~My turn to vent~
Comments
-
:-}
You are all such a blessing! Thank you all for listening and understanding how I felt as only those who have walked this path can comprehend. I tried to evaluate my reaction myself and I too wondered to myself why it felt so intrusive since I will quite openly discuss my situation here with no problem what so ever. I decided that is because in here we are walking the same path and discussing it is helpful to others, it is not an intrusion into my personal life. I will also discuss it with others in person if they are going through it, this was just so harsh and it was obvious she was just being rude especially after I asked her if she now had bc and she said "OH NO!" which I truly am glad was her response as I would not want her to be ill! Besides, we were on the sidewalk out doors discussing my personal being! Again ladies, thank you for being the troopers you are and for lifting me up today!
Big Ole Hugs,
RE0 -
you were being intuitive. It doesn't sound like this neighbor was asking because she was trulyRE said::-}
You are all such a blessing! Thank you all for listening and understanding how I felt as only those who have walked this path can comprehend. I tried to evaluate my reaction myself and I too wondered to myself why it felt so intrusive since I will quite openly discuss my situation here with no problem what so ever. I decided that is because in here we are walking the same path and discussing it is helpful to others, it is not an intrusion into my personal life. I will also discuss it with others in person if they are going through it, this was just so harsh and it was obvious she was just being rude especially after I asked her if she now had bc and she said "OH NO!" which I truly am glad was her response as I would not want her to be ill! Besides, we were on the sidewalk out doors discussing my personal being! Again ladies, thank you for being the troopers you are and for lifting me up today!
Big Ole Hugs,
RE
interested in your well being, but rather as if she was looking for gossip material. And these
are really not topics that one should talk about on the way to the mail box, can you imagine
If WE did that?
Yeah, hey there RE how are you? So I had my breasts removed today and what have you been up to?
Somehow it doesn't flow, does it? This is the kind of conversation, where you should have tea or coffee,
sit across one another and spill your beans.
I was rather impressed that you had the lucidity of mind to ask whether she had BC herself, I think I
would have shut her out right away with that line of questioning.
Hugs,
Ayse0 -
So thoughtful and general interested in your neighbors well being. No one has total access to your health, surgeries, reconstruction - unless 'we' invite them in.aysemari said:you were being intuitive. It doesn't sound like this neighbor was asking because she was truly
interested in your well being, but rather as if she was looking for gossip material. And these
are really not topics that one should talk about on the way to the mail box, can you imagine
If WE did that?
Yeah, hey there RE how are you? So I had my breasts removed today and what have you been up to?
Somehow it doesn't flow, does it? This is the kind of conversation, where you should have tea or coffee,
sit across one another and spill your beans.
I was rather impressed that you had the lucidity of mind to ask whether she had BC herself, I think I
would have shut her out right away with that line of questioning.
Hugs,
Ayse
True friends know exactly we are breast cancer WARRIORS, are in respects to '0ur' journey, surgical procedures, chemo or radiation therapy.
There is no need to share any of ourselves, or details of our health unless we choose to do so. I call this self preservation.
Happy to know such a classy - Lady!
Vicki Sam0 -
So thoughtful and general interested in your neighbors well being. No one has total access to your health, surgeries, reconstruction - unless 'we' invite them in.aysemari said:you were being intuitive. It doesn't sound like this neighbor was asking because she was truly
interested in your well being, but rather as if she was looking for gossip material. And these
are really not topics that one should talk about on the way to the mail box, can you imagine
If WE did that?
Yeah, hey there RE how are you? So I had my breasts removed today and what have you been up to?
Somehow it doesn't flow, does it? This is the kind of conversation, where you should have tea or coffee,
sit across one another and spill your beans.
I was rather impressed that you had the lucidity of mind to ask whether she had BC herself, I think I
would have shut her out right away with that line of questioning.
Hugs,
Ayse
True friends know exactly we are breast cancer WARRIORS, are in respects to '0ur' journey, surgical procedures, chemo or radiation therapy.
There is no need to share any of ourselves, or details of our health unless we choose to do so. I call this, self preservation.
Happy to know such a classy - Lady!
Vicki Sam0 -
you have one very nosey, nervy neighbor! How insensitive of her to ask all those personal questions. What is bothering me is why did she need to know. You answered more than I would have and I talk about my mastectomy.... I hope she keeps the info to herself. You can vent here all you want. We like to listen.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
My neighbor/loss/trauma/DXcahjah75 said:you have one very nosey, nervy neighbor! How insensitive of her to ask all those personal questions. What is bothering me is why did she need to know. You answered more than I would have and I talk about my mastectomy.... I hope she keeps the info to herself. You can vent here all you want. We like to listen.
{{hugs}} Char
You handled it good.Come back on her.I bet she was shocked.Serves her right for being such a busy body.Below you will see WHY i feel alot of how my cancer came about.I was diagnosed almost 11 months to the day a tragedy happened because of my neighbors. Its long because of the trauma, fears and the post trauma I went through.Then the cancer DX.If you are like me I won't forget. STRESS BRINGS ON CANCER. Stay away from those who bring you down.I didn't and many bad things happened.Below is just one.Many other things.
I don't care for my neighbors.I cringe when I see her and her son.The son came on our property and let our 16 year old dog loose from our fenced yard.She didn't come home Molly never left our yard in all those years but the guy let his dog loose only to get my dog to follow.
We took in a lost dog.She looked like ours but much bigger.She was brought to me thinking it was mine.I said leave her.Weeks went by and we searched and searched.Hired a Pet Det. but he didn't listen to me when I told him to go across the highway.The way neighbor dog came home. I drove 3,000 miles in 5 weeks.Then we got some cooler weather.Told my husband to take the new dog for a walk across the highway and search.I feel something with the neighbor dog coming home that way.The new dog went left, my husband pulled her to the right.Finally he gave in to her.Dropped her leash and told her to go wherever she wanted.She went a distance and sat by the creek.He asked her what was wrong?? She just sat there.Finally my husband looked maybe 20-25 feet and there was our dog's remains and her collar. My husband got her collar and brought it to me.I fell to my knees.He went back and brought Molly's remains home so we could have her cremated.
I went through alot of trauma.Serious trauma like no one could ever believe.I actually felt my body going downhill and was worried. I just couldn't live here.The pain was unbearable.Later the new dog was being boarded at my vet.They called to tell me "We think we found the owner"It was the owner(a doctor).So the new dog went home after weeks.She was the "angel" that was sent to us and was to go back home to her rightful owner.It hurt but I knew in time I would find another dog.
I want everyone to know I blame my cancer on them.It was my weakest place and always tumors that were benign.No one can imagine the pain someone could feel. The guy did something else and a detective was called.Then the detective called the Fire Dept where my neighbor worked parttime.He was let go as a liability. His mom still comes up to me.She probably doesn't know about my cancer but I'm not sure.She came to me at a store and when she walked away I cried.I can't be near her.She raised the guy and it wasn't a good upbringing.Church yes but nothing else was good the way he was brought up.
I forgive but will never forget. Afterwards was my cancer DX.Alot to digest in a short time.0 -
And some cancer patients share waaaay TMILynn Smith said:My neighbor/loss/trauma/DX
You handled it good.Come back on her.I bet she was shocked.Serves her right for being such a busy body.Below you will see WHY i feel alot of how my cancer came about.I was diagnosed almost 11 months to the day a tragedy happened because of my neighbors. Its long because of the trauma, fears and the post trauma I went through.Then the cancer DX.If you are like me I won't forget. STRESS BRINGS ON CANCER. Stay away from those who bring you down.I didn't and many bad things happened.Below is just one.Many other things.
I don't care for my neighbors.I cringe when I see her and her son.The son came on our property and let our 16 year old dog loose from our fenced yard.She didn't come home Molly never left our yard in all those years but the guy let his dog loose only to get my dog to follow.
We took in a lost dog.She looked like ours but much bigger.She was brought to me thinking it was mine.I said leave her.Weeks went by and we searched and searched.Hired a Pet Det. but he didn't listen to me when I told him to go across the highway.The way neighbor dog came home. I drove 3,000 miles in 5 weeks.Then we got some cooler weather.Told my husband to take the new dog for a walk across the highway and search.I feel something with the neighbor dog coming home that way.The new dog went left, my husband pulled her to the right.Finally he gave in to her.Dropped her leash and told her to go wherever she wanted.She went a distance and sat by the creek.He asked her what was wrong?? She just sat there.Finally my husband looked maybe 20-25 feet and there was our dog's remains and her collar. My husband got her collar and brought it to me.I fell to my knees.He went back and brought Molly's remains home so we could have her cremated.
I went through alot of trauma.Serious trauma like no one could ever believe.I actually felt my body going downhill and was worried. I just couldn't live here.The pain was unbearable.Later the new dog was being boarded at my vet.They called to tell me "We think we found the owner"It was the owner(a doctor).So the new dog went home after weeks.She was the "angel" that was sent to us and was to go back home to her rightful owner.It hurt but I knew in time I would find another dog.
I want everyone to know I blame my cancer on them.It was my weakest place and always tumors that were benign.No one can imagine the pain someone could feel. The guy did something else and a detective was called.Then the detective called the Fire Dept where my neighbor worked parttime.He was let go as a liability. His mom still comes up to me.She probably doesn't know about my cancer but I'm not sure.She came to me at a store and when she walked away I cried.I can't be near her.She raised the guy and it wasn't a good upbringing.Church yes but nothing else was good the way he was brought up.
I forgive but will never forget. Afterwards was my cancer DX.Alot to digest in a short time.
I've just got to tell this story. My dentist had prostate cancer and had robotic surgery like I had for my hysterectomy and at about the same time. He is also receiving his care at the same cancer center as me. His wife is my hygeinist. He's about my age, maybe a couple of years younger(I'm 63).
So, I'm in having my teeth cleaned and the 3 of us are marveling about the advances in surgery and cancer treatments in general and specifically how well we both felt after robotic assisted surgeries. He suddenly found it necessary to tell me that his surgeon was so great because he did not become impotent as the result of his surgery! He said the surgeon made a point to tell his wife this information immediately after surgery - He got all the cancer, and they tested and everything still works great! Wink, wink. Yes, he used the words "wink, wink" - implying that the surgeon winked when he told his wife the news.
I about died. Sometimes one gets personal/intimate information without asking! Re's neighbor would love talking to this guy! I wonder what his wife said to him after I left. I'd kill my husband if he shared that type of information with a female.
Suzanne0 -
I feel you RE
I've been
I feel you RE I've been asked some VERY personal questions myself and sometimes we just have to say exactly what you said. I think most people just don't understand and they don't ask these questions out of spite, but more so, out of ignorance to our condition. In this situation, she was prying for way too much information considering she didn't have a need for it. HUGS
Miles of Love,
~Kari0 -
Re,pinkkari09 said:I feel you RE
I've been
I feel you RE I've been asked some VERY personal questions myself and sometimes we just have to say exactly what you said. I think most people just don't understand and they don't ask these questions out of spite, but more so, out of ignorance to our condition. In this situation, she was prying for way too much information considering she didn't have a need for it. HUGS
Miles of Love,
~Kari
I say the next time you see this neighbor you ask her how many breasts she has, where she got them, if they're real, do they have nipples, do the nipples work, what are her nipples made from, who is her psychiatrist?????
Chickadee0 -
If she was recentlyChickadee1955 said:Re,
I say the next time you see this neighbor you ask her how many breasts she has, where she got them, if they're real, do they have nipples, do the nipples work, what are her nipples made from, who is her psychiatrist?????
Chickadee
If she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer I could see all the questions but she wasn't. These questions are just too personal for someone who is an aquaintance to ask. I can imagine how she asked also. I knew someone who would shoot this questions out, one after another and you would be answering them before you even had a thought about how inappropriate they were and are. I always liked the response, Why in heaven's name do you want to know? Said sweetly with just a touch of sarcasism. Very obtrusive and so out of line. Like others said, sometimes people say or do things without thinking but this was so diliberate and mean spirited. Tell her that you have three boobs cause you wanted a spare, they are all fake and made of silly putty but the nipples were quilted for you by the Kebbler elves and are made of chocolate and that why you are so sweet otherwise you would kick her a$$.
Vent away, I can't even remember you ever complaining and this is very vent worthy.
Stef0 -
What a tacky personfauxma said:If she was recently
If she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer I could see all the questions but she wasn't. These questions are just too personal for someone who is an aquaintance to ask. I can imagine how she asked also. I knew someone who would shoot this questions out, one after another and you would be answering them before you even had a thought about how inappropriate they were and are. I always liked the response, Why in heaven's name do you want to know? Said sweetly with just a touch of sarcasism. Very obtrusive and so out of line. Like others said, sometimes people say or do things without thinking but this was so diliberate and mean spirited. Tell her that you have three boobs cause you wanted a spare, they are all fake and made of silly putty but the nipples were quilted for you by the Kebbler elves and are made of chocolate and that why you are so sweet otherwise you would kick her a$$.
Vent away, I can't even remember you ever complaining and this is very vent worthy.
Stef
This woman sounds like she has no tack and NO class!!! I am angry just reading your post. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but I think you handled it with grace and style.
Hugs,
Dawne0 -
What nerve! Some people
What nerve! Some people just have NO tact. Good for you for making it clear that she was getting too personal! Unless like you said, she was diagnosed with breast cancer (and even if that were the case she should have approached it differently), it is none of her business!
Nancy0 -
I wonder what the reason waschenheart said:"This Is A Test!" We were
"This Is A Test!" We were just talking about this at lunch on Saturday, weren't we? The mean things people say as opposed to the ignorant...
I know you, RE~ you are not a shrinking violet nor one who would be hesitant to explain/educate anyone on BC and all of its intricasies. Like you, I too thought perhaps her physical stauts had changed; Heaven knows we can all attest to being fine one day, and the next, finding a lump... I am glad you asked about her health!
But no!!!!! I am appalled that she kept on and on about thngs which were clearly not her business~ she reminded me of a Peeping Tom! I for example could NEVER imagine any of us asking a neighbor who had prostate surgery or a vasectomy intimate/personal details, can you??? A major line has been crossed here!
You of course handled the situation and yourself beautifully~ which comes as no surprise to me! I LOVE that you suggested she Google it! I think that will be my new buzz- off phrase~ "Hey! Google It!"
Hugs,
Chen♥
I wonder what the reason was for her asking now. This is strange and very rude in my opinion. You handled yourself perfectly Re.
I have only had a few that right away asked if I had a mastectomy, which I didn't. I had a lumpectomy. And, I thought that was weird and none of their business too.
Some people are just plain insensitive, stupid and morons.
Leeza0 -
~WINK~WINK~Double Whammy said:And some cancer patients share waaaay TMI
I've just got to tell this story. My dentist had prostate cancer and had robotic surgery like I had for my hysterectomy and at about the same time. He is also receiving his care at the same cancer center as me. His wife is my hygeinist. He's about my age, maybe a couple of years younger(I'm 63).
So, I'm in having my teeth cleaned and the 3 of us are marveling about the advances in surgery and cancer treatments in general and specifically how well we both felt after robotic assisted surgeries. He suddenly found it necessary to tell me that his surgeon was so great because he did not become impotent as the result of his surgery! He said the surgeon made a point to tell his wife this information immediately after surgery - He got all the cancer, and they tested and everything still works great! Wink, wink. Yes, he used the words "wink, wink" - implying that the surgeon winked when he told his wife the news.
I about died. Sometimes one gets personal/intimate information without asking! Re's neighbor would love talking to this guy! I wonder what his wife said to him after I left. I'd kill my husband if he shared that type of information with a female.
Suzanne
Suzanne I can only imagine the shades of red you turned~I also agree his wife probably suggested he not go there anymore!
Thanks for sharing your story, you did make me smile.
RE0 -
Go, REBioAdoptMom said:What nerve! Some people
What nerve! Some people just have NO tact. Good for you for making it clear that she was getting too personal! Unless like you said, she was diagnosed with breast cancer (and even if that were the case she should have approached it differently), it is none of her business!
Nancy
After reading your post, I actually stood up and saluted you. The nerve of some people still amazes me, and those with little or no personal reason for asking such personal questions just brings my blood to a boil. I have one close friend who quizzes me each and every time I have a doctor's appointment, but for some reason, her questioning does not offend. However, I have another neighbor who wants to be kept in the loop on everything going on, and the first time I had my answer to her repeated back to me by almost a complete stranger, I realized that if I wanted all of my stats to be public knowledge I would take out an ad in the local paper and let the world know my business. Good for you, taking a stand, and letting your nosey neighbor know you didn't appreciate her questions. Maybe she will think twice before she makes the same mistake with someone else. You have SAVED SOMEONE....good for you!
I have a little bit different situation, because my husband has been with me at every office visit, every treatment, and every surgery. He makes sure that he is there to hear the answer to my questions I present to my caregiver, and he is my buffer. With family, he is good to keep everyone up to date so that I don't have to be grilled myself, and with friends he just passes along the general outcome of each occasion. This man is my lifesaver in more ways than one, and I really think if he was present when a neighbor/outsider decided to start asking me personal question, he would deck them right then and there. Now, I don't condone violence (LOL), but maybe this is exactly what your nosey neighbor needed.....a swift kick to the shin. You are my hero, and I think you handled the situation perfectly. Yeah for you. Hugs, Judy0 -
NO WAY!
RE,
This woman is insensitive, rude, clueless, mean, or just plain stupid for asking you such questions when you were on your way to pick up your Better Homes and Gardens magazine and your electric bill. Of course you weren't prepared for this avalanche of personal questions.
Answer what you feel comfortable answering and just say you can't talk about it right now if you don't. Some people ask questions because they care and want to help or support others. Other people ask questions just so they have something to tell others or make judgements.
DO NOT feel bad about anything you said or didn't say to your neighbor. She was out of line for asking such personal questions like she did.
Take care
Wolfi
I LOVE your new picture! You look great.0 -
Hi RE, I certainly
Hi RE, I certainly understand and respect your desire for privacy particularly on such a sensitive issue. Cancer is sooo very personal and I am sorry that your neighbour was unable to respect your boundaries and back down. However reading your post got me thinking about how mystified people are around breast cancer, mastectomies and reconstruction so I can also understand your niehgbours desire to mine you for information however she could as you said, have done this on the internet particularly after you made it clear you did not want to go any further.
I recall my own curiousity about mastectomies many years ago, I wondered what exactly did they remove, what was considered the breast, was the skin and nipple removed and I even wondered what chemo was really about. Then 10 years ago I saw a documentary on breast cancer where they followed 3 women during their treatment. THat is how i got to know about the 'red devil' Adrimycin (doxirubicon), hair loss, low white blood count and the likes. A year later I got to know the photogapher and art director Heward Jue who actually did a breast cancer awareness campaign. That is when I got to see for the first time what a mastectomy looked like without reconstruction and it was an eye opener. To see the end result of his work
http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/2006/obsessed-with-breasts/
and to read about why he did it the way he did
http://ldt.stanford.edu/~johnwong/heward.html
I am grateful for seeing these photos and the documentary, I was a little better prepared when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It has also helped me not to be too self conscious when I am changing at the YMCA. I want to be comfortable about my body regardless of its state (not always easy) and I don't mind other women and young girls seeing my nippless reconstructed breast and the other droopy one. This is a fact of life for many women, not that I wish it on anyone, however it is a reality and life does go on. This is what I have been trying to model for my daughter.
And I don't mind people asking me questions about my own journey through breast cancer because I really understand the curiosity however I do admit it is oftentimes the way in which people ask that may or may not be off putting or upsettting.
I really am sorry you had to go through this with your neighbour.
Mariam0 -
Dear RenaNJMom10 said:Yikes!
Personally I wouldn't have answered the first question about how many breasts I removed. Or perhaps I would have said "all 3 of them, thanks for asking" and then walked back into my house.
You are so optimistic positive and gentle person, I am sorry that you have to deal with rude and insensitive people like your neighbor. I still think she was scared about her own or someone,s mammogram, however there is no excuse. I always wonder about stupid comments and questions we have to face.
Have a nice weekend0
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