Boyfriend newly diagnosed

BOBfromNJ said:

My 2 Cents
Hi deba,

First let me commend you on wanting to help your bf and to help him in making a decision that will ultimately effect the both of you. Most all the advise you are getting from this forum is good advice. All of us have been through this already and know pretty much what to expect. One previous comment about giving it a little time to sink in is good. We all went through very emotional feelings, like “way me” and what did I do to deserve this. Being supportive to your bf and his ultimate decision is going to go a very long way.

The other worthwhile advice is to definitely get a new doctor and also get a 2nd opinion on the biopsy slides. A pathologist is looking through a microscope and determining (with his eyes) as to what he sees. In my case the 2nd opinion was different then the first and it did make me change my decision because the first one was not accurate. By the way you do have the right and you should obtain all those records from his previous doctor.

Not knowing where you live would make it difficult to recommend a doctor but there are many great hospitals and caring doctors to help your bf. If you don’t have the confidence in your doctor then you will never know how to make the right decision.

Deba, one other thing you might do (which was recommended to me) and was a tremendous help is buy your bf a book called…”Guide to Surviving Prostate Cancer” by Dr. Patrick Walsh’s. By the way there is no mention in the book about asparagus or strawberries.

Good luck and please keep us updated.
Bob

A Woman's Perspective: Educate YOURSELF
(Note: This post was originally made on April 6, 2011. It has been updated to include the Post Script in order to address info presented in recent subsequent postings.)

Deba,
From one woman to another, hello and welcome to the PCa discussion board. Sorry you find yourself in such a difficult situation. My husband, PJD, was diagnosed last February 2010 with intermediate–high risk PCa. His Gleason was 3+4=7 and it was determined he had locally advanced non-mets PCa. He recently finished a combination of primary treatments and results are showing that tx was successful so I consider myself the wife of a PCa survivor. We are cautiously optimistic, however, since PCa is such an insidious disease; so PJD continues to have his PSA, etc. tested and monitored regularly to determine that the cancer has not recurred.

As others have suggested, your BF may be stubborn, angry, depressed, fearful, in denial, or some combination of all those traits/emotions. Only time will tell if or when he can move past those emotions to obtain reliable medical advice. IMO, while you can be his support, nagging or trying to discuss info he’s not ready to hear will not make him do something that he either doesn’t want to do or doesn’t understand. But you can, however, set an example and do something for yourself.

PCa is a couples’ disease. It’s not contagious but, some of the possible PCa symptoms and/or treatment side effects (urinary issues, ED, incontinence, etc.) can have an impact on the relationship. The most important thing to consider is that if you’re in this committed partnership for the long haul, then there’s no reason why YOU can’t educate YOURSELF about PCa. I suggest that you find a face to face PCa support group in your community that welcomes wives and partners and GO without him. Buy and read the PCa books already recommended to you in previous posts.

One excellent & reputable PCa website to read and find resources is http://www.prostate-cancer.org/pcricms/node/34. Click on the resource links on the left-hand side to find recommendations for finding expert physicians, support groups, helpful online links, books on prostate cancer, a PCa glossary, etc.

As the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water but, you can’t make him drink." After you’ve read the PCa books, perhaps you might happen to set those books next to a big bowl of strawberries and asparagus.

Best of luck to you both.

mrs pjd

PS to this post which was originally posted on April 6, 2011 @ 9:00pm: Forgot to mention that my husband's PSA was never above 2.8 and no rapid doubling. PSA is not the only indicator of PCa. In some men, a low PSA may mean an aggressive form of PCa, while a high PSA may not be cancer at all (BPH, prostatitus, infection, etc.). Each man's PCa is different, unique and has its own "signature." Second opinions from oncologists specializing in PCa are always recommended, especially when G7 is present.

Deba194 said:

ty for the good luck it worked
after 3 months of eating Strawberries until i had em running out my ears , i went back to the DR. & retested . Guess what? My PSA Had dropped from 6.4 to 4. which my Dr. says is Borderline normal , i guess it does help to get a 2nd opinion, anyway imana keep on eating Strawberries , ( they taste a lot better than CHEMO, just try a search of Strawberries & Prostrate Cancer on the internet . agin ty for the good luck ,i guess it worked , The Boyfriend!

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