Anyone else with a child who is very quiet about it?

i would have done the exact thing-notify school
My girls then were 16 and 20-the youngest was very concerned quietly-now talks and asks things! The oldest still never mentions,talks, asks (even when she knows I have appt etc) -Ironically she is now employed at my imaging center where I go got my mammos and bone scans etc! What are th chances? Have you thought of therapy with or with you for youngest? My youngest goes-not about me but I am sure its been discussed!

I was diagnosed 3/29/10, and
I was diagnosed 3/29/10, and my daughter was 7 and in 2nd grade. I knew for a week before I told her anything. I waited until I had met with the surgeon so I could tell DD everything I knew.. the size, the type, what kind of surgery, etc. That was the most difficult part of this whole process, I think- telling her. My mother-in-law had DCIS and mastectomy just before I met DH. I was able to give DD an example of how someone could go through breast cancer, and be okay years later. I had IDC and a lumpectomy, so I told her it wouldn't be as drastic for me as it was for GG. Then she looked at every single booklet and brochure I had. She asked what everything meant, and I told her. She is still worried about getting breast cancer because it's on both sides of her family. I told her when she is older, she will be tested regularly, and if anything shows up it will be taken care of early, like mine was. I was totally honest with her about it. We had one of our 'This totally sucks, but it's true' conversations.

I contacted the school nurse and DD's teacher to let them know what was going on. DD's teacher moved her desk to the front in case she needed a hug during the day. DD and I met with the school couselor together at first, and the counselor is a 10-year survivor too. DD met with the counselor once a week during lunch time. They would sit and eat together, and talk about how she was feeling and how I was feeling. DD did get very clingy to me during this time. She wanted to sit with me, sleep with me, follow me around. She started 'taking care' of me. She would take my temp, get me crackers and tea, and read to me. That seemed to help her, by helping me. I just went with it. I let her do whatever she needed to do. By the time I finished radiation, she seemed to ease up a bit. But we had a set-back two days after I finished my treatments. We found out that my father-in-law had been diagnosed with lung cancer. He was a 13-year survivor from throat cancer, then it showed up in his lungs. He went for surgery the next week, then it was down-hill all the way. DD got clingy and quiet again. My FIL passed end of September, 3 days before DD's birthday. She is now in a grief-support group at school. I'm back to 'can I sleep with you tonight' or 'will you sit here until I fall asleep' again. I've looked into Kamp Good Times, but I haven't set anything up yet.

The emotional side of this ordeal has been the most difficult for me. I, too, want to be sure I'm doing the right thing by her. I didn't want to give her all this information and just send her out in the world to deal with it alone. I encourage her to talk about it with anyone she feels comfortable with.

Has your DD shown any other symptoms besides being quiet? Has she become clingy or needy? Has she put distance between you? Does she have a diary or journal she writes in? Have her eating or sleeping habits or grades changed? I think I would be watching for those types of changes.

Best wishes to you!
Julie

My granddaughters
Two of my granddaughters live with my husband and I. They were 13 and 16 when I was diagnosed (two years ago this month). I chose not to tell them until after the biopsy, consult with surgeon and onc so I had my treatment plan set. Whatever questions I had had been answered and I had answers for both of them. My 13 year old was always quiet about my treatment. Just recently she said she hadn't really worried too much because I'd told them everything at once, explained that I had a tumor, needed surgery, chemo, radiation, that I'd feel like cr*p and then I'd be better. She was comforted that that is exactly what happened. It made me feel good that my plan for telling them had been a good one for her.

It's good that her school is aware and will understand anything that may come up. Take heart in the fact that you may have known just what to say to allay most of her fears.

Good luck to all of you.

Love and hugs,

marge

My youngest was 15
He totally shut down from me, then I was transferred out of state and he stayed with his dad. I came home every Thursday night and stayed till Sunday morning. I talked to his favorite teacher, she was amazing and he was able to talk to her, and she called me at least once a week (She also has a counseling degree). He and I regained the closeness once he realized that I was going to be ok. Bottom line he was scared.

I am so glad that I talked to her, to this day 9 almost 10 years later, they still meet for lunch and she will be his mentor in his graduate studies. An amazing teacher and a life saver.... A good teacher is worth their weight in gold!

disneyfan2008 said:

My niece was 13 when I was going through BC
she never talked about it to me until last week (almost 3 yrs since surgery) she said YOU had breast cancer right? I said yes told her surgery and radiation etc. She asked me many questions! She said well no one ever really talked about it...just curious.

I THINK since I don't complain, just did what I had to..and AS I say never missed a beat-I THINK many overlooked what I went through...

So your daughter...may be taking it all in...and sometime start asking things. My youngest now 19 recently said "why did you go to treatments alone" I said NO biggie! She felt bad she never came with me.

so they all handle to much differntly...

GOOD luck with your family

my son was 7
When we told him he wanted to go pick out some cool hats for me. My son J inspired, and encouraged me. He never had any fear that I wouldn't make it. He would say "mom, take your meds, and get better." Child-like faith.

He would read to me in bed while I was sick. He would keep checking my temp. He insisted I eat chicken soup.

When the treatments were all done, I told him, no more meds. He ran across the room jumping into my arms shouting, "you did it mom, you're all better. I knew you could do it." He would pat me on the back as if to say "good job."

That's all I needed to know we were alright.