Going to group . . .

Today is the third Sunday of the month, which means that the Manhattan chapter of Nu-Voices met today. Nu-Voices works with the International Association of Laryngectomys and has a great group of laryngectomys and their spouses and families who come together to offer support, advice, and camaraderie as there are so many (most of the population) who just don't get what being a laryngectomy is like.

I've been doing really good for a couple weeks, but today broke me. It was so hard to sit with everyone and say that Pat had his surgery in October 2010 and passed away last month. It was harder still to listen to a well known laryngectomy speak about life being a laryngectomy and all it entails especially the drepression. That is what hurt him the most right after his surgery and there was nothing I could do and it killed me. It was almost impossible to listen politely to a gentleman from a medical supply company that offers products geared toward living life with a stoma. All I could think was godDAMit you should be here, this should be your life that you are getting ready for, that WE are getting ready for, WHY AREN'T YOU HERE??? WHY???

I stopped by a bar and had bar food for lunch - fish and chips, comfort food. Then listened to Rihanna's Umbrella on the ferry home. I hope and pray he heard it and understands I mean every word in that song, because I stood by his side unwavering.

Ba cheart duit a bheith anseo, agus nach bhfuil tú. Is fada liom uaim tú amhlaidh

You had my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star
Baby 'cause in the dark, you can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you, I'll always share

Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

These fancy things will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart

Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed, come in to me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more

Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella