry that even if we show nothing, it is there lurking and waiting to hit me again. And I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

    After 7 years, I've come to a few realizations about my situation and what may or may not be facing me.

    But for now, for you, just try and enjoy finishing the treatment and I hope your scans will show you clear for those 90 years:)

    If any of us are really telling each other the truth, it's in the back of most of our minds. It's just difficult to put it out of your mind and reach for the moment. Perhaps a clear scan and some time behind me will make me feel better.

    In a large way, I think it is better to be early in your journey - there is still that anticipation and relief - the more time wears on and you still fight....well you've read my posts and know what I'm thinking.

    I understand where you are coming from and I'm just going to wish you the best and hope this is all behind you:)

    Love/Craig
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #3
    Awesome
    Congratulations on finishing your chemo. Your emotions are so real and so normal. You have every reason to feel as you do. This is kind of like the beginning and the end. The beginning of no more chemo and the end to the treatment. Hoping and praying that your scan is clear.

    Kim
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    #4
    Dear sweet Gail, I am so
    Dear sweet Gail, I am so happy for your being finished. You ARE taking us all with you. You are taking us on a celebration of your determination to beat this beast.
    We are all riding on the coat tails of your relief. So enjoy the feeling and put your fear in a box and tuck it away. We will all be praying that you will be able to forget where you put it!!
    Hugs and prayers,
    Judy
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #5
    Cancer, be gone!
    You have a right to be emotional. This is a big moment for you! I pray so much that this will be the LAST CHEMO EVER for you!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #6
    Congrats Gail
    I wish you all the best.
    -phil
  • Northwoodsgirl
    Northwoodsgirl Member Posts: 571
    #7
    Thankful
    God grant you peace and faith in your new life cancer free!!!! None of us know what our future holds but know that your fought the good fight and you deserve a good cry and a sigh of relief. This is the first day of the rest of your life in so many ways because you have been through so very much.
    Peace and grace,
    Lori
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 544 Member
    #8
    *throws confetti*
    You have so much to be proud of, it is a long road. I remember being mostly scared about not seeing the Dr and nurses every two weeks, being monitored so closely. But you do not need it, you are fine. I hope you celebrate tomorrow. Congrats.
  • Lilmiss82
    Lilmiss82 Member Posts: 257 Member
    #9
    christinecarl said:

    *throws confetti*
    You have so much to be proud of, it is a long road. I remember being mostly scared about not seeing the Dr and nurses every two weeks, being monitored so closely. But you do not need it, you are fine. I hope you celebrate tomorrow. Congrats.

    Congrats!!
    You're done!! Looking back you will realize how strong of a woman you truly are and nothing will seem impossible, and every day will be so much more beautiful!! Don't let things that are out of your control scare you Gail, no matter what happens whether the outcome is something that we hoped for or not, everything will be ok:)Melissa
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #10
    Good luck mate
    Wishing you a long, healthy ,happy, and ca free existence and don't feel obliged to stop just because you turn 90,Hugs Ron.
  • Buckwirth
    Buckwirth Member Posts: 1,258 Member
    #11
    PhillieG said:

    Congrats Gail
    I wish you all the best.
    -phil

    OMG!
    What is my wife doing in your profile picture!
  • tina dasilva
    tina dasilva Member Posts: 641
    #12
    Lilmiss82 said:

    Congrats!!
    You're done!! Looking back you will realize how strong of a woman you truly are and nothing will seem impossible, and every day will be so much more beautiful!! Don't let things that are out of your control scare you Gail, no matter what happens whether the outcome is something that we hoped for or not, everything will be ok:)Melissa

    YAY YAY
    Yay Gail I'm so happy for you . I wish you never have to have chemo again . Hugs Tina
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #13
    been there about 4 weeks ago
    its our journey with love not destination that counts.
    Your chemo express ride is finishing. You made it in style and don't forget to smile.

    Love pete
  • relaxoutdoors08
    relaxoutdoors08 Member Posts: 521 Member
    #14
    Congratulations
    Gail,
    Your profile shows a strong women who is on a journey. You have just made it through the current phase of your journey. We pray for a good scan. Then you begin the next phase of your journey. Your healthcare team will still be with you. Sounds like you have the love and support of family and friends and of course you have all of us praying with you.

    Best,
    NB
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #15
    Gail:
    Chemo is like a life line, scared to do it, scared not to do it anymore. I think for everyone, patient and family, the worry of what could happen is there. But for now, you are done, get some well deserved rest, be kind to yourself and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

    Take care - Tina
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #16
    you're going to do well!
    Hi Gail,

    I think your feelings are pretty darn normal! You're excited, but afraid to feel too excited, and probably worried about not being monitored as closely or as often. You will still get checked- keep diligent on that. But, I am hoping and praying that today will have been your last chemo ever!!
    In another two weeks, you should be over the main side effects of today's chemo & then it will be on to getting stronger and building up that immune system to keep things away. I know Raquel has lots of advice and things up her sleeve to keep the cancer away! Do what she says- as you know, she continues to be cancer free after being stage IV. You can and will do it, girl!
    I'm proud of you- you have a lot on your plate and you are doing well!

    Hugs,
    Lisa
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #17
    lisa42 said:

    you're going to do well!
    Hi Gail,

    I think your feelings are pretty darn normal! You're excited, but afraid to feel too excited, and probably worried about not being monitored as closely or as often. You will still get checked- keep diligent on that. But, I am hoping and praying that today will have been your last chemo ever!!
    In another two weeks, you should be over the main side effects of today's chemo & then it will be on to getting stronger and building up that immune system to keep things away. I know Raquel has lots of advice and things up her sleeve to keep the cancer away! Do what she says- as you know, she continues to be cancer free after being stage IV. You can and will do it, girl!
    I'm proud of you- you have a lot on your plate and you are doing well!

    Hugs,
    Lisa

    Drinking champagne to your health!
    Hugs Gail!
  • soccermom13
    soccermom13 Member Posts: 224
    #18
    go ahead and have a good cry!
    and then go out and celebrate when you are feeling better. I also went thru the "yea it is over" and then the "crap . . . is it over???" 2 and 1/2 years now NED and had a little scare this Feb but things are great. I still feel a little anxiety with each blood test and will feel anxiety when I have the next PET/CT scan because of the scare in Feb. Your emotions are real and very valid. With so many here in various stages of treatment it almost seems unfair that you (and me and all those not in treatment) are able to end this phase. It becomes so "normal" to go in every other week for chemo, know what the few days following will be like, only to start to feel good again and then do it all over again. The first few weeks without chemo felt like I was missing something but I quickly got over it when I started to feel better and my hair stopped falling out and I began the recovery stage. So you go and enjoy your time, hug your family, and find peace with your feelings.
    Hugs!
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #19
    Buckwirth said:

    OMG!
    What is my wife doing in your profile picture!

    Hahahaha Buck!
    Where are you lately?
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #20
    soccermom13 said:

    go ahead and have a good cry!
    and then go out and celebrate when you are feeling better. I also went thru the "yea it is over" and then the "crap . . . is it over???" 2 and 1/2 years now NED and had a little scare this Feb but things are great. I still feel a little anxiety with each blood test and will feel anxiety when I have the next PET/CT scan because of the scare in Feb. Your emotions are real and very valid. With so many here in various stages of treatment it almost seems unfair that you (and me and all those not in treatment) are able to end this phase. It becomes so "normal" to go in every other week for chemo, know what the few days following will be like, only to start to feel good again and then do it all over again. The first few weeks without chemo felt like I was missing something but I quickly got over it when I started to feel better and my hair stopped falling out and I began the recovery stage. So you go and enjoy your time, hug your family, and find peace with your feelings.
    Hugs!

    dear shanna
    i liked your comments , they apply to me as well.
    hugs,
    pete
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #21
    When my mom finished chemo,
    When my mom finished chemo, we gave her a tiara and hot pink feather boa. I am passing you the tiara and boa. Celebrate your last day. I suggest dancing to I'm every woman" by Chaka Khan. I am praying for you!

    Luv Ketz.

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