Tomorrow is my LAST chemo treatment

Texasgirl10
Texasgirl10 Member Posts: 668
in Breast Cancer #1
I'm soooo excited. I can't wait to have this behind me. I am looking forward to feeling better and getting my blonde hair back. On the other hand, I'm kind of depressed because I know what the next step in this ugly journey is and I just don't want to have that surgery. I don't want to loose my breast. I know that everyone of you can totally understand the way I am feeling. This is just so unfair. Cancer is the ugliest, nastiest disease on earth. You lose your hair, eyelashes, eyebrows ( although I haven't lost my eyebrows) you feel horrible, can't taste anything but rusted metal, gain weight from the steroids, charlie horses in places that I never imagined you could get one, neuralgia in both hands and feet, and to add even more insult to injury lets just chop of your boobs. It's just not right. I don't want any more of this journey. I want a miracle to save my breasts. They are mine and I like them! I can't even have implants because I have IBC. I just keep wondering how in the world did this happen. Literally one minute I was fine, and the very next I noticed a red spot on my breast and it all went downhill from there. I know that just like all of you, I will be fine.
But right now I am scared and sad. I still have about a month before the surgery. I meet with the surgeon on April 18 and I will get my date then.

Thanks for letting me talk. Now I'm going to get over my sadness and get ready for the big celebration tomorrow.. I am woman hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore :)

Hugs,

Dawne
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Comments

  • PrettyBald49
    PrettyBald49 Member Posts: 21
    #2
    Celebrating with you on your
    Celebrating with you on your last chemo treatment. I finished my treatment in Jan. I had my surgery first so I do understand as we all do in some way. Even that is not always a consolation because your breast are yours, they are personal. One thing I have learned is that living my life is more important to me than my breast. Take each step of the process at a time. Get through tomorrow first. Get through post chemo next, and when the time comes look at it as an opportunity to live. You have tons of support on this network. use it as often as you can and know that we all understand and this is a safe place to vent. Take care and be strong.

    I am also learning, yes we lose some things, but we gain wisdom that cannot be bought or bargined for. Take care Dawne.

    Peace,
    Pam
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175 Member
    #3
    Woooo Hoooo Dawne...your
    Woooo Hoooo Dawne...your last chemo treatment! I remember that feeling i was so excited for my last treatment that i was in such a good mood and so peppy that day even though it didnt last long till the sickness hit, but darn it, i still tried my hardest to be happy! Im just so sorry and sad about the next step for you. Its never easy loosing a body part even when its your boobs and i can probably say none of us want to finish this ride and want off. You look so young and im sorry you have to go thru this at all.
    Have fun celebrating tomorrow you deserve it!
  • Hippiechick58
    Hippiechick58 Member Posts: 320
    #4
    jo jo said:

    Woooo Hoooo Dawne...your
    Woooo Hoooo Dawne...your last chemo treatment! I remember that feeling i was so excited for my last treatment that i was in such a good mood and so peppy that day even though it didnt last long till the sickness hit, but darn it, i still tried my hardest to be happy! Im just so sorry and sad about the next step for you. Its never easy loosing a body part even when its your boobs and i can probably say none of us want to finish this ride and want off. You look so young and im sorry you have to go thru this at all.
    Have fun celebrating tomorrow you deserve it!

    Congrats on being a chemo
    Congrats on being a chemo grad! I finished chemo just last week, so I know how u feel! Enjoy your newfound freedom!

    Be Well,
    Dianne
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #5
    Hi Dawne,
    Congratulations on finishing your chemo. Hang in there girl. Do you know for sure that you have to have a mastectomy? Is there a possibility that the chemo has gotten rid of the cancer. I had my left breast removed last May. Although at first I was devestated, I am fine. You are a strong woman! Please keep us posted. Sending positive thoughts, prayers, and a big hug your way.

    xoxo,
    Jean
  • Boppy_of_6
    Boppy_of_6 Member Posts: 1,138
    #6
    Jean 0609 said:

    Hi Dawne,
    Congratulations on finishing your chemo. Hang in there girl. Do you know for sure that you have to have a mastectomy? Is there a possibility that the chemo has gotten rid of the cancer. I had my left breast removed last May. Although at first I was devestated, I am fine. You are a strong woman! Please keep us posted. Sending positive thoughts, prayers, and a big hug your way.

    xoxo,
    Jean

    My dear Dawne
    I know how hard this has been for you. I just sent you a text because I think you should be in the infusion room and hooked up and going by know. You have a strong faith and I know you are going to do just fine.I will talk to you later. God Bless
    (((hugs))) Janice
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #7
    Boppy_of_6 said:

    My dear Dawne
    I know how hard this has been for you. I just sent you a text because I think you should be in the infusion room and hooked up and going by know. You have a strong faith and I know you are going to do just fine.I will talk to you later. God Bless
    (((hugs))) Janice

    Dear Dawne:
    It seems like only yesterday that you first posted and now you're completing your chemo and on to the next step in your battle. My heart goes out to you. I hate it that so many young women are faced with this monster.

    I wish I knew something that would make it better/easier for you. I can only listen and send all my hugs, support, prayers and positive thoughts your way. We're all here to offer that.

    Love, Suzanne
  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    #8
    first, congrats on finishing Chemo!!!!
    WooHoo....you got it done! Take a breath and celebrate that you have finished with chemo! I understand your journey is not over and you must now face surgery that you did not want...but you will survive this and have a life to live! It absolutely, no doubt about it...SUCKS! But none of us could change the cards we were dealt...so we can vent here...get mad, but by all means FIGHT to live. Hugs, and more hugs sent your way
  • janelle2011
    janelle2011 Member Posts: 21
    #9
    First of
    First of all....Congratulations! What a fabulous feeling to be done with the first chapter

    I've opted to have both of mine removed. I am still debating on whether to have reconstruction though. I may not have an option though....I think I'm IBC too. We can't have implants or any of the other procedures done? That really puts you in a different frame of mind....totally!

    I guess the next savings grace is all the new products out! :o)

    Congratulations again!
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #10
    Girl, you know I'm cheering
    Girl, you know I'm cheering and dancing for you. Just tried to call you, I'll try again till I catch you.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • BlownAway60
    BlownAway60 Member Posts: 851
    #11
    I know how great you must be
    I know how great you must be feeling knowing this is now behind you.

    Hugs

    Donna
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #12
    Dawne
    for now just celebrate that you have finished chemo. I know having your boobs cut off is an awful decision to make. I did it and have elected no reconstruction. I wear prosthetic bras. I finished rads in Feb and am still waiting for my hair to grow back where I want it to and to feel whatever is my new normal. Let us know when you have a date for surgery and we'll keep you company in the OR.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #13
    jo jo said:

    Woooo Hoooo Dawne...your
    Woooo Hoooo Dawne...your last chemo treatment! I remember that feeling i was so excited for my last treatment that i was in such a good mood and so peppy that day even though it didnt last long till the sickness hit, but darn it, i still tried my hardest to be happy! Im just so sorry and sad about the next step for you. Its never easy loosing a body part even when its your boobs and i can probably say none of us want to finish this ride and want off. You look so young and im sorry you have to go thru this at all.
    Have fun celebrating tomorrow you deserve it!

    Congrats Dawne! You
    Congrats Dawne! You accomplished a huge milestone!


    Hugs, Megan
  • BioAdoptMom3
    BioAdoptMom3 Member Posts: 43
    #14
    cahjah75 said:

    Dawne
    for now just celebrate that you have finished chemo. I know having your boobs cut off is an awful decision to make. I did it and have elected no reconstruction. I wear prosthetic bras. I finished rads in Feb and am still waiting for my hair to grow back where I want it to and to feel whatever is my new normal. Let us know when you have a date for surgery and we'll keep you company in the OR.
    {{hugs}} Char

    Soooooooooooooooo excited
    Soooooooooooooooo excited for you and celebrating with you that chemo will now be behind you, hurray!!!!!!!!! I know you are not looking forward to surgery. This is a horrible beast we have to deal with isn't it?!?! For this weekend though, concentrate on celebrating the end of chemo!

    Nancy
  • Texasgirl10
    Texasgirl10 Member Posts: 668
    #15
    BioAdoptMom3 said:

    Soooooooooooooooo excited
    Soooooooooooooooo excited for you and celebrating with you that chemo will now be behind you, hurray!!!!!!!!! I know you are not looking forward to surgery. This is a horrible beast we have to deal with isn't it?!?! For this weekend though, concentrate on celebrating the end of chemo!

    Nancy

    Thank You all
    Thank You all for your kind words and positive thoughts. I rang that bell loud and proud today and you were all there with me :) Infact, I honestly had a room full of family and frineds with me to celebrate. It was awesome!!! I'm so relieved to have this part over. I have to go back tomorrow for that nasty neulasta shot, but it's my last one and I can do this. I'm feeling much better this evening about the next step. I know I'm on an emotional roller coaster and one minute I feel ok about the next step and the next I'm not feeling so good about it. But just like ya'll I am strong and yes I can do this. And the best part is I know I'm not doing it alone. I have all of you, a great husband, and the most wonderful family. I am truly blessed.

    Hugs and God Bless,

    Dawne
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #16
    BlownAway60 said:

    I know how great you must be
    I know how great you must be feeling knowing this is now behind you.

    Hugs

    Donna

    WOOT WOOT! Congrats!

    WOOT WOOT! Congrats!
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #17
    cahjah75 said:

    Dawne
    for now just celebrate that you have finished chemo. I know having your boobs cut off is an awful decision to make. I did it and have elected no reconstruction. I wear prosthetic bras. I finished rads in Feb and am still waiting for my hair to grow back where I want it to and to feel whatever is my new normal. Let us know when you have a date for surgery and we'll keep you company in the OR.
    {{hugs}} Char

    Congratulations Dawne!

    Congratulations Dawne!
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #18
    PrettyBald49 said:

    Celebrating with you on your
    Celebrating with you on your last chemo treatment. I finished my treatment in Jan. I had my surgery first so I do understand as we all do in some way. Even that is not always a consolation because your breast are yours, they are personal. One thing I have learned is that living my life is more important to me than my breast. Take each step of the process at a time. Get through tomorrow first. Get through post chemo next, and when the time comes look at it as an opportunity to live. You have tons of support on this network. use it as often as you can and know that we all understand and this is a safe place to vent. Take care and be strong.

    I am also learning, yes we lose some things, but we gain wisdom that cannot be bought or bargined for. Take care Dawne.

    Peace,
    Pam

    Congrats Dawne!

    Congrats Dawne!
  • lpfreelancer
    lpfreelancer Member Posts: 1
    #19
    My story...having same thoughts
    Hi Dawne,

    I too was just diagnoised with IBC on February 11th, 2011. I have received 2 chemo treatments so far and was told eventually I will have my right breast removed and radiation.
    I get so down and Yes! This is no fair, for us or anyone else having to deal with this monster. I also don't want to lose my breast, but if it keeps us alive, I am for it!

    I too was fine one minute, there was never any breast cancer in my family and one day the nightmare started. I plan on getting just a regular bra, stuff them with silicone looking breasts and move on. That is all I can do since IBC doesn't allow for reconstruction.

    I lost my hair after the first chemo treatment. I was jaundice and had to have a stent inserted in my liver bile duct. I have a power port and the cathether couldn't be placed in my chest, so they put it in my neck!

    Keep in touch. I will say prayers for you.

    Don't worry about the surgery, you will be closer to ending this battle and you will win!!!
  • Katmy
    Katmy Member Posts: 93
    #20
    Slightly off the
    Slightly off the subject:
    When my husband was stationed in Germany, we had regular occasion to see the soldiers coming from Afghanistan and Iraq all torn up mentally and physically. Then, again, at Walter Reid, where the recovery/ therapy continued on home soil. My heart went out to those soldiers who returned to their tara, the families, their lives with a totally different set of goals for their lives. Would they fit into their families? Would their families accept their physical and mental handicaps? How would the soldier navigate "reality" in safe environments?

    In some ways, I feel like this soldier. My wound is visible for all to see. My psyche is ever ravaged by the war torn landscape of breast cancer war. I can impathize better with persons of handicap both physically and mentally. There are others out there that experience this same kind of rebirth that cancer survivors do. And I feel some gratitude that I have acquired this wisdom. I hope I will put it to good use when I am done Chemo and able rejoin the masses.

    Congratulations to you on coming so far in your journey. You have inspired me and I know that Chemo does end. What a huge accomplishment. Thanks for sharing.
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #21
    Jean 0609 said:

    Hi Dawne,
    Congratulations on finishing your chemo. Hang in there girl. Do you know for sure that you have to have a mastectomy? Is there a possibility that the chemo has gotten rid of the cancer. I had my left breast removed last May. Although at first I was devestated, I am fine. You are a strong woman! Please keep us posted. Sending positive thoughts, prayers, and a big hug your way.

    xoxo,
    Jean

    Congratulations!
    Hugs, Jan

    Congratulations!


    Hugs, Jan

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