Mom given one month to live

lenjam
lenjam Member Posts: 51
in Ovarian Cancer #1
Last month mom's ct/pet showed "no cancer" but CA125 had jumped to 168. Doctor was concerned and wanted to start second line chemo but gave mom a month off to recoup and decide if that's what she wanted. Last week terrible pain in stomach. ER visit where they say she
has a bowel obstruction probably due to adhesions from surgery. Today gyn/onc goes in to do surgery to repair bowel obstruction and finds cancer every where. Closes her up and gives her a month, two at the most. In such shock. How can the ct/pet be clear with "no cancer" only a month ago to this? It's just so unfair. We're not ready. I'm not ready to loose
my mom and my 4 year old loose her grandmother. She was diagnosed only 10 months ago and she didn't get any quality of life at all during the 7 infusions of chemo or after. I don't know how to be strong for her.
I HATE CANCER!

Comments

  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    #2
    Don't wave the white flag
    Get a second opinion first. What did the doctor do about her bowel obstruction? I don't understand also why wait a month for more chemo. Please don't give up. Your mom can get through this. Sending hugs and prayers your way...val
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #3
    shocking
    I find the whole thing shocking. I don't understand either how the PET/CT showed nothing. I am so sorry. How is Mom handling this?
  • kellyh33
    kellyh33 Member Posts: 287
    #4
    Mom
    I am so sorry to hear the news about your mom but definitely get another opinion. Sometimes it is just a matter of finding someone else that is willing to try.
    It is hard helping someone else get ready for the next part of their journey but you can do it. It is not easy, we have also been helping my mom with this. Talk about the good times, rub her feet, give her a facial, make her feel special. Cry together and just love one another. The only good thing we have experienced through this whole thing is i feel like i have gotten to know my mom a lot better as a friend. Also there will never be words left unspoken therefore no regrets either.
    I am very sorry you and your mom have to go through this.
    Kelly
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #5
    another opinion
    I would definitly get a second opinion. the fact that it can grow so fast sometimes means it will react just as fast to treatment. I am so sorry you are dealing with this but I have seen on this and other boards that the drs vary in the way they treat this cancer. Maybe tell your dr you are not willing to give up at this point. How is your Mom? Does she want to continue treatment even if there is no quality of life with it?
    You are being strong for her just love her and support her decisions. Good Luck you and your family are in my thoughts.
    Colleen
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #6
    Oh Dear
    I am sooo sorry to hear this news...I'm afraid we're on the same train....BUT....no doctor has a time stamp...at the same time, although it's shocking news, I would take a deep breath and then talk talk talk to your mother about everything....anything....just be with her.....if then it turns into 6 months, wonderful.....if not, have no regrets........it's a horrible process...i agree cancer sucks.....My moms CA-125 has gone below 65 yet she can't breathe and walk...i am convinced the word hospice will be used tomorrow after her CT results....i cried all night....your Mom is lucky to have you.....take good care of her and just be with her....my heart is reaching out through the computer for you...I understand....it isn't fair...it really does suck.....and you can walk with her the rest of the way.....so sorry...Lisa
  • Cindy Bear
    Cindy Bear Member Posts: 569
    #7
    So sorry
    I am so sorry to hear this.. I agree, no dr.can say with certainty how much time she has left. Unfortunately, I have heard of this happening several times. Scans are clean, blood work good, yet surgery finds the person to be riddled with cancer. I agree, cancer sucks.. In my mom's situation (Uterine cancer) she was halfway thru treatment, scan was "basically good" but 5 wks later she was gone. We're still in shock. Just try to be strong and hang in there.. maybe she'll surprise everybody.
    Hugs,
    Cindy
  • Mum2bellaandwilliam
    Mum2bellaandwilliam Member Posts: 412
    #8
    Cindy Bear said:

    So sorry
    I am so sorry to hear this.. I agree, no dr.can say with certainty how much time she has left. Unfortunately, I have heard of this happening several times. Scans are clean, blood work good, yet surgery finds the person to be riddled with cancer. I agree, cancer sucks.. In my mom's situation (Uterine cancer) she was halfway thru treatment, scan was "basically good" but 5 wks later she was gone. We're still in shock. Just try to be strong and hang in there.. maybe she'll surprise everybody.
    Hugs,
    Cindy

    I agree with the others
    I agree with the others comments, if your mum is willing to fight seek a second opinion, a different surgeon may be prepared to operate, you say she had a terrible time on the first chemo, may be they could try a different regime that wouldn't be so harsh but would give you more time.
    This is terrible news for you, my heart goes out to you and your mum, i' m welling up, it is so s**t this whole thing, please try and stay strong for your mum, and try and have some fun together. Xxx
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #9
    I feel so badly for you, and
    I feel so badly for you, and for Lisa, as well. Every time I read a daughter's anguished post, it makes me feel like I am seeing my own daughter's pain, sometime down the road.

    CT/PET scans will not pick up tiny cancer seedings. They are like specks of black pepper.

    A second opinion would not hurt, though. I am a member of the "anything is better than doing nothing" school.

    You "girls" are in my prayers. I was 42 when my mom died. An adult, yes, but I was so not ready to be an orphan. I have told my husband many, many times how lucky he was that he got to keep his mom until he was almost 67 years old. Everyone should be so lucky. Unfortunately, life is not fair. And Cancer is the most unfair part of all.

    Carlene
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #10
    MOm
    Just jumping on to give my support for you in the tough time! I bet you are so glad you went to Maui and had a good time, before having this info.

    There is no formula or predictable road for this cancer, unfortuntely. I agree with some of the posts about another opinion, IF mom has the desire and stamina to do so. Was the blockage resolved? Actually the tumors can do "hiding out" (my doctor's words) in the bowel, so not surprising that they didn't show up on the scan.

    My heart goes out to you and prayers are with you today, as you process so much.
    kathleen
  • wendybill
    wendybill Member Posts: 84
    #11
    Oh Jami
    I have been on vacation and just read your post. I just can't believe these things are happening. How on earth are you holding up? Your poor mom and dad. This entire ordeal has been awful for everyone. Please update us on how you are doing. I imagine your mom is so overwhelmed and tired of all of this. She has not had an easy journey. Like others indicate--- a second opinion and more aggressive MD could give a different result--- but a lot depends on your mom and where she is with all of this. Having worked for hospice, I frequently see both sides of these situations. Oh Jami---- my heart is just sick for you. All of this sucks beyond belief. Thinking of you a lot. Wendy
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #12
    I AGREE - SECOND OPINION
    Second opinion is definitely in order - what have you got to lose? Please keep us informed. I'm truly praying for all of you and sending lots of hugs.
    Monika
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676
    #13
    mopar said:

    I AGREE - SECOND OPINION
    Second opinion is definitely in order - what have you got to lose? Please keep us informed. I'm truly praying for all of you and sending lots of hugs.
    Monika

    Cancer "everywhere"
    I had the bad stuff "everywhere" and had a bowel resection, too; however, that was BEFORE first-line chemo was used. Is the doctor saying that your mom is platinum resistant now and he is not willing to try something else? Or is he willing and just not expecting good results?

    If (pre-bowel obstruction) the doctor wanted to wait a month before starting on a second trial of chemo, I suspect that your mom's blood work may have shown that her bone marrow had not yet recovered from the first-line chemo.

    Your mom may have to wait 4 weeks to heal from the bowel resection before going on chemo anyway. In the meantime, maybe the doctor would be willing to use something like Neulasta (drug to bring up the white blood cells) so that she would be in better shape before going on another round of chemo.

    Your mom is going to have to follow a special diet while she is healing from the bowel obstruction. As she won't be able to eat a lot of the vegetables that are so helpful when fighting cancer, maybe she would consider juicing them?

    I agree with Colleen on "the faster it grows, the faster it goes" as long as you can find something that works. There are lots of medications that your mom has not tried yet.

    I also agree with everyone who is encouraging you to get your mom to second oncologist or even a third one. In my area, I had to switch from one hospital system to another when I needed a dfferent oncologist. I hope you live in an area where you have more than one hospital system--I would go outside the current hospital system as doctors from the same hospital tend to agree with each other.

    Wishing the best for all of you. Please keep us posted.
  • carolenk
    carolenk Member Posts: 907 Member
    #14
    Lisa13Q said:

    Oh Dear
    I am sooo sorry to hear this news...I'm afraid we're on the same train....BUT....no doctor has a time stamp...at the same time, although it's shocking news, I would take a deep breath and then talk talk talk to your mother about everything....anything....just be with her.....if then it turns into 6 months, wonderful.....if not, have no regrets........it's a horrible process...i agree cancer sucks.....My moms CA-125 has gone below 65 yet she can't breathe and walk...i am convinced the word hospice will be used tomorrow after her CT results....i cried all night....your Mom is lucky to have you.....take good care of her and just be with her....my heart is reaching out through the computer for you...I understand....it isn't fair...it really does suck.....and you can walk with her the rest of the way.....so sorry...Lisa

    Hard question to ask
    Someone might have to ask your mom if she is ready for hospice or wants to keep fighting. It's a hard question to ask. When a person enrolls in hospice, they have to relinquish all attempts at curative therapy and trade off for palliative therapy (aka comfort care).

    I wish we could have the option of a comfort care program while undergoing curative therapy here in the US. That is my hope for the future.

    Use your anger to do something productive or just go for a run.

    Stay strong, I know you can keep fighting.
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #15
    I hate the BEAST
    I'm so very sorry to hear this news. I don't know how to tell you to be strong for your Mom or for yourself. But I can tell you that your love and support for your Mom has helped her enormously through all of these tough months. You're right it's very unfair for all of you.
    I hate cancer, too.... Maria
  • anicca
    anicca Member Posts: 334 Member
    #16
    I am so sorry to hear such
    I am so sorry to hear such terrible news. I do also very much agree with everyone else who has said to get a second opinion. It might be better to go for that before asking your mom if she wants to throw in the towel. An upbeat second opinion might bring out the fight in her again.

    DB

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