Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #122
    Megan, I often feel that
    Megan, I often feel that way--especially converning my husband's family. They rarely ask me how I am doing and because I am not on chemo, they think I am fine and should be "over it." But you don't ever get over it, do you? And I have bone mets that is manageable but not curable and, like all of us, have good days and bad days. Most of the time, I take it as a compliment that I must be doing well, but sometimes, when I am tired and scared, it confuses me.

    The wonderful thing about this MB is we really do understand. And we love you just the way you are!
  • Jennifer1961
    Jennifer1961 Member Posts: 137
    #123
    I am so with you on this. I
    I am so with you on this. I finished chemo Oct 1st, then had bilaterial mastectomy in Nov. The doctors tell me everything thing is great, that I should do fine (I'm stage 2a, 3cm, no lymphnodes, grade 3). No cancer left in breast tissue (had lumpetcomy in May), clean PET/CT scans. SO WHY AM I SO DEPRESSED! WHY CAN'T I GET THE THOUGHTS OF RECURRANCE OUT OF MY HEAD! I actually ran into an old friend and we got to talking. She suggested that perhaps when we're going through something, we just put out heads down and do what we have to do and then later, after the initial crisis in dealt with, the reality sinks in. We all have been through so much and we have so much to go through, even if there is no recurrance, there's still the worry, the drs appts, the tests. I think people want us to "go back to the old me" because that means we will be okay and they don't have to worry about us anymore. But then again what do I know. I feel your frustration and pain Megan, hang in there. Jennifer
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #124
    RE said:

    Hello Megan,
    We simply
    Hello Megan,

    We simply cannot ever go back to the way we were prior to cancer it is not possibility as we are forever changed emotionally, mentally, physically it is as if we have been rewired. Folk who have never had to deal with a life threatening illness that is treated and then can loom inside waiting to return for Act 2 or 3 have no way to understand how we feel. I have been dealing with this for 12 years now and I think ahhhh cancer with every new ache, thob or change. It has kept me alive cause it makes me go to the doctor and get checked out. We can still live a happy life and with time it won't be so raw for you, it is who you are now and somewhere along the line there is usually one or two truly close people who will end up sort of getting it.

    Hugs to you,

    RE

    Bumping up for sisters going
    Bumping up for sisters going through this too
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #125
    dash4 said:

    same fears..
    Megan,
    I have been in the cancer world since 2004 as caregiver for my husband and so I have learned way too much already. Now, when anyone says I will get back to the old me- I tell them, "the old me was gone once I got the cancer diagnosis. Nothing will ever be the same again." I am not being dramatic, just truthful. Every thought you mentioned in your post will not quit buzzing through my head too....and I have no idea who the new me is. I too am definitely struggling with day to day.
    Keeping you im my prayers.
    Mary Kay

    bumping up

    bumping up
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #126
    Jennifer1961 said:

    I am so with you on this. I
    I am so with you on this. I finished chemo Oct 1st, then had bilaterial mastectomy in Nov. The doctors tell me everything thing is great, that I should do fine (I'm stage 2a, 3cm, no lymphnodes, grade 3). No cancer left in breast tissue (had lumpetcomy in May), clean PET/CT scans. SO WHY AM I SO DEPRESSED! WHY CAN'T I GET THE THOUGHTS OF RECURRANCE OUT OF MY HEAD! I actually ran into an old friend and we got to talking. She suggested that perhaps when we're going through something, we just put out heads down and do what we have to do and then later, after the initial crisis in dealt with, the reality sinks in. We all have been through so much and we have so much to go through, even if there is no recurrance, there's still the worry, the drs appts, the tests. I think people want us to "go back to the old me" because that means we will be okay and they don't have to worry about us anymore. But then again what do I know. I feel your frustration and pain Megan, hang in there. Jennifer

    So many pink sisters related
    So many pink sisters related totally to this post, and, I see that em-h wrote a post that this is exactly about, so, I hope it helps her and anyone else that feels this way.


    Hugs, Megan
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #127
    Ask them
    Ask them if life will ever be the same after having a baby. No it never is. It is the same with cancer
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #128
    WJGardner_Dec2009 said:

    Nort so normal
    Ya, it does help to write our feelings done. it will be hard to go back to "normal" because life for us has changed and we can't go back. maybe your friend was trying to be positive for you. Wanda

    Good to see this post again.
    Good to see this post again. It is one of the most helpful I have ever seen on here for what we go thru.


    Leeza
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #129
    laughs_a_lot said:

    Ask them
    Ask them if life will ever be the same after having a baby. No it never is. It is the same with cancer

    Sorry for that remark to you
    No one knows how it feels to have a life threatening disease/illness till it hits Them. I never ask why "me" but why "anyone". What your friend said wasn't understanding.I would also be upset.

    I was fortunate not to need chemo or radiation.BUT I am still going through AlOT.I take tamoxifin.I saw my surgeon, oncologist and family doctor every 3 months in the beginning.Now it is every 6 months.Then I've had 4 mammograms and 1 ultrasound in less than 2 years.I wont hit the 2 year mark till Aug.Then mammos every year.I will keep up my self exams and if anything doesn't feel right I'm calling my doctor. It's never ending for us bc survivors.

    As years go on we MIGHT feel just a bit more comfortable but most of us were dx just a few years ago. Not long enough to be confident.When I hit the 25 year mark I will feel much better.I will be 87 by then.

    Life is now unpredictable,We don't know??? Our true friends and relatives should understand.Why would they think it is all going to be the same?

    Lynn Smith
  • Pink Rose
    Pink Rose Member Posts: 493
    #130
    Megan M said:

    Mariam! The loss of naivety
    Mariam! The loss of naivety when we have cancer and brush with death, it opens our eyes a little or pushes us in directions we would never have chosen to go! That is so right, so perfect! I am trying to move forward, I really am. I guess when she said that, it just brought me down, where I don't want to be and try not to be. I just couldn't get it out of my head. I told my husband how much it upset me and he understands the best that he can. He knows that I am still troubled and he sympathizes with me. I guess I just need all of you to listen to me and to tell me that I am ok. Thank you!

    Hugs, Megan

    This post is so informative

    This post is so informative and says so much of how I feel too.  It would be great to go back to the way we were before breast cancer, but like everyone writes, it is not possible.  But, that just makes me want to make myself better, a better wife, a better person, a better friend, a better everything.  Anyone else feel like that?

     

  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #131
    Curlz said:

    Thanks for bumping this up!
    This is SO timely for me; I'm 4 months post-treatment and some days I'm still finding my way--and that frustrates and surprises me. As someone who was already comfortable and confident in who she was, getting breast cancer was a bit of a wrench in that department. I just had a convo this week that gave me a lot of insight...a friend who has been in recovery for 20+ years said "Sometimes you just need to be in a room of other people who totally get it--without explanation." He then suggested that although I feel that I have insight via this board that I find a support group that's a good fit for me and see what it's like to literally walk in to a room full of folks who understand. I know we don't all have that option and that's where these boards are incredibly helpful, but I'm going to give it a shot.

    No matter how close and wonderful our family and friends may be, they just can't fully understand--and WE have to recognize that.

    Thank you all for sharing--it really does help!
    Curlz

    Love this post!

    This was one of my favorite posts of all time on here.  It's good to see it again and to read the answers and to see some sisters that we haven't seen in such a long time.

    I am not glad that you Megan or any of us have ever felt this way, but, the answers from everyone, I think, pretty much could fit all of us.

     

  • JJDS
    JJDS Member Posts: 258
    #132
    Megan M said:

    So many pink sisters related
    So many pink sisters related totally to this post, and, I see that em-h wrote a post that this is exactly about, so, I hope it helps her and anyone else that feels this way.


    Hugs, Megan

    Megan, this is such a good

    Megan, this is such a good post and from the replies, it looks like we all feel the same way.  I hope that you're feeling better now and are coping with how some might "think" we should be after we finish treatment.  Most, if any that haven't been touched by bc, will never understand.  All we can do is try and explain it to them, if we feel we want to.  I wouldn't want them to ever really understand as I pray that none of my friends or family ever go through bc. 

    Oddly enough, I think some good things come out of being diagnosed.  You get closer to some friends and even family members as their fear in losing us is finally apparent and they appreciate us more.

    Hoping that your life is full and happy Megan.

     

  • Pink Rose
    Pink Rose Member Posts: 493
    #133
    JillyB said:

    Grrrrrrr
    Megan,
    I personally think ppl saying things like that is more for them. They don't or most likely didn't really know what to say while you were going thru treatment and now that it is over, it is for them too. It's kind of like, maybe they can relax more, and not have to worry so much about you. Make any sense? My advice would be to choose those closest to you who you really care about, and care about you, and if They are saying these things, sit them down and really talk to them about what you are still going through. Have like a heart to heart....hope that helped at all...
    jilly

    I also think most don't know

    I also think most don't know what to say or even how to approach the subject with us.  I would be the same probably, if I hadn't had bc.  I think sometimes we expect maybe too much from our friends.  We think they should understand better, but, how can they?  They've never been through it.  I just look at it this way, if they try to talk to me, even if it is just to say how are you today, it shows they care. 

    I know you've got good friends Megan that love you.  Sometimes they just don't know how to show it.

    Thanks for bringing this subject up.

    Hugs, Rose

  • Pink Rose
    Pink Rose Member Posts: 493
    #134
    Lynn Smith said:

    Sorry for that remark to you
    No one knows how it feels to have a life threatening disease/illness till it hits Them. I never ask why "me" but why "anyone". What your friend said wasn't understanding.I would also be upset.

    I was fortunate not to need chemo or radiation.BUT I am still going through AlOT.I take tamoxifin.I saw my surgeon, oncologist and family doctor every 3 months in the beginning.Now it is every 6 months.Then I've had 4 mammograms and 1 ultrasound in less than 2 years.I wont hit the 2 year mark till Aug.Then mammos every year.I will keep up my self exams and if anything doesn't feel right I'm calling my doctor. It's never ending for us bc survivors.

    As years go on we MIGHT feel just a bit more comfortable but most of us were dx just a few years ago. Not long enough to be confident.When I hit the 25 year mark I will feel much better.I will be 87 by then.

    Life is now unpredictable,We don't know??? Our true friends and relatives should understand.Why would they think it is all going to be the same?

    Lynn Smith

     
    thanks for this

     

    thanks for this

  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #135
    Pink Rose said:

    This post is so informative

    This post is so informative and says so much of how I feel too.  It would be great to go back to the way we were before breast cancer, but like everyone writes, it is not possible.  But, that just makes me want to make myself better, a better wife, a better person, a better friend, a better everything.  Anyone else feel like that?

     

    Pinkrose, we all, at times,

    Pinkrose, we all, at times, wish we could go back to prior bc, but, what we need to do is focus on our after bc and make it the best that we can.  That's why this forum is so great.  We can speak freely and get help and support from survivors that understand.  I think you will find that to be very true.

    Good luck!

  • JJDS
    JJDS Member Posts: 258
    #136
    Balentine said:

    God is my strength and my hope
    I am overwhelmed by this one post how many have flocked here and this one post of Grrrrrrrrrrrr! is why we are all here......for comfort, strength, support and most of all UNDERSTANDING....no one and I mean no one who has not walked this road with us can fathom in their minds or hearts what this feels like....no one but God. He understands us and it altogether and is aquainted with all of our infirmities. It seems like most days now all I can do is go from my bible to this network and then back to my bible because my heart and mind and my health need a constant source of replenishing healing flow. That flow can only come from the sources of strength that only begin with having the experience themselves or someone who is omnipotent...all knowing which is God. Remember that God's word says that even the hairs on our head are numbered...He knows every single hair that everyone of us has lost and knows our deepest sorrows throughout our journeys. He has promised to carry us through this and bring us to a stronger place in our lives...a place where we can help the next victim of this horrible disease. So here we are....her for one another and I thank God for every one of you. May God bless each of you with His peace...a peace that passes all understanding. Speaking of source of replenishing healing flow...I extend to you the scripture from Revelations 21:6...I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things and I will be his God and he shall be My son.
    Love and hugs,
    Lorrie Balentine

    Thanks Megan for this post

    Thanks Megan for this post and Lorrie for the scripture and your very wise words.

    JJ

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