last days

karenbeth
karenbeth Member Posts: 194
in Caregivers #1
Frank is transitioning quickly and I think he this may be his last week. He stopped eating and drinking yesterday. For the most part, he is without pain, and he is calm. I am so grateful for that. I am just trying to keep him comfortable, and maintain a sense of serenity here. Family calls and I put them on speaker phone and he has a smile on his face. A friend visited yesterday, his daughter is supposed to come today. I keep kissing him and telling him I love him. The night nurse said this is the time to say whatever I need to say, but there is nothing more than that.

Peace to you all,
Karen

Comments

  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #2
    Thinking of You
    Hello Karen
    You are doing all of the right things. Telling your husband how much you love him is so important. Give him your blessings that it is ok for him to move on. He needs to hear this so he can pass peacefully. Without eating and drinking, dehydration will set in. This is how it was for my dad. Know that we are praying for all of you daily. May God grant you the peace that you will need in these upcoming days and weeks. Keep us posted.
    Tina in Va
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #3
    prayers being lifted
    Prayers are being lifted for both you and Frank, karenbeth.

    May you both have peace during this time.

    And, you are right, there is nothing greater you could say to Frank.

    Hugs.
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #4
    Sorry
    Karen,
    I'm so sorry that the end is near for Frank. I'm glad that he doesn't have pain and sounds like he is comfortable. You're doing all you can and I know what you're going through. So many of us have gone through this and it's one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I lost my husband one year ago. If I could only have his arms around me one more time or have him kiss my face I'd give anything. But all I have is the memory of his touch. So please just keep letting Frank know that you love him and make his journey easier.
    Thinking of you and I'll say a prayer for Frank!! Carole
  • angelyn
    angelyn Member Posts: 51
    #5
    3Mana said:

    Sorry
    Karen,
    I'm so sorry that the end is near for Frank. I'm glad that he doesn't have pain and sounds like he is comfortable. You're doing all you can and I know what you're going through. So many of us have gone through this and it's one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I lost my husband one year ago. If I could only have his arms around me one more time or have him kiss my face I'd give anything. But all I have is the memory of his touch. So please just keep letting Frank know that you love him and make his journey easier.
    Thinking of you and I'll say a prayer for Frank!! Carole

    Sorry
    Karen-
    I'm very sorry for what you are going through and I wish I could do or say something to help your pain. I will be thinking of you, your husband and family.
    God Bless-
    Angie
  • mr steve
    mr steve Member Posts: 285
    #6
    Prayers
    Prayers and {{hugs}}
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #7
    With You
    Remember that we are with you in spirit. You are not alone. Hugs and prayers are coming at you from all directions. Many of us have been where you are. Blessings, Fay
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449
    #8
    grandmafay said:

    With You
    Remember that we are with you in spirit. You are not alone. Hugs and prayers are coming at you from all directions. Many of us have been where you are. Blessings, Fay

    My heart, hugs and prayers
    My heart, hugs and prayers are with you, dear one. Your words of love and comfort are all he needs.

    Take care,

    Lucy
  • lovingwifedeb
    lovingwifedeb Member Posts: 183
    #9
    A Prayer For You
    Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love’s sake. Amen

    Book of Common Prayer
    Evening Prayer II


    Heatbreaking.
    Deb
    lovingwife, to Bob stage 4 melanoma
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #10
    Praying
    Karen,
    Praying for you and Frank today. May God hold you both in the Palm of His hand.
    Penny
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #11
    Serenity now
    and I don't mean that in the Seinfeld sense either. You have held up like a champ through all of this, and I can't speak for anyone else but this was hardest for me. If you need something I'm only an email and a boat ride away. Peace be with you both.

    April
  • karenbeth
    karenbeth Member Posts: 194
    #12
    Thursday
    I have been okay as long as Frank is still present, able to interact and speak a little. But he hasn't woken up at all today and I had to give him ativan in place of his regular seizure med, so now he is sleeping even harder. The thought that he may not wake up again and will never speak to me or hear me say I love him again is so heartbreaking. I know that isn't necessarily the case, but it could be. The funny thing is that the last thing he said to me last night was "Karen, you're starting to bug me" after I was fussing over him and trying to give him his meds. We have had plenty of time to say I love you to each other, so it won't be devastating to me if those are indeed his last words to me. I'm sure I'll even laugh about it someday. I just want a little more time to say goodbye. I thought I was ready for this but I'm not.
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #13
    karenbeth said:

    Thursday
    I have been okay as long as Frank is still present, able to interact and speak a little. But he hasn't woken up at all today and I had to give him ativan in place of his regular seizure med, so now he is sleeping even harder. The thought that he may not wake up again and will never speak to me or hear me say I love him again is so heartbreaking. I know that isn't necessarily the case, but it could be. The funny thing is that the last thing he said to me last night was "Karen, you're starting to bug me" after I was fussing over him and trying to give him his meds. We have had plenty of time to say I love you to each other, so it won't be devastating to me if those are indeed his last words to me. I'm sure I'll even laugh about it someday. I just want a little more time to say goodbye. I thought I was ready for this but I'm not.

    Hugs, Karen
    Just bunches of hugs.

    We are right there with you. Never forget you are not alone in this.
  • mr steve
    mr steve Member Posts: 285
    #14
    karenbeth said:

    Thursday
    I have been okay as long as Frank is still present, able to interact and speak a little. But he hasn't woken up at all today and I had to give him ativan in place of his regular seizure med, so now he is sleeping even harder. The thought that he may not wake up again and will never speak to me or hear me say I love him again is so heartbreaking. I know that isn't necessarily the case, but it could be. The funny thing is that the last thing he said to me last night was "Karen, you're starting to bug me" after I was fussing over him and trying to give him his meds. We have had plenty of time to say I love you to each other, so it won't be devastating to me if those are indeed his last words to me. I'm sure I'll even laugh about it someday. I just want a little more time to say goodbye. I thought I was ready for this but I'm not.

    Thursday
    Karen,

    It is never easy to lose anyone no matter how long you been expecting it. Keep talking to him he can still hear you, and Im sure it gives him great pleasure as well.

    {HUG}
    steve
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #15
    karenbeth said:

    Thursday
    I have been okay as long as Frank is still present, able to interact and speak a little. But he hasn't woken up at all today and I had to give him ativan in place of his regular seizure med, so now he is sleeping even harder. The thought that he may not wake up again and will never speak to me or hear me say I love him again is so heartbreaking. I know that isn't necessarily the case, but it could be. The funny thing is that the last thing he said to me last night was "Karen, you're starting to bug me" after I was fussing over him and trying to give him his meds. We have had plenty of time to say I love you to each other, so it won't be devastating to me if those are indeed his last words to me. I'm sure I'll even laugh about it someday. I just want a little more time to say goodbye. I thought I was ready for this but I'm not.

    never ready
    He can still hear you, even if you think he can't. He can still feel your touch. Keep doing what you need to to let him know you love him.

    Love and Hugs,
    April
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449
    #16
    mswijiknyc said:

    never ready
    He can still hear you, even if you think he can't. He can still feel your touch. Keep doing what you need to to let him know you love him.

    Love and Hugs,
    April

    Holding you in my heart...
    Karen,

    I won't say, "oh, you are being so strong, or doing so well", because I know that from experience, you would say, " No, I'm not, I'm doing what my heart is wanting and needing to do".

    Touch, hold and kiss him. This is your medicine. It will do you as good as it will do for Frank.

    What I will say to you is, know that our hearts, prayers and thoughts are with you at these very moments. And we will be here for you in the days to come.

    Take care, dearest.

    Lucy
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #17
    karenbeth said:

    Thursday
    I have been okay as long as Frank is still present, able to interact and speak a little. But he hasn't woken up at all today and I had to give him ativan in place of his regular seizure med, so now he is sleeping even harder. The thought that he may not wake up again and will never speak to me or hear me say I love him again is so heartbreaking. I know that isn't necessarily the case, but it could be. The funny thing is that the last thing he said to me last night was "Karen, you're starting to bug me" after I was fussing over him and trying to give him his meds. We have had plenty of time to say I love you to each other, so it won't be devastating to me if those are indeed his last words to me. I'm sure I'll even laugh about it someday. I just want a little more time to say goodbye. I thought I was ready for this but I'm not.

    Never Ready
    We are never truely ready or prepared to lose the one we love so dearly. It is never long enough or old enough. You are doing all the right things. Love will see you through. Hugs and prayers, Fay
  • UKLady
    UKLady Member Posts: 85
    #18
    karenbeth said:

    Thursday
    I have been okay as long as Frank is still present, able to interact and speak a little. But he hasn't woken up at all today and I had to give him ativan in place of his regular seizure med, so now he is sleeping even harder. The thought that he may not wake up again and will never speak to me or hear me say I love him again is so heartbreaking. I know that isn't necessarily the case, but it could be. The funny thing is that the last thing he said to me last night was "Karen, you're starting to bug me" after I was fussing over him and trying to give him his meds. We have had plenty of time to say I love you to each other, so it won't be devastating to me if those are indeed his last words to me. I'm sure I'll even laugh about it someday. I just want a little more time to say goodbye. I thought I was ready for this but I'm not.

    Thursday
    What you have been to each other and feel so deeply in your heart, will I hope be not a fraction of your goodbye, but the whole of it.A few words will not take away from the whole picture.

    I say Steve is in a long goodbye so I hope I have the courage when it comes to my turn soon not to think on a few seconds of our relationship but the whole of our love and being together as a statement of what it has been.

    my kindest thoughts and peace to you

    Lyndsey
  • Jonathant52
    Jonathant52 Member Posts: 6
    #19
    You are helping him pack for his journey
    Dear Karen,
    I remember the bedside vigils for my father and mother-in-law. They were hard, but in a way they were also beautiful. It sounds like Frank is in good hands. Someone once told me something I found a lot of comfort in while saying good-bye. The two things a person takes with him when he transitions include 1) all the love they had ever given or received (because God is love) and 2) all the forgiveness they had ever given or received (because forgiveness is divine). Frank is in good hands now, and will be in Good Hands when the time comes.
    Be kind to yourself. You have done well.
    Jonathan

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