hubby is so depressed

grannyc
grannyc Member Posts: 63
in Colorectal Cancer #1
I am worried about my husband. He is my caregiver, although we have been fighting for almost 4 years he has always seemed to be ok. I was diadnosed in Jan 2011 with mets to my liver. I was Ned for 2 years so this just seemed to come out of nowhere...I still feel really good, still working and taking ccare of house, groceries etc...so he is really not having to "take" care of me yet. anyway the last wek or so he sleeps on and off all day long and doesn't want to go anywhere or hardly goes to work (he has his own business) he went to Dr yesterday got some meds, took them last night and again this morning. Says he won't take them anymore cuz they make him feel weird. As I sit here on a beautiful sunny Satureday evening @ 7PM he has been sleeping in his chair for about an hour.
I am so worried but every time I try to talk to him he snaps at me...any suggestions?

Comments

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #2
    Wow
    All I can say is WOW, I have that same thing. I come home from school at 2:30 and sometimes he's still in bed. I pulled weeds out of my side yard and asked him to put them into the weed and grass rubbish bin, he said why can't your son do it. I told him because I wanted him to do something, anything!! I figured he wasn't going to ever move them from the side of the house, so I put them in the backyard where he could get to them easy. I finally put them in the bin myself today, he said he planned on doing it Monday, (yesterday he planned on doing it today).
    Sorry I can't help you, just to let you know, there are others in your same situation. I know he's in a deep depression, I just can't get him to do anything about it. Also, he drinks quite a bit daily.
    I came home from school one day, and there he was laying on the bed arms folded like you would find someone in a casket, I felt his arm it was cold, I started freaking out, I shook and shook him and finally his eye rolled and he woke up!! The relief was immense.
    I wish I had advise. Just know unfortunately, you're not alone.
    Winter Marie
  • PGLGreg
    PGLGreg Member Posts: 731
    #3
    I haven't been in the
    I haven't been in the situation, but an idea about it is that he needs time to let it sink in and work things out. He snaps at you because he can't talk about it yet. I'd keep my distance for a while, and hope that he can somehow work it out.
  • SisterSledge
    SisterSledge Member Posts: 332 Member
    #4
    Give the meds more time
    Depression meds usually take two weeks or so before the body adjusts to them...try and get husband to give them a bit more time to stabilize?
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #5
    slip him some adomet/samE in his icecream
    only joking!

    he must love you,getting depressed because the one you love is stage 4 sounds really normal.

    if he was happy and bouncy he might not love you as much as you need.

    so take heart.

    love him as much as you can, they say cancer is harder on the carers.
    a bit of romance, men need alot of tlc.

    seriously look up samE healthy spirit and liver, maybe getting some counselling.

    my wife and have had heaps.

    hugs,

    pete
  • MrsJP
    MrsJP Member Posts: 157
    #6
    As a "caregiver to my son"
    As a "caregiver to my son" I've been thinking about all that could go wrong. Not living for today. My sister said "is this how you want to spend the rest of your days with your son?" So starting today I'm going to try to be more possitive, he's still working, has a great attitude and makes me proud to be his mom.

    My suggestion: talk with your husband, open communication has made my30 year marriage prospure, Spend all the good days you have left on this earth together.{may they be many}. Try not to worry about tomorrow, it will come soon enough.

    God Speed
    Jeanette
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    #7
    You know, I usually have
    You know, I usually have something to add on just about any post, especially one on feelings and emotions. But I have been thinking about what I can offer you for days grannyc. I have really not dealt with this situation. I'm sure you already to this but I will say it anyway. The one thing that stays in my mind for you is, to include him in your fight by acknowledging with appretiation the things he does for you, no matter how small. Maybe he will awaken to knowing how willing you are to fight this and how helpful his support is in all ways.

    The best of luck to you my dear!

    Love and hugs, Gail
  • grannyc
    grannyc Member Posts: 63
    #8
    plh4gail said:

    You know, I usually have
    You know, I usually have something to add on just about any post, especially one on feelings and emotions. But I have been thinking about what I can offer you for days grannyc. I have really not dealt with this situation. I'm sure you already to this but I will say it anyway. The one thing that stays in my mind for you is, to include him in your fight by acknowledging with appretiation the things he does for you, no matter how small. Maybe he will awaken to knowing how willing you are to fight this and how helpful his support is in all ways.

    The best of luck to you my dear!

    Love and hugs, Gail

    thank you all
    Thanks to all of your for your support and comments. I know fighting this is harder on him than it is on me. From years of experience I know he loves me and wants to "fix" everything and I feel he is overwelmed knowing he can't realy fix cancer or make me better.

    I am going to take cae of him as best I can and be as supportive as I can so we can both get through this.

    thanks again everyone.

    GrannyC
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #9
    grannyc said:

    thank you all
    Thanks to all of your for your support and comments. I know fighting this is harder on him than it is on me. From years of experience I know he loves me and wants to "fix" everything and I feel he is overwelmed knowing he can't realy fix cancer or make me better.

    I am going to take cae of him as best I can and be as supportive as I can so we can both get through this.

    thanks again everyone.

    GrannyC

    he can't really fix cancer or make me better
    sorry grannc,

    but I think his love and closeness at this time will give you an edge on survival.

    its all the positive energy from emotions.

    also worrying about his depression does not exactly help your immune system, it shuts it down.

    so chill and be happy, even if the world is going to hell around you, it is possible.

    read vitor frankle a man search for reason, very inspiring for cancer survivors.

    the first place to beat cancer is in our minds and hearts.

    some romance also gets both your minds off cancer, whats wrong with a litle escapism.
    the endorphims that get released if you get lucky also help with mood and outlook and destress as well.

    hugs,

    pete

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