stupid relatives
Comments
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It is not my intention toekdennie said:I feel for you!
linda,
I had a relative who told her family members that I had cancer and that she didn't know how my husband was going to raise our kids by himself. left everyone with the impression that I was going to die, even though I was told that my cancer was very treatable. I ended up needing surgery and then radiation. I spent a good portion of the first couple of months reassuring people that I should not die from my cancer. It was not fun to have to explain to people that I wasn't dying, that I not only would be able to care for my children through most of it, but that I would be able to continue nursing my youngest who was 4 months old when I was diagnosed. my mom moved in when I was too medicated to care for the kids around the clock, but I was the one who fed them, who got them ready for school and who gave them their after school snacks...she helped drive them and took care of them when I was asleep.
then that same relative sent my mom a note telling her how grateful she was that my mom took care of my husband's kids while I was going through treatment. not our kids, but his kids. not my mom's grandchildren, but my husband's kids, as though she was hired help. that ticked me off more than her thoughtless comments to me about my weight, or the erroneous impressions she gave of my condition to other family members.
some people would really do well to remember to think about what they are about to say BEFORE they say it! but in her case, even if I were to say she should remember that if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything...what she considers nice...like commenting on how skinny and how much healthier I look now...that I look so much better than I did before...are really not complements, but slaps to the face as to how she felt I looked before.
shaking my head and hoping people who are ignorant and insensitive will learn when to shut the _______ up!
It is not my intention to upset those who feel agitated, but I act differently. I think I have done a good job of not being mad at the remarks made by many during my past 13 years after cancer.
There are even members of my immediate family who had forgotten about my eating problems. As time has passed, I think they are all aware. If not, it is not a biggie to me. I am just happy to be around and share my thoughts. God Bless you all.0 -
they are not educated in cancerHAWVET said:It is not my intention to
It is not my intention to upset those who feel agitated, but I act differently. I think I have done a good job of not being mad at the remarks made by many during my past 13 years after cancer.
There are even members of my immediate family who had forgotten about my eating problems. As time has passed, I think they are all aware. If not, it is not a biggie to me. I am just happy to be around and share my thoughts. God Bless you all.
I found out during the time I was very sick, raw, weeping neck, nauseas, dehydrated, people have no idea the pain we are in, I can't describe the smells, the weakness, tired, teeth hurting, throat on fire, soar, My family especially, thought gee, make sure you get to work, the bills need to be paid. The boss, see you tomorrow, can you cover those neck burns, there not very good looking, and you smell, isn't there something you can do about that.......heartless, I can understand your mental anguish. My Doctors told me to chnage somethings in my life, I left the boss, struggle, but I can tell the improvement. Hang in there kiddo, there are a bunch of uneducated people out there,Vent all you want, I do,,Dennis0 -
My own father told his nurses in his convalescent
My own father told his nurses in his convalescent hospital that I was in hospice and was dying of cancer so they would feel sorry for him. My whole life he has always made things about him, even my having cancer. People can be idiots family or not. Frankly I'm not going to give them an ounce of my emotion anymore because they aren't worth the energy.0 -
Hi Linda
Sorry to hear you had to go through this, it is sad to say that sometimes people best intentions are the ones that hurt the most when they start talking about something they don’t really know.
I know a lady who tells everyone how they need to raise there children, the problem was that she never had any children so how does she know. Somewhere they read a book and become experts on what they think they know.
Don’t let it bother you, it is not worth the stress
Take care and keep doing well
Hondo0 -
Calling cancer centre!fisrpotpe said:You can
You could call the hospital and tell them about this person as they also have the HIPPA law to follow as a volunteer. Says they can not share the information they see or hear while there.
I fully intend to do just that! Thank you so much! I hate to be nasty but I am upset over this!0 -
Thoughtless relatives
Buzz has a sister who is always full of helpful advise on things she knows nothing about. We were told by some relatives that the radiation would by easy compared to the chemo. (we wish!). That may be true in some cases but not head/neck radiation.0 -
letterScambuster said:Dear FIL
"Dear Father Inlaw,
How about you get your stupid **** down to a Cancer Clinic, head on into the Radiation room, get your face pressed into a tight Hannibal Lechter Mask, then get that same stupid head bolted down to a freakin table so tight you can hardly breath, and then have your dumb **** head shoved into into a high powered beam of radiation from a giant Linnear Accelerator, not once but 70 time, every freakin day, and at the same time have the most toxic crap around pumped into your veins for 7 freakin' weeks, have your head and neck fried to raw red, puke for 4 weeks, have a tube stuck in your stupid guts so they can pump food directly into your stupid body, get daily doses of morphine and every other drug for the pain, have your mouth tissues cooked to blistering, not be able to eat for 3 months, and maybe THEN and ONLY THEN tell me about what Stage IV cancer is you ignorant twit !!" "Oh , Did I mention the Neck Dissection...? Now where are my car keys ?"
Now I feel MUCH better.
Scam
I may print this letter scam it suits me perfectly. Thanks
Linda0 -
famiysweetblood22 said:I am so locking up my tooth brush!
If I had $5 for every idiot relative and alleged friend that has said stupid cr@p to me I would be able to buy my own little house. Honestly, I really have stopped eating around people on a daily basis because they just don't get it, and I'm not that nice anymore.
I basically only make an exception to eat with the family on special occasions like holidays and when we have out of town company. I bring my own food because no one will make me anything I can eat. Then I get stared at and everyone leaves me alone at the table, taking away all the food. Meanwhile, I am trying to fend off four dogs (my dog is good. He just sits on my lap) two of which are bigger than I am, one is twice my weight and a bully.
One time every one was eating steak at the table, this is when I was still peg tube reliant. It was killing me to be at the table with everyone eating steak. I had a bit of mushed up avocado and Amish macaroni salad in a small bowl listening to everyone saying how wonderful their steak was. My step aunt leaned over to me and said, "What's the matter with you? Too good to eat what everyone else is having?"
A whole bunch of relatives were up and my dad was making his huge pan of paella. I was still with my peg, but I thought I would try since he was nagging me to come up because I hadn't seen these relatives in a long time, one being my godfather. (My father put hot sausage in the paella so I couldn't eat it anyway should have stayed home. I was only about 94 pounds at the time, and I was just off my fentanyl patch. I felt like crap because I went thru withdrawal to get off it. I was still looking pretty frail, and I think it scared my godfather a bit. We chatted a bit inside and I went to see who else came. As soon as I walked out side a cousin that I really don't care for started in with me. He basically said something about me being lazy and not working and if I was his kid he would have a weed wacker with my name on it. Well, I let him have it with both guns right there in front of every one. I busted my keister working 10-12 hour days 5-6 days a week for 23 years. I worked despite a serious illness all those years and then ended up with cancer on top of that. I just couldn't believe the nerve!
I could tell you stories all night of stupid crap relatives have said to me. People don't understand that we have very real, and very lasting side effects from treatment. I am tired of trying to explain my stricture to one relative. Just doesn't get it. She keeps saying how I should just go get it stretched again. I keep telling her I have had it done multiple times and I almost died the last time. She shrugged her shoulders at me and said, "well if you won't go have it done again, I guess you don't want to be normal that bad. There will always be the people that like being the victim." That one had me speechless. Hmmm. She is lucky she lives in NYC and I don't have access to her tooth brush.
Sweetblood I have to admit you have it a lot worse than me. My father in law is the only mean one about it. My other family members just don't realize still what I can and cannot eat. My husband is the amazing one who will go to a gas station and get me milk before going out to eat so he is sure I have it to drink. He even warmed it in the microwave there becauase I have severly sensitive teeth. Sorry about all the stuff your family has said. Wow they are so stupid and insensitive. Sorry you have to go through that on top of everything else0 -
famiysweetblood22 said:I am so locking up my tooth brush!
If I had $5 for every idiot relative and alleged friend that has said stupid cr@p to me I would be able to buy my own little house. Honestly, I really have stopped eating around people on a daily basis because they just don't get it, and I'm not that nice anymore.
I basically only make an exception to eat with the family on special occasions like holidays and when we have out of town company. I bring my own food because no one will make me anything I can eat. Then I get stared at and everyone leaves me alone at the table, taking away all the food. Meanwhile, I am trying to fend off four dogs (my dog is good. He just sits on my lap) two of which are bigger than I am, one is twice my weight and a bully.
One time every one was eating steak at the table, this is when I was still peg tube reliant. It was killing me to be at the table with everyone eating steak. I had a bit of mushed up avocado and Amish macaroni salad in a small bowl listening to everyone saying how wonderful their steak was. My step aunt leaned over to me and said, "What's the matter with you? Too good to eat what everyone else is having?"
A whole bunch of relatives were up and my dad was making his huge pan of paella. I was still with my peg, but I thought I would try since he was nagging me to come up because I hadn't seen these relatives in a long time, one being my godfather. (My father put hot sausage in the paella so I couldn't eat it anyway should have stayed home. I was only about 94 pounds at the time, and I was just off my fentanyl patch. I felt like crap because I went thru withdrawal to get off it. I was still looking pretty frail, and I think it scared my godfather a bit. We chatted a bit inside and I went to see who else came. As soon as I walked out side a cousin that I really don't care for started in with me. He basically said something about me being lazy and not working and if I was his kid he would have a weed wacker with my name on it. Well, I let him have it with both guns right there in front of every one. I busted my keister working 10-12 hour days 5-6 days a week for 23 years. I worked despite a serious illness all those years and then ended up with cancer on top of that. I just couldn't believe the nerve!
I could tell you stories all night of stupid crap relatives have said to me. People don't understand that we have very real, and very lasting side effects from treatment. I am tired of trying to explain my stricture to one relative. Just doesn't get it. She keeps saying how I should just go get it stretched again. I keep telling her I have had it done multiple times and I almost died the last time. She shrugged her shoulders at me and said, "well if you won't go have it done again, I guess you don't want to be normal that bad. There will always be the people that like being the victim." That one had me speechless. Hmmm. She is lucky she lives in NYC and I don't have access to her tooth brush.
Sweetblood I have to admit you have it a lot worse than me. My father in law is the only mean one about it. My other family members just don't realize still what I can and cannot eat. My husband is the amazing one who will go to a gas station and get me milk before going out to eat so he is sure I have it to drink. He even warmed it in the microwave there becauase I have severly sensitive teeth. Sorry about all the stuff your family has said. Wow they are so stupid and insensitive. Sorry you have to go through that on top of everything else0 -
thanks everyonebuzz99 said:Thoughtless relatives
Buzz has a sister who is always full of helpful advise on things she knows nothing about. We were told by some relatives that the radiation would by easy compared to the chemo. (we wish!). That may be true in some cases but not head/neck radiation.
Thank you for all your comments. I feel much better now. The hard part is I never really liked my father in law so that was the icing on the cake. Thank you for sharing your stories and making me not feel so alone. I've never met anyone who went through what I went through and it is nice to know that there are people dealing with the same problems I am. Take care everyone and thanks for cheering me up.
Best wishes,
Linda0 -
So...abbimom said:thanks everyone
Thank you for all your comments. I feel much better now. The hard part is I never really liked my father in law so that was the icing on the cake. Thank you for sharing your stories and making me not feel so alone. I've never met anyone who went through what I went through and it is nice to know that there are people dealing with the same problems I am. Take care everyone and thanks for cheering me up.
Best wishes,
Linda
I'm still wondering why you didn't just punch him in the face...
It would have felt sooooooooooo good to read that you did, Linda.
Mentally punching him for you. Hard.0 -
Thoughtless!buzz99 said:Thoughtless relatives
Buzz has a sister who is always full of helpful advise on things she knows nothing about. We were told by some relatives that the radiation would by easy compared to the chemo. (we wish!). That may be true in some cases but not head/neck radiation.
I really don't mind when people are genuine & caring! Or ask me question's since they are not knowledgable on head & neck cancer or treatment. I am dissapointed in those that really just like to stir up gossip & give out improper information is what bother's me.0 -
You're definitely not alone
You're definitely not alone in the stupid relative group!
My husband has throat cancer and his stepmom told him that she was so upset that when he died he was going to hell instead of heaven because he hasn't "found Christ". She's really distraught about it because she won't get to see him in the afterlife (because apparently, she knows that she's going to heaven). She then proceeded to tell him that he just doesn't realize how bad it is in hell. This discussion took place when he told her that he decided to have the radiation treatments.
I'm no expert, but I have to guess that telling a cancer patient that it's a shame they're going to hell when they die isn't on the top 10 list of discussion topics to have.
Sad part is that she was really sincere and truly sad about his demise.
Good thing is that my husband and I laugh about it all the time. Whenever we start to get upset about his parents (and there are more good stories), I remind him that they are good for entertainment. It's like watching reruns of 'All in the Family'.0 -
Thanksabbimom said:famiy
Sweetblood I have to admit you have it a lot worse than me. My father in law is the only mean one about it. My other family members just don't realize still what I can and cannot eat. My husband is the amazing one who will go to a gas station and get me milk before going out to eat so he is sure I have it to drink. He even warmed it in the microwave there becauase I have severly sensitive teeth. Sorry about all the stuff your family has said. Wow they are so stupid and insensitive. Sorry you have to go through that on top of everything else
Learning to ignore people is something I am still working on. Thanks to my crazy family, I get lots of practice. 0 -
Theresamtheresam said:You're definitely not alone
You're definitely not alone in the stupid relative group!
My husband has throat cancer and his stepmom told him that she was so upset that when he died he was going to hell instead of heaven because he hasn't "found Christ". She's really distraught about it because she won't get to see him in the afterlife (because apparently, she knows that she's going to heaven). She then proceeded to tell him that he just doesn't realize how bad it is in hell. This discussion took place when he told her that he decided to have the radiation treatments.
I'm no expert, but I have to guess that telling a cancer patient that it's a shame they're going to hell when they die isn't on the top 10 list of discussion topics to have.
Sad part is that she was really sincere and truly sad about his demise.
Good thing is that my husband and I laugh about it all the time. Whenever we start to get upset about his parents (and there are more good stories), I remind him that they are good for entertainment. It's like watching reruns of 'All in the Family'.
Wow. That's nice.
I have gotten the "you're not a real Christain" speech from people. Drives me nuts. Sometimes I just don't understand people. God knows what is in my heart. 0 -
You are definitely not
You are definitely not alone. As much as we have had to go through, no one needs one more ignorant person to deal with. I had a difficult boss, ironically, I worked in the healthcare industry. We shouldn't have to justify anything to anyone!! Cancer is Cancer, and we are all made differently, heal, process, and live differently than others. Some people get it, some people won't. I had stage 1 cancer, and although it was caught in it's earliest stage, I got it again 5 months later in a different location. After the second time, I ended up going in for radiation. As frustrating as it is to hear someone downplay your situation by comparing it to another, chuck it off to that "he doesn't know what he is talking about." In my case, I believe in Karma will reach my boss in some form in life.0 -
The Uneducated and IgnorantLilTexLady said:You are definitely not
You are definitely not alone. As much as we have had to go through, no one needs one more ignorant person to deal with. I had a difficult boss, ironically, I worked in the healthcare industry. We shouldn't have to justify anything to anyone!! Cancer is Cancer, and we are all made differently, heal, process, and live differently than others. Some people get it, some people won't. I had stage 1 cancer, and although it was caught in it's earliest stage, I got it again 5 months later in a different location. After the second time, I ended up going in for radiation. As frustrating as it is to hear someone downplay your situation by comparing it to another, chuck it off to that "he doesn't know what he is talking about." In my case, I believe in Karma will reach my boss in some form in life.
And I mean uneducated in the school of life, not advanced institutional education....
To me (and it's still hard in the moment of being PO'd) in the big picture, it doesn't really matter what's said by someone that is uneductaed an ignorant to the situation, your feelings and how their comments are taken.
Most of the time, it really wouldn't change anything to say something, because they are not capabale of comprehending that what they said makes no sense at all.
Best,
John0 -
Stupid Comments
Mine wasn't a relative that made the stupid comments, it was a customer of my business.
After I finished all my treatments and went back to work, I answered the phone and as I was trying to give information to a customer over the phone, they said, "can't you talk clearer?"
My response was, "No, this is how I talk."
What I wanted to say was, "lets hear how you talk while your tongue just sits on the floor of your mouth without moving and see how clear you are."0
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