stupid relatives
Linda Simon
Comments
-
ignorant people
Hi Linda,
I ask to use their bathroom and then pee on their toothbrush.
Bob0 -
Speaking Stupid
(I like Bob's answer better than mine.)
Hi Linda, I basically do it like you, and steam about it later. I never expect people to be thoughtless, so am still taken by surprise most of the time when it happens. I've tried to train myself to react slowly and with my head when such things are said to me, the answer being, "I think I know what kind of cancer I had, d*****s," in an even voice.
You're right though, it's not about you and your history of cancer, it's simply a statement about the person, and if you can be sage about it, nothing is always a clever answer. I read once that one of the definitions of wisdom is the ability to listen to the most outrageous BS without losing either you temper or self confidence.
It would be nice though, if those people oould be tagged early on, genetically, and barred from reproducing.
best, Hal0 -
thanksHal61 said:Speaking Stupid
(I like Bob's answer better than mine.)
Hi Linda, I basically do it like you, and steam about it later. I never expect people to be thoughtless, so am still taken by surprise most of the time when it happens. I've tried to train myself to react slowly and with my head when such things are said to me, the answer being, "I think I know what kind of cancer I had, d*****s," in an even voice.
You're right though, it's not about you and your history of cancer, it's simply a statement about the person, and if you can be sage about it, nothing is always a clever answer. I read once that one of the definitions of wisdom is the ability to listen to the most outrageous BS without losing either you temper or self confidence.
It would be nice though, if those people oould be tagged early on, genetically, and barred from reproducing.
best, Hal
I loved both your responses. They made me laugh and strangely I'm starting to calm down now and realize that he is just an a**hole. I shouldn't care what he thinks but you are right it would be nice if we could give a scarlet S for stupid for people to wear.
Linda
ps. I'll remember to do the toothbrush thing next time (lol)0 -
Ugh!abbimom said:thanks
I loved both your responses. They made me laugh and strangely I'm starting to calm down now and realize that he is just an a**hole. I shouldn't care what he thinks but you are right it would be nice if we could give a scarlet S for stupid for people to wear.
Linda
ps. I'll remember to do the toothbrush thing next time (lol)
I can feel the anger bubbling in me as I read your post. There will always be stupid, insensitive people, that know how to say just the wrong thing. I think you took the high road and vented here. You will probably eventually be happy for this. We all want that great response in the moment; but because it is not in our nature to be nasty, that thought comes far too late, and we stew.
Linda, I just hope your husband had your back. That will probably mean the most in the end.
I too like the passive-aggressive peeing on the tooth brush, and I can say there have been times in my life that I have not been above taking such action...in the end, not my finer moments.
Kim
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Gahhh!Kimba1505 said:Ugh!
I can feel the anger bubbling in me as I read your post. There will always be stupid, insensitive people, that know how to say just the wrong thing. I think you took the high road and vented here. You will probably eventually be happy for this. We all want that great response in the moment; but because it is not in our nature to be nasty, that thought comes far too late, and we stew.
Linda, I just hope your husband had your back. That will probably mean the most in the end.
I too like the passive-aggressive peeing on the tooth brush, and I can say there have been times in my life that I have not been above taking such action...in the end, not my finer moments.
Kim
Linda,
I admire your restraint.
Glenn's family and my family have been nothing but super the whole way although they looked up Squamous Cell Carcinoma on the internet, when they first heard about it, and decided it was a skin cancer that was a little less dangerous than Melanoma. Lol.
I'm definately not up for the "I know a little about a lot" type of person right now. Hope I could be as tactful as you were.
Lisa0 -
Hope and Humor
What's the prob? Following my surg for tongue cancer along with a radical neck dissection, followed then by chemo and a bunch of rads, I was sitting at dining room table the next year at Thanksgiving TRYING to eat whatever I could (with little success) when the widowed lady we always invite, sitting to my right, commented that she admired my restraint and needed to lose a little weight too.
I said nothing until after she left and then laughed my a** off. (Okay, laughed until I cried, but the tears were from laughing.)
Hope and Humor.
Take care,
Joe0 -
humorsoccerfreaks said:Hope and Humor
What's the prob? Following my surg for tongue cancer along with a radical neck dissection, followed then by chemo and a bunch of rads, I was sitting at dining room table the next year at Thanksgiving TRYING to eat whatever I could (with little success) when the widowed lady we always invite, sitting to my right, commented that she admired my restraint and needed to lose a little weight too.
I said nothing until after she left and then laughed my a** off. (Okay, laughed until I cried, but the tears were from laughing.)
Hope and Humor.
Take care,
Joe
Yeah my father in law also made jokes about how slow I eat. I have a sense of humor but give me a break. That is too funny Joe. I think I would've busted out laughing at the table. I've had people comment on how little I eat I just tell them I'm not really hungry when I'm acutally starving.
Best wishes,
Linda0 -
humorsoccerfreaks said:Hope and Humor
What's the prob? Following my surg for tongue cancer along with a radical neck dissection, followed then by chemo and a bunch of rads, I was sitting at dining room table the next year at Thanksgiving TRYING to eat whatever I could (with little success) when the widowed lady we always invite, sitting to my right, commented that she admired my restraint and needed to lose a little weight too.
I said nothing until after she left and then laughed my a** off. (Okay, laughed until I cried, but the tears were from laughing.)
Hope and Humor.
Take care,
Joe
Yeah my father in law also made jokes about how slow I eat. I have a sense of humor but give me a break. That is too funny Joe. I think I would've busted out laughing at the table. I've had people comment on how little I eat I just tell them I'm not really hungry when I'm acutally starving.
Best wishes,
Linda0 -
My .......abbimom said:humor
Yeah my father in law also made jokes about how slow I eat. I have a sense of humor but give me a break. That is too funny Joe. I think I would've busted out laughing at the table. I've had people comment on how little I eat I just tell them I'm not really hungry when I'm acutally starving.
Best wishes,
Linda
My father who I call doctor dad has no clue. He thinks he knows everything including what problems I have. You would think after 15 years of having a meal with him many many times he would know. I went for his birthday party dinner last weekend, he looked at me and asked why I was not having any meat or the spicy stuff. Daaaa hard to swallow and spices do not work of any kind. I bit my lip and now let it hit me when I see meat or spicy foods. Do they actually hear you when you share what the problems are over the years. One year i was eating so slow at their home with 25 attending that all were done and they picked everything up for desert and just let me sit there with my wife and two girls who waited on me. Then served desert and while serving my mothers asked while i was putting something in my mouth are you done with that I will take your plate. I remember this every thanks giving since but also do not go there for thanks giving dinner.
It's funny now but was sad back then.
Good place to vent and put smiles on some faces.
John0 -
I am growling for you!!abbimom said:humor
Yeah my father in law also made jokes about how slow I eat. I have a sense of humor but give me a break. That is too funny Joe. I think I would've busted out laughing at the table. I've had people comment on how little I eat I just tell them I'm not really hungry when I'm acutally starving.
Best wishes,
Linda
I am
I am growling for you!!
I am so sorry you have to deal with ignorance on top of everything else we go through.
Next time you visit, you have to take all of the above advice..AND then some..
When it is time to eat grab your father in law by the throat really tight as he is chewing and ask him if it slows him down any.
Stacey0 -
I say you get out a piece ofabbimom said:thanks
I loved both your responses. They made me laugh and strangely I'm starting to calm down now and realize that he is just an a**hole. I shouldn't care what he thinks but you are right it would be nice if we could give a scarlet S for stupid for people to wear.
Linda
ps. I'll remember to do the toothbrush thing next time (lol)
I say you get out a piece of construction paper and spend some time relieving stress by drawing a big S for stupid, color it, put some glitter on it if you want, etc. Then next time you visit with your father in law, tape it to his back when he's not looking! Gives you something to look forward to until you see him again! Hehe 0 -
Dear FILstaceya said:I am growling for you!!
I am
I am growling for you!!
I am so sorry you have to deal with ignorance on top of everything else we go through.
Next time you visit, you have to take all of the above advice..AND then some..
When it is time to eat grab your father in law by the throat really tight as he is chewing and ask him if it slows him down any.
Stacey
"Dear Father Inlaw,
How about you get your stupid **** down to a Cancer Clinic, head on into the Radiation room, get your face pressed into a tight Hannibal Lechter Mask, then get that same stupid head bolted down to a freakin table so tight you can hardly breath, and then have your dumb **** head shoved into into a high powered beam of radiation from a giant Linnear Accelerator, not once but 70 time, every freakin day, and at the same time have the most toxic crap around pumped into your veins for 7 freakin' weeks, have your head and neck fried to raw red, puke for 4 weeks, have a tube stuck in your stupid guts so they can pump food directly into your stupid body, get daily doses of morphine and every other drug for the pain, have your mouth tissues cooked to blistering, not be able to eat for 3 months, and maybe THEN and ONLY THEN tell me about what Stage IV cancer is you ignorant twit !!" "Oh , Did I mention the Neck Dissection...? Now where are my car keys ?"
Now I feel MUCH better.
Scam0 -
I am so locking up my tooth brush!staceya said:I am growling for you!!
I am
I am growling for you!!
I am so sorry you have to deal with ignorance on top of everything else we go through.
Next time you visit, you have to take all of the above advice..AND then some..
When it is time to eat grab your father in law by the throat really tight as he is chewing and ask him if it slows him down any.
Stacey
If I had $5 for every idiot relative and alleged friend that has said stupid cr@p to me I would be able to buy my own little house. Honestly, I really have stopped eating around people on a daily basis because they just don't get it, and I'm not that nice anymore.
I basically only make an exception to eat with the family on special occasions like holidays and when we have out of town company. I bring my own food because no one will make me anything I can eat. Then I get stared at and everyone leaves me alone at the table, taking away all the food. Meanwhile, I am trying to fend off four dogs (my dog is good. He just sits on my lap) two of which are bigger than I am, one is twice my weight and a bully.
One time every one was eating steak at the table, this is when I was still peg tube reliant. It was killing me to be at the table with everyone eating steak. I had a bit of mushed up avocado and Amish macaroni salad in a small bowl listening to everyone saying how wonderful their steak was. My step aunt leaned over to me and said, "What's the matter with you? Too good to eat what everyone else is having?"
A whole bunch of relatives were up and my dad was making his huge pan of paella. I was still with my peg, but I thought I would try since he was nagging me to come up because I hadn't seen these relatives in a long time, one being my godfather. (My father put hot sausage in the paella so I couldn't eat it anyway should have stayed home. I was only about 94 pounds at the time, and I was just off my fentanyl patch. I felt like crap because I went thru withdrawal to get off it. I was still looking pretty frail, and I think it scared my godfather a bit. We chatted a bit inside and I went to see who else came. As soon as I walked out side a cousin that I really don't care for started in with me. He basically said something about me being lazy and not working and if I was his kid he would have a weed wacker with my name on it. Well, I let him have it with both guns right there in front of every one. I busted my keister working 10-12 hour days 5-6 days a week for 23 years. I worked despite a serious illness all those years and then ended up with cancer on top of that. I just couldn't believe the nerve!
I could tell you stories all night of stupid crap relatives have said to me. People don't understand that we have very real, and very lasting side effects from treatment. I am tired of trying to explain my stricture to one relative. Just doesn't get it. She keeps saying how I should just go get it stretched again. I keep telling her I have had it done multiple times and I almost died the last time. She shrugged her shoulders at me and said, "well if you won't go have it done again, I guess you don't want to be normal that bad. There will always be the people that like being the victim." That one had me speechless. Hmmm. She is lucky she lives in NYC and I don't have access to her tooth brush. 0 -
sweetblood22 said:
I am so locking up my tooth brush!
If I had $5 for every idiot relative and alleged friend that has said stupid cr@p to me I would be able to buy my own little house. Honestly, I really have stopped eating around people on a daily basis because they just don't get it, and I'm not that nice anymore.
I basically only make an exception to eat with the family on special occasions like holidays and when we have out of town company. I bring my own food because no one will make me anything I can eat. Then I get stared at and everyone leaves me alone at the table, taking away all the food. Meanwhile, I am trying to fend off four dogs (my dog is good. He just sits on my lap) two of which are bigger than I am, one is twice my weight and a bully.
One time every one was eating steak at the table, this is when I was still peg tube reliant. It was killing me to be at the table with everyone eating steak. I had a bit of mushed up avocado and Amish macaroni salad in a small bowl listening to everyone saying how wonderful their steak was. My step aunt leaned over to me and said, "What's the matter with you? Too good to eat what everyone else is having?"
A whole bunch of relatives were up and my dad was making his huge pan of paella. I was still with my peg, but I thought I would try since he was nagging me to come up because I hadn't seen these relatives in a long time, one being my godfather. (My father put hot sausage in the paella so I couldn't eat it anyway should have stayed home. I was only about 94 pounds at the time, and I was just off my fentanyl patch. I felt like crap because I went thru withdrawal to get off it. I was still looking pretty frail, and I think it scared my godfather a bit. We chatted a bit inside and I went to see who else came. As soon as I walked out side a cousin that I really don't care for started in with me. He basically said something about me being lazy and not working and if I was his kid he would have a weed wacker with my name on it. Well, I let him have it with both guns right there in front of every one. I busted my keister working 10-12 hour days 5-6 days a week for 23 years. I worked despite a serious illness all those years and then ended up with cancer on top of that. I just couldn't believe the nerve!
I could tell you stories all night of stupid crap relatives have said to me. People don't understand that we have very real, and very lasting side effects from treatment. I am tired of trying to explain my stricture to one relative. Just doesn't get it. She keeps saying how I should just go get it stretched again. I keep telling her I have had it done multiple times and I almost died the last time. She shrugged her shoulders at me and said, "well if you won't go have it done again, I guess you don't want to be normal that bad. There will always be the people that like being the victim." That one had me speechless. Hmmm. She is lucky she lives in NYC and I don't have access to her tooth brush.
You can let them bother you or you can laugh at them. You are, after all, not the idiot.
I find that finding the humor in these situations makes them not just bearable but, as someone else suggested, memorable.
Take care, my sweet friend,
Joe0 -
"It's Getting Better All The Time"..... Beatles referencesoccerfreaks said:
You can let them bother you or you can laugh at them. You are, after all, not the idiot.
I find that finding the humor in these situations makes them not just bearable but, as someone else suggested, memorable.
Take care, my sweet friend,
Joe
I have to say I have a better sense of humor about it this year, more so than last year. I don't let it bother me as much anymore. ;-)0 -
I am at the point!sweetblood22 said:"It's Getting Better All The Time"..... Beatles reference
I have to say I have a better sense of humor about it this year, more so than last year. I don't let it bother me as much anymore. ;-)
I am going to kick somebody's ****! Literally! I went for my 3 month check up at my cancer centre & a volounteer that saw me proceeded to call everyone he knew & told them I had cancer. A woman stopped me at Costco to tell me that he called her. Now how bad is that! I hate going out & getting bombarded by nosey people. My hubby want's to smash him!0 -
You canrozaroo said:I am at the point!
I am going to kick somebody's ****! Literally! I went for my 3 month check up at my cancer centre & a volounteer that saw me proceeded to call everyone he knew & told them I had cancer. A woman stopped me at Costco to tell me that he called her. Now how bad is that! I hate going out & getting bombarded by nosey people. My hubby want's to smash him!
You could call the hospital and tell them about this person as they also have the HIPPA law to follow as a volunteer. Says they can not share the information they see or hear while there.0 -
Stupid Relative Comments
Linda, there's a lady on here that has you beat for stupid relative comments I think....
She was having a family get together dinner during the Holidays. An Aunt I think it was, told her that "she got cancer because God was punishing her for something that she must have done in her past"....
How's that for wanting to make you wanna smack someone.
John0 -
I feel for you!
linda,
I had a relative who told her family members that I had cancer and that she didn't know how my husband was going to raise our kids by himself. left everyone with the impression that I was going to die, even though I was told that my cancer was very treatable. I ended up needing surgery and then radiation. I spent a good portion of the first couple of months reassuring people that I should not die from my cancer. It was not fun to have to explain to people that I wasn't dying, that I not only would be able to care for my children through most of it, but that I would be able to continue nursing my youngest who was 4 months old when I was diagnosed. my mom moved in when I was too medicated to care for the kids around the clock, but I was the one who fed them, who got them ready for school and who gave them their after school snacks...she helped drive them and took care of them when I was asleep.
then that same relative sent my mom a note telling her how grateful she was that my mom took care of my husband's kids while I was going through treatment. not our kids, but his kids. not my mom's grandchildren, but my husband's kids, as though she was hired help. that ticked me off more than her thoughtless comments to me about my weight, or the erroneous impressions she gave of my condition to other family members.
some people would really do well to remember to think about what they are about to say BEFORE they say it! but in her case, even if I were to say she should remember that if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything...what she considers nice...like commenting on how skinny and how much healthier I look now...that I look so much better than I did before...are really not complements, but slaps to the face as to how she felt I looked before.
shaking my head and hoping people who are ignorant and insensitive will learn when to shut the _______ up! 0
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