"The Silver Tongued Devil and I"

sissylu1 said:

on line chat
When I first signed on to this web site I was feeling pretty depressed and looking for support from a group who had been in my shoes..I signed onto the on-line chat for all of 2 minutes because the talk soon turned in the direction of peoples sex lives..I'm not interested in that, if I wanted that I would sign onto an adult web site certainly not a cancer survivors network so I stick to the discussion boards which I find extremly helpful. It' too bad there are always a few who ruin it for the rest of everyone else whose motives are pure..but fear no evil-I am a big beliver in karma and sooner or later it will come back and bite them in thier ****! But you are soooo right, these people who pray on the vulnerability of others are truly cowards, I am a licensed Mental Health Professional and I know from which I speak.

chat
In defense of the chat room

sissy, thanks for the comments. I am not sure, clearly, what you mean when you say the conversation turned to personal sex lives, but would encourage you to re-visit the room at your convenience, to give it another chance.

As a mental health professional, you must be aware of the therapeutic value of the sort of immediate feedback that a chat room can provide, and if you feel it would be of assistance to you, please give it another chance.

That said, let me tell you a little story about my own history in the chat room: I had only been in chatrooms very briefly, out of sheer curiousity, prior to visiting the CSN room, even though I had been involved in the computer industry since way back in 1980. When I came into the chat room, I was frankly shocked by the atmosphere -- these people were talking about anything and everything BUT cancer! I was mystified AND appalled. Beyond that, people started asking me what I considered personal questions about cancer immediately, many of which, to be candid, I didn't even know the answers to!

So I did what you did (although admittedly I might have stayed had it seemed like a sex chat was going on JUST JOKING!).

I did come back, however, and I came to realize that part of what draws people to the chat room is the ability to talk about anything BUT cancer with fellow survivors and caregivers. My guess is that when talking to others, those who have not had the experience of cancer, there is a strong undercurrent (or we at least assume one), that simply isn't in the room, because there, cancer just is. If that makes any sense: it is not part of the conversation (unless we need for it to or want for it to be, of course) because it is a given, something clearly not true of our conversations with those outside of the community, for want of a better phrase.

So, yes, there is talk of food, of kids and grandkids, of work and wives and husbands, moms and dads, more food, and, yes, a bit of sexual innuendo from time to time, teasing and flirting is how I would describe it, among seasoned vets who are very familiar with one another.

But the main focus, always, or so it seems to me, is to provide support and comfort to survivors and caregivers. And I know a sizeable number of folks who have considered it a great form of free therapy.

The 'personal questions' I protested originally, are of course part of the process of those in the room getting to know us, what our experiences have been, perhaps what we still have to look forward to. (And by personal, I really am only speaking of those cancer-related: what kind of cancer, where, how long, what treatment, those sorts of things -- nothing to do with where you live or what your personal email is or phone numbers, or whatever.)

I've rambled here, and it sounds as though your experience was such that you may not return anyway, but at least I have tried to explain the value of the room, and what goes on in there, and why.

Take care,

Joe