Just needed to vent

jbeans888
jbeans888 Member Posts: 313
in Ovarian Cancer #1
It's been about a month or so since I have been on this site and since then its been crappy, even though I am truly trying to stay positive. I about 3 weeks ago I had to have 2 emergency surgeries within 24 hours because my intestines kinked. I had a complication from the fist surgery. A stitch busted open inside me and I started to get septic. They rushed me to have the second surgery and said I need to have an iliostomy bag. I spent a week in ICU and a week in the regular hospital not to mention the many more scars on my stomach. I swear I never thought I would say this but I wish I just only had cancer still. My thoughts get eased my knowing that the bag is temporary, but it has changed my life. I can't do things that I want to do, even though they say I can. I am so self conscious and the thing is, it's just a plain old pain in the ****.

I don't think my anti-depressent is working I am on sertraline. Has anybody been on them thru chemo and cancer treatment? I also take anitvan but it doesn't work I am asking my doctor to switch me to something else.

Even though I have a support group at home I still feel lonely sometimes or I feel handicapped because I can't do all the things I used to and I am only 31. My fiance doesn't get home until 9 or 10 every night and even though he tells me I am beautiful and spends all his free time with me. I miss being able to go out and do things with him like I used to. He completely understands. He treats and takes care of me like no other. I feel blessed for that because he is not a douch bag. But I think what bothers me the most is that I feel like people treat me like I am sick, which I am, but I don't always want to feel that way, and the iliostomy bag is just a constant reminder of it.

I hope and pray in 2.3 months when chemo is over the cancer goes away and doesn't come back and my iliostomy is reversed and my life goes back to normal again. I am still getting a tattoo when I am done with chemo on the underside of my left wrist with a teal ribbon that says under it Teal Warrior because you have to be to deal with this crap and it is a life changing experience for everyone involved.

Anyways, I hope all of you have a blessed and lovely Easter. Take care and keep fighting.

Comments

  • srwruns
    srwruns Member Posts: 343
    #2
    Good place to vent. Reading
    Good place to vent. Reading all you have been through venting BIG TIME is the righ thing to do.
  • carolyn45
    carolyn45 Member Posts: 100
    #3
    I have an ileostomy, too!
    Yes, the bag is a complete and utter drag. I have a "double barreled" ileostomy, which means 2 stomas. The top one is normal, where the intestine empties. The lower "inactive" stoma is prolapsed and looks like a 2 to 3 inch red penis. It is gross! I'm never without discomfort or pain! Like you, I'm looking at a "soon" reversal of the ileostomy, and know how lucky I am that I won't have it forever. Still, you'd have to be a rock, especially at your age, not to grieve the loss of the "you" who could do anything. Being depressed is absolutely normal. I miss my "old life" just as you do and feel quite sorry for myself at times. I allow those feelings--even welcome them as part and parcel of this process. Then I move on to something in the "now" that makes me glad to be alive, whether it's my husband's smile, the birds eating outside, or just the sun shining on spring flowers. I'll be praying for your full remission and long, lovely life.
  • Chemo_Princess
    Chemo_Princess Member Posts: 105
    #4
    The dreaded bag
    I too had a temp iliestomy. You're right--it's a pain in the ****. I hope all goes well and you are able to have it reversed soon.
    I'm on effexor xr, you may want to try it out.
    Blessings to you,
    Natalie
  • msfanciful
    msfanciful Member Posts: 559
    #5
    Happy Easter.

    Happy Easter.
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676
    #6
    msfanciful said:

    Happy Easter.

    Happy Easter.

    Hold onto the vision
    Well, it's good to hear from you just to know you are still alive! I like your feistiness! You need "companion therapy." I was blessed with family members who came & stayed with me while my husband worked & kept a roof over our heads & food on the table.

    If you are in the US & you haven't already done so, call the Social Security office & find out about disability income. It takes about 4-5 months to get the first check. Even if you think "I'll be back to work in 3 months," you should STILL get your application in ASAP. It may be too soon yet but I wish someone would have pushed me to do it sooner than I did.

    When you do return to work, you don't lose your benefit right away, you have a few months to see if you CAN return to work before your benefit ends. I thought I could work & do chemo--that shows how clueless I was! Hahahaha!

    Keep the vision of yourself well again & remind yourself that what you are going through is temporary. It just may take a little longer than you plan on to get there.
  • carolenk
    carolenk Member Posts: 907 Member
    #7
    LaundryQueen said:

    Hold onto the vision
    Well, it's good to hear from you just to know you are still alive! I like your feistiness! You need "companion therapy." I was blessed with family members who came & stayed with me while my husband worked & kept a roof over our heads & food on the table.

    If you are in the US & you haven't already done so, call the Social Security office & find out about disability income. It takes about 4-5 months to get the first check. Even if you think "I'll be back to work in 3 months," you should STILL get your application in ASAP. It may be too soon yet but I wish someone would have pushed me to do it sooner than I did.

    When you do return to work, you don't lose your benefit right away, you have a few months to see if you CAN return to work before your benefit ends. I thought I could work & do chemo--that shows how clueless I was! Hahahaha!

    Keep the vision of yourself well again & remind yourself that what you are going through is temporary. It just may take a little longer than you plan on to get there.

    Keep up the momentum
    Sounds like you just went through a storm but are rolling right along to regaining your health.

    I agree with LaundryQueen about signing up for disability income--I've been off work for over eight months and I had no additional health problems at all before the diagnosis. I know some of the survivors on this board have been off work even longer or have only been able to work part-time.

    Your health is your priority now--keep up the momentum and you'll be the next walking miracle.

    Carolen
  • Christine B.
    Christine B. Member Posts: 137
    #8
    Vent all you want!
    That bag stinks, and I mean that in every sense of the word! I have a colostomy bag and have/am experiencing all the same feelings about it as you. I went into my first surgery thinking it would be temporary, but unfortunately my doctor feels that I need more time to get stronger before thinking about reversing it. So in the meantime I'm doing everything I can to do that with diet and exercise. My husband is wonderful about it though, and since it is in a position that I can't see easily, he has the dirty job of changing the base for me every couple of days. When I get to complaining too much, he does remind me that without that surgery I would probably not be here today. Thank you for venting, in a way reading what you wrote was cathartic for me. I hope the best for you!
    Chris
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676
    #9
    Christine B. said:

    Vent all you want!
    That bag stinks, and I mean that in every sense of the word! I have a colostomy bag and have/am experiencing all the same feelings about it as you. I went into my first surgery thinking it would be temporary, but unfortunately my doctor feels that I need more time to get stronger before thinking about reversing it. So in the meantime I'm doing everything I can to do that with diet and exercise. My husband is wonderful about it though, and since it is in a position that I can't see easily, he has the dirty job of changing the base for me every couple of days. When I get to complaining too much, he does remind me that without that surgery I would probably not be here today. Thank you for venting, in a way reading what you wrote was cathartic for me. I hope the best for you!
    Chris

    Chlorophyll: the natural deodorizer
    I don't know if any of the ostomy club ladies know about chlorophyll to reduce the offensive odor. It can be found in tablets at the health food store. The dose is whatever it takes to neutralize the odor.

    Chlorophyll is a green leafy product so would affect those on the blood thinner warfarin (Coumadin)--however, if you adjust the dose of warfarin while on the chlorophyll, it is not a problem unless you stop taking the chlorophyll (then you are in trouble with blood that is too thin).

    Doctors usually say "No Green Leafy Vegetables" while on warfarin because they don't want to risk you changing your diet and getting overdosed on the blood thinner if you stop the greens.

    Of course, ask your doctor about taking chlorophyll first. It does not increase blood clotting just because it has vitamin K. In fact, vitamin K has been demonstrated to help reduce post-menopausal bone loss.
  • Christine B.
    Christine B. Member Posts: 137
    #10
    LaundryQueen said:

    Chlorophyll: the natural deodorizer
    I don't know if any of the ostomy club ladies know about chlorophyll to reduce the offensive odor. It can be found in tablets at the health food store. The dose is whatever it takes to neutralize the odor.

    Chlorophyll is a green leafy product so would affect those on the blood thinner warfarin (Coumadin)--however, if you adjust the dose of warfarin while on the chlorophyll, it is not a problem unless you stop taking the chlorophyll (then you are in trouble with blood that is too thin).

    Doctors usually say "No Green Leafy Vegetables" while on warfarin because they don't want to risk you changing your diet and getting overdosed on the blood thinner if you stop the greens.

    Of course, ask your doctor about taking chlorophyll first. It does not increase blood clotting just because it has vitamin K. In fact, vitamin K has been demonstrated to help reduce post-menopausal bone loss.

    Chlorophyll
    Thank you for the information, I am on Lovenox injections for a blood clot, so I'll ask my doctor about it. He never said anything about green leafy vegetables. Sure would like to do something about the stink that doesn't cost an arm and a leg! Chris
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676
    #11
    Christine B. said:

    Chlorophyll
    Thank you for the information, I am on Lovenox injections for a blood clot, so I'll ask my doctor about it. He never said anything about green leafy vegetables. Sure would like to do something about the stink that doesn't cost an arm and a leg! Chris

    Please let us know
    Chris: I would love to know if your doctor gives you the OK on this natural de-odorizer--it helps reduce armpit & breath odor, too...what a BONUS! lol!

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