Your opinions please

catcon49
catcon49 Member Posts: 398
in Ovarian Cancer #1
My 79 year old mom was dx 3 years ago stage IIIc ovarian cancer (by accident)had surgery, chemo. now 3 years later onco says CA 125 has risen to 49 - 39 next test. areas lite up on PET scan. We now have another appointment with surgeon. Family doc says she is not a candidate for more surgery. Chemo and surgery from 1st time left her alot weaker than she ever was. She does not really want more Chemo because that left her with nueropathy in her feet. My family also has the BRCA I mutation. So she has seen 2 other sister with ovarian cancer. I get so annoyed that she is kind of giving up, but unsure as to what to do about it. Does anyone have words of wisdom. Oh yeah forgot to mention I am a survivor of Stage 1a lung cancer which was found during my mother's illness.

Comments

  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #2
    Dear Cat
    My mother was diagnosed 7/25/09 with OVCA 3-C (although I see 4 on her medical record).....She had the debulking sugery and her first recurrance within 3 months of the end of her initial treatment. She has been on chemo since May last year......the first 2 types, doxil and PARP-Inhibitors did not work....she is now on TAxol and it is working, but the side effects are so bad, she is considering not taking anymore for awhile.....I wish she would keep taking it, but....it is 100% her decision and my sister and I support her decisions.....we cannot know what it is like and we respect her so much....we all meet with the doctor and go over pros and cons, and then she decides....and we let her know that whatever she decides we support 100%.....afterall, this is her process. I can't imagine how disappointing it would be if Mom did no more chemo, but I figure that is my disappointment to deal with....I, for sure, only want support for my decisions when I am in this position...so my thoughts are let your mother know you love her and respect and support whatever choices she makes......let her know you're there for her no matter what....I have also noticed that Mom wavers on her decisions depending on mood and how she feels....I have come to realize that plans and approach change on a daily sometimes hourly basis.....hence I just support and validate....afterall, you know this being a cancer survivor, there is no right or wrong way to do this....we all do our best......in the face of tremendous apprehension.....I hope she has a good doctor.....my mother does, and so we have great faith in her guidance as well, and perhaps that makes it easier....good luck with your mom and you!! Keep us posted...
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #3
    FROM ONE SURVIVOR TO ANOTHER!
    Congratulations on your survivorship! You sound strong, and I understand the concerns about your mom.

    My mom was diagnosed at age 80 on her birthday with colon cancer. She accompanied me during my first dx with OVCA, and always would tell me she was amazed at the strength I had to get through it. So once she was diagnosed I told her, 'Mom, you can do this. We'll do it together'. She had surgery, had a port put in, had one chemo dose, then her blood became too weak to continue. They gave her a blood transfusion, and she had a stroke. So, they wanted to wait until she recovered (which she did beautifully) to start chemo again. That's when she told me, 'no more'. I was so upset at first. I felt as those she was giving up. But after talking to my husband he gave me a different perspective - he said that I have to remember everything I went through, and realize that at 80 years old my mom might not be able to endure it or WANT to go through it. He was right. And I told my mom later, 'it's okay. I'll accept your decision and support you'. It was difficult to do, but it was her life, not mine.

    My first dx was at age 44 years old. My recurrance was at age 52. It was extraordinarily more difficult the second time around. I remember saying 'never again' because I became so ill this last time. But I don't know what I would decide if I had to face it again. I only know that even at my age, everything I've been through, the spirit is willing but the body may be weak. Give your mom some time, and yourself. You may have to accept her decision even if it is difficult.

    Please keep us posted. I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers your way, for you and your mom.

    Monika

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