Son-In-Law needs help

My father-in-law is currently at Sloan Kettering. This past weekend his doctors in Florida found a mass on his cerebellum. When they did a PET Scan they found a mass on his lung too. Yesterday he had the mass on his cerebellum removed in what the doctor said was actually a simple surgery. The doctor said is was malignant but did not say whether it was metastatic.

I just heard from my wife that the lung doctor has said that the lung tumor is inoperable. That is all the information I have. My father-in-law had lung cancer 11 years ago and both his brother and mother died of lung cancer. I have put all these things together and concluded that he has stage IV lung cancer. As far as I know, no one has come out and said it, but my research all points this way.

I am at such a loss of what to do. First, I want to support my father-in-law. He has been anxious, scared and depressed since he got the diagnosis this weekend. I can't help but think giving him hope is good for him. At the same time, I don't want to say things that aren't true.

I am also confused about the treatment options. I am told the cancer is inoperable. I have read that stage IV cancers are inoperable. Why is that? If the cancer was only found in the cerebellum and the lung, why can't they just remove the lung cancer the way they removed the cancer in the cerebellum?

If he can't have surgery on his lungs, what are his other options. How long can he really live on a diet of radiation and chemo? is it possible he can be "cured" without surgery? I read that less than 1% of people with stage IV lung cancer live 5 years. My father-in-law knows this which is why I put him on the phone with my uncle who is more than 1o years removed from surviving pancreatic cancer.

What do I do to support my wife? She is a hard woman. I don't mean difficult, I mean tough. She doesn't share her emotions very easily or readily. She herself just survived melanoma surgery 2 year ago. Despite having a huge crater in her skull, she went to work the next day (she now admits that was a ridiculous idea). Also, as the only sibling out of 4 who has had any type of cancer, in a family with a long history of cancer, I am already worried about what the future will hold.

I have so many other questions and fleeting thoughts, but I know I need to stop now. I guess I just want someone to tell me I am wrong. That my father-in-law will be fine. That my wife will be fine. That the next four months, sixth months, or however long, aren't going to be painful for my wife, her family, me, or, most importantly, my father-in-law.